He broke up with me after we got an apartment

[Zahara]

Thank you all. I agree with you I do need to be more assertive, everything is still so fresh and emotional for me, I've found I am doing anything I can to just not add to it. I'm sure within a few days especially if he continues with the disgusting attitude and behavior I will find the strength in me to stand up. As for the things yes the tv was only 450 and the bed was 600 plus a 50 dollar frame and taxes, but he tries to rationalize that I will be keeping all of the little things in the house on top of it and so forth, for example of the kitchen stuff, the coffee table, the rug. I agree I'd MUCH prefer to have the bed versus the tv, I just am so exhausted with it all.

 

You don't wait a few more days to see if he is still behaving badly. He is behaving badly NOW. He will be the same the next few days. It won't change. This is who he is.

 

Start making your lists and enforcing your part in this. He gets to pick what things he wants and tells you what you get. NO. You stand up to him and lay down your wants.

 

I know you are exhausted but you don't have a choice. The sooner this gets done, the sooner you get to curl up in a ball and grieve. Don't let some moronic 21 year old asshat control you.

[MidwestUSA]

Why should he get ANY stuff back if he's backed out of an agreement to pay rent. Change the locks.

[jbelle6]

This is a load of bullcrap.

 

If he moved in with a room mate and signed a lease, he can't just tell the room mate to leave so he can keep the place himself, he isn't doing you a favor "letting" you stay, so you owe him JACK.

If he wants to up and move, too bad so sad, no deposit for him. Why in the world do you feel you have to pay him $800, especially when you don't HAVE $800?

He also HAS to pay the rent up until the end of the lease, it's a contract.

 

He hasn't screwed you, you are screwing you. Turn it around and SCREW HIM.

 

And it's your best friends party, if you were my best friend he better hope I don't see him anywhere, let alone at my birthday.

 

You say you don't want to cause trouble because of your anxiety, but let me tell you, you have no idea what anxiety is until you see that your $1400 a month is gone and you are no where near paying your bills.

[jbelle6]

Adding to my other post.

 

What about having the girls over for a sleepover?

Everyone could bring a dish and you can all chip in for some cheap wine and make sangria?

 

On your other issue, I have staged some homes about to be sold and you would be shocked by how different a place can look and feel just using what you already have. Take everything off the walls, take all the knick knacks out of a room and then start from scratch thinking outside the box. You'd be surprised.

[BUBS]

Thank you for all of your support thus far! You all are right, I will be telling him that I dont owe him a security deposit, although it gives me anxiety just thinking about it.

 

I still haven't heard from him, I'm counting my blessings on this, however I know its just the calm before the storm, everything he owns is pretty much here, how he has made it this long without stopping by for things is completely beyond me.

 

I got an invite on fb to go to a local hole the wall bar all of my friends go to on Friday night, but it is his friends birthday that night there too, I am friends with him but not as close. Everyones reviews are mixed as to whether I should go, my theory is it would be better for me to do my own thing even though all of my friends will be there since it wont even be a week since the break up and since we havent spoken or figured anything out, and I don't want that tension and awkwardness for myself or my friends, but I know my head will get the best of me if I stay home angry that he's out with them probably telling them what a crazy woman I am or some other things. I still think it would be best to stay away for a little while till I get my head emotionally straight and to hang out with my mutual friends when I know he isnt there.

 

I'm one for saving face, I always have been, so to me once Friday comes and goes I'm going to have a lot less people to complain to about the break up, because everyone will know the truth that I don't about what really led him to leave me and I don't want to sound like a fool coming up with my own ideas. I'm not too upset about this though, I have my family and a few friends outside that social circle, not that I'm really close with, that I can vent to as well as this forum.

 

I'm doing my best to just get over it as quickly as possible, but its frustrating when I know that I have to see him again and deal with more chaos again, I feel like itll ruin whatever progress I'm making now, but I'm not letting that discourage me from at the very least trying to progress.

[BUBS]

I wrote out a little note of what I'll send him if he brings up the security deposit or anything else outside of being face to face (which I hope he does so I can keep my composure) was hoping you guys could let me know what you think. I'm not going to contact him first, I just took a lot of what you guys said and so forth and put it all together to throw at him if he brings it up. But it may be repetitive- Sorry its long, any insight would be appreciated.

 

I offered for you to continue to live here as we BOTH are on the lease and we BOTH took responsibility for it. If you choose to move out all of a sudden when a lease is partly in your name and still running, you should still be paying rent despite that legally. AT LEAST the following month since you didn't give a months notice out of respect. Leaving a lease with no notice at your choice (no one kicked you out ) is not something that people can do on a with no financial obligations. Technically when you are breaking your end of the lease you shouldn't be entitled to a security deposit at all.

 

You are no more entitled to things just because you aren't keeping the apartment individually, this is your choice to leave your end of the lease.You are not doing me a favor by letting me live here, I already paid to live here and now ill be paying nearly an extra 7gs to live here in the next 10 months, and you want me to pay you for what exactly? Seven thousand dollars and you want a security deposit, mattresses, tvs, all because you were willing to take on that burden urself?

 

You have decided to end your lease terms early, that's your choice. You are leaving me with a HUGE financial burden. Yes you said you'd take the place off my hands but again it all leads back to you not wanting to coexist in an apartment that has both of our names on it. You don't sign a year long contract that's legally binding without considering these things. It is not my responsibility to move out just because you no longer want to live together, and it isn't my responsibility to uphold your end of the contract that you signed just because you no longer want to live together.

 

I want you to be happy and get your own place to do whatever you'd like. I want to work with you to resolve the issues at hand the right way and not like enemies but I refuse to subject my stability for your spite. You will need to be more rational and acknowledge that you can't just get security deposits back for no good reason, not pay rent when were 2 weeks away from when its due and you've given barely any notice. I said "you'll get your deposit back" as in ill give you half when I receive it from the landlord, not out of my pocket and just like not making you pay for the remainder of the lease, this is a favor not an obligation on my part. I'm not your mother and I'm not gonna take all the heat just because I need somewhere to live and uve decided you no longer want to live under the same roof.

 

[Elle1975]

Here is the bargain I would offer. He gets half the furniture and half the deposif if he pays you half the rent remaining on the lease. If he doesnt want to pay half the rent till the end of the lease, he gets nothing.

 

If he gets nasty, take him to the small claims court. In my state it cost $35.

[BUBS]

It's day 5 since the break up, haven't seen or spoken to him. I feel like I cant progress the way I'd like due to my anxiety about everything going on, especially that I'll have to see/deal with him again and I worry that any steps I take towards getting over the relationship and also getting over the friendship as well will be destroyed the second I have to speak to him again.

 

I know I can't really avoid it, he hasn't picked up a thing, I'm not sure if this is because hes giving me time and trying to get everything in one quick swoop or if its because of something else. I would feel much more relieved had he picked up some of his clothes and other things to hold him over for a little while, because I wouldn't need to be there for that and it would give me maybe a week or two more before we had to get into who gets what furniture and so on and so forth. Just so maybe I could get my head on straight before getting down to business.

 

I don't want to text him first, although I'm sure hes waiting for me to let him know since I asked him on Sunday when he was being short and cold about everything to just give things time to calm down and be patient.

 

Since Saturday late night when it all really came crashing down through texting, I have been trying my best to do productive things to take my mind off it despite not spending a ton of cash. I've been eating the healthy stuff in the house to try and keep my head on track and rational, I've been taking my dog for longer and more rigorous walks trying to build up a stamina to start really working out. I've kept my apartment clean (although this has depressed me because I've spent most of my time since he left in the bedroom and the whole house feels underutilized and not lived in, cold even ) I gave my dog a bath, a filled out my financial aid for the year for school, I've been showering consistently, and keeping myself relatively presentable for work. I've been talking to my friends pretty constantly that arent mutually friends with him trying to get my emotions and pain out, I've been journaling, praying, watching church sermons on youtube and listening to positive affirmations before bed to try and keep my sanity. But I still feel like I'm breaking all the time really. Like I'm in break up limbo just waiting for it all to come crashing down even more so then simply having someone I was good friends with for years, someone i trusted, humiliate the ever living sh*t out of me.

 

So today I'm not in a good place, I've been crying since I woke up which is a first in a few days. I planned on quitting smoking to save myself money for bills, and sure enough went and bought a pack which is discouraging as well. I don't know what to do anymore.

[Zahara]

Of course you are in limbo. It is because you have placed all power and control in his hands. I have to wonder if you're sitting in a corner waiting for him to make a decision because you're still hopeful that he may come back with a change of heart. So, you stay meek and avoid making any decisions for YOURSELF because you don't want to risk messing up any potential opportunity.

 

The man up and left. Get empowered to want to start your life. Get mad that he left you in a lurch. Get moving. You get this going on your terms. What are your terms? It's no wonder this guy plays you like a fiddle. He knows he can walk all over you.

 

For as long as you sit there and wait for him to dictate, you are going to keep sitting in limbo. The only way out of that is for you to start showing some strength and assertiveness in getting yourself out of this hole.

[Art_Critic]

Since the rent is in both names, take him to the small claims court. He is responsible for half the rent.

 

You betcha... he signed the lease too so he has to pay his half even if he doesn't live there...

 

Take him to court if he doesn't pay his half...

 

He signed a LEGAL document.

[BUBS]

Of course you are in limbo. It is because you have placed all power and control in his hands. I have to wonder if you're sitting in a corner waiting for him to make a decision because you're still hopeful that he may come back with a change of heart. So, you stay meek and avoid making any decisions for YOURSELF because you don't want to risk messing up any potential opportunity.

 

The man up and left. Get empowered to want to start your life. Get mad that he left you in a lurch. Get moving. You get this going on your terms. What are your terms? It's no wonder this guy plays you like a fiddle. He knows he can walk all over you.

 

For as long as you sit there and wait for him to dictate, you are going to keep sitting in limbo. The only way out of that is for you to start showing some strength and assertiveness in getting yourself out of this hole.

 

 

I can see where you are coming from. To be honest with you I'm not waiting for him to make a "decision" I'm waiting for him to come get his things. There is no decision in that matter or that respect. The reason why I held off again is because we all share mutual friends, and personally I am one to save face and keep my dignity in tact.

 

So in this respect I haven't contacted him because I am still a little emotionally fragile, and when I am like this its difficult for me to act otherwise. Its important for me that I don't give him the satisfaction of seeing me hurting over it,( I already did that Saturday) because a lot of my pain is from the humiliation, losing someone i trusted and so forth, and A LOT less about him as a person. So yes as much as a pipe dream as it is for me to remain no contact for every second I absolutely can in hopes that when I have to deal with this kid I am my normal assertive and strong self rather then the wreck I am today, thats what I am really doing. I know it may seem as if I'm hoping he changes his mind, but the reality is I'm just hoping I can gain some emotional sanity before I have to see him so I DON'T do something stupid like start thinking I need his ass. I assume he is waiting for the weekend since we both work mornings and so forth during the week to come and get things. But I guess everyones right, I was just hoping I could it when I wouldnt be crying or anything.

 

But you are right I do need to be more assertive. Once I get out of work I guess I'll text him.

[Zahara]

If you want him to get his things, then you accumulate all of this things and place them in a corner. Start the process of moving forward on your own. It's getting to the weekend. Let him know he has ___ days to get his things and move them out of the apartment. There is no decision -- well you make that decision. Your dignity isn't defined by your friends. Your dignity is defined by you and that means not allowing this clown to dictate how, what and when.

 

I understand you are emotionally fragile but you're going to be this way for as long as you sit there feeling defeated and in limbo. Who cares if he sees you hurt? It's perfectly normal to be hurt unless you are a robot. He's a douchebag. Whether you cry and beg or you're fine, he's going to just go about his day and not be affected by it. He knows you are hurt. He knows you're sad. He knows you're pining.

 

What's important is that you get the ball rolling with this. If he doesn't contact you in 2 weeks, are you still going to sit there and wait? Because trust me, you're going to feel much worse as you go along. It gets worse before it get better.

 

If you can't make contact, then start separating items in the house. Get his stuff all sectioned off. So when he comes to get it, you won't have him roaming all over the place and taking days to get his things. He gets it and he goes with little to no interaction. Start writing a list of what he gets and what you get. If you don't want to wring his ass with rent and the deposit then do what you have to do.

 

The sooner you get him out of your life, the sooner you get to grieve and heal from this.

Edited June 19, 2014 by Zahara

[BUBS]

I agree, I don't know if I am ready to contact him as I'm sure I'll be hearing from him again sooner rather than later because its virtually everything he owns, he only has a few items at his parents house. However my whole thing was that he has to be making the decision to move out, I can't be kicking him out in any respect of the word because I am no longer planning on giving him half the security. My argument is that he is CHOOSING to move out therefore he isn't entitled to half the security or anything else as HE is breaking the lease, not me saying "you have to get out by such and such a date" so on and so forth. Does this make sense? By saying " you can live here as long as you pay half the bills, or you can go" I am not liable or in anyway associated with that choice and can have more grounds for certain demands in my opinion. He paid half the bills for this month, rent is not due until July 6th, so technically I can't force him to come and get his things or do anything beforehand which is why I am not pushing him, however if it goes past this weekend I will have to send him a text of some kind asking when he is planning on getting all of this taken care of. In the mean time I will do as you all suggested and begin sorting through his things and packing them so its easier for him to get in and out and at least if anything unless he wants to do it all in one quick swoop, he can come and get everything thats rightfully his to hold him over before we figure out the rest of the logistics.

 

Again I would prefer if he was already out, although his name needs to be taken off the lease before I can technically force him to get his things out, once that takes place its a different story. Right now I have to play some legal games to which this is all his decision. Obviously we are not getting back together, believe me the damage was done which is why I am so eager to get the ball rolling but ALSO eager to become emotionally less attached to being in a relationship versus being alone, so that when the time comes to split things and talk about these things I can keep a cool head and show that I am really finished, because thats how I feel in my heart but I am just not emotionally grounded yet.

 

I'm not trying to make excuses I'm just trying to be as rational as possible. When I spoke to him Sunday and asked him to be patient,and what not again he may have misconstrued that as me asking him to hold off on everything till I've processed the break up, so maybe hes trying to respect that to make his life easier although I blatantly said to be patient with the logistics of it all not be patient in coming to pick up his damn underwear. Even later in the night when I texted him to see if he had come by to grab things while i was out he said "No I'm not gonna be around. I have stuff here"... and this was the last I heard from him.

 

Like I said, if I tell him he has the option yet again like others have suggested, that he can either continue living in the house and coexisting (which I know he wont its just to protect my neck) if he pays half the bills, or he can get out... then its his choice you know? Hes the one choosing to break the lease so it protects me in a sense and I can't force him out until the 6th of July when rent is due and hes not paying type thing.

 

I am confused as to why he isnt pushing to get this done sooner, or anything thats going on. I'm trying to stand up for myself and as much as I know once I have to deal with him again I will digress, I am very happy so far with the little progress I've made in just a few days. I've been able to acknowledge that yes he was right we are broken at this point and there is no getting fixed, especially with the way he handled the break up itself.

[Els]

I agree, I don't know if I am ready to contact him as I'm sure I'll be hearing from him again sooner rather than later because its virtually everything he owns, he only has a few items at his parents house. However my whole thing was that he has to be making the decision to move out, I can't be kicking him out in any respect of the word because I am no longer planning on giving him half the security. My argument is that he is CHOOSING to move out therefore he isn't entitled to half the security or anything else as HE is breaking the lease, not me saying "you have to get out by such and such a date" so on and so forth. Does this make sense? By saying " you can live here as long as you pay half the bills, or you can go" I am not liable or in anyway associated with that choice and can have more grounds for certain demands in my opinion. He paid half the bills for this month, rent is not due until July 6th, so technically I can't force him to come and get his things or do anything beforehand which is why I am not pushing him, however if it goes past this weekend I will have to send him a text of some kind asking when he is planning on getting all of this taken care of. In the mean time I will do as you all suggested and begin sorting through his things and packing them so its easier for him to get in and out and at least if anything unless he wants to do it all in one quick swoop, he can come and get everything thats rightfully his to hold him over before we figure out the rest of the logistics.

 

Again I would prefer if he was already out, although his name needs to be taken off the lease before I can technically force him to get his things out, once that takes place its a different story. Right now I have to play some legal games to which this is all his decision. Obviously we are not getting back together, believe me the damage was done which is why I am so eager to get the ball rolling but ALSO eager to become emotionally less attached to being in a relationship versus being alone, so that when the time comes to split things and talk about these things I can keep a cool head and show that I am really finished, because thats how I feel in my heart but I am just not emotionally grounded yet.

 

I'm not trying to make excuses I'm just trying to be as rational as possible. When I spoke to him Sunday and asked him to be patient,and what not again he may have misconstrued that as me asking him to hold off on everything till I've processed the break up, so maybe hes trying to respect that to make his life easier although I blatantly said to be patient with the logistics of it all not be patient in coming to pick up his damn underwear. Even later in the night when I texted him to see if he had come by to grab things while i was out he said "No I'm not gonna be around. I have stuff here"... and this was the last I heard from him.

 

Like I said, if I tell him he has the option yet again like others have suggested, that he can either continue living in the house and coexisting (which I know he wont its just to protect my neck) if he pays half the bills, or he can get out... then its his choice you know? Hes the one choosing to break the lease so it protects me in a sense and I can't force him out until the 6th of July when rent is due and hes not paying type thing.

 

I am confused as to why he isnt pushing to get this done sooner, or anything thats going on. I'm trying to stand up for myself and as much as I know once I have to deal with him again I will digress, I am very happy so far with the little progress I've made in just a few days. I've been able to acknowledge that yes he was right we are broken at this point and there is no getting fixed, especially with the way he handled the break up itself.

 

Ah, okay, I see what you mean now. Yes, this does seem to be a reasonable choice and plan.

[Zahara]

Ok, I understand. So you have from now to July 16 to get some sort of plan going.

 

In saying that he has to get his things out by X date, seeing that he has paid rent till July 16, then he needs to know that he gets his things out by then.

 

Best to have it all in writing when you communicate with him and verbally follow-up if need be.

[Elle1975]

I agree, I don't know if I am ready to contact him as I'm sure I'll be hearing from him again sooner rather than later because its virtually everything he owns, he only has a few items at his parents house. However my whole thing was that he has to be making the decision to move out, I can't be kicking him out in any respect of the word because I am no longer planning on giving him half the security. My argument is that he is CHOOSING to move out therefore he isn't entitled to half the security or anything else as HE is breaking the lease, not me saying "you have to get out by such and such a date" so on and so forth. Does this make sense? By saying " you can live here as long as you pay half the bills, or you can go" I am not liable or in anyway associated with that choice and can have more grounds for certain demands in my opinion. He paid half the bills for this month, rent is not due until July 6th, so technically I can't force him to come and get his things or do anything beforehand which is why I am not pushing him, however if it goes past this weekend I will have to send him a text of some kind asking when he is planning on getting all of this taken care of. In the mean time I will do as you all suggested and begin sorting through his things and packing them so its easier for him to get in and out and at least if anything unless he wants to do it all in one quick swoop, he can come and get everything thats rightfully his to hold him over before we figure out the rest of the logistics.

 

Again I would prefer if he was already out, although his name needs to be taken off the lease before I can technically force him to get his things out, once that takes place its a different story. Right now I have to play some legal games to which this is all his decision. Obviously we are not getting back together, believe me the damage was done which is why I am so eager to get the ball rolling but ALSO eager to become emotionally less attached to being in a relationship versus being alone, so that when the time comes to split things and talk about these things I can keep a cool head and show that I am really finished, because thats how I feel in my heart but I am just not emotionally grounded yet.

 

I'm not trying to make excuses I'm just trying to be as rational as possible. When I spoke to him Sunday and asked him to be patient,and what not again he may have misconstrued that as me asking him to hold off on everything till I've processed the break up, so maybe hes trying to respect that to make his life easier although I blatantly said to be patient with the logistics of it all not be patient in coming to pick up his damn underwear. Even later in the night when I texted him to see if he had come by to grab things while i was out he said "No I'm not gonna be around. I have stuff here"... and this was the last I heard from him.

 

Like I said, if I tell him he has the option yet again like others have suggested, that he can either continue living in the house and coexisting (which I know he wont its just to protect my neck) if he pays half the bills, or he can get out... then its his choice you know? Hes the one choosing to break the lease so it protects me in a sense and I can't force him out until the 6th of July when rent is due and hes not paying type thing.

 

I am confused as to why he isnt pushing to get this done sooner, or anything thats going on. I'm trying to stand up for myself and as much as I know once I have to deal with him again I will digress, I am very happy so far with the little progress I've made in just a few days. I've been able to acknowledge that yes he was right we are broken at this point and there is no getting fixed, especially with the way he handled the break up itself.

 

Right, but after the 6th, you need to take control. If you don't, then you will be making excuses.

 

We aren't pushing you to assert yourself for the heck of it. You will also get over the relationship a lot faster if you preserve your self-esteem and don't let him crap all over you.

[BUBS]

I apologize for not clarifying earlier that we had paid this months rent already and that the next month wasn't due until the 6th. This is why I'm so frustrated among many other things, because I technically don't have any say in finding out whats going on if I want to protect myself in a sense.

 

But it just leaves me confused as to why he hasn't gotten any of his things. He obviously is finished, the only thing I can conclude is that he wants to get his things and figure out who gets what out of the furniture (even though he doesn't have an apartment yet) and also fight about the security deposit (since he doesn't know i plan on not giving it to him) all on the same day.

 

I assumed he would pick up everything that's rightfully his as quickly as possible not just sit and let it linger. The whole thing makes absolutely no sense. But maybe he was just waiting till this weekend since last Sunday was fathers day, and we both had work all week.

[Zahara]

But it just leaves me confused as to why he hasn't gotten any of his things. He obviously is finished, the only thing I can conclude is that he wants to get his things and figure out who gets what out of the furniture (even though he doesn't have an apartment yet) and also fight about the security deposit (since he doesn't know i plan on not giving it to him) all on the same day.

 

I assumed he would pick up everything that's rightfully his as quickly as possible not just sit and let it linger. The whole thing makes absolutely no sense. But maybe he was just waiting till this weekend since last Sunday was fathers day, and we both had work all week.

 

When I separated, it took me awhile to get my things. Partly due to trying to find a new place to live. Sorting that aspect out and then figuring out storage, what I could fit and couldn't fit. He's probably taking his time to figure out his next steps, knowing he still has time on the rent. Plus, it's a headache to deal with things of this nature so he's probably procrastinating.

 

If he's unemotional, it's probably no sweat of his back to get this done and over with. He's taking his time to do what and when he pleases.

[BUBS]

That makes sense, he has a place to live right now, his parents house is pretty large and there's ample space for all of his stuff to go right back where it belongs, and even half the furniture to go there as well but I guess what you are saying is the most practical explanation that hes just taking his sweet time because he doesn't want to deal with the hassle till he figures his own stuff out.

[Els]

That makes sense, he has a place to live right now, his parents house is pretty large and there's ample space for all of his stuff to go right back where it belongs, and even half the furniture to go there as well but I guess what you are saying is the most practical explanation that hes just taking his sweet time because he doesn't want to deal with the hassle till he figures his own stuff out.

 

 

I think you should try not to spend time pondering over why he did this or that. Try not to focus on him at all. Rather, just focus on how you can make this the smoothest transition for you while keeping your finances up and staying healthy.

[BUBS]

He called yesterday afternoon when I got out of work. He was cold and heartless, like we didn't have a serious relationship before. He asked if I would be staying in the place and so on and so forth, and I told him I was taking the weekend to see if I could find something less expensive, and that would take my dog but Id let him know and that in the mean time he was more then welcome to pick up some of his stuff and make a list of the things we purchased and what hes interested in to figure out who gets what. I stood up for myself to a certain extent but it was heart wrenching and humiliating in general. He was relatively civil, told me to let him know when I know what I'm doing and that he'd be by today or tomorrow to get some of his things but not all of them since I don't know if I am staying or not. It was really hard, I texted him after and told him that it was really disgusting how he handled the break up with the apartment and so forth. I wasn't rude or emotional. I explained that we were friends for years and he should have talked to me, and that he should be responsible for the commitment he made to the apartment with or without us being together.

 

I got pregnant several months ago and thats when things became difficult because I was very hormonal and emotional, I ended up having a miscarriage and then starting birth control. So I explained to him that he knew who I was before all of that (we have been friends for years) and that if he had a problem with waiting till my hormones leveled out that he should've said something before we got the apartment,and he shouldn't have pushed so hard to get it, or he should have talked to me after the apartment if things had changed before throwing it all away. I said that I understood there was an issue and that I wouldn't have wanted to deal with myself either with all of the up and down emotions I experienced the past few months but that was no excuse for the way he handled it.

 

He said "at least you know where I'm coming from"... as if my emotional behavior is justification for why he is currently leaving me after convincing me to move into this place a month ago, high and dry. Even when we got the place the landlord said that if we really needed to we could sign a 6 month lease versus a year, and he convinced me we should sign the year.

 

I'm humiliated, and I blame myself. I wasn't easy to deal with once I got pregnant but I tried really hard to make him happy.

[Zahara]

BUB, I am so sorry. I wish I could give you a hug. Do you have any friends who can be physically there to help you or at least distract you from this or are you by yourself?

 

He is a cold bastard. I hope you never allow him EVER into your life. I can't imagine someone that you've known for this long has little to zero empathy in handling your emotions and your heartbreak.

 

He's a spineless, gutless coward. He can't admit to any guilt therefore his only comment to you is to shift blame and to project all those negative feelings on to you. He knows he's in the wrong. He knows he F'd up royally. But he won't be accountable for it.

 

Don't ever bring the relationship up again. I hope this has set a raging fire within you because I would take the skin of this clown. Set your boundaries and set your terms. None of this what do you want, what would you like, when do you need, etc. From now on, this is what I am taking, this is what I am doing, this is what I want, etc.

 

Please don't blame yourself. He's 21, too immature to understand and have the emotional intelligence to have any inkling into what you were going through when you were pregnant, going through a miscarriage and the effects of birth control. Young and dumb and not capable of handling such life changing situations. You did nothing wrong. Do not ever devalue yourself or beat yourself up over this fool.

Edited June 20, 2014 by Zahara

[BUBS]

Thank you for your support. I feel so alone and betrayed and not worth a damn thing. I don't know why but I've always struggled so much which the way my ex boyfriends perceive me, and this one hits home because we were friends for so long, and he pushed me to keep staying with him when I sensed things were wrong and because we are friends with all the same people. Everyone says not to care what people think, I don't care what strangers thing, but I care what people I love, and people I invest my time into and big chunks of my life into think, and this makes me sad to know that he is using my emotions and being a little naggy to his advantage to justify all of the hurt I am experiencing now.

 

Unfortunatly I'm at work, and alone in my cubicle trying to hold back all of my tears and agony.

[Zahara]

Go to the restroom and cry it out. Don't keep it bottled up inside because it will fester inside you. Go and cry and purge it out. Wash your face. Freshen up. If you can, go outside and take a quick walk around the block and breathe the fresh air. Get back to your cubicle and focus on your work. If you can and are allowed, play some nice upbeat music softly so that you're not sitting there in silence engulfed by your thoughts. Make a cup of hot tea/coffee, sip slowly and try to calm yourself down.

 

I know how you feel. When I ended a relationship a few years ago, I was alone, struggling with having ended due to his cheating, broke, enduring a cancer scare and living in a crap apartment. I felt so isolated and alone. But I overcame and you will too. It won't always be this way. This is just a temporary bump in the road. I promise you.

 

Never, ever let someone define your value. Look at how you have carried yourself in this situation. With composure, maturity and dignity. Look at how assclown has been carrying himself. Like a first class bastard. What you had before with him, put that aside. That was a wash. This is who he is. And it is normal to beat yourself up and to feel defeated and diminished when you experience a break-up, but that's just a temporary emotional reaction -- that doesn't change the fact and the TRUTH of who you are within and what you believe about yourself. You have to be confident in your worth and never allow some guy to take that away from you. His actions DO NOT define your worth and your value. YOU and only you are in control of that.

Edited June 20, 2014 by Zahara

[redbaron005]

Thank you for your support. I feel so alone and betrayed and not worth a damn thing.

 

You're clearly a great person and worth far more than you know! Hang in there!