He's not single!

[Vicereine]

I have a friend that I talk to online who I have begun to like more than a friend and its obvious he does too. The problem is he's not single! We have pretty open conversations sometimes and he tells me things are going downhill with her, he finds her clingy and paranoid, they argue and he won't even sleep with her anymore. I ask him if he's not happy with her why is he still with her, but he says he doesn't know. They've been together almost 3 years so I can understand its not a light decision to make.

 

We've decided to meet. I told him NOTHING more will happen while he is not single. Like I said I wonder why he is still with her but then tell myself who am I to tell him to break up with her, I am only some girl on the internet. By meeting I hope to see if we are also compatible in person, maybe he will want to pursue more with me afterwards and that'll be the kick in the butt he needs to leave her. Once in awhile he says serious things that catch me off guard as usually we have conversations quite the opposite, we joke a lot and stuff. He'll say things like where were you 3 years ago, maybe you'll be a new beginning, yadda yadda yadda. I could be wrong, but I think he is serious about all that.

 

So, I try not to put too much into this, as we don't even know each other in person yet. I try not to pressure and question him too much on that subject for that same reason. I think it would be a more appropriate thing to do once we've met and if things have gone well.

 

Anyway I could use some suggestions on what I should do.

 

Thanks

[ReluctantRomeo]

I know there are different schools of thought on this, but my advice is: don't.

 

I can think of so many reasons why not, but the words "rebound", "transitional girl" and "safety net" come to mind. And even if it does work, picture yourself with him in a couple of years time - you go through a bad patch and you will be *paranoid* about him seeing other women behind your back.

 

That said, I do know someone for whom this worked out, so I guess there are exceptions to every rule

[ziggue]

I think his girlfriend has a right to be paranoid. Her so called boyfriend is chatting to other girls online (you might not be the only one) and meeting them.

 

You wouldn't want the same kind of feeling if you actual do get with him do you?

 

If I were you I would just be his Online Buddy.

[Hund1976]

For all you know he could have no intentions of breaking up with his girlfriend and him and he is just looking for some side action and telling you that story so you won't ask to go over to his place or something. Tell him to wait until he gets his relationship straightened out and then maybe you can meet. Otherwise you're just asking for trouble.

[KaiaMahina]

and you've wasted any more time or effort on this two-timer.

 

Why? Because I've been (sorta) wasting my time on a clown just like yours.

 

He answered a personal ad that I put up when I broke up with a man about 2.5 years ago. He asked me to call him at work. My first question to him was, "Am I calling you at work because you're married?" I may be slow, but I'm no fool.

 

Anyway, it turns out that he was/is living with someone. He didn't want to be with her. He didn't know why he was with her. They weren't having sex. She has too many problems for him to deal with. Maybe she was going to leave and move back to her parents in another state. He couldn't just leave because she couldn't afford the rent on their apartment alone. Maybe she was already seeing someone else and was going to leave him. He didn't know if he might end up marrying her even though he didn't want to. He really wanted to be with me and on no fewer than three occasions he was going to "have a talk with her" and tell her that he had found someone else and it was over.

 

Blah. Blah. Blah.

 

How many times did he set up dates he cancelled/postponed/never showed up for? How many times did I tell him to f**k off and expire? How many times did he turn up again with more promises and hints that this time he was really going to make a change? How many times did I tell him to figure out whether he wanted to be with this woman and, if he did not, to get his own place and date other women, and then see if he wanted to start anything with me? How many times did he check in with me while I was seriously dating/engaged to another man just to make sure I wasn't going to change my mind (and dump a fiance so that I could sit around waiting for this d**khead to sneak out of his girlfriend's bed to meet me)?

 

Finally, when I was dumped by said fiance, this lunatic surfaced yet again and told me that, while he was sorry for my loss, it was a great opportunity for him and he was going to make "a big push" to get me.

 

Big push. Seven months later, he's still only emailing me and phoning me at my job from his job, and he's STILL NOT SINGLE. He just made a date with me last week for MARCH. Yes, next bloody month! Do you think he's going to show up? Do I think he's going to show up? Hah!

 

The only reason I'm in contact with this strange and ridiculous person is that he's providing entertainment and a connection to the living world. I haven't dated anyone since my fiance left me, and this pointless flirtation is at least some amusement. I have absolutely no expectations from him any longer, and it sure was fun to send him some sexy photos I recently had done by a photographer friend just to see what he would do. In unprecedented fashion he both called AND emailed the following morning after receiving them and set that monumental March date.

 

Unless you can look upon this as a lark, don't waste any more of your time. And more to the point, as I know myself, what these people will do with you, they will do to you.

 

Do you think that I would actually seriously date this man? If, after he had first contacted me, he had taken my advice, gotten himself single and honest, and THEN asked me out, I would be more than happy to oblige. I've never trusted him as far as I can throw him, and I never will. If I ended up living with him (and this is supposedly what he wants), every time he was late or unaccounted for, or every time he was on his computer, what would I be thinking? He's talking to another woman behind my back.

 

And god bless the poor silly woman he's living with! She doesn't deserve this shabby treatment! I have no worries that this moron will show up in March, and wouldn't go out with him even if he did. I've gone as far as I'm going to go with this and I'm only telling you the sad story to keep you from even bothering. Cut this guy out and if/when he's single and still interested, then take a chance. Nothing less is good enough for you, and nothing less is good enough for the woman he's currently sneaking around on.

[Mary3]

MY answer is NO !

 

Do Not take this any further. Geeeeeeezus he could be telling you she is an old hag , he could be telling you they have not had sex in 6 months ( yea right ) He could tell you ANYTHING ! I would give my eye teeth to hear HER side of the story.

 

I feel sorry for HER ! He is online and trying to meet you . Do you want him in your bed when he can't even figure out which bed he belongs in ?

 

He is LY-ING to you . He will tell you whatever he has to ! DO you think he is telling his other gf " Hey honey I met a hot girl which I have been talking to on-line in a singles dating site, and so I hope you don't mind if I go out with her " DO YOU THINK he is going to tell her THAT ?

 

He@# No ! He is going to cheat,.....if its NOT with you,,,he will find someone else.

 

He probrobly has sex with her...great sex ! He is just bored and wants a new peice of cow.