HeartinPain Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 Yes she was in a rebound for most of it and I had a few brief relationships (1 notable one) where she feels I had the experiences I needed to be ready for a healthier relationship and as confident as I've become. When you say she may be having 2nd thoughts, do you mean she may be thinking of trying again? All throughout dinner she kept bringing up that sometimes people need a break or time a part to get ready or back where they need to be. She said something like 'we didn't work out the "1st" time' implying a 2nd. I think she is having second thoughts continuing a relationship with you. How long ago was her recent break up? Did you both have a period of NC during this time? She could be using you as a cushion to fill her time and soften her fall as she looks for someone else. If she were really interested in pursuing a second go around with you, it would be very apparent. She may be cautious, but she may also be weighing out her options. At this point, it seems she is stringing you along. Personally, when I do not text a guy back after a 1st or 2nd date that I am not all that interested in or unsure of, I am waiting to see if something better comes along (i.e. better plans) before I make a concrete decision on what I am going to do.
Author heart12 Posted June 15, 2014 Author Posted June 15, 2014 I think she is having second thoughts continuing a relationship with you. How long ago was her recent break up? Did you both have a period of NC during this time? She could be using you as a cushion to fill her time and soften her fall as she looks for someone else. If she were really interested in pursuing a second go around with you, it would be very apparent. She may be cautious, but she may also be weighing out her options. At this point, it seems she is stringing you along. Personally, when I do not text a guy back after a 1st or 2nd date that I am unsure of, I am waiting to see if something better comes along (i.e. better plans) before I make a concrete decision on what I am going to do. After our breakup went 6-8 months of NC...then spoke for a bit then more NC.... She broke up with rebound a couple months ago. We started talking again about a month ago. A) I know she is being cautious B) When you saying have 2nd thoughts about continuing a relationship with me... do you mean with trying "us" a second time or with having me in her life at all or what?
Author heart12 Posted June 15, 2014 Author Posted June 15, 2014 I think she is having second thoughts continuing a relationship with you. How long ago was her recent break up? Did you both have a period of NC during this time? She could be using you as a cushion to fill her time and soften her fall as she looks for someone else. If she were really interested in pursuing a second go around with you, it would be very apparent. She may be cautious, but she may also be weighing out her options. At this point, it seems she is stringing you along. Personally, when I do not text a guy back after a 1st or 2nd date that I am not all that interested in or unsure of, I am waiting to see if something better comes along (i.e. better plans) before I make a concrete decision on what I am going to do. It was just yesterday she msg me to tell me "I had such an amazing night with you and I can't wait to see you again really soon"
organizedchaos Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 It was just yesterday she msg me to tell me "I had such an amazing night with you and I can't wait to see you again really soon" Yes, and you're freaking out about all this. We've given you advice in the second chances forum. And here you are, starting another thread, over analyzing it. This reconciliation won't work because you're going to blow it. Chill. Let her come to you. 4
DArtagnan2 Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 still hasn't responded, eh? Its not a test. She isn't gauging what you do. She is busy this weekend as she told you and most likely, whatever she is doing, she doesn't want to text you while doing it. You can continue to try to make up reasons to hold on hope, but again, she is busy doing something or someone else at the moment. You are not the priority for her. Just because you guys met up, discussed the past and the feelings that were and may still be there, doesn't mean she has you as her #1 priority. I'll say again, ex's are ex's for a reason. 2
Author heart12 Posted June 16, 2014 Author Posted June 16, 2014 still hasn't responded, eh? Its not a test. She isn't gauging what you do. She is busy this weekend as she told you and most likely, whatever she is doing, she doesn't want to text you while doing it. You can continue to try to make up reasons to hold on hope, but again, she is busy doing something or someone else at the moment. You are not the priority for her. Just because you guys met up, discussed the past and the feelings that were and may still be there, doesn't mean she has you as her #1 priority. I'll say again, ex's are ex's for a reason. No she did respond to what we discussed a few days ago... told me she had amazing time and wants to see me again soon. Then I asked her out a day later and she hash't responded to that. I don't think she is with another guy, just with the girls. All she has to do is say yes or no. Why are you so negative?
crosswordfiend Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 This isn't particularly helpful, but I've also wondered how it's possible that someone can be so busy that they can't reply to a simple request. One day I tried an experiment and decided to see how long I could go without replying to simple personal requests. I just physically couldn't sit on a text or email for more than a day without responding. I felt so guilty… I don't get it. I really don't get it.
J21 Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 Doesn't matter what she said, her actions speak louder than her words. She didn't really mean it when she said she "can't wait to see you again soon/had an awesome time." On to the next man, don't wait around for this one.
Author heart12 Posted June 16, 2014 Author Posted June 16, 2014 Doesn't matter what she said, her actions speak louder than her words. She didn't really mean it when she said she "can't wait to see you again soon/had an awesome time." On to the next man, don't wait around for this one. But her actions when we went out were also the constant hand holding and closeness and dead eye stares and talking about us having needed a little break because sometimes people need that to get back on track.
RachR Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 (edited) Twenty-four hours is a long a** time to not respond to a text unless she's out somewhere where there is no using the phone at all for extended periods of time and she isn't communicating with anyone. Or her phone broke. Or her favorite aunt died. Assuming those special circumstances didn't happen (everything being ok is the most likely scenario) - She's not interested or that interested. Or she's making you wait a very long time for a reply on purpose - and personally I wouldn't want to date the kind of person who plays that way. Either way is bad news. At the time she said it, she might have wanted to see you again. But some people are flaky, or change their mind, or someone else more interesting caught their eye. It happens. Edited June 16, 2014 by RachR
Author heart12 Posted June 16, 2014 Author Posted June 16, 2014 Twenty-four hours is a long a** time to not respond to a text unless she's out somewhere where there is no using the phone at all for extended periods of time and she isn't communicating with anyone. Or her phone broke. Or her favorite aunt died. Assuming those special circumstances didn't happen (everything being ok is the most likely scenario) - She's not interested or that interested. Or she's making you wait a very long time for a reply on purpose - and personally I wouldn't want to date the kind of person who plays that way. Either way is bad news. At the time she said it, she might have wanted to see you again. But some people are flaky, or change their mind, or someone else more interesting caught their eye. It happens. And this more interesting person came along between yesterday and today? I have a bad feeling she is making me wait intentionally and I don't like it at all. I may message her again tomorrow. If she answers then I'm somewhere and if not I will cut this all off for good because I don't want to play games of this nature.
deathandtaxes Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 After an amazing 1st date....and her messaging saying I can't wait to see you again soon/had an awesome time. Then you ask for a date a day later... and she doesn't even respond. What do you think/what do you do? She's not interested. She's just being polite and isn't assertive enough to tell you that she isn't interested in going out again. A lady who is interested will pin your down quick! Probably at the end of the first date. What should you do? Move along. Sadly, this friendly bs is just the way of things.
deathandtaxes Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 But her actions when we went out were also the constant hand holding and closeness and dead eye stares and talking about us having needed a little break because sometimes people need that to get back on track. So she had a good time with you and enjoyed herself. And now she won't respond. Everybody is allowed to change their mind on these things. It's up to you to be mature and move along. Don't text. Don't call. She knows you're interested. 2
RachR Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 And this more interesting person came along between yesterday and today? I have a bad feeling she is making me wait intentionally and I don't like it at all. I may message her again tomorrow. If she answers then I'm somewhere and if not I will cut this all off for good because I don't want to play games of this nature. That can happen, especially if one is online dating. And she may be dating other people and decided she'd rather focus on them. Who knows. The why of why she changed her mind isn't really that important. Point is she's not interested. Don't bother messaging again, dude... Like others said, she knows you're interested.
todreaminblue Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 What do you mean? What exactly is communication style? duration of contact (how long were your) phone calls? face to face time how were your conversations were they balanced? was it intermittent or constant contact? how often? how you interacted previously was it satisfying for both? were there problems anywhere in the above questions ?
Author heart12 Posted June 16, 2014 Author Posted June 16, 2014 duration of contact (how long were your) phone calls? face to face time how were your conversations were they balanced? was it intermittent or constant contact? how often? how you interacted previously was it satisfying for both? were there problems anywhere in the above questions ? The convos were balanced. We always communicated great but it was too much. When we were together we would text all day and either be together at night or talk on the phone for 1-2 hours each night. I was very satisfying for both but it was too much by the end (went on for 2.5 years).
Author heart12 Posted June 16, 2014 Author Posted June 16, 2014 well she finally answered... "hey cutie - shoot. Going to the country with the girls but lets try to hang later in the week." is she just dragging me on with this?
Joaquin Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 Who cares what she's doing. Reply something like " sounds good. Catch up when your back. Have a good time wit your friends." And do not text/call her again until she contacts first. Stop chasing. Let her work a bit. Your too easy. 4
Author heart12 Posted June 16, 2014 Author Posted June 16, 2014 Who cares what she's doing. Reply something like " sounds good. Catch up when your back. Have a good time wit your friends." And do not text/call her again until she contacts first. Stop chasing. Let her work a bit. Your too easy. I did... I replied "Yea we'll see if I have the time. Have fun with the girls and be safe" She immediately responded 'busy bee. Thanks XXX' And now I'm leaving it. I imagine I'll hear from her in the next bunch of days.
Joaquin Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 Why say "see if I have the time". You seem a bit narky and childish. Her response is very smart arse like, but fair enough given your "see if I have the time". Seems she actually doesn't seem to give a toss whether she sees you or not. I think this is not going to end well for you. 4
Fondue Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 Why the hell are you dating your ex? That's silly. Think about it. You obviously broke up for a REASON. Obviously something was WRONG. Why the hell do you want to come back to something that didn't work the first time? Find someone better. 2
NoMoreJerks Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 She is not that interested, IMO. I always make the time to reply to men I am interested in -- not necessarily immediately, but definitely wouldn't make them wait for 24 hrs. I've had times when my battery died and I was out all day and didn't have an outlet to plug my charger into, but eventually got home and messaged people back, so it wouldn't be 24 hrs for sure... 1
Author heart12 Posted June 16, 2014 Author Posted June 16, 2014 Why say "see if I have the time". You seem a bit narky and childish. Her response is very smart arse like, but fair enough given your "see if I have the time". Seems she actually doesn't seem to give a toss whether she sees you or not. I think this is not going to end well for you. Nah 'busy bee' is an inside joke between us.... not snarky from her. It's all good.
Author heart12 Posted June 16, 2014 Author Posted June 16, 2014 She is not that interested, IMO. I always make the time to reply to men I am interested in -- not necessarily immediately, but definitely wouldn't make them wait for 24 hrs. I've had times when my battery died and I was out all day and didn't have an outlet to plug my charger into, but eventually got home and messaged people back, so it wouldn't be 24 hrs for sure... Agreed but she is playing games... she always does. She did the same when we started dating years ago. Just have to up the game and play better by taking back control.
me85 Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 Will add that she is my ex and we just went out for first time this past week... last message from her was I want to see you again really soon. Is she playing hard to get/slow pace? It did take me like 15 hours to respond to her previous message. Ahhh...this makes it all together different. YES. She is taking just as long to respond to you as you did to respond to her. I purposely do this to my ex all the time.
Recommended Posts