Lyn77 Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 Ok, I've been in this predicament before, along with my best friend and my cousin. So I have to ask for your opinions here on Loveshack. Would you continue to "date" a man that you are pretty sure (90% ish) that you have no future with? This could be for many reasons, I'm not referring to piddly reasons here. I mean major reasons such as career, kids, marriage/commitment disagreements...etc Most people say, "oh if it's meant to be, it will be.." yadda yadda yadda But what IF your lifestyles are quite different but you have intense chemisty, great sex and love each other dearly? It breaks your heart to stay but it would hurt even worse to end such a good thing. How would you feel sitting around knowing you won't be the woman he marries? Or man she marries? Do some single parents just enjoy dating until the next best thing comes along? I am still learning how to be a single mother in the dating world. Of course it depends on what each individual wants, and for me and my friends, we want to be married again, and want a man to integrate himself into our lives. We are looking for commitment. I suppose casual dating is ok if you are early 20's...but what if you find yourself so in love with the perfect man at the wrong time/circumstances? Is it best to cut loose and endure the fallout to make yourself available for a man that's more permanent? Do you continue to date him/her but keep your options open?-this is hard for me to do per my work schedule and my loyalty.. Do you try and be just friends? -we all know how this typically turns out What if there is something in him you are scared to lose, because you know you won't find it in anyone else?
RachR Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 If you specifically want and are looking for a lasting, meaningful relationship, then it's a bad idea. Some might say it's ok until the next best thing comes along. However, what if that could have happened but you're tied up with Mr. Temporary? Otherwise, if you're ok with such arrangements, know how to keep emotions in check, then why not. People casually date this way all the time when they're not looking for something serious to last. Those people don't wonder about how they won't be the one he marries... unless they develop feelings and do start seeing a future.
jbelle6 Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 (edited) Ok, I've been in this predicament before, along with my best friend and my cousin. So I have to ask for your opinions here on Loveshack. Would you continue to "date" a man that you are pretty sure (90% ish) that you have no future with? This could be for many reasons, I'm not referring to piddly reasons here. I mean major reasons such as career, kids, marriage/commitment disagreements...etc Most people say, "oh if it's meant to be, it will be.." yadda yadda yadda But what IF your lifestyles are quite different but you have intense chemisty, great sex and love each other dearly? It breaks your heart to stay but it would hurt even worse to end such a good thing. How would you feel sitting around knowing you won't be the woman he marries? Or man she marries? Do some single parents just enjoy dating until the next best thing comes along? I am still learning how to be a single mother in the dating world. Of course it depends on what each individual wants, and for me and my friends, we want to be married again, and want a man to integrate himself into our lives. We are looking for commitment. I suppose casual dating is ok if you are early 20's...but what if you find yourself so in love with the perfect man at the wrong time/circumstances? Is it best to cut loose and endure the fallout to make yourself available for a man that's more permanent? Do you continue to date him/her but keep your options open?-this is hard for me to do per my work schedule and my loyalty.. Do you try and be just friends? -we all know how this typically turns out What if there is something in him you are scared to lose, because you know you won't find it in anyone else? I'm a single parent. I can say absolutely not to your question. Some men do not find single mothers attractive, and that is OK. I understand. But I have my act together, I waited till I was very stable financially when I had my child and I was married. My boy has the best Dad in the world so I am not looking for a Daddy for him, he has a Daddy. I don't expect a new guy to raise my kid or support my kid, I don't need him to. Me and my exH live close and split time with my son pretty much equal and we're flexible in switching days or taking extra days if either of us have stuff we want to do. I had my son the whole weekend because ex had dates, he'll take him some extra days next week so he gets his time with him. This flexibility means I have plenty of time to date. All of that might seem off topic, but it's not. Why should I settle for someone who doesn't have the same values as me just because I am a single mother? If I waste my time doing that, I could miss out on a fantastic person who is perfect for me. I also really like myself and am fine being alone. If you are worried that you are a single Mum, just make sure every other aspect of your life is on point. Make sure you exercise and stay fit, make sure your hair/makeup/wardrobe are up to date. Make sure you have interests hobbies and friends. Be fun to be around and positive. If you are these things, the good points will easily attract men to replace the ones that are turned off by you having a child. Edited June 16, 2014 by jbelle6 5
Emilia Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 Ok, I've been in this predicament before, along with my best friend and my cousin. So I have to ask for your opinions here on Loveshack. Would you continue to "date" a man that you are pretty sure (90% ish) that you have no future with? This could be for many reasons, I'm not referring to piddly reasons here. I mean major reasons such as career, kids, marriage/commitment disagreements...etc but don't you take it as a sign of disrespect that he doesn't want to commit to you? That's how I take this kind of thing. It makes it easy for me to walk away from it. I'm not some man's plaything. 1
Author Lyn77 Posted June 16, 2014 Author Posted June 16, 2014 but don't you take it as a sign of disrespect that he doesn't want to commit to you? That's how I take this kind of thing. It makes it easy for me to walk away from it. I'm not some man's plaything. Yes, I do take it as a sign of disrespect that he doesn't want to commit to me. That is my dilemma. I am in love with him. Not such an easy task to walk away.
d0nnivain Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 If you both want something casual, dating somebody with no future can be fun for right now. When one person wants something the casual & the other is looking for an LTR / commitment, it's a disaster because the people aren't on the same page & somebody will get hurt. The person who wants a commitment most likely isn't going to be able to talk the other person into it. 1
Author Lyn77 Posted June 16, 2014 Author Posted June 16, 2014 I'm just curious how other people deal with this same issue. I guess it depends on what the person wants for their future and what sacrifices they are willing to make. I've never tried to convince a man to love me or change his plans for me. If a man loves a woman enough, for the right reasons, then we will have no difficulty changing his plans to be with her. He would move mountains to be with her. I would never want to be with someone half way there or not giving 100%. I am lingering on the lines of wanting a long term relationship/marriage and just wanting to date casually. 1
Emilia Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 Yes, I do take it as a sign of disrespect that he doesn't want to commit to me. That is my dilemma. I am in love with him. Not such an easy task to walk away. Maybe but you don't really have a choice so....
SadNLonley Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 If you are talking a major issue then dont you think the longer you stay in that relationship the harder it will be when it ends? Take it from someone who was there.. When I started to date my ex, we knew it would get difficult living 30 minutes away and both having kids, but we ignored it. 3 years later it couldnt be ignored anymore and we ended our relationship. It devastated me. Part of me wishes we would have not gotten into a relationship because I wouldnt be hurting so bad, but in the same sense, he showed me more love than I ever felt in my lifetime. I feel fortunate to have felt the love that I did while I had it.
juicygirl Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 What is the point? The longer you stay, the harder it will be to leave. It sucks but if it's a deal breaker situation you are just delaying the inevitable 2
pteromom Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 we want to be married again, and want a man to integrate himself into our lives. Then don't settle for less. I suppose casual dating is ok if you are early 20's...but what if you find yourself so in love with the perfect man at the wrong time/circumstances? Casual dating is fine... but if you are IN LOVE, it's no longer casual. At that point, settling for FWB and crying yourself to sleep every night is just being cruel to yourself. Is it best to cut loose and endure the fallout to make yourself available for a man that's more permanent? Yes. Do you continue to date him/her but keep your options open?-this is hard for me to do per my work schedule and my loyalty.. Since it is hard for you to do, then no. It may be a possibility for someone else though. Do you try and be just friends? -we all know how this typically turns out Only if you know you can be firm and resist his sweet words. Otherwise, it is best just to cut it off clean. What if there is something in him you are scared to lose, because you know you won't find it in anyone else? Well, one thing is guaranteed. If you stay with him, you'll never find the wonderful things you'll find in the man who wants what you want. NEVER make life decisions out of fear. This isn't about running from something, but running TO the life you want. This guy may be great in some ways, but that doesn't make him the right guy for you. 1
mortensorchid Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 No, don't be with this person based on what you have said. The longer you stay the more it will hurt if / when it comes to an end.
Author Lyn77 Posted June 17, 2014 Author Posted June 17, 2014 Well, my friend/on again off again lover I wrote this post about, just "Dumped" me via email and said to absolutely never contact him again....yet he will save my number for when he is ready in the future!!!??? WTF sorry, guess this just makes my decision easier. Sucks to be dumped on any level. I sure hope I don't need to post about my next relationship on LS. Cheers to it being almost perfect!!
deathandtaxes Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 If the issues are big enough and you don't see a future, run, don't walk, as fast as you can. You'll be doing yourself a big favor. It doesn't matter how fun the sex is. If you continue to date this guy and you know there's no future, why??? You want something. He doesn't. That's usually the end of the line. This isn't something you should have to beat yourself up over. You don't want to be that person that endlessly pines away after a guy because he won't commit. 1
Fondue Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 If you want to date someone you have no future with. Let them know. That's the respectful thing to do. If you are sure you have no future with them, DON'T TALK ABOUT THE FUTURE. Don't discuss ideas of children, ideas of marriage, ideas of sharing a home. Just avoid those topics. And if they try to bring it up, tell them you're not considering these things. You don't want to assume there is no future in your relationship and have the other person think otherwise. That is unfair. 1
pteromom Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 Well, my friend/on again off again lover I wrote this post about, just "Dumped" me via email and said to absolutely never contact him again....yet he will save my number for when he is ready in the future!!!??? WTF sorry, guess this just makes my decision easier. Sucks to be dumped on any level. I sure hope I don't need to post about my next relationship on LS. Cheers to it being almost perfect!! Sucks to be dumped, but in the long run, this is the best thing for you! Tell him not to bother saving your number. Ugh. What a thing to say, as if he expects you to just sit around waiting. When you start dating the next guy, don't invest your heart until you know it looks promising. Sorry you have to hurt your way through this ending, though. That sucks. 1
Author Lyn77 Posted June 18, 2014 Author Posted June 18, 2014 Ironic how he starts begging me to take him back this morning. Now I am full of doubts. I need to stand firm and tell him it's over, I know this will be better in the long run. Hard to say no, but if I start seeing him again, I will fall back into his trap. men say women have mixed emotions and raging hormones, but I think it's the other way around!!
pteromom Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 Ironic how he starts begging me to take him back this morning. Now I am full of doubts. I need to stand firm and tell him it's over, I know this will be better in the long run. Hard to say no, but if I start seeing him again, I will fall back into his trap. men say women have mixed emotions and raging hormones, but I think it's the other way around!! Of course he is going to beg you!!! He doesn't want to say goodbye to the sex! He will say anything he needs to say to keep you around. Stand firm. You know you have no future with him, so just keep reminding yourself of that and walk away. 1
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