NoMoreJerks Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 Well, maybe he just doesn't want a relationship, period, and is using his kid as an excuse. And that is what I said early on:a lot of people use their kids as an excuse. There is very little excuse as to why a single parent with joint custody of the kid cannot find any time in the summer, when he does not work, to see me one-on-one without the presence of a 10 year old kid. Heck, I would've even understood it if the kid were younger (up to 6 years old), but that is not even the case. The only possible reason is that he just likes me where I am, and doesn't want a real relationship. The kid is only a ready-made excuse for the stalling as you call it --not the actual reason behind it. Also, he has only one kid.
preraph Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 I If you can't put your partner's needs first at least some of the time, and you want to cater to your kid's every whim and spoil them, then you shouldn't be dating. They date even when they plan to give the relationship no weight mainly because they want to find help with the kids! And share expenses for the kids.
Author BearMox Posted June 26, 2014 Author Posted June 26, 2014 ...<snip> He could always send the kid over to his ex for a day or for one weekend... or something... we'll see how this pans out, but it's not looking good at the moment. He's voting with his feet obviously. I usually make time for a date the every weekend I have my kids and we're usually having fun weeknights and the weekends I don't have them. I have my kids a little more than half the time.
thefooloftheyear Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 Its easy to sit back and criticize someone for their level of attachment to thier kid(s), and what that means to them. I know some divorced people that can willingly date(and even would like to) but choose not to, as to not encroach on the time spent with the kids..And I think there are a lot of folks that want needs met(sex or otherwise), without all of the committment, as they want to save that for their kids...That might not be fair, if the other person is looking for more.. No two parents are the same...Some just wont put that much emotional attachment to someone that they are just dating... Its up to the person to decide what they are willing to put up with...If you arent too keen on being put on the shelf at times, then its best to just not involve yourself with someone that has kids...It just avoids the hassle/ misunderstanding.. TFY
still_an_Angel Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 They date even when they plan to give the relationship no weight mainly because they want to find help with the kids! And share expenses for the kids. I think its unfair that you lump all single parents into such a negative pool of possible relationships. Are you speaking from experience? How many solo parents have you dated? What makes you an expert on the psyche of ALL solo parents? While I struggle to support my kids and make ends meet, I have NEVER asked any guy for help, financial or otherwise. In fact, I stayed on the shelf for over 2 years while I fought and survived whatever was left after my separation. Its ironic that the guy I'm seeing now is financially stable, and able to help me but he has harassed, begged, pleaded to let him help me as he sees me struggle but he knows he is not to cross that line with me or I'm gone. Yes, our times are limited and I'm always on the go, but he knows that when we're together, I'm with him 100%. Where our relationship is headed, I'm not sure, but I have nothing but his respect for prioritising my responsibilities as a parent. 2
NoMoreJerks Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 Has anyone who has dated a single parent ever had this sort of attitude: splitting the bill all the time, even for small things like a coffee or whatever, because he can't afford to pay for both of you cos he " has a kid to feed" (though he is not the primary guardian of the kid and does not seem to give monthly payments to his ex (only spends money on buying food for when his kid is over). Is this guy just cheap or is this normal behavior for a single parent on a limited income?
Leigh 87 Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 Well, I would not say that I am jealous, but when someone does what I just described above, I feel taken for granted and I also feel like I am being left out and that I will never be accepted fully. I think that's a legitimate feeling. My partner has introduced me to his kid as a friend. His kid does not know that I am more than that. He had a meeting the other day, and I offered to babysit his kid. At first he told me he preferred that his female friend babysit him ( which offended me since it felt like he did not trust me ) , then he accepted my offer a week later , because his friend was not free to babysit. He has not moved on to the stage of telling his kid we're more than friends, and that's wearing my patience thin, because I would have preferred not to go to the stage of being introduced to his kid, if it was going to take months and months for him to then tell his kid that we've been dating in fact. Besides, what is his kid gonna feel when he realizes that he had been lied to the whole time and that I was in fact more than just a friend??? He's 10, so it's not as if he will not feel like he was lied to. He is old enough to understand that stuff. Which makes me wonder if he will ever tell the kid. I think the only reason he even introduced me to his kid is so that he would not have to go out of his way to arrange someone to babysit his kid, in order to go out on dates with me. Now he just asks me over to dine with them, and cooks dinner for us. Which is fine once or twice a month, but not when it's all the time and we don't have other one-on-one dates... When I am around, his kid is always the center of attention. We have to entertain him, and he acts out deliberately when we don't. We can't talk about adult things because he's always around, let alone have any intimacy or flirtation. When I am there, I am just like a friend. What's the point. If I wanted a friend to hang out with, I would hang out with friends who don't have kids -- instead of bothering with entertaining another person's kid all evening. Hahahaha. I am a live in nanny as my full time job. The eight year old boy knows very well that my bf is my bf. I never told him as such. In fact, I told the kid that my bf was my "good friend " as I didn't think it was appropriate to use the term " boyfriend " or "partner ". Yet the eight year old, when I was in the car with him and his eight year old friend, whispered to his little friend " that's Leigh 87s BOYFRIEND, * snigger * I never told him he was my bf but he wasn't born yesterday. A lot of ten year olds can sense whether or not your partner is your bf/gf......
Leigh 87 Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 Has anyone who has dated a single parent ever had this sort of attitude: splitting the bill all the time, even for small things like a coffee or whatever, because he can't afford to pay for both of you cos he " has a kid to feed" (though he is not the primary guardian of the kid and does not seem to give monthly payments to his ex (only spends money on buying food for when his kid is over). Is this guy just cheap or is this normal behavior for a single parent on a limited income? It's cheap. If he cannot afford to date, he shouldn't. How crap does it feel when a grown man cannot shout you a meal once a week? I earn minumum wage including privileges I have (parents paying for private health for instance) yet I manage to buy my partner dinner once a week. Tight ass in my opinion! 2
still_an_Angel Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 Has anyone who has dated a single parent ever had this sort of attitude: splitting the bill all the time, even for small things like a coffee or whatever, because he can't afford to pay for both of you cos he " has a kid to feed" (though he is not the primary guardian of the kid and does not seem to give monthly payments to his ex (only spends money on buying food for when his kid is over). Is this guy just cheap or is this normal behavior for a single parent on a limited income? The children's needs are always a priority, along with the bills that need to be paid in order to maintain everyday living needs. I think if someone wants to go on a date, money should be set aside for the event. Maybe not splitting everything in half but say he pays for dinner, I pay for the movie, something like that. I don't think I should be using my kids as an excuse to wriggle my way out of forking out money for something that I will be enjoying as well. But hey, each case is different. 1
NoMoreJerks Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 (edited) Well, consider this: his ex has asked him to pay for braces for his kid, which his kid does not really seem to need (he is now convincing himself that his kid's teeth are "a little crooked") -- it's gonna cost $8,000. On the flip side, we went out for dinner the other day, and the place we went to only accepted cash. I had little cash on me, because I had paid for both of us for our drinks at a cafe earlier during the day. When we went up to pay, (we were at a diner ) , he asked for separate bills (turned out to be $20 in total, so $10 each) and then when I barely had enough cash (in coins!) to pay for my share, he did not even offer to cover mine (though I had bought him brunch on a previous date, as well as drinks earlier during the day). I was so embarrassed because I had to pay in 10 and 5 cents... Now I don't know if he's doing that cos he has to fork out $8,000 for his kid's braces (hardly a necessity) but if that is the case, then he should not be dating at all... I hate it when people use excuses. Anyone can afford to pay once in a while. I guess he just doesn't want to pay for me, ever, and did that in order to discourage me from not splitting bills in the future. But really, spending $8,000 on his kid's braces and not even buying me a $10 dinner every once in a while, is a little bit too much... I'm not even worth 1/800th of what his kid is worth in his eyes? Yes , I know -- I can afford to buy myself dinner and his kid is just, well, a kid. But come on. Also, I am not exactly making ****loads of money -- I am on a student income. I am still generous enough to buy him dinner or drinks some of the time. Edited July 1, 2014 by NoMoreJerks 1
Taramere Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 I do not think people need to say this at all. It should go without saying that your kids should always come first...relationships can come and go, but your kids don't. But blatantly saying that to someone is just tacky. That's a good point. I mean of course a parent should put their child's needs first, but to actually say to somebody "you're second to my kids" is just unnecessary. I suppose it might become necessary if a new partner seems to be seeing themselves as being in competition with the children of their new partner, and is presenting a "why do your kids always have to come first?" position. Although the welfare of the child should always come first that doesn't mean spoiling the child at other people's expense or allowing the child to have a degree of power that enables them to cause endless disruption to their parents' new relationshps. Perhaps that's what new partners fear when told "my child always comes first." Or even that a new partner should be ditched because the child doesn't like them. Of course nobody wants their relationship to be at the mercy of a child who is being permitted a bit too much control and manipulation over their parent's love life - and it can happen with parents who aren't great at boundaries. To me "putting my child first" just means the parent's first priority is always to ensure that their child is safe and well, and that they need new partners to take an understanding, supportive approach to that. If somebody can't, then single parents probably aren't the right potential partners for them. 2
serial muse Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 Well, consider this: his ex has asked him to pay for braces for his kid, which his kid does not really seem to need (he is now convincing himself that his kid's teeth are "a little crooked") -- it's gonna cost $8,000. On the flip side, we went out for dinner the other day, and the place we went to only accepted cash. I had little cash on me, because I had paid for both of us for our drinks at a cafe earlier during the day. When we went up to pay, (we were at a diner ) , he asked for separate bills (turned out to be $20 in total, so $10 each) and then when I barely had enough cash (in coins!) to pay for my share, he did not even offer to cover mine (though I had bought him brunch on a previous date, as well as drinks earlier during the day). I was so embarrassed because I had to pay in 10 and 5 cents... Now I don't know if he's doing that cos he has to fork out $8,000 for his kid's braces (hardly a necessity) but if that is the case, then he should not be dating at all... I hate it when people use excuses. Anyone can afford to pay once in a while. I guess he just doesn't want to pay for me, ever, and did that in order to discourage me from not splitting bills in the future. But really, spending $8,000 on his kid's braces and not even buying me a $10 dinner every once in a while, is a little bit too much... I'm not even worth 1/800th of what his kid is worth in his eyes? Yes , I know -- I can afford to buy myself dinner and his kid is just, well, a kid. But come on. Also, I am not exactly making ****loads of money -- I am on a student income. I am still generous enough to buy him dinner or drinks some of the time. I would guess that the kid's braces are a red herring. He just wants to go dutch. 2
NoMoreJerks Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 (edited) I would guess that the kid's braces are a red herring. He just wants to go dutch. I mean, yeah. We go dutch usually. I do not mind that. But one can still do that most of the time, and still treat their partner to a $10 meal or a $5 coffee every once in a while. I don't need him to pay for me all the time, or most of the time, or any of the time, but it's just nice for him to do that every once in a while, just as I like doing it every once in a while for him. To me, someone who doesn't do that is just not generous. It's not about me being old fashioned or anything, because I do the same for him. I am a hard core feminist and don't expect a man to pay for my meals, ever. Not even on a first date. But to be so cheap, and moreover, to use your kids as an excuse, is just pretty effed up in my opinion. We have had this conversation before. He said he has a kid to feed, and can't afford to pay for me all the time. I said I wasn't expecting him to do so. I was actually offended at his insinuation and the way he phrased the "I have a kid to feed" -- as if I was bankrupting him!!! (when in fact, up until that point, and even up until now, he has not spent more than $20 on me in total, in the 3 months we've been dating). IMO, people who use their kids as an excuse for: not having the time, not having the money, etc., are just pathetic. Meanwhile, he had the money (and time) to go to a Nine Inch Nails concert last year, as well as other (non-free) concerts just a few weeks ago with his friend. I mean, so far all the men I've dated, from different walks of life, have been like this -- selfish and just utterly cheap, despite the fact that I never even expected them to pay for my meals.... I know it is an actual phenomenon among a lot of men these days. But I didn't really think that someone would stoop so low as to use their kid as an excuse when it's blatantly clear that it's not about the kid at all. Edited July 1, 2014 by NoMoreJerks
thefooloftheyear Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 That's a good point. I mean of course a parent should put their child's needs first, but to actually say to somebody "you're second to my kids" is just unnecessary. I suppose it might become necessary if a new partner seems to be seeing themselves as being in competition with the children of their new partner, and is presenting a "why do your kids always have to come first?" position. Although the welfare of the child should always come first that doesn't mean spoiling the child at other people's expense or allowing the child to have a degree of power that enables them to cause endless disruption to their parents' new relationshps. Perhaps that's what new partners fear when told "my child always comes first." Or even that a new partner should be ditched because the child doesn't like them. Of course nobody wants their relationship to be at the mercy of a child who is being permitted a bit too much control and manipulation over their parent's love life - and it can happen with parents who aren't great at boundaries. To me "putting my child first" just means the parent's first priority is always to ensure that their child is safe and well, and that they need new partners to take an understanding, supportive approach to that. If somebody can't, then single parents probably aren't the right potential partners for them. I agree... But it seems like in this case, the guy might have said that to take all the pressure off...Then you know exactly where he stands..No grey area... He probably wants the (sex?) but no committment..So he isnt going to invest a lot of time and money...And he seems like he is making that clear with his actions.. I feel for the poster...I think the guy is just stringing her along and using the kids as the excuse....No guy would be that cheap, otherwise..At least I hope not... TFY 2
Taramere Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 I agree... But it seems like in this case, the guy might have said that to take all the pressure off...Then you know exactly where he stands..No grey area... He probably wants the (sex?) but no committment..So he isnt going to invest a lot of time and money...And he seems like he is making that clear with his actions.. I feel for the poster...I think the guy is just stringing her along and using the kids as the excuse....No guy would be that cheap, otherwise..At least I hope not... TFY Was that in relation to Nomorejerks' post? I was posting more generally, but yes - in NMJ's case I think this guy is at it. She's said that he has no problem getting a babysitter for nights he wants to go out with his friends...so this isn't simply about his children coming first (if, indeed, they do). A whole lot of people seem to be getting prioritised above NMJ. NMJ, it's up to you where you go with this relationship, I would stop treating this guy. Especially when you're on a student budget and can't really afford it. He's not reciprocating, and he's not making you a priority. It would be a mistake to invest much of your time and emotion (not to mention scarce pennies) on him. 2
NoMoreJerks Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 No guy would be that cheap, otherwise..At least I hope not... TFY Oh, trust me. I have seen some bad ones out there. Ones who made quite a bit of money but who were the reincarnation of Scrooge. And they did not have kids either, so it's not like they even had an "excuse" for it (not that it's a good excuse anyway!)..... I've seen some really bad ones in the past year.... But you're right about this guy -- I agree. He is just cheap and just wants as much as he can get from me, while giving as little as he can get away with... Which is nothing new either, as far as my experiences with men go... But I never would have thought or imagined that a guy would use his kid (!!!) as an excuse. I mean, that's just 10 times worse, in my opinion. 1
Taramere Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 But you're right about this guy -- I agree. He is just cheap and just wants as much as he can get from me, while giving as little as he can get away with... I think we've all met people like that. I remember flying 6000 miles to see a guy and bringing about £50 worth of chocolate, cheese and other goodies with me because the place he was living in was so short of those things. A few days later we went for a train journey, and bought some snacks for the journey. It came to the equivalent of about £12 which he paid for. I can still remember the sight of him totalling it up to work out my share (I paid him in small pennies which I deliberately counted in a laborious way). I could tell you other stories about him, but it would be embarrassing. You look back on it and feel like such an idiot. My problem, and this may be yours too, comes from feeling like I shouldn't have any expectations. Sometimes you read sites like this, and it makes you worse. All these endless rants about women with an entitlement complex etc etc. And you take it all in, and you maybe end up going overboard in not being That Woman. And then you attract into your world men who will applaud your low expectations as a virtue. It can be easy to get sucked into. There is something we should have an expectation of. Fairness. Real fairness...not some notion of fairness that involves us overcompensating in an effort to avoid gold digger/entitled bitch stereotypes. Fairness and a degree of respect that means if the guy is willing to pay for a babysitter to go out with his friends, then he should also be willing to pay for one to go out with you. And if he isn't prepared to do that, then maybe it's time to say "I'm feeling as though getting anything close to the respect you afford to your buddies is going to be a real uphill struggle, and I don't want to try any more. Good luck with your life." 4
NoMoreJerks Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 (edited) Yeah. There is a difference between not having expectations on the one hand, and being independent, on the other hand. But I have observed men, time and again, try to manipulate women into not having any expectations, on the grounds that having expectations means they are not independent, that they are needy, etc. But that is just plain manipulative. It is even more so when they accuse you of being jealous of the kid and trying to be the "first" person in their life, even before their kid, if you expect them to make some time for you. THAT is what I have a problem with, not genuine cases of someone barely making ends meet by supporting a kid on their own, etc. A lot of women (myself included) overcompensate for it, in order to avoid being accused of being golddiggers, needy, etc., by not having any expectations at all. This is especially true when dating single parents who use their kids as an excuse for being lazy, doing things half-heartedly, etc. Edited July 1, 2014 by NoMoreJerks 3
thefooloftheyear Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 I think we've all met people like that. I remember flying 6000 miles to see a guy and bringing about £50 worth of chocolate, cheese and other goodies with me because the place he was living in was so short of those things. A few days later we went for a train journey, and bought some snacks for the journey. It came to the equivalent of about £12 which he paid for. I can still remember the sight of him totalling it up to work out my share (I paid him in small pennies which I deliberately counted in a laborious way). I could tell you other stories about him, but it would be embarrassing. You look back on it and feel like such an idiot. My problem, and this may be yours too, comes from feeling like I shouldn't have any expectations. Sometimes you read sites like this, and it makes you worse. All these endless rants about women with an entitlement complex etc etc. And you take it all in, and you maybe end up going overboard in not being That Woman. And then you attract into your world men who will applaud your low expectations as a virtue. It can be easy to get sucked into. There is something we should have an expectation of. Fairness. Real fairness...not some notion of fairness that involves us overcompensating in an effort to avoid gold digger/entitled bitch stereotypes. Fairness and a degree of respect that means if the guy is willing to pay for a babysitter to go out with his friends, then he should also be willing to pay for one to go out with you. And if he isn't prepared to do that, then maybe it's time to say "I'm feeling as though getting anything close to the respect you afford to your buddies is going to be a real uphill struggle, and I don't want to try any more. Good luck with your life." Its all about common courtesy...What a dope!!! Its understandable if two people arent on the same page or the chemistry isn't there..But, then why not at least be gentlemanly about it? Whats the point of passive aggressive crap? All it does is burn bridges and make you look like a two bit nobody...That must have been as embarrassing as ever! TFY 2
thefooloftheyear Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 Oh, trust me. I have seen some bad ones out there. Ones who made quite a bit of money but who were the reincarnation of Scrooge. And they did not have kids either, so it's not like they even had an "excuse" for it (not that it's a good excuse anyway!)..... I've seen some really bad ones in the past year.... But you're right about this guy -- I agree. He is just cheap and just wants as much as he can get from me, while giving as little as he can get away with... Which is nothing new either, as far as my experiences with men go... But I never would have thought or imagined that a guy would use his kid (!!!) as an excuse. I mean, that's just 10 times worse, in my opinion. Thats too bad....sounds like you met a bunch of aszholes...(See reply above)..No need for that type of behavior.. TFY
Taramere Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 (edited) Its all about common courtesy...What a dope!!! Its understandable if two people arent on the same page or the chemistry isn't there..But, then why not at least be gentlemanly about it? Whats the point of passive aggressive crap? All it does is burn bridges and make you look like a two bit nobody...That must have been as embarrassing as ever! TFY He insisted the chemistry was there, and maintained the charade that we had something special until we broke up for good. I stayed in touch with one of his female friends, who had become my friend too, for some years after he and I broke up. She told me once that the way he'd treated me was pretty good compared to the way he'd treated subsequent girlfriends so I should count myself lucky. I think he's probably somebody who got progressively worse with age. As far as I know, he's now living (on a diet of gruel, probably) in the undeveloped world and will no doubt be congratulating himself on his lack of materialism in doing so. The other thing is that because I was aware that I had had a fairly privileged upbringing I was probably overly focused on the whole "not being a spoiled brat" thing. So you end up going too far in the opposite direction. Balance isn't always an easy thing to find, but yeah - it's definitely embarrassing that I stayed in a situation that was so evidently unbalanced. It took a long time to stop berating myself about that (this wasn't a short term relationship) and even now, if something triggers the memory of that relationship, I can beat myself up about it a bit. Edited July 2, 2014 by Taramere 3
Leigh 87 Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 I mean, yeah. We go dutch usually. I do not mind that. But one can still do that most of the time, and still treat their partner to a $10 meal or a $5 coffee every once in a while. I don't need him to pay for me all the time, or most of the time, or any of the time, but it's just nice for him to do that every once in a while, just as I like doing it every once in a while for him. To me, someone who doesn't do that is just not generous. It's not about me being old fashioned or anything, because I do the same for him. I am a hard core feminist and don't expect a man to pay for my meals, ever. Not even on a first date. But to be so cheap, and moreover, to use your kids as an excuse, is just pretty effed up in my opinion. We have had this conversation before. He said he has a kid to feed, and can't afford to pay for me all the time. I said I wasn't expecting him to do so. I was actually offended at his insinuation and the way he phrased the "I have a kid to feed" -- as if I was bankrupting him!!! (when in fact, up until that point, and even up until now, he has not spent more than $20 on me in total, in the 3 months we've been dating). IMO, people who use their kids as an excuse for: not having the time, not having the money, etc., are just pathetic. Meanwhile, he had the money (and time) to go to a Nine Inch Nails concert last year, as well as other (non-free) concerts just a few weeks ago with his friend. I mean, so far all the men I've dated, from different walks of life, have been like this -- selfish and just utterly cheap, despite the fact that I never even expected them to pay for my meals.... I know it is an actual phenomenon among a lot of men these days. But I didn't really think that someone would stoop so low as to use their kid as an excuse when it's blatantly clear that it's not about the kid at all. Hahhahahahhaha. What a tight ass. My boyfriend suffered a brain injury when he was 19. He lost his licence ( he was a talented driver and he was going to earn a good living driving various vehicles) and he also cannot retain new information well.enough to study a degree. All this despite him being intelligent and well spoken. My boyfriend had his life ruined at one stage. He is on a pension and works only part time. He's on a low income but he still LOVES taking me out to dinner and shouting me drinks. If my boyfriend who has suffered a real setback in life in terms of him having very limited employment prospects, can shout me a dinner now and again, YOUR boyfriend sure can. It's just an insult that he affords a concert yet he isnt generous enough to shout you even OME meal every so often. You deserve better NoMoreJerks. You looked very attractive in your picture that was once your avatar; you're also intelligent..please find a guy who is generous with his money. Generous people are more kind and nicer as partners. My boyfriend and I also don't believe in eating out unless we absolutely have to. Instead, he buys the ingredients, and then cooks the meal and cleans up after we finish for literally 1/7 th of what two restaurant meals would cost!!!!!! 1
NoMoreJerks Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 (edited) Clearly he also has the time to send his kid away to his ex, in order to have a lengthy stay at his friend's (a girl who has a bf) chalet... He had invited me but I declined because it was the day before my trip to the U.S. (tomorrow morning). He then said he would be back by tonight , and we can see each other before I left, but he never did. He called me to let me know that his girl friend and her bf had insisted that he stay over, and he had decided to do so... totally forgot about his kid then... To be fair, he has cooked for me, and I like that, but he hasn't done much of that lately (he did it a few times in the second month that we were dating). I don't mind if it's to save money -- I am not much of an outdoors or eating-out person anyway. But it's a nice change every once in a while, and even those rare times that we do go out to eat, he wants to split the bill , or accepts that I pay for both of us. I've also suggested several things already, that cost nothing or next to nothing, and he has not picked up on them (picnic, open air free festivals/concerts, going to the beach/pool, etc.). Instead, his idea of a fun date is for me to go over to his place, spend time with him and his kid, play monopoly with them, etc. Basically, someone to entertain his kid with, so that he doesn't have to do it alone. And the added bonus of sex. I am not the kid's mother so I have no interest in mothering him -- I would not even have minded spending time around his kid every once in a while, but what do I get in return? Not even telling the kid that we are seeing each other... and yeah the kid is 10 and is smart, but I keep it super super strictly friendly in front of him. There is no way he suspects it based on our behaviour ... there is literally no sexual tension or flirting or anything of the sort in front of his kid. Edited July 2, 2014 by NoMoreJerks
Leigh 87 Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 Clearly he also has the time to send his kid away to his ex, in order to have a lengthy stay at his friend's (a girl who has a bf) chalet... He had invited me but I declined because it was the day before my trip to the U.S. (tomorrow morning). He then said he would be back by tonight , and we can see each other before I left, but he never did. He called me to let me know that his girl friend and her bf had insisted that he stay over, and he had decided to do so... totally forgot about his kid then... To be fair, he has cooked for me, and I like that, but he hasn't done much of that lately (he did it a few times in the second month that we were dating). I don't mind if it's to save money -- I am not much of an outdoors or eating-out person anyway. But it's a nice change every once in a while, and even those rare times that we do go out to eat, he wants to split the bill , or accepts that I pay for both of us. I've also suggested several things already, that cost nothing or next to nothing, and he has not picked up on them (picnic, open air free festivals/concerts, going to the beach/pool, etc.). Instead, his idea of a fun date is for me to go over to his place, spend time with him and his kid, play monopoly with them, etc. Basically, someone to entertain his kid with, so that he doesn't have to do it alone. And the added bonus of sex. I am not the kid's mother so I have no interest in mothering him -- I would not even have minded spending time around his kid every once in a while, but what do I get in return? Not even telling the kid that we are seeing each other... and yeah the kid is 10 and is smart, but I keep it super super strictly friendly in front of him. There is no way he suspects it based on our behaviour ... there is literally no sexual tension or flirting or anything of the sort in front of his kid. Haha! The eight year old I am the nanny of sure guessed that my bf was in fact, my bf. He just knew? I tried to label him my " good friend " too! He's like naah he's your Boyfriend!!!!
Glinda.Good Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 Haha! The eight year old I am the nanny of sure guessed that my bf was in fact, my bf. You went back to the nanny job?
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