DArtagnan2 Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 Apprecite the kind post. I'm definitely ok and feel upbeat actually - got a 96% on my accounting and a 97% on my stats midterms - ok enough bragging now I missed this part: Congrats!!! Good stuff!
Author Atem Posted June 30, 2014 Author Posted June 30, 2014 I didn't think you were down about the breakup, just disappointed that you really want that someone in your life right now and that no matter what effort you put in, you knew you weren't going to get that from this one. I know that feeling. I took a lot from some girls I dated just because I wanted someone in my life to feel like I was cared about in some manner because I spent a lot of time alone. I punched myself in the face afterwards because I knew better the whole time. As for dating while I was in school and working. I actually moved out of state to go to college so all my focus could be on school and work. I also wasn't in a big city anymore when I went to school as it was a small town in Kansas. I did date a couple of girls from where I worked when I first moved there. One was just for a few months during the first summer and the other lasted almost two years with us living together for over a year. After that ended though, I spent most of my free time with my dog at the lake or just driving unless I went home for the weekend. So I wish I could say do this or do that, but after that last relationship, I just wasn't looking anymore. I myself didn't make the time or have a lot of opportunities given where I went to school. I walked with my head down and eyes /heart closed and decided to just focus on my career. Which is why I said to not do that. So I was lucky enough to meet the last girl I dated even though it did end after a couple of years. How to spot whether she has long term intentions or potential? Man, there is no way to really know until you get to know someone. There are some you can tell right away that they just don't gel with you, like with this one. So it seems like you know a bit more then you give yourself credit for, so I can only suggest to not ignore those signs or feelings you have anymore. When it doesn't feel right, it most likely isn't right for you. Don't always put it on youself that you must be the issue because of how you have been in the past. Be aware of what and who is around you. Keep your head up and eyes open where ever you are because you never know what you may find and you will most likely meet her when you least likely expect to. Continue to learn about your likes, dislikes, wants and needs when it comes to a relationship and don't settle for only a part of that just to have someone around because if you do, you may miss that person who does fit in to your life. I hope this helps. It does - good framing of the situation. You know, I'm not entirely sure why I want a serious partner now. It can't be because I'm nearing 30, can it? But in all seriousness - I broke up with this girl and I think it was the right thing to do - and yet, a part of me wonders whether this could have had a chance if I had let it go on for a little while longer or if I had done this or said that or or or... I know that I won't find perfection but at the same time I also know that I will have to have certain needs met if I am to commit to a single person - and these needs weren't met in this relationship. Call me a diva but I expect my GF to really try hard even when she has a busy schedule. My schedule is killer and I always try... Buuuut anyway - maybe I jsut expected more than this girls was willing to give. On to the next one. And thanks for the tip regarding not closing off my feelings. Don't worry, a few setbacks won't kill me. Especially since I understand that everything that has to deal with other people is an incredible wild card because one can NEVER control how others will react. We can only hope for the best, I guess. By the way - if I may ask, how is your current relationship situation? Hope all's well!
Author Atem Posted June 30, 2014 Author Posted June 30, 2014 I missed this part: Congrats!!! Good stuff! Hehe - thx!
DArtagnan2 Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 It does - good framing of the situation. You know, I'm not entirely sure why I want a serious partner now. It can't be because I'm nearing 30, can it? But in all seriousness - I broke up with this girl and I think it was the right thing to do - and yet, a part of me wonders whether this could have had a chance if I had let it go on for a little while longer or if I had done this or said that or or or... I know that I won't find perfection but at the same time I also know that I will have to have certain needs met if I am to commit to a single person - and these needs weren't met in this relationship. Call me a diva but I expect my GF to really try hard even when she has a busy schedule. My schedule is killer and I always try... Buuuut anyway - maybe I jsut expected more than this girls was willing to give. On to the next one. And thanks for the tip regarding not closing off my feelings. Don't worry, a few setbacks won't kill me. Especially since I understand that everything that has to deal with other people is an incredible wild card because one can NEVER control how others will react. We can only hope for the best, I guess. By the way - if I may ask, how is your current relationship situation? Hope all's well! Current relationship: well, I am on this website aren't I? Seriously though, I am single at the moment. Since my ex (of 7 years) and I have split, I have tried to date a few times, most recent was Oct. of last year through February if this year. This last relationship is what brought me to this website because I, much like you, tried and tried and tried and no matter what I tried or took from her, there was always another "thing" that she would come up with where we "just didn't fit." Much like what you just went through with those discussions, the crying, the apologies, etc. and I still wanted to keep trying with her. I did the same as well with thinking if I had done this, or that, or or or, but in the end, I think the result would have been the same because she was in her "mind space" only and wouldn't sublet even a little to me. I think many of us expect certain things which usually leaves us disappointed because we are thinking that others would or should act just like we would. I am the same way with looking for or wanting to be with someone who would work just as hard as I would in a relationship. Is that the wrong way to think? I do not think so. I mean, there are women out there that will work just as hard, but at the same time, we have to tailor our expectations a bit, not judge someone by what we would exactly do and sometimes compromise in order for a relationship to really work. But we don't have to take crap. Hope you are doing well and thanks for asking.
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