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Guy i'm dating likes me but won't sleep with me or call me his gf?


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Posted

Because there is zero sexual tension! So sooner or later, I'll just see him as my friend. Once a guy is in the friendzone, there's no returning!! At least in my mind, even if its stupid.

 

If we were making out passionately, touchign each other, saying how turned on the other makes us...then I wouldn't mind waiting. Gosh, it would be kind of enjoyable the buildup...but here...its nothing. A peck on the cheek. A quick kiss on the lips. A cuddle. He never dominates me by lying on top of me to kiss, never tries to grope me...never touches my waist or hips...or the small of my back.

 

I just want some goddamn physical touch with a hint of sexuality attached!!!!

 

He said, oh it looks like it will be warm tomorrow night. Great weather for us to cook togheter! Then i said, no, its good weather for other things:P and then he said, you're mind keeps drifting to these other things all the time :p

 

But then he changed the topic quickly. ARGHH

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Posted

He knows I am pretty cheap. He is pretty cheap too. Tomorrow he asked me to the movies (to see a movie that I had mentioned i was interested in earlier). He asked "do you want to get dinner out, or save money and eat at home?"

 

I was about to answer, save money and eat at home. Then i realised how dreadfully unromantic that question is. Sigh.

Posted

So is he your bf? What on Earth? lol...

  • Author
Posted

Yes, i guess so lol.

When he asked me if i wanna be his gf i said yes.

Posted

Things are going well, but some major things worry me.

1. He has never said anything nice to me. eg: that I look good, or am smart or fun. I asked him about this, he said he has always been bad at "the flattery stuff."

2. He isn't trying to sleep with me. All we ever do is cuddle. I asked him why, he said maybe he goes a bit slower than I am used to. I find this odd, given he has many different short term flings in the last few years as he tried to find a gf and has told me about the kinky things they did when i asked eg into toys and tying up. I would think someone confident enough to try these things wouldn't worry about making a move, especially after I have indicated a desire to take it further. The most he has done is stroke my inner thigh or "accidentally" graze my breast.

3. I asked if he had told anyone we were seeing each other. He said, no.

4. He doesn't seem fussed about seeing me. I don't know if this is his enerally liad back personality or what. I like to plan in advance when I see someone so I can look forward to it!

5. He hasn't spend a cent on me. All of our hangouts, we pay for ourselves. I know he is paying off a mortgage on uncertain income so I don't mind. But one day I asked him to grab me a chocolate bar when he was ducking down the store. He said no and instead offered me some old yucky biscuits from his pantry. A chocolate bar is 2 dollars. I am a bit offended he didn't think I was worth 2 dollars...

 

So have all of these concerns from your original post gone away now that he asked you to be his girlfriend? Do you expect the above things to change now that you are his girlfriend? :confused:

  • Author
Posted

Well, those things worry me but they are not dealbreakers. My mum and dad have these issues but they have been together years.

 

As long as he is nice to me and doesmt cheat then ill stick around.

Posted (edited)

So basically OP is done screwing the sexy guys that wouldnt commit (men shes really attracted to)...and now she wants to settle on Mr Good Enough (whom she has little physical attraction for).

 

Yeah, Im sure this guy really would enjoy such an arrangement =/. If they pair up we can wait for a few months to see his threads about a lack of sex in the relationship.

 

Lord, I hope I can sniff out women like this when I decide to settle down. OP, guys dont want to be relationship retirement homes. If guys like him werent good enough before, then youre not good enough now.

 

Dont settle for someone you arent really into, and then waste this guys time by getting into a passionless relationship.

 

Talk about an "alpha fux, beta bux" arrangement. I dont normally think about that sorta stuff a lot...but Im aware it exists. And this certainly is it.

He seems highly unromantic and insensitive. You might have a lot in common but he isn't treating you like a lady he fancies or is attracted to. He may even have some problem with sex that he hasn't talked about and so is not going there because his 'failures' will be found out. He sounds mean about money. I don't get a good feeling about this guy, just that he is cold, thoughtless and mean with money. I don't think he's a good option.

Why should he treat her in a way she wont treat him? Some guys are perceptive and can pick up on women who arent much into them. And even if this guy isnt picking that up, OP doesnt deserve to be treated in all those ways when clearly she isnt passionate about this guy.

 

I dont waste monetary, emotional, physical, or mental resources on women who arent head over heels for me.

Edited by kaylan
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  • Author
Posted

Kaylan, you're being a jerk. An informative one, nonetheless.

 

What do you expect me to do? Sit around hoping a guy I am 100% into and who is good bf material will come around one day? And become an old maid if he doesn't?? Its far more practical for me to settle and realise that life is not a fairytale. This is what the book "Marry Him: the case for settling for mr good enough" told me to do if I want to progress in my life. Plus, from my experience guys who I really like don't like me...so why should I think that will change? And am I taking advantage of the guy and being a jerk? Or am ijust accepting he's not perfect, and that his personality more than offsets the other stuff like not being as hot/passionate as I would prefer?

 

Update - last night he took me for movies and offered to buy me dinner (I declined and got my own). He also asked me to his brother's wedding as his date and he said he isn't rushing into sex because in the past that has led to physical relationships, and he thinks emotional connectin is more important if you want something long term (which he wants with me). He said he was waiting for the right 'moment' to do it. Then he said, do you want to come over and do it now? D'oh! No GAME!!

  • Author
Posted

Also, i'm sticking with him because we shre the same odd habits. Eg: we both are really stingy, but ambiverts who aren't that popular, both really value family and like hanging out with ours, and both had a similar upbringing.

Posted

Sounds like you are complaining just to complain.

 

Everyone who jumped on "him" for being boring or insensitive or whatever, re-read the whole scenario. She willingly friend zoned him because she had better options... once those options were gone, she resorted to him.

 

So that means he probably knew and understood what was going on and rightfully so... he guarded himself. And we fault him for that?

 

I fear for this guy... because it sounds like she's settling, for now. What happens when a better suitor comes along and the OP isn't so lonely?

 

I know I am painting a terrible picture but I'm painting it with the canvas given to us by the OP.

 

You are finally given a man who is the opposite of the things you once complained about and now you are complaining about those things too? Why don't you just take your time and see where things go? Your "logic" seems to be, I guess I'll enjoy the ride with this one for now, since I don't want to be a lonely old maid?

 

Be careful with settling, it's a foundation for resentment later on in life.

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