Eddy Street Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 Okay, first let me say that I'm TERRIBLE at writing about myself. I can't do it, it's like I'm insecure or something. I'm not a vapid individual, I actually do have a lot to offer, but when it comes to writing about myself, I can take the most interesting experience I ever had and reduce it to nothing. Here is my attempt at an online dating profile: Though I’m originally from Europe, Eastern-Europe to be exact, most people have a hard time distinguishing me from the general population. I might sound a bit cheesy saying this, but it made me laugh so I’ll share it: “I’m the original Dracula Cowboy” I got that form a movie. I’ve know the city of Chicago for most of my life and I love it here, but the city can only offer so much. I will say one thing though, I’ve lived here that long and I’m still discovering new things about the town. Maybe we can go exploring together, like Lewis and Clark, or perhaps you’d prefer Bonnie and Clyde. I love the outdoors and nature. I do lots of outdoorsman stuff. I like biking, hiking, jogging and gardening, it gives me time to think and helps to stay in shape, and I like to feel good. I don’t take my exercise routine to that pathological extreme, though. Your body is the most amazing thing you’ll ever own, take care of it. My love for the outdoors leads me to that other, what some would call polar-opposite, side of me. I’m a total nerd. I love pondering the world around us as much as I enjoy being moved by its beauty. And like everyone else on here, I also love trying new things. This summer I’m taking an improv class and I’m also writing a book: a series of short stories, as well as a children’s book for a family friend. As for my date? Respect yourself and the world will follow. Do I come across as a jerk? As patronizing? As full of himself? As a total idiot? Please help me make this better. Sick of being single and can't find anybody IRL.
d0nnivain Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 Are you in Chicago & are you trying to date native English speakers? Your grammar & syntax are off. I don't know what the Dracula Cowboy is. If knowledge of that embodies the person you are looking for, leave it in. It is unique. Without changing what you wrote too much I'd post this instead: I’m originally from Eastern-Europe but have lived in Chicago for most of my life & I love it here. Still I enjoy finidng out new things about my home town & am looking for a fellow explorer. Maybe we can go exploring together, like Lewis and Clark, or perhaps you’d prefer Bonnie and Clyde. I might sound a bit cheesy saying this, but it made me laugh so I’ll share it: “I’m the original Dracula Cowboy” Despite being a city boy, I love the outdoors and nature. Biking, hiking, jogging and gardening give me time to think and help me to stay in shape. I like to feel good but I don’t take my exercise routine to a pathological extreme. I do believe that our bodies are the most amazing things we’ll ever own, so we have take care of them. Despite my outdoorsy self, I can be total nerd. I love pondering the world around us as much as I enjoy being moved by its beauty. Like everyone else on here, I love trying new things. This summer I’m taking an improv class and I’m also writing two books. One is a series of short stories; the other is a children’s book for a family friend. As for my date? I believe that if you respect yourself, the world will follow. 1
normal person Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 If there's one thing I think it needs, it's just a little more about you as a person. Not what you like doing, but your inner workings. What drives you to do the things you do? What are you passionate about? What are you after in life? That's the stuff I want to know about a person; the things that really set them individualize them. Other than that I think you did a good job!
Author Eddy Street Posted June 16, 2014 Author Posted June 16, 2014 Are you in Chicago & are you trying to date native English speakers? Your grammar & syntax are off. LOL pretty embarrassing for somebody claiming to be writing a book. Thanks for that observation. I guess I could have saved myself, if a girl contacted me, by saying I needed somebody to tutor me in English grammar
Author Eddy Street Posted June 16, 2014 Author Posted June 16, 2014 I need an honest opinion here, should I just skip the part about being from "Eastern Europe" completely? Should I just write "Europe" to appeal to the "white is right" or "west is the best" mindset many Americans, regardless of race, have? I don't want to conjure up images of Chernobyl or some God-forsaken post Soviet Union ghetto with crumbling housing projects...
d0nnivain Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 No worries. After I hit send on my suggestion I found some typos too so definitely spell check. I wasn't sure what language you were writing the book in so . . . In America everybody or at least their family is from somewhere. If you want a girl that shares your cultural norms, leave in the Eastern Europe part. If national origin isn't an issue, leave it out entirely. Start with Chicago being your home town but you can say you weren't born there. 1
Author Eddy Street Posted June 16, 2014 Author Posted June 16, 2014 (edited) No worries. After I hit send on my suggestion I found some typos too so definitely spell check. I wasn't sure what language you were writing the book in so . . . In America everybody or at least their family is from somewhere. If you want a girl that shares your cultural norms, leave in the Eastern Europe part. If national origin isn't an issue, leave it out entirely. Start with Chicago being your home town but you can say you weren't born there. It's not an issue whatsoever. I guess the Dracula thing sounded kind of quirky and funny so I put it in. As for my books, both are going to be written in Polish first and then translated into English. Here's a new version: I’m originally from Europe but have lived in Chicago for most of my life and I love it here. I still enjoy finding out new things about my home town and I’m looking for a fellow-explorer. Maybe you’re new here or maybe you’re like me. Perhaps we can go exploring this great big town together like Lewis and Clark, or maybe you’d prefer Bonnie and Clyde. Chicago, with its unique charms, is one thing, but my real love is the outdoors and nature. Luckily for me, some of that still exists in small islands, peppered along the outskirts of town. I enjoy a nice hike in the woods and I love cycling. Gardening has also been a life-long hobby and passion of mine. It gives me time to think and helps me stay in shape. I like to stay active, and I exercise about 4-5 times per week, but I don’t take my exercise routine to a pathological extreme. Our bodies are the most amazing pieces of machinery we’ll ever own, we must take care of them. Despite all these outdoorsy interests, I can a total nerd. I love to ponder the origins of the universe as much as I enjoy being moved by its beauty. And despite my nerdiness, I love trying new things that are fun and different. This summer I’m taking an improv comedy class and I’m also writing two books. One is a series of short stories; the other is a children’s book for a family friend, a bit of a childhood biography actually. A little bit about me: I’m hard-working, professional and always loyal to my friends. I can be busy sometimes due to my job, but I always find time to be with the people I care about. If you’re interested in learning more, message me. About my date: I believe that if you respect yourself, the world will follow. To be honest, if I was a woman and I read this, I'd be bored. How can I make it more exciting? Should I throw a story in there? Also, how does this sound: Ethnically I'm Polish, but you can't discount something else in a country with such a long history of tolerance... Culturally, I'm something else entirelyDoes it sound like I'm insecure or something? Edited June 16, 2014 by Eddy Street
normal person Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 I need an honest opinion here, should I just skip the part about being from "Eastern Europe" completely? Should I just write "Europe" to appeal to the "white is right" or "west is the best" mindset many Americans, regardless of race, have? I don't want to conjure up images of Chernobyl or some God-forsaken post Soviet Union ghetto with crumbling housing projects... I think you're thinking into it too much and perhaps generalizing Americans more than necessary. Not everyone thinks "white is right" or "west is best" or is even thinking about such things. Not everyone is a card carrying NRA member. Keep in mind we're a young country that puts a lot of stock in our stories of recent immigration. There are plenty of people of Eastern European people here who are indistinguishable and just as celebrated as everyone else. If anything I think being a foreigner in general might distinguish you a bit. It makes you exotic. People these days are hesitant about Islam, steer clear of that and you shouldn't have many issues.
Author Eddy Street Posted June 17, 2014 Author Posted June 17, 2014 I think you're thinking into it too much and perhaps generalizing Americans more than necessary Darn, I don't know why I do that. The people who I'm referring to are in no way shape or form representative of America as a whole and I know that. On another note, can an expression of ethnic or national pride be a turn-off?
normal person Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 Darn, I don't know why I do that. The people who I'm referring to are in no way shape or form representative of America as a whole and I know that. On another note, can an expression of ethnic or national pride be a turn-off? There's no reason not to take pride in where you're from, just keep in mind that you live in a different country now so don't let your statement take away from that. As long as you don't say anything anti-American I'm sure it won't be an issue. I also think you're overthinking this whole thing a bit too much. If she likes your pictures and you meet her criteria, the small details and phrasings you use probably aren't going to sway her from that. Best of luck!
Author Eddy Street Posted June 17, 2014 Author Posted June 17, 2014 I’m originally from Europe but have lived in Chicago for most of my life and I love it here. I still enjoy finding out new things about my home town and I’m looking for a fellow-explorer. Maybe you’re new here or maybe you’re like me. Perhaps we can go exploring this great big town together like Lewis and Clark, or maybe you’d prefer Bonnie and Clyde. Chicago, with its unique charms, is one thing, but my real love is the outdoors and nature. Luckily for me, some of that still exists in small islands, peppered along the outskirts of town. I enjoy a nice hike in the woods and I love cycling. Gardening has also been a life-long hobby and passion of mine. It gives me time to think and helps me stay in shape. I like to stay active, and I exercise about 4-5 times per week, but I don’t take my exercise routine to a pathological extreme. Our bodies are the most amazing pieces of machinery we’ll ever own, we must take care of them. Despite all these outdoorsy interests, I can a total nerd. I love to ponder the origins of the universe as much as I enjoy being moved by its beauty. And despite my nerdiness, I love trying new things that are fun and different. This summer I’m taking an improv comedy class and I’m also writing two books. One is a series of short stories; the other is a children’s book for a family friend, a bit of a childhood biography actually. A little bit about me: I’m hard-working, professional and always loyal to my friends. I can be busy sometimes due to my job, but I always find time to be with the people I care about. If you’re interested in learning more, message me. About my date: I believe that if you respect yourself, the world will follow. I need some help from the female members here. Any red-flags? Any neediness? Any insecurity? Do I come across as trying to impress?
iiiii Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 (edited) I'm a girl. I quite liked the Dracula Cowboy thing, it made me think, then laugh when I got it. I quite liked the whole original profile, really, except maybe the "pondering the beauty of the universe" bit. It makes you sound a bit immature and navel gazing. I think I'd like to know a bit more about you before I contacted you, though - extrovert or introvert? In what way are you a "geek"? What do you do for a job - it's a bit weird to mention how busy your job is without saying what you actually do. And I would also wonder what you mean with that quote "if you respect yourself, the world will follow". I would think... "Wait, is this guy saying he will only respect me if he decides that I respect myself? Huh? And what's that got to do with dating, anyway?" I don't think there's anything wrong with putting where you're from. It makes you stand out a bit from the crowd. JMO, for what it is worth. I did like it overall, I'm just being picky. Good luck! Edited June 17, 2014 by iiiii 1
Author Eddy Street Posted June 17, 2014 Author Posted June 17, 2014 Thank you, iiiii, for you input. I quite liked the Dracula Cowboy thing, it made me think then laugh. Cool, I might bring it back. ...except for the "pondering the universe" bit. It made you sound a bit immature and navel gazing. Interesting, how so? I think I have an idea but mine might be different from your impression. it's also a bit weird to mention your busy job without saying what you actually do. I want to leave that out, I'm not trying to advertise my money. Maybe I'll just leave that out altogether. Thanks again!
iiiii Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 The "pondering the beauty of the universe" thing just sounds like you are the type of person who thinks he's more profound than anyone else. Sorry, I can't explain it better. Nah it's not just about money, though. I'd be interested in a guy who loved his job, was passionate about it. Making good money is a bonus. 1
Author Eddy Street Posted June 17, 2014 Author Posted June 17, 2014 (edited) The "pondering the beauty of the universe" thing just sounds like you are the type of person who thinks he's more profound than anyone else. Sorry, I can't explain it better. Nah it's not just about money, though. I'd be interested in a guy who loved his job, was passionate about it. Making good money is a bonus. Okay, I'll get rid of that then. So you think my original was better than the new one? I guess I will make more versions, each different, each focusing on a different characteristics of mine and then with the help of the loveshack community I'll put together the best parts. Edited June 17, 2014 by Eddy Street
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