He broke up with me after we got an apartment

[BUBS]

I texted him and told him to let me know what day/when he was coming by for his things, so I could avoid him for a day or two longer. Then he asked me to let him know if I was going to this bar we all go to on Friday night (we all as in ALL of our friends) and I said "if you want to go,go. I told you I really dont want to live my life avoiding places, and it makes me uncomfortable that you are doing that. I wont go tonight, I already said that its fine, enjoy your night"

 

This is exactly what I was afraid of, because if he starts in on trying to avoid certain things (He already mentioned how he was going to sit our best friends birthday/ 1 year anniversary out) then that means when things happen my friends will feel inclined to choose.

 

I HATE THIS.

[Zahara]

I texted him and told him to let me know what day/when he was coming by for his things, so I could avoid him for a day or two longer. Then he asked me to let him know if I was going to this bar we all go to on Friday night (we all as in ALL of our friends) and I said "if you want to go,go. I told you I really dont want to live my life avoiding places, and it makes me uncomfortable that you are doing that. I wont go tonight, I already said that its fine, enjoy your night"

 

This is exactly what I was afraid of, because if he starts in on trying to avoid certain things (He already mentioned how he was going to sit our best friends birthday/ 1 year anniversary out) then that means when things happen my friends will feel inclined to choose.

 

I HATE THIS.

 

BUBS, ignore anymore communication with him. Communicate about the apartment, and that is it.

 

If you have to avoid being around friends because he is there, then do it. If he wants to know if you are going to be at a certain place, ignore him and he can go or not go and do whatever he likes.

 

Maybe for now it would be good for you to just stay away from triggers and reminders. And that means staying away from these pubs, gatherings, etc. Focus on your healing. Start exercising. Join some meet-ups. Meet other people. Go volunteer. Meditating. Fill your time with activities and people that don't trigger emotions related to him. At least until you've invested a significant amount of time healing from this.

 

Please enforce some assertiveness. No more responding to his questions or remarks about anything other than the apartment.

 

Your friends don't have to choose. Explain the situation. They can always meet you somewhere else, on another day and still enjoy the friendship that they have with you. If they are true friends, they will understand the situation you are in and accommodate and support you.

Edited June 20, 2014 by Zahara

[Zahara]

You said you are alone and with no one to turn to.

 

I'm curious. Where are these "friends" now that you are in crisis? Have they come to see you? Why aren't you spending time with them to help distract you? Where is this best friend?

[BUBS]

They have been in touch, they all remain neutral towards it. I feel alone in the respect that I don't want to vent my frustrations to them and put them in an uncomfortable situation when I know how it feels firsthand to be put on the spot between two of my close friends in a break up.

 

I want to avoid them even though I've known them all my whole life, and I'm already sacrificing so much of myself but then I feel like hes getting everything he wants in a sense too. That I'm laying down and letting him take my whole life from me.

 

I want to dissapear for a little while, just a few weeks, but I know if I do that my ex will infiltrate and be around a lot more often while I'm not, and in the process my friends will assume im avoiding them and no longer make attempts to consider me first for certain things.

 

My best friend said that she would hang out with me tonight, although at the time she didn't know it was our friends birthday at that particular pub I now can't go to. I'm sure she will follow through, but this whole thing is just a nightmare for me.

[Zahara]

But that is what friends are for? What's the point in a best friend if you can't convey your deepest hurts? They can remain neutral but they can still listen, comfort and be there for you. There has to be a level of loyalty and trust when someone is your friend.

 

Self-preservation. There is no point in fighthing a fight that is going to cause you to lose. So this "he's getting everything he wants" is futile when it's at the expense of you getting hurt. You're not laying down and letting him take your life away from you. This is just temporary. You're retreating to heal and to allow yourself to regain your strength and soon emerge empowered. There is a bigger picture. What you're doing is being short-sighted. Focus inward and make this about you and not about what he thinks, what he feels and what he perceives.

 

Like I said, you can explain to your friends you require a long hiatus to allow you to heal from this. You explain that you don't want to be triggered and that you have to stay from situations where he's around and cause you discomfort or pain. If they are your friends, they will be sure to understand.

 

This isn't a nightmare. You don't have to make it so if you enforce your boundaries. As for your friends, if they are your friends, they will respect your wishes and will understand your reasoning to be away from them for awhile as you heal. And you can still make plans to meet them without him being there. I'm not sure what the issue is here in that they can have their time with him and they can surely have their time with you.

Edited June 20, 2014 by Zahara

[BUBS]

Thank you for your words of encouragement. When I was younger I had a very brave spirit. I was someone my friends considered untouchable in a sense when it came to men. One of my closest guy friends leaned in at a party to a guy that was trying to put the moves on me and said "don't bother she aint havin it"... I was free spirited and a tough cookie. When one of my 3 year relationships ended and my first love came back into my life after 5 years (now my ex fiance) I ran to texas to start a new life, not to be with him although it was included, but just because I had a fire to live and I wasn't afraid of being beat down in a sense by making big moves.

 

Now I find myself not brave at all. I find that at merely 25 I am very afraid of what life is going to throw at me next. I have been through a lot the past few years, with family, two relationships ending that left me scrambling for any sense of myself, work and so forth... and I'm ashamed of the person I've become. I feel like a coward in a sense. Even my most recent ex said something changed that I was more timid, less vibrant once he started showing less affection.

 

He really hurt me, but I think above all I really hurt myself. I know I didn't have control over my emotions with the raging hormones and what not, but I should've known better then to let some 21 year old who had a crush on me for years and also worshiped the ground I walked on when we started dating, dictate how I feel about myself and also make a fool out of me.

 

I never would have stood for this when I was younger. I probably would have given his stuff to a homeless person and sold the valueables to flee the state to go to South Florida to live with my sister, or California to reunite with an ex flame that was actually good to me. But instead I'm trying to keep the apartment that reminds me of nothing but being a fool, and staying in the state where most of my friends are either closer with him, or don't live here full time. And I feel pathetic. I know now I'm just being a pity party, and I should shut up and just focus on today but its difficult to grasp how this keeps happening.

 

I lost everything when my ex fiance decided he no longer wanted to be in a relationship. I had come back home to care for my sick grandmother, when he met someone else. He kept the apartment and everything, I was 2000 miles away, and up until I got the place with my now ex, he even had my dog...

 

I was finally feeling like I had rebuilt my life from him. I had a boyfriend whom I thought we were happy and committed and was my best friend, I had my dog shipped back finally to me, a beautiful apartment, and a job that seemed stable and even offered me a promotion.

 

Now I have a beautiful apartment that reminds me of my dumb decisions, an ex boyfriend and ex friend that's treating me as if I was trash, and the job that offered me a promotion has now been given to someone else and I remain stagnant and under appreciated in many aspects of my life. Of course I am grateful for my dog, my family, and I know it could be worse. I'm just feeling sorry for myself.

[Zahara]

And there is nothing wrong with feeling sorry for yourself. You are allowed to throw yourself a pity party.

 

When we are emotional, almost everything we feel is magnified. I remember standing in the grocery store and they didn't have Tide and it made me cry! I was standing there staring at the all those bottles, tears streaming. I remember stomping out of there because nothing was going my way and there was no relief in any area of my life, even with the damn detergent.

 

The thing is BUBS, you were a strong person then, she's still in there. She's just in hiding because sometimes when life throws you a ton a curve balls, you get dinged and dented, over and over again -- just like a shiny new car, and soon enough the wear and tear takes a toll. After much strife, you begin to feel defeated with all that life has offered you. It's punched the wind out of you. And that is normal. I was a spit fire when I was young. But now, in my 40's, that outlook has certainly changed. You get a little more guarded, a little more cautious, a little more jaded, a little more fearful because you've been around long enough to know what's out there.

 

Don't let this dictate how you want to live your life. It's a choice, one that only you can make if you desire to be that confident, no-nonsense, empowered woman that you were. Your value has always remained within but you've allowed external powers to change how you define yourself.

 

I would suggest that you take a long break from relationships and dating and really heal and grow from this. Start a relationship with yourself. Get intouch inward and take steps to nurture yourself. What does BUBS like to do, what is she passionate about, what does she want to change about her life, what are her goals in life, what does she want to improve, what hobby/activity has she always wanted to learn, etc. Get intouch with you. You've lost yourself through the chaos. Go find her again. For now, grieve and feel your sorrow. But don't stay there too long! At some point you have to get up and start moving forward.

Edited June 20, 2014 by Zahara

[BUBS]

Thank you, I've been using your words to try and soothe me in a time of unease the past few days. Today marks a week since the break up and I am not feeling too great alone on a Saturday night while he's out and about enjoying himself.

 

He was supposed to stop by today to pick up a few of his things, but I guess he held off, probably because he's still waiting to find out if I want to keep the place 100% before he moves anything out of it. I haven't been able to find anything really less expensive, and all of the roommate ads I've looked for so far don't allow pets so I'm sure I'm gonna stay here, which I hafta let him know by tomorrow since he needs to get his things for the mere fact that I know he doesn't have anything, and my sanity.

 

Living alone so far is not something I expected. I've always been someone who enjoyed her alone time and thrived in it... I don't know if its the break up, the comfort I've had of being around someone 24.7 the past year, or the fact that this is my first time living on my own, but I am not enjoying it at all. I had hoped in the past week I would have at least a moment where I take a step back and acknowledge a positive, have that ah hah moment where I can take solace in something I enjoy about it... but nothing has happened. I worry that living on my own will stunt my healing in the break up.

 

Its too quiet, and I find myself putting movies on in other rooms, keeping lights on, and so forth to try and make the house feel more lived in (its not effective) I have so much time to get into my own head, even when I walk my dog especially at night I just want to cry, missing walking with him, missing feeling the warmth this quaint little apartment provided with him in it.

 

I've been trying to remain busy, on a tight budget. The past few days after work I made sure I stopped on my way home at my grandmothers and mothers to get any type of socializing in on the work week that I can. I've been continuing to journal, listen to church sermons, pray, anything I can to remain positive about my future. I went out last night with my friend while my ex went to that bar I talked about, I know this because he texted me to make sure I wasn't going yet again later in the afternoon. Today I did a bar crawl for charity, but because I havent been eating I didn't make it through the whole thing from drinking on an empty stomach.

 

Now I'm home and crying (Don't worry I'm sober) . I want so badly to feel like this is whats best for me, as I don't have many other options with such a large dog. Had he not been in the picture I'd already be living back at my grandmothers even on the couch, and having plenty of income to do productive things to take up my time. However this is not the case, and its my responsibility to take care of him. I'm just upset I guess.

 

I still feel so humiliated and ashamed of myself for even feeling upset over him or missing him. The first few days I was so infuriated with his behavior that I couldnt see past it, I merely missed the comfort of having someone all the time that I could turn to for all facets, now as time goes on I miss him rather then the companionship, and I'm mad at myself for that too as he seems to be more then relieved that I am out of the picture.

 

I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm going to church tomorrow morning, but I'll be going with a few of the people he's closest with, and one of them was the house he went to both nights when we were fighting/breaking up so I know I'm going to be on edge the entire time just thinking about it.

[Els]

Hope you're feeling better, OP. {{hugs}}

[BUBS]

I hope I feel better too

 

I tried to have a good day yesterday but it quickly got stomped on when one of my friends mentioned what a good looking guy my ex was and what a good person he was. It started to make me feel like I really messed up by allowing myself to be so emotional and crazy with the hormones these past few months.

 

I had to excuse myself several times even before that to go to the bathroom and cry. I'm angry as each day passes I miss him more, rather then less when I know hes not deserving of that for the nonsense he's pulling.

[Els]

I tried to have a good day yesterday but it quickly got stomped on when one of my friends mentioned what a good looking guy my ex was and what a good person he was. It started to make me feel like I really messed up by allowing myself to be so emotional and crazy with the hormones these past few months.

 

What kind of friend is that???

[Zahara]

I hope I feel better too

 

I tried to have a good day yesterday but it quickly got stomped on when one of my friends mentioned what a good looking guy my ex was and what a good person he was. It started to make me feel like I really messed up by allowing myself to be so emotional and crazy with the hormones these past few months.

 

I had to excuse myself several times even before that to go to the bathroom and cry. I'm angry as each day passes I miss him more, rather then less when I know hes not deserving of that for the nonsense he's pulling.

 

I question the "friends" you have. I have to wonder if people like your "friend" take pleasure in adding to the pain because any friend with an ounce of brain will know not to add to your confusion and doubt.

 

And someone that loves you deeply doesn't bail on you when you're in hard times -- especially going through life changing situations and all that comes with it.

[BUBS]

The friend in question is one I've had since I was a kid. My best friend in a sense, however he is best friends with her brother and has been close with her for years. Not saying it was right or anything, shes a good person, probably one of the most genuine people I've ever met, I was having a discussion with her sister about how I thought the whole thing was outrageous and my friend was talking about how her sisters boyfriend was immature and bad mouthing him, I told her I needed to hear that about my ex as well, and thats when she kind of laid into it.

 

I get she doesn't want to trash talk anyone, and she agrees with me in certain respects that it wasn't working and so on and so forth and she tells me that it was a good experience to help me to see that I could love again after my ex fiance left. But it still made me feel hurt and at fault.

 

When I was younger like I said I was bit of a spitefire. I was so afraid of being treated like a doormat that I was very aggressive in relationships, and dominating. This relationship was different, while I stood up for my self I wasnt verbally abusive or as immature, I tried my best to apologize, and especially with the hormones I found myself biting my tongue even if it felt like I was picking arguments frequently with him. The problem is that my friends are accustomed to my previous relationships, and they believe that in a way my ex probably dodged a bullet, they think that I was probably crazy and that we were always fighting, which after I got pregnant we were.

 

I just hate that I cant defend myself in a way. Hes probably going on and on about what a nut I was, while i'm trying to defend that I treated him better and put in more effort then any of my other relationships.

 

 

I don't know what I should do anymore. I feel like I have no one really, I feel like this whole thing is ruining me.

[Zahara]

The problem is that my friends are accustomed to my previous relationships, and they believe that in a way my ex probably dodged a bullet, they think that I was probably crazy and that we were always fighting, which after I got pregnant we were.

 

I'm still going to question the validity of "friends".

 

I just hate that I cant defend myself in a way. Hes probably going on and on about what a nut I was, while i'm trying to defend that I treated him better and put in more effort then any of my other relationships.

 

What does it say when you have to defend yourself to your friends? I think you should stay away from these people for awhile. They're not positive additions in your life, but bad triggers and reminders. Support is required more than anything at this time -- not the need to defend yourself to your "friends" for your actions with your bf when you were in such a trying time.

 

I don't know what I should do anymore. I feel like I have no one really, I feel like this whole thing is ruining me.

 

I don't blame you for feeling this way. I think it's time you step away from these people that have ties to him and start focusing on you. Get to the gym or working out at home. Go for walks. Sign up for a few meetups and try to get involved with new people, new activities and new surroundings. Go volunteer. Get a second job. Start yourself on some meditation classes.

 

Also, get started on getting this apartment issue resolved. You seem certain that you are staying put. Start the ball rolling and communicate your terms. The sooner you tie this loose end, the sooner you get to put this behind you.

Edited June 23, 2014 by Zahara

[BUBS]

I texted him and said "Hey I havent found anything reasonable so I will be staying in the apartment"

 

He responded "Okay I didnt get a chance to make the list yet of stuff in the house, idk if you have but I don't have enough money to really do anything anyways so I've been in the basement for now. I'm gonna come by some time this week for all my stuff"

 

I said "Ok sounds good"

 

He said

 

"Idk how you wanna split everything up cause I know moneys gonna be tight with you"

 

I said

 

"I'm sure itll get figured out sooner then later, utility bills are in and rents due soon, thats my focus"

 

he said

 

"Okay I'll let you know when I'm coming by"

 

Of course I was hoping he would mention paying for half the utility bills but i figured id bring that up again when I see him next.

 

I'm not sure if when he said "all of my things" he was referring to half of the furniture that we bought and everything else this week. To be honest I don't want to see him yet so I'm hoping he will just come and get everything that belongs to him and hold off a while on trying to argue over who gets what out of the stuff we purchased together, especially since he isnt planning on getting an apartment yet so theres no use for a bed or a grill or any of the stuff we bought yet.

 

I'm sure he wants to get it figured out as soon as possible cause I assume he thinks he will get screwed or something out of the stuff, but for me my focus is wanting to heal. I can avoid being here for him coming to pick up his individual stuff, but I have to see him face to face again to disperse the things we purchased to ensure its fair and everything, so I'd like to do that when I'm not an emotional wreck even if it makes me one after so we can get down to business.

 

I've been working on my budget as thats been an issue and as I look for second jobs my amazing family has come forward and offered 250 towards my car, and some help with my utilities, which averages out to almost 400 of the 600avg my ex normally would have been contributing to the house hold, with the exception of food. So that only leaves me 200 short of being equivalent financially to when he was living here.

 

Of course I was strapped for money even when we were planning on paying the bills together, but this should leave me with a little over 100 bucks spending each week for gas, and whatnot. So I feel a little more relieved I guess... but I'm still upset and furious with him that now this has stemmed to my family helping when they arent well off themselves, and also that he has decided to lead me on all these months to believe one thing, only to treat me like I'm not worth working it out when we signed a lease, got pregnant, were friends for years and he had a crush on me for years. It makes me miserable and makes me feel like every guy is always going to be fed up with me eventually when I finally start to trust him.

 

It was a bad day. My boss said he would let me know by today if I was being offered a promotion for two positions I was being considered for, and he never came to speak to me except to ask for a phone number to provide someone else they hired for one of the positions I probably was being considered for. So that was yet another let down in this miserable month.

 

I still feel upset about my friends as well, I don't want to distance myself from them, I've known them since I was a kid and the summers are always the most liberating and fun time I have with them. With all of this new stuff happening in my life (mostly for the worse) I am desperately clinging to their familiarity, the watering hole we go to where the bartender knows my name and drink, the concerts we all go together, everything.

 

I've already found out that hes going to two concerts this summer that I have gone to every summer for over 5 years now, so that sucks in itself.

[Zahara]

Maybe "all his things" meant all his personal belongings. You may just have to face him to talk about the furniture and get it over and done with. Waiting until you have settled emotions opens the door to potential contact and drama and that will set you back. You have to bite the bullet and get it done.

 

The only way for you to heal is to cut the cord. The sooner the better. But that is up to you.

 

I'm glad your family is there for you. There are people in your life supporting you. So you are not alone.

 

If you still want your friends around, then implement some boundaries. Let them know you choose not to discuss your ex anymore and what happened in the relationship anymore. Talk to your family, vent on LS but don't talk about the ex to them anymore because it seems that they can't come from a place of support right now.

 

"I've already found out that hes going to two concerts this summer that I have gone to every summer for over 5 years now, so that sucks in itself."

 

How do you get all this information? You are going to have a very difficult time healing if you continue to get triggered and reminded about his life. This is why I keep telling you stay away from your friends for awhile and just utilize this time to just focus on you. I don't know how else to make you understand this -- yes, you miss the familiarity of friends, the watering hole, the bartender -- all that can come back in time. You cannot hold on to all those things if it has the potential of hurting you.

[jbelle6]

Sign me up as another who questions these "friends".

My best friend is a childhood friend as well, and if one of my brothers friends treated her like this I'd kick him in a very unpleasant place the next time I saw him. What he has done is horrific. You are being very kind because you could royally screw him over this.

You need to make some new friends to spend your time with. Friends that are just YOUR friends.

 

It also appears to me that getting a second job is more of a necessity than an option. Not a terrible thing, it would give you something to do, you would have way less time to think about him, you could meet new people there, you could even work at a store that you like to get discounts which is a nice perk. I had a second job on top of my primary job for a couple of years bartending and made major cash, it was nice because with tips it was cash in my pocket daily for anything that came up and I met tons of people. I know I had a big breakup during that time and barely even thought about it, no time.

[BUBS]

Thank you both for continuing to follow my thread and give me sound and rational advice in a time when those two attributes are something I completely lack. Its day 11 and I'm shocked to find myself still emotionally destraught. Of course with my ex fiance it took months, but I really assumed with this one because it was a shorter relationship (despite us being friends beforehand) and because of how horribly he handled the break up, that I would already be feeling so much better.

 

Its a little discouraging that as each day passes I seem to miss him more and be in more pain rather than less. I have continued to vent to friends that arent associated with him about my pain and humiliation, as well as the forum, I've been running and keeping my home clean, and trying my best to remain productive but I find myself crying more then the first week.

 

While I worry tremendously about money, I am not really as concerned, I know it will be tight but since my family stepped up to the plate I know I wont go homeless, and that as long as I'm wise, I'll be able to socialize every now and again. With this off the table I guess all that's left to focus on is the loss itself, and while I've made endless lists of the negative qualities hes possessed, and what hes doing now, I still can't help but to feel like I pushed it to get this way. There were many times in our relationship where I picked fights (again hormonal) and where he fought for the relationship and tried desperately to keep us together. I feel like every guy in my future will get so fed up with me, and I wish with everything in me he hadn't because I really tried every day to show him how much I cared.

 

I'm just sad today I guess. I have been looking for a second job, I'm hoping thatll help with my emotions like you all have suggested by keeping myself busy, I havent found anything yet that doesn't conflict with my work already or that isnt too demanding where my dog will be left alone too often but I'm gonna keep looking.

 

As for my "friends" I am just going to see how it goes and do my best to not bring the topic up and tell them if they do to refrain until I am healed. I am not sure what this weekend will bring, and it makes me nervous that I'll run into him somewhere. I'm rambling now.

 

Thank you again for all of the support, its really the only outlet I feel comfortable being completely open in.

[Els]

Sometimes you have to take a few steps back to take one forward. It's okay. Healing and progress are never linear.

 

Stay strong, chin up.

[shoegal4]

Sometimes you have to take a few steps back to take one forward. It's okay. Healing and progress are never linear.

 

Perfect.

[Zahara]

It's been less than two weeks since your break-up, Bubs. Grieving and healing is a long process. Day 11 and you are shocked? Don't be. You're going to be emotionally affected for awhile.

 

A relationship, shorter or longer does not dictate how much time you spend mourning it and healing from it. I grieved more for a year long relationship over my divorce and I was married for many more years than that. And it's even harder to get over it when the break-up isn't pleasant. Adding to the fact that you've just been dumped, you also have to deal with the added hurt and pain of being treated badly.

 

As time goes by you are going to miss him more, feel more, hurt more because the finality is sinking in. This is all normal. You're processing your feelings and going through the stages of grief.

 

Remain productive. Stay connected with your friends. Vent here. And yes, even with all that you will still cry and keep crying for awhile. It's normal. You want a quick fix but it's doesn't work that way.

 

You have to stop beating yourself up over this. If you believe that in general you have issues that may contribute to behavior that may be detrimental to future relationships, this is the time to focus on yourself, find introspection and work on it. If you feel every guy will get fed up, work on what it is you feel that contributes to that and work on it. Find out what triggers it, where it could have come from, how can you fix it, how can you cope, what are the symptoms, etc. You have resources online and at the library to get you started.

 

As for your weekend, one thing that my therapist helped me with as I too was deathly afraid of weekends, I had to write out a planned and scheduled weekend agenda. It kept me busy and focused on moving, moving, moving. Sunday night would come and I would feel like I accomplished a lot and was able to cope with my fears.

 

If you run into him, you run into him but plan that weekend and stick to it.

[BUBS]

Day 12 is even worse. I've been crippled at work for the most part, holding back tears most of the day haha. I had a guy ask me out tonight, and as badly as I want to go just to not sit home like a sad pathetic loser, I worry I'll burst out into tears because its awkward and being with my ex was so familiar, and easy to be myself.

 

I guess you guys are right, the finality is there now and starting to register. From the beginning I knew it was over, but even now despite fighting it with all my might ,I keep wishing things could go back to the way they were. I know this is all natural though.

 

I'm just really low in spirits yet again. Normally when I first wake up I'm sad but throughout the day enough internet articles and texting to friends helps to pick me up at least temporarily, and then I'm back down again for the few hours before bed, but I've been consistently falling to pieces and I just wish it would stop. I don't want to miss him anymore and I'm terrified of how much worse off its going to be after he empties the house of his things this weekend.

[Zahara]

You don't have to go out and socialize if you don't want to and yes, being out with another guy may just trigger you into missing your ex even more.

 

It's going to hurt. I'm not going to sugarcoat it. It's going to be harder when he gets his things out and if you see him. It's going to probably kick you back a few steps. But you are aware of it and you know it's coming.

 

Can you go stay in your grandma's house over the weekend and maybe see if she can tolerate the dog for awhile? Or can someone watch your dog for you? It would be best if you are out of the place when he comes. And it would be good to be around those that love you and can nurture you during those couple of days.

[BUBS]

You don't have to go out and socialize if you don't want to and yes, being out with another guy may just trigger you into missing your ex even more.

 

It's going to hurt. I'm not going to sugarcoat it. It's going to be harder when he gets his things out and if you see him. It's going to probably kick you back a few steps. But you are aware of it and you know it's coming.

 

Can you go stay in your grandma's house over the weekend and maybe see if she can tolerate the dog for awhile? Or can someone watch your dog for you? It would be best if you are out of the place when he comes. And it would be good to be around those that love you and can nurture you during those couple of days.

 

 

 

I wish I could stay at my grandmas house but unfortunately the dog I have doesn't like cats and my grandmother has a puppy as well and I would worry about that. I don't have any friends that could take care of him consistently either, nor do I have the money. I know on Saturday he's going to concert with his brother (We were dating when he bought the tickets), and tonight I'm going to the watering hole I discussed in this forum whether he likes it or not since he got to go last week (although I worry about how everyone is going to be hounding me asking me what happened since most of them have only seen him since the break up)... so I'm assuming he will either get his things tonight or Sunday. I am hoping on Sunday like last week I can just head out to church up north even though its with the people that he broke up in their house, and with his best friend, it'll give me a full day relatively to be away from the house without having to see him.

 

I still can't fathom how it could take someone two weeks to pick up any of their stuff, he must be wearing his 15 year old brothers clothing at this point. Like I said I can't really push him into picking up any of his things till the 6th, but me not knowing why he hasnt picked them up yet gives me false hope. I keep trying to reassure myself knowing his character in his previous relationships and seeing it now in my own with him that he hasnt picked it up because he just doesn't want to deal with it (he obviously shuts off, more so then I assumed) but a little part of me is fighting the logic and thinking that its because he doesn't want to finalize the decision either (and I know its not true its just a defense mechanism to stroke my ego but i dont know how to stop!)

 

I woke up crying. I went out yesterday after work to meet up with a friend by the beach, although I spent the majority of the year at the same spots with him, I was such a mess yesterday I felt like I needed to get out and socialize. It helped to stop the crying for a few hours, but the second I got in my car to go home again I was just as much of a mess.

 

I know the weekends are the hardest, and this weekend will be especially hard if he picks his things up. I have terrible anxiety about everything right now. I'm training someone for my position starting Monday and the last thing I need is to be randomly crying throughout the whole thing haha.

 

I haven't heard from him since I texted him on Monday to find out when he was getting his things.

[shoegal4]

BUBS - I just want to give you a hug. If you lived closer to me, I'd drag you out for a big, tall drink. Big hugs your way, girlie.

 

I too, along with the others, question the loyalty and validity of your "friends." Isn't it a universal rule that regardless of friendships, girls stick together??

 

My piece of advice to you would be to get a second job. I work a few nights a week waiting tables and it has been my saving grace. Not only will it get your mind off of him, it puts that extra money in your pocket. Restaurant jobs are also a GREAT way for meeting new people. And on the nights you have off and you're feeling low you can either pick up a shift to get out of the house or have the means to spend your hard earned money doing something YOU want to do that will make YOU happy.