Babolat Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 I don't know what woman would agree to meet a complete stranger after 2 or 3 messages. Probably not a woman you'd want to date. If you read that in my suggestion, you misread me. I'm suggesting NOT messaging back on forth, on the OLD site, for 3, 4, 5 weeks. At some point you need to take the conversation offline, texting, phone, whatever works for the two of you. All of this messaging for weeks is just a build up in my opinion. I have also found the longer you wait to meet, it's a let down, a disappointment when there is no "in person" connection. So why invest all of this time and energy into messaging over weeks and weeks and weeks. It's like when you meet someone in person, organic dating, you don't talk on the phone for 3-4 weeks, and then go on a date. You usually have a date pretty soon. With OLD, get to a comfort level then meet.
Babolat Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 I've met many after 2-3, and they have all been perfectly pleasant, normal human beings. Agreed, 100%. In fact, the ones I meet sooner versus later are usually this way, it's a better "meet up" as there was not weeks and weeks of build up. And if there is no connection in person, it's like "I'm glad we met sooner versus later so there was not a lot of build up". I'm not suggesting 2 messages on the site, then meet. I've had women do this with me, say "lets meet", sometimes on our first message. I need some communication, some back and forth, prior to meeting.
deathandtaxes Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 IMO you left it too long. 3 weeks is WAY too long for an online conversation before meeting. Most likely she is talking to multiple guys and you're not taking much initiative to move to an RL meeting, whereas others are. She lost interest. But yeah she does sound like a brat... move on. If every response was just answers and no questions, I would hazard to guess the lady wasn't quite interested in the first place. Unless she's just truly droll and doesn't know how to converse properly. Eight messages is ridiculous. If I had one message back that didn't ask a question, I'm done. Lesson to be learned, OP. You also could have taken the opportunity to get really creative in your answer to what you can offer. Totally off the wall stuff. Have fun with it. She's not serious anyways, so why should you be? 1
deathandtaxes Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 I don't know what woman would agree to meet a complete stranger after 2 or 3 messages. Probably not a woman you'd want to date. Why not? It's like cold approaching out in the wild. And if you meet in a public place, what's the harm? It just cuts through all the bs and gets you to an in person conversation, where so much can be discerned so quickly. There is so much to be conveyed through body language alone that makes meeting up so soon very much worth it. 1
Author Superman2024 Posted June 17, 2014 Author Posted June 17, 2014 I've only been active on OLD for less than 2 months so I'm still learning this game. She initiated contact and in my first response I did ask nicely which one she was in the pictures. She ignored it and later I asked two other times nicely but still nothing. Is she hiding something? If someone is further away, like 1.5 hours, do you still follow the same approach?
Babolat Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 I've only been active on OLD for less than 2 months so I'm still learning this game. She initiated contact and in my first response I did ask nicely which one she was in the pictures. She ignored it and later I asked two other times nicely but still nothing. Is she hiding something? If someone is further away, like 1.5 hours, do you still follow the same approach? I typically do not message, or respond to them if they message me, the ones with lots of photos of them in groups, typically out drinking. I like to see pics of them, and only them. 1 or 2 in a group setting is fine, but tell me which one is, you. And my gut has been right 100% of the time when I meet the "look at me out with my friends" ones. I don't like to see pics of your travels, your kids, your family, you feeding a starving child in Africa, your dog, your horse, your fish, your co-worker, your car, your house, flowers, food, you in your cube at work, etc. . I get why folks post these, I have not had any luck when I meet them though. I saw a woman online recently who posted a pic of her "old house", obviously from when she was married, a mansion, and then her "new house", I asked her why she did that and she said se thought everyoen did.
Babolat Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 If someone is further away, like 1.5 hours, do you still follow the same approach? I will spend more up front time if someone is further away. Again though, if there's a connection the conversation is moving towards meeting, not "what did you do today-yesterday?".
Kid_Charlemange Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 I don't know what woman would agree to meet a complete stranger after 2 or 3 messages. Probably not a woman you'd want to date. Seriously? I've met several women with that process. Usually just for coffee, but still. Perfectly fine, no psychos, a couple I wound up dating for a while. 1
Kid_Charlemange Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 Why not? It's like cold approaching out in the wild. And if you meet in a public place, what's the harm? It just cuts through all the bs and gets you to an in person conversation, where so much can be discerned so quickly. There is so much to be conveyed through body language alone that makes meeting up so soon very much worth it. That's how I see it. Some women seem to want to move more slowly, and that's fine; my writing skills exceed my verbal ones anyway. Others want to make sure they're not wasting their time with a lot of build up. A quick coffee "date" and if there is any spark, go on a real date. If not, no harm no foul. 2
Author Superman2024 Posted July 21, 2014 Author Posted July 21, 2014 I know everyone is different, but I'm not sure I'd ever feel comfortable asking someone to meet in my second message. It's just me but I like to establish more of a connection and talk on the phone first. I know before I was sending too many messages and taking too long, but now I try to move things to phone communication once I've received a second response. At max I'll wait until a third response but only if the conversation has happened within a short time (1-2 days). Once I have a number I'll usually text the next day and ask for a good time to call. I like to get to know her a bit on the first call and then suggest a meeting on the second. I feel confident enough to ask for a number sooner but I'm trying not to risk scaring her off or thinking I'm moving too fast. Does this all sound reasonable?
Diezel Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 Usually by the third message, I know if I would actually want to ask them out or not. I hate crafting well thought out paragraphs based on their profiles only to get a sentence back specifically answering JUST the questions I asked and addressing nothing else. And then, not even asking any questions themselves. Women like that are the exact opposite of what I want. Unfortunately, ever since OLD has moved to phone apps, this is running rampant. Best part is now women complain, "If all I get is a 'hi, how are you?', I won't respond." What do you want us to do when paragraphs get ignored or poorly answered to? I'm not wasting 30 minutes scoping you out and writing a message just for you to spend 1 minute. It goes both ways.
WhatASituation Posted July 21, 2014 Posted July 21, 2014 Run OP. She sounds like a prima-donna! Who wants that?! I'm sure you find her very attractive (at least her pics, lol) but beauty fades.
Author Superman2024 Posted July 21, 2014 Author Posted July 21, 2014 I'm definitely over the two women I posted about before. I've had 3 women recently just disappear after showing interest and exchanging a few great messages. I'm using the steps I described in my last post so I'm not sure what's going on. It almost seems like these women aren't serious enough to move forward even though their profiles indicate they are. Maybe they won't commit because they're getting so many messages they continuously think a better option will appear, but they're certainly missing out with me.
KatZee Posted July 22, 2014 Posted July 22, 2014 Every woman is different. I wouldn't meet up with a guy that sent me 2 messages. What the hell do I know about him? Nothing. How much conversation has happened by message two? #1: Hey how are you? Me: Great how are you? #2: Want to meet? Me: Uh, no? I take my time chatting with a guy before I meet. It's usually a week of cumulative talking on the site, taking it to texting, and then a phone call. That being said, if I'm talking to a guy who can't have a conversation, ie: one word answers, not asking me questions, I just stop responding. I can feel the vibe of these guys real fast and I don't spend any time continuing to drag on these dead end conversations. Usually you can tell within the first instance of talking how uninterested these people are, and that's when I cut it off.
Author Superman2024 Posted July 22, 2014 Author Posted July 22, 2014 Every woman is different. I wouldn't meet up with a guy that sent me 2 messages. What the hell do I know about him? Nothing. How much conversation has happened by message two? #1: Hey how are you? Me: Great how are you? #2: Want to meet? Me: Uh, no? I take my time chatting with a guy before I meet. It's usually a week of cumulative talking on the site, taking it to texting, and then a phone call. That being said, if I'm talking to a guy who can't have a conversation, ie: one word answers, not asking me questions, I just stop responding. I can feel the vibe of these guys real fast and I don't spend any time continuing to drag on these dead end conversations. Usually you can tell within the first instance of talking how uninterested these people are, and that's when I cut it off. Where are all the women like you who appreciate good conversation? The last 3 women I've communicated with just disappeared and we were both sending 50-100 word messages. After their 1st or 2nd responses they just dropped off the radar. One didn't log in for a week and when she finally did she hid her profile. Another one actually told me how hard it was to find guys like me and that she was definitely interested, but she didn't respond again and closed her account. The last one just stopped after I replied to her second response all within 24 hours and I was just getting ready to move things to phone communication if she answered again. Questions were being asked on both sides so the conversations we had were good. What in the world is going on here?
KatZee Posted July 22, 2014 Posted July 22, 2014 Where are all the women like you who appreciate good conversation? The last 3 women I've communicated with just disappeared and we were both sending 50-100 word messages. After their 1st or 2nd responses they just dropped off the radar. One didn't log in for a week and when she finally did she hid her profile. Another one actually told me how hard it was to find guys like me and that she was definitely interested, but she didn't respond again and closed her account. The last one just stopped after I replied to her second response all within 24 hours and I was just getting ready to move things to phone communication if she answered again. Questions were being asked on both sides so the conversations we had were good. What in the world is going on here? This happens to me with guys too. I usually let guys initiate conversation with OLD but occasionally I will reach out and message someone I find interesting. These guys WILL respond, we'll talk a little bit and then they drop off. Fine, they're not interested. But why the hell even waste time responding to me anyway if you're not interested? Me personally, I don't respond to ANYONE I don't find interesting or who I don't find attractive. It's a waste of my time, their time and I wouldn't want to lead them on.
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