Mapper71 Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 My husband has had a lot of dogs in his life. A lot of them he has not been able to keep for various reasons as well and has had to give them to friends or family. We currently have 2 cats and right now that is enough. He has been hell bent on getting a dog for the past few years but I always say no way. For one thing, he can't pay his share of the bills and mortgage as it is. He just got a huge raise so I am hoping that changes, but there's no way you are getting a dog when you can't pay for anything. I will be the one walking it since exercise isn't in your vocabulary and I will be the one picking up it's poop! He was talking to his daughter's mom yesterday about her visit and asked how much for one of their puppies and she said free. I heard this and was livid. He gets off the phone and thinks the whole thing is a joke. He sees me angry and goes "I just asked for her to send a picture of it, just chill out". No! You are making this decision all on your own. You'll get the picture and then tell me how cute it is (of course it's cute!) and how you'll train it and show me how to train it and it will be great. He doesn't take into account that we'll need to be home more, we'll need to take it with us on long weekends because we don't have anyone to watch it, we'll have to spend even more more on dog food in addition to cat food. He doesn't see any of the long term effects. He'll get it regardless of what I think and he'll make me feel horrible if I tell him no.
d0nnivain Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 Your husband is irresponsible. You know this. He treats his daughter like a part time toy -- fighting to get her but then only dealing with her with it doesn't interfere with his racing play time. You know if he gets this puppy you will have to do all the work. That's not going to make him refrain from getting the puppy. Somehow someway you need to determine how you want to deal with this man child.
Art_Critic Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 The cats.. whose pets are they ? his or yours ? He shouldn't get a pet for the household unless the whole household is in and agrees to who takes care of the chores of the pet.. but on the other hand if the cats are yours and he is a dog person then why not ? Dogs are expensive and if he is having trouble carrying his load then maybe explain to him that he can't afford the animal.
Author Mapper71 Posted June 16, 2014 Author Posted June 16, 2014 The cats.. whose pets are they ? his or yours ? He shouldn't get a pet for the household unless the whole household is in and agrees to who takes care of the chores of the pet.. but on the other hand if the cats are yours and he is a dog person then why not ? Dogs are expensive and if he is having trouble carrying his load then maybe explain to him that he can't afford the animal. The cats are his. He took all of them in as strays before I moved in with him. One died late last year. It took me a long time to get used to living with 3 cats seeing as how I grew up without pets. I love them, but I hate the hair everywhere. However, cats are easy. We can leave them for a weekend and they are fine. Dogs want to be around people and we will have to change our lifestyle. He doesn't see this. He just sees the fact that he REALLY wants a dog. We had 3 neighbors that finally moved who had 3 very yippy chihuahuas. This dog he wants is a dachshund/terrier mix. Cute, but it reminds me so much of a small yippy dog.
lollipopspot Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 He'll get it regardless of what I think and he'll make me feel horrible if I tell him no. Keep telling him no and insisting. This is not something you should be guilted into or feel horrible about. If he found a stray dog who had nowhere to go or his parent died and left their dog, I'd tell you to soften your heart and provide a home at least until one could be found (or in the case of the parent's dog maybe indefinitely). That would be helping an animal who needs aid. But this is different - he's actively trying to find a dog. In fact he's looking for a puppy, which is even worse as they take a lot of training and patience. This is like the choice to have children. It should not be unilateral or there will be a lot of resentment in the marriage.
Glinda.Good Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 It does sound like there are some underlying issues that are shaping this dynamic around getting a puppy or not getting one ...
whichwayisup Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 Mapper, there are so many issues and problems in your marriage and I hope you and your husband can sit down and have a really honest talk about 'everything', not just the puppy. Your marriage isn't easy and everyday you're making tons of posts upset (some rightfully so) about it. Is it time to think about marriage counseling with him? you two cannot go on like this. You're miserable and neither of you seem 'in love' and are putting the other one first. 3
Author Mapper71 Posted June 16, 2014 Author Posted June 16, 2014 Mapper, there are so many issues and problems in your marriage and I hope you and your husband can sit down and have a really honest talk about 'everything', not just the puppy. Your marriage isn't easy and everyday you're making tons of posts upset (some rightfully so) about it. Is it time to think about marriage counseling with him? you two cannot go on like this. You're miserable and neither of you seem 'in love' and are putting the other one first. Funny thing is, he doesn't think there' s a THING wrong with our marriage. He keeps saying how much he loves me and how I turned his life around and how good life is. Not one thing wrong in his eyes. If he only saw all these posts I write about him. Hooey...the ****e would hit the fan!
whichwayisup Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 Funny thing is, he doesn't think there' s a THING wrong with our marriage. He keeps saying how much he loves me and how I turned his life around and how good life is. Not one thing wrong in his eyes. If he only saw all these posts I write about him. Hooey...the ****e would hit the fan! He may be happy because he gets his way all the time! You're the one suffering and not happy at all. Between his dismissal of your feelings, excluding you from major decisions over all and his daughter, he isn't treating you with love and respect. He is acting like he is The King and you service him. What he says goes and you deal with it. Time for you to tell him how you feel and work on being partners on equal footing. 1
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