My LD girlfriend seems to have gone a little cold on me...

[salmagundi]

Hey all, I need some feedback.

 

I've been with my girlfriend only 3 months before she left for India at the end of April and I left to go treeplanting at the same time. So we are exactly 12 hours apart. Her in a little village in the middle of nowhere, me in a bushcamp in northern BC that I only get our of once every 5 days. We will be apart until the middle of August.

 

At first everything was rad, she always wrote, sent me photos, told me how she felt, skype dates whenever we could etc. Then she got sick and wrote saying she felt too crappy to talk or write so for about week or so I didn;t get much word. One day she missed a skype date after we hadn't talked for two of my days off. This sucks because when your planting its just you stuck on a cutblock or in camp for four days with nothing to do but ruminate and think and think and think (and drink, which doesn;t help). When she missed that date I got frustrated and wrote her saying that I thought this was kinda starting to suck how little we were communicating and asking her what was up. I was trying not to come off needy...I don't know if I succeeded but I was getting frustrated and I had to let it out.

 

While she assured me all was well and she only missed it because hte internet connection didn't work...she also has been a lot spottier in her communication. I asked her after a couple of more weeks why she suddenly wrote so seldom (it sucks to spend 5 days inthe bush, get to town on day off and not have any word and then go back into the bush again) and she told me she's tired, she really busy (she works in a camp for kids), she's wrapped up in life in India and she isn't writing or talking much to anyone from home as a result. Ok fine but I've had girlfriends before while I've been treeplanting and we always couldn't wait to talk on day off. I've always had messages, letters, postcards, skype etc. But here my girlfriend doesn't really seem to want or need to communicate; but at the same time, where I expect her to break up with me or tell me what's going on she says all is well and there's no problem, she just doesn't have time.

 

We talked today and I just said "listen, you know its good when you're stuck working in the bush to get word every now and then, to know that the other is thinking about you..." And she tells me she is, she just doesn't feel compelled to have to write about it.

 

And finally today she told me we should wait to talk again until I finish planting and get back home. WHich will be in too weeks. Doesn't sound too urgent and this kinda pisses me off. I'm honestly starting to feel like a needy little b*tch and its messing with my pride.

 

Half of me wants to just write her and tell her that maybe what she needs right now is her freedom and that we should just talk when she gets back in August. Or not, whatever...Half of me wonders if I'm just being clingy and dramatic (not usually how I am). And something tells me something is up. But is that just paranoia on my part?

 

Any feedback greatly appreciated

[justwhoiam]

I guess the deal was not good. I mean, it's so difficult to get you both to a working phone on the same day, at the same time of the day. You should have suggested each of you could write whenever they could, but at least once a week, or once in 5 days (I'm not sure how often you have a day off or she does).

 

If you have a very strict time range on a given day, the risk is what you experienced. She didn't have any connection and she missed the date. Or maybe something else came up and she couldn't be available.

 

So, in short, be more relaxed about when she's supposed to write or contact you.

 

Don't discard the idea of the old snail mail for when you're back home (pretty soon). She'd have like 2 more months to go anyway, so it's feasible.

 

Don't nag, don't turn into some evil housewife with nothing to do with her day other than being demanding. Start posting cool stuff on your FB or something, let her know you're gonna have a social life and enjoying it. If she cares, she will keep an eye on you. And be interested in what you're up to pretty soon.

[salmagundi]

thanks for the response! I have been wondering if I'm being a little dramatic...which is hilarious because usually I'm the typically communication deficient man. Still, I can't get over how low-priority talking or writing to me seems to be with her. But whatever, I'll just hang back, finish planting and get on with my life and see what she does. Probably better than going off half cocked and breaking up with her. I still can't get over this gut feeling I have that something is off though. How to tell if thats real or just me getting worked up over nothing. Long-distance sucks...

[umirano]

I was in a LDR too. I know exactly the feeling you're describing. I was a needy little biatch. Trying to pull off the 'whatever' text is likely not going to work, because she will see through it and indeed think you're a needy little biatch.

 

I know it's really hard, but the right thing to do is to play a long and just not give a fnck for two weeks. Hell, the best thing to do is to go NC until she talks to you.

 

If she doesn't feel a need to let you know about her feelings, then they may indeed have dampened some. But pseudo-'I don't care'-texts carry the opposite message of what you want to get across now. Detach from her. Be on your own.

 

If you're worried about her cheating or otherwise backing out of the RS, you'll find out anyway, don't worry. It always comes out. But you don't have to degrade yourself in the process.

 

Step back and mind your own business. And next time you talk unhindered to her, you can let her know you sense a lack of enthusiasm.

[salmagundi]

Thanks Umirano, that's solid advice and pretty much what I figured I should do. So far I'm putting out way too much effort, I'm just going to back off and she if she picks up the slack or not...

[TMichaels]

And finally today she told me we should wait to talk again until I finish planting and get back home. WHich will be in too weeks. Doesn't sound too urgent and this kinda pisses me off...

 

This sounds worrisome to me. Don't want to put any negative thoughts in your head, but between her blasé attitude toward staying in touch and the fact she doesn't want to talk until you get back makes me think she's decided to end things but wants to wait and tell you face-to-face.

 

Half of me wonders if I'm just being clingy and dramatic (not usually how I am). And something tells me something is up... I still can't get over this gut feeling I have that something is off though...

 

Hope I'm wrong, but I think it's a possibility...

 

Best,

TMichaels

[justwhoiam]

How to tell if thats real or just me getting worked up over nothing.

I guess there are some indicators anyway, like she doesn't sound excited about anything anymore, she doesn't ask about you anymore, etc.