darthelas Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 I made a post about this girl a few days ago after she postponed our 5th date. Well the next day she contacted me and asked if I wanted to get together last night, mainly involving having a drink at her place. So I said yes. Fast forward to last night, after chatting a while we start to make out. Things start progressing past just making out when I start to take off clothes she tells me "So I have no discipline when it comes to physical stuff, but..." and at first I think she is saying she doesn't want to sleep with me and have me run away, but in actuality she says that she has a very high wall around her, emotionally. So she will sleep with me, but she worries that she could end up being less attached emotionally to me, than I might be to her. She has only had one long relationship which ended like 4 or 5 years ago. Since then she hasn't really dated, maybe one or two guys, the last one about a year ago. Anyway, she said that even before her big relationship, she was difficult to get to. For my part, she also told me that she likes me, and that so far I've been "perfect" and haven't made any mistakes, I haven't been pushy, or clingy, and I haven't done things like texted her 5 minutes after a date ends, or tried to friend her on Facebook or ask to meet her parents. I know she has told her friends about me and considers us to be dating. So I told her last night that I did like her, but I do get attached, however I wanted to keep seeing her. She said "ok so is it ok if we take it slow" and I said yes. Then when I got home, I texted her (per her request to make sure I got home ok). I thanked her for having me over and told her I thought about it some more and said again that I was willing to just go slow and keep seeing her and what not and her response was (verbatim) ":) thanks. I'm trying, I promise". So I guess, what to make of all this? Clearly she has let someone in before. It has only been a month and I'm willing to be patient, not rock the boat and suddenly become clingy, crazy man. We obviously get a long and like each other, it just seems like she gets freaked out when a relationship possibility comes along and ends up pushing it away. Should I just see where this goes for a bit longer?
ThorntonMelon Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 Just sounds like she's a bit of a control freak - honestly I am not sure what you're worried about, except maybe you're putting yourself at risk for some heartbreak. But it's not like that's not at risk with anyone you meet. She sounds emotionally aware and that's an excellent thing. 1
d0nnivain Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 If she is self aware enough to know these things, telling you this shows she'd like the walls to come down. If you otherwise like her, keep doing what you are doing & let her set the emotional pace.
ktya Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 Tap that. Your a booty call but she doesn't want to come out and say it. If she starts to get feelings for you she may push you away. I am dating a girl like that, she had an abusive relationship and gets scared when she starts to feel the emotional heartstrings. The sex is incredible though. Worth the hassle.
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 she's scared because she hasn't had a relationship in a while? perhaps she has performance anxiety? just a thought... woman will push you away for this reason if they haven't had a relationship for a while. It may be a big deal for her.
pteromom Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 Did you sleep with her? I am unclear on that. If you haven't, I would consider holding off on that. She says physical stuff is easy for her, but emotional is more difficult. So let her develop an attachment to you BEFORE she sleeps with you, so that when you get to that point, it will have meaning for her. If you've already slept with her, just make sure you are focusing on the other parts of the relationship - talking about her goals, values, childhood, hobbies, etc. to build the friendship part of your relationship. Don't just let it be physical. And just move forward and see what happens.
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