NoMoreJerks Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 Agreed but she is playing games... she always does. She did the same when we started dating years ago. Just have to up the game and play better by taking back control. Why don't you NOT play at all???? Find someone who isn't into games. That way, you won't keep wondering. The constant what-ifs and is-she-still-interested-in-me questions will drain you of energy soon enough. I hate it when people deliberately try to keep me on my toes. Thanks but no thanks. Move on to better people who respect you and care about you for who you are, and who won't try to make a point or to prove their value to themselves by making you wait and by testing your patience.
NoMoreJerks Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 Will add that she is my ex and we just went out for first time this past week... last message from her was I want to see you again really soon. Is she playing hard to get/slow pace? It did take me like 15 hours to respond to her previous message. I just saw this. You both seem like you love playing mind games. The pair of you appear to be very childish and immature. It took you 15 hrs to get back to her? She is mirroring your behaviour. Yes, it's childish of her, but you can't complain can you? You get what you dish out. You both are passive aggressive or at any rate love playing games. What was the reason you did not respond to her for 15 hrs? 1
Author heart12 Posted June 16, 2014 Author Posted June 16, 2014 I just saw this. You both seem like you love playing mind games. The pair of you appear to be very childish and immature. It took you 15 hrs to get back to her? She is mirroring your behaviour. Yes, it's childish of her, but you can't complain can you? You get what you dish out. You both are passive aggressive or at any rate love playing games. What was the reason you did not respond to her for 15 hrs? I didn't respond to her for 15 hours because she didn't respond to me for a day while she was out of town (she moved back to town recently and then messaged me right when she got home that she was so excited to see me). But this time it took her over 24 hours to get back to me. That was a lot. Now I want to start dating her but she is keeping things very loose and casual which really does make sense. I'm just not good at doing that.
Babolat Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 After an amazing 1st date....and her messaging saying I can't wait to see you again soon/had an awesome time. Then you ask for a date a day later... and she doesn't even respond. What do you think/what do you do? I have only read your post, not all of the replies. My answer: she has a life, I'm attracted to that, be patient, the balls in her court.
Babolat Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 What do you think? Not to be a dick, but lets use some common sense here. You sent her a message. Unless she is in prison or dead, she got your message. If she wants to respond to your message, she will respond to your message. If she doesn't, she won't. And if she's in prison or dead, then your dinner idea for Saturday night seems pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of things. In the meantime worry about something worth worrying about. Funny story. I went out with a woman recently who had exactly this happen. She had 2 dates with a man she met on OLD then the texting from him just stopped. After about a week he texted her to tell her he had been in jail and just got out! 2
J21 Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 Good luck and have fun. Hope the games get fun and you win her heart at the end.
Babolat Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 Don't THINK this is the case as she got out of her rebound relationship from ours a couple months ago and hasn't been on a single date yet. I love to hear this one when I first meet a woman "I have not been out on a date in <insert timeframe that makes you think she has been single long enough to think you are her first and the best>" I have no idea why women need to or like to share this with me. It seems to happen a lot. They love to tell me about "their dating break" or "how long it has been" like it has value to me. I assume, if we are on a date, that you are available to date and are ready to date. You don't need to convince me. OP, it's your ex, you know her, not us. Feels odd that you would be asking us. 1
Author heart12 Posted June 16, 2014 Author Posted June 16, 2014 I just saw this. You both seem like you love playing mind games. The pair of you appear to be very childish and immature. It took you 15 hrs to get back to her? She is mirroring your behaviour. Yes, it's childish of her, but you can't complain can you? You get what you dish out. You both are passive aggressive or at any rate love playing games. What was the reason you did not respond to her for 15 hrs? Sometimes it scares me I complain about the games but I might actually enjoy them. Anytime I date a girl is who straight up it's like I feel it's too easy and cast her away. I hate that but it happens over and over.
Babolat Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 I just saw this. You both seem like you love playing mind games. The pair of you appear to be very childish and immature. It took you 15 hrs to get back to her? She is mirroring your behaviour. Yes, it's childish of her, but you can't complain can you? You get what you dish out. You both are passive aggressive or at any rate love playing games. What was the reason you did not respond to her for 15 hrs? Agreed, counting "the hours" feels like a game to me, not a good sign in my opinion. 1
Author heart12 Posted June 16, 2014 Author Posted June 16, 2014 I love to hear this one when I first meet a woman "I have not been out on a date in <insert timeframe that makes you think she has been single long enough to think you are her first and the best>" I have no idea why women need to or like to share this with me. It seems to happen a lot. They love to tell me about "their dating break" or "how long it has been" like it has value to me. I assume, if we are on a date, that you are available to date and are ready to date. You don't need to convince me. OP, it's your ex, you know her, not us. Feels odd that you would be asking us. I guess I'm asking because sometimes when you are close to something you can be blinded by it. I know not 2 girls are the same but if someone had similar experiences that always helps. I fought and chased tooth and nail for her the first time around and wanted to do it different this time.
Elle1975 Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 I guess I'm asking because sometimes when you are close to something you can be blinded by it. I know not 2 girls are the same but if someone had similar experiences that always helps. I fought and chased tooth and nail for her the first time around and wanted to do it different this time. Well.. thinking about my dating site, I can take 24 hours to reply, or more, just because I'm doing something else, and not stalking the site for an answer. Now let's say we have been on a good first date together. I won't make you wait 24 hours for an answer. Maybe an hour, or maybe more if let's say I am at the gym (you got the idea), but I won't make you wait 24 hours if I am interested. I mean, at one point, I will be home and available to answer your message (I mean who the heck is ALWAYS busy. She doesn't pee?). 2
Author heart12 Posted June 16, 2014 Author Posted June 16, 2014 Well.. when I am on a dating site, I can take 24 hours to reply, or more, just because I'm doing something else, and not stalking the site for an answer. Now let's say we have been on a good first date together. I won't make you wait 24 hours for an answer. Maybe an hour, or maybe more if let's say I am at the gym (you got the idea), but I won't make you wait 24 hours if I am interested. I mean, at one point, I will be home and available to answer your message (I mean who the heck is ALWAYS busy. She doesn't pee?). The length of time it took her is a game... it's not because she is busy.
Elle1975 Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 The length of time it took her is a game... it's not because she is busy. No kidding Sherlock.. and that's where I'd ask myself.. do I want to date an adult, or do I want to date someone who likes to play games. 2
Author heart12 Posted June 16, 2014 Author Posted June 16, 2014 No kidding Sherlock.. and that's where I'd ask myself.. do I want to date an adult, or do I want to date someone who likes to play games. I guess I want to get to the point past the games. The games are her way of protecting herself from getting hurt and once you get through then it can be amazing and special.
Elle1975 Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 I am not sure why you are so certain that she is playing games. I'd take over 24 hours too if my interest was low. I wouldn't be playing games. I just wouldn't care enough to make it my priority and answer you in a reasonably swift manner. You are going to say "I know her", but if you knew her that well you wouldn't have asked the question "what does it mean" to begin with. And to get past the point of playing games, you have to have something to offer. Do you have something she wants? And I am not talking about the superficial stuff.
Author heart12 Posted June 16, 2014 Author Posted June 16, 2014 I am not sure why you are so certain that she is playing games. I'd take over 24 hours too if my interest was low. I wouldn't be playing games. I just wouldn't care enough to make it my priority and answer you in a reasonably swift manner. You are going to say "I know her", but if you knew her that well you wouldn't have asked the question "what does it mean" to begin with. And to get past the point of playing games, you have to have something to offer. Do you have something she wants? And I am not talking about the superficial stuff. Something she wants other than me? What do you mean by something she wants
Elle1975 Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 Something she wants other than me? What do you mean by something she wants Your body, you ability to solve problems, maybe you'd be a good at home husband, maybe you are amazing in bed, you are a hard worker, you'd be a good provider, or you'd be someone who'd support her through her career choices, you're a good cook. etc.. Hell, I don't know what she's looking for, or what you're lacking, if anything. Being nice or loving her isn't enough for the long term. I don't know what you're bringing to the table.
Author heart12 Posted June 16, 2014 Author Posted June 16, 2014 Your body, you ability to solve problems, maybe you'd be a good at home husband, maybe you are amazing in bed, you are a hard worker, you'd be a good provider, or you'd be someone who'd support her through her career choices, you're a good cook. etc.. Hell, I don't know what she's looking for, or what you're lacking, if anything. Being nice or loving her isn't enough for the long term. I don't know what you're bringing to the table. We basically broke up because we were too young to be that serious a year n change ago and needed to be apart a while. We've both had experiences since and through her words "sometimes people just need time or a break" and "we didn't work out the '1st' time but doesn't mean we can't" She kind of freaked out at the seriousness of the relationship and I became clingy and we were too dependent on each other. Our chemistry is phenomenal and lots in common, good hard worker, earner, etc... yes
Elle1975 Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 I don't know what she has in mind. I know that if I love someone, I don't need a break. If I need time alone, it's because I feel the guy I am dating isn't the one, that I am looking for something else, Etc.. I have never needed a break in a relationship. I am not saying it can never happen, but to me it seems like those people get back together after a break up, not just a break. So, again, I have heard of those people getting back together, and getting married, but usually it took at least a year, if not years. It seems to me like she's fine being on her on, and you haven't really moved on from the relationship. I am saying that because you were so anxious about not receiving an answer from her. Have you dated other people during this "break"? You could be somebody else's "everything". If she is so dam picky, why bother? I am still missing my ex, but I am actually looking into dating other people and hopefully find "the one". I also find that doing some work on myself help. I have read a few books, took a few advices from this forum, and I do a lot on my own. Have you tried working on yourself? Even if nothing is wrong, it doesn't hurt to polish yourself a little. 3
Babolat Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 We basically broke up because we were too young to be that serious a year n change ago and needed to be apart a while. We've both had experiences since and through her words "sometimes people just need time or a break" and "we didn't work out the '1st' time but doesn't mean we can't" She kind of freaked out at the seriousness of the relationship and I became clingy and we were too dependent on each other. Our chemistry is phenomenal and lots in common, good hard worker, earner, etc... yes Just reading this, with what you have shared with us, I'm not sure what your goal is with her. You were too young, a year agao, and you as soooo much older, now? What "experience" does one gain, in a year? You use "we" a lot, like it was a mutual agreement. It was not, you got dumped my friend and you responded badly. You are sounding, needy again with this post. I personally would move on, again. 1
Author heart12 Posted June 16, 2014 Author Posted June 16, 2014 I don't know what she has in mind. I know that if I love someone, I don't need a break. If I need time alone, it's because I feel the guy I am dating isn't the one, that I am looking for something else, Etc.. I have never needed a break in a relationship. I am not saying it can never happen, but to me it seems like those people get back together after a break up, not just a break. So, again, I have heard of those people getting back together, and getting married, but usually it took at least a year, if not years. It seems to me like she's fine being on her on, and you haven't really moved on from the relationship. I am saying that because you were so anxious about not receiving an answer from her. Have you dated other people during this "break"? You could be somebody else's "everything". If she is so dam picky, why bother? I am still missing my ex, but I am actually looking into dating someone else and hopefully find "the one". I also find that doing some work on myself help. I have read a few books, took a few advices from this forum, and I do a lot on my own. Have you tried working on yourself? Even if nothing is wrong, it doesn't hurt to polish yourself a little. We didn't take a break. We BROKE up. She had a nice long rebound relationship and I had 1 significant relationship as well as a bunch of mini ones because I get bored of them fast. But we BROKE up and it has been over a year. As for anxiety, I am always like that so nothing to do with her or anything. I get anxious when things aren't going how I expect or there are answers I don't/can't have right away. It wasn't a break though. We needed to break up because we both had a lot to learn about balance in life and in relationships. We were together too much and too dependent on everything. We're both much better at being on our own. As for her being single, she sucks at it. Always has. I think she is scared because her relationship with me is the only time she has truly been head over heels stupid in love and she's scared to feel the pain of it ending again (I am too).
Author heart12 Posted June 16, 2014 Author Posted June 16, 2014 Just reading this, with what you have shared with us, I'm not sure what your goal is with her. You were too young, a year agao, and you as soooo much older, now? What "experience" does one gain, in a year? You use "we" a lot, like it was a mutual agreement. It was not, you got dumped my friend and you responded badly. You are sounding, needy again with this post. I personally would move on, again. I did get dumped but after a lot of NC I was able to understand that the what I said above was true. There was no balance and I became much healthier and ultimately happier as a whole in finding that. As for needy- yes I am and always have been. Much less so that I used to be but I am still needy to this day and I know it. A year changes because you're not in each others faces and you have space to work on yourself and learn new things/experience different stuff on your own.
Elle1975 Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 We didn't take a break. We BROKE up. She had a nice long rebound relationship and I had 1 significant relationship as well as a bunch of mini ones because I get bored of them fast. But we BROKE up and it has been over a year. As for anxiety, I am always like that so nothing to do with her or anything. I get anxious when things aren't going how I expect or there are answers I don't/can't have right away. It wasn't a break though. We needed to break up because we both had a lot to learn about balance in life and in relationships. We were together too much and too dependent on everything. We're both much better at being on our own. As for her being single, she sucks at it. Always has. I think she is scared because her relationship with me is the only time she has truly been head over heels stupid in love and she's scared to feel the pain of it ending again (I am too). I would really advise to work on your anxiety problem. Anxiety makes a lot of people become codependent, that's basically being needy. Don't ignore that. 1
2sunny Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 It was just yesterday she msg me to tell me "I had such an amazing night with you and I can't wait to see you again really soon" Since she didn't respond further to your invitation... Wait a week to plan another date and ask her then. Clingy pushed her away last time - leave space between seeing her or asking to see her this time. Let her initiate communication. Lay low and stay busy so you don't think so much about it. 1
Babolat Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 I did get dumped but after a lot of NC I was able to understand that the what I said above was true. There was no balance and I became much healthier and ultimately happier as a whole in finding that. As for needy- yes I am and always have been. Much less so that I used to be but I am still needy to this day and I know it. A year changes because you're not in each others faces and you have space to work on yourself and learn new things/experience different stuff on your own. If you are happier and healthier now, why go back, backwards really? Move forward on your own, without her.
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