miafarrow Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 (edited) Here is the situation. I've hooked up with someone from my past. Back then he had a long term gf, he was flirting with me all the time, but I've cut it all off. After 5 years he added me on FB and asked me to come to spend 5 days at his place in another town. He seems like a guy with good manners and he still is a nice guy to me. (long story short) But there was this misunderstanding. We did have a talk about "us" and he and I get to the conclusion that we can't be together right now since we have different priorities in our lives. I am completly fine with that. He said that if it's meant to be that it will be one day. I agreed! A day later he IMed me wanting to know what am I doing and stuff...and he kept IMing me whole day long like crazy. I was confused since we discussed he is not my bf, why so intiensive communication every day, why communication at all? He is a type of person who thinks he is funny by calling me lazy and your highness and he said that I am such a show off while I text. Which I am none of the above. I got offended, he laughed I am just being sarcastic and really funny, I thought he liked my style of communication So, when I woke up I got pissed off when I've read those things again. I told him this:" I don't want to cause drama or something, I'm pretty easy going person, but if you think that I am some a showoffer or whatever it's not true. You are my friend and I adore you, everyone has a right to say their opinion, but no one is ever going to be rude to me. If I am a showoff on FB, it's because my friends like to joke with me in that way and they understand it. I don't mean anything wrong, but these are the facts. I will not change for anyone, if you don't like it, fine. I had a great time with you and that's it. "Far from they eyes, far from the heart" not everyone in this world makes a connection with someone and clicks, you can't force some things in life. I will not chase after anyone x" Was I too harsh or a bitch? He did reply, but since he is at work he gave me just a thumbs up. I think I made a good decision by saying this all to him from the start, because I am not a kid anymore. Who knows what will life bring me in a future, but the reality is that we do like each other, but that we can't be together right now. You get my point? I am thinking also of cutting off an intensive comunication with him. I will not see him probably in the next month or 2 and in 4 months and then he is going to work abroad for a couple of monhts. And I will not waste my feelings on somebody and waiting for someone, who...maybe isn't worth it. I will tell him also that in a nice way pretty much soon, we will see how things will go from now on. So since I told you my story, thanks for reading it...My question is would this "letter" turn off someone, or turn on? Edited June 15, 2014 by miafarrow
starrynightz45 Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 Here is the situation. I've hooked up with someone from my past. Back then he had a long term gf, he was flirting with me all the time, but I've cut it all off. After 5 years he added me on FB and asked me to come to spend 5 days at his place in another town. He seems like a guy with good manners and he still is a nice guy to me. (long story short) But there was this misunderstanding. We did have a talk about "us" and he and I get to the conclusion that we can't be together right now since we have different priorities in our lives. I am completly fine with that. He said that if it's meant to be that it will be one day. I agreed! A day later he IMed me wanting to know what am I doing and stuff...and he kept IMing me whole day long like crazy. I was confused since we discussed he is not my bf, why so intiensive communication every day, why communication at all? He is a type of person who thinks he is funny by calling me lazy and your highness and he said that I am such a show off while I text. Which I am none of the above. I got offended, he laughed I am just being sarcastic and really funny, I thought he liked my style of communication So, when I woke up I got pissed off when I've read those things again. I told him this:" I don't want to cause drama or something, I'm pretty easy going person, but if you think that I am some a showoffer or whatever it's not true. You are my friend and I adore you, everyone has a right to say their opinion, but no one is ever going to be rude to me. If I am a showoff on FB, it's because my friends like to joke with me in that way and they understand it. I don't mean anything wrong, but these are the facts. I will not change for anyone, if you don't like it, fine. I had a great time with you and that's it. "Far from they eyes, far from the heart" not everyone in this world makes a connection with someone and clicks, you can't force some things in life. I will not chase after anyone x" Was I too harsh or a bitch? He did reply, but since he is at work he gave me just a thumbs up. I think I made a good decision by saying this all to him from the start, because I am not a kid anymore. Who knows what will life bring me in a future, but the reality is that we do like each other, but that we can't be together right now. You get my point? I am thinking also of cutting off an intensive comunication with him. I will not see him probably in the next month or 2 and in 4 months and then he is going to work abroad for a couple of monhts. And I will not waste my feelings on somebody and waiting for someone, who...maybe isn't worth it. I will tell him also that in a nice way pretty much soon, we will see how things will go from now on. So since I told you my story, thanks for reading it...My question is would this "letter" turn off someone, or turn on? This guy does not want something long term or serious with you. Think about it. He flirted with you heavily while being in a serious relationship. Then he contacts you out of nowhere and wants you to go stay at his place for 5 days (code for "lets have sex"). He's told you as much. "If it's meant to be it will be" is not something a guy who really wants you, says to you. He'll make it happen. He's having a casual conversation with you through IM. You're being sarcastic and joking as you said, and he's clearly joking back by calling you those things. Then, you get all super serious and write him a paragraph-long text getting angry and talking about not chasing anyone, etc. He isn't that invested in you, he's joking around and entertaining himself. Then he gets that paragraph. He's probably totally confused by it and doesn't know where it came from. On top of that, to be completely honest, he probably doesn't really care. Hence the "thumbs up." Because he has no idea what you're saying, why you're saying it, and he isn't bothered enough by it to ask you anything further. This is not someone you should invest your time and energy into. 2
Mrin Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 Ya that got real serious all of a sudden. Probably better done over the phone. I know if I were him it would be a big time turn off. But then again, if I really cared about you I would call and talk through your concerns. Being upfront is cool. Really cool. Doing it via a text message and the way it was done was sort of jarring.
firmness Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 I was sort of dating a woman about a year ago and she said some words to me on the phone that were very similar. I broke up with her. I think that too many people are too obsessed with their status. They need to know where they stand. That can cause problems. I prefer to have someone with me because she wants me, not a status/commitment. Best that you were honest, and no, I do no think it was bitchy. But he should run for the hills. Your move was a gauntlet/ultimatum of sorts. And that is never cool unless you are asking someone to stop cheating or something.
todreaminblue Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 (edited) what i know is guys are turned off when they are allowed to put you down over and over.......to me its a way to turn a guy off.......i actively use it as a tool in my toolbox.......like if guys are ridiculing you, you just take it they get bored......so turned off and move on to turn a guy on...you kick his ass, they rub their chin and go damn girl you got it...then its..sorry didnt mean to offend you..and you accept their apology with grace with a fighters heart and loyalty....some guys will laugh at a girl when they cry some guys it breaks their heart.....sometimes a bit of both and they react because they arent actually happy they offended you so they try to make light of it......by saying dont be a drama queen whatever......whose to know really so many variables these are just some...... you have to stand up to a guy you care about and who turns you on....if you dont and take hits all the time you become damaged ...just like a hollow tipped bullet hitting a watermelon...dirty hurtful comments go in clean.......and when they exit out the back theres this huge hole that is damage with guts attached hanging off fence poles.......ok havent seen guts have seen the inside of a watermelon though plastered around for about ten metres from a bullet entering clean so stand up if you are going to take a bullet dont let it enter your heart.......kick his ass and that bullet back right at him............see what happens then he gave you thumbs up because you stood up for yourself ......you have his respect and thats a workable or doable relationship....thats my opinion probably different from every one else...they probably havent shot at watermelons thats all.i have at 200 m with an slr from prone position, i have used sanitry pads to absorb the recoil and with an 80 percentile strike rate which is ok by me ill settle for that.i dont play computer games or x box i do the real thing........8 out of ten guys....i get them in the guts......so posters might not see my correlation or agree,but to me its obvious...lol....dont give up stand up........smilin....db Edited June 15, 2014 by todreaminblue
Author miafarrow Posted June 16, 2014 Author Posted June 16, 2014 Look guys, I did read some of your comments, thank you! Why was my message an ultimatume? I don't think it was...I was just honest and told him that he doesn't have any right to bitch at me how I am this and that all the time....that I should change... when infact he doesn't know me! I just wanted to make clear if he wants to stay my "friend" that he should accept me for who I am, and let him know that my selfrespect is above all and that there is no way that at 3 am in the morning someone is going to talk to me like I am his drunk buddy.... It's not an ultimatume, I just said that he can accept me for how I am or get lost out of my life... 2nd thing...I was the one who asked him if we were going to take it to the next level, I also told him that I appreciate when someone is honest with me and that if he doesn't feel the same way as me....that he should tell me...you know what happened? He explained me his situation and his plans and said if it's meant to be that we will be together one day...anyway I did respond something short and said that he was right about it and agreed... I replied to his message after 48 hours... then he said he was busy and that he will talk to me! I thought I'd never hear for him like ever again... But the next day he started to text me all day long, I was like wtf? Guess he got turned on.... The thing why I did all of this was because I am tired of feeling this way about someone... Why those texts every day? Why those bloody replies to every text I send him? When in fact he doesn't want to be my bf...Okay I can understand that....Untill the end of this year I could see him maybe once or twice... I will put him on ignore for now...No FB, no nothing... I know that he will reply to me, he needs time...but I am tired of pretending that I am fine with someone or something when infact I am not... Btw he knows I am all stressed with my exams and stuff and that it's my crazy period... i told him several times... God, what am I writing....I will reply to some of you later :love: thanks!
DArtagnan2 Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 So since I told you my story, thanks for reading it...My question is would this "letter" turn off someone, or turn on? For me, it would be a turn off because if I was always jokey with you and then all of the sudden you went off on me for it, I would be like "Wtf?" I certainly would have contacted you to talk about it, apologize since I had no idea my joking upset you and I would not joke about it again. But at the same time, I would think that how you are now telling me this is sort of out of your character of being sarcastic, witty or funny as you are with others. Its only I that can't joke with you so I would probably just leave it as friends and talk to you still, but the thought of being with you would be off the table , for me.
jbelle6 Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 It seemed to me like he was just teasing. I come across odd through text sometimes though so maybe I'm giving the benefit of the doubt.
Author miafarrow Posted June 16, 2014 Author Posted June 16, 2014 It seemed to me like he was just teasing. I come across odd through text sometimes though so maybe I'm giving the benefit of the doubt. Yes, he was teasing, but there is a line between being funny and sarcatic and between insulting someone all the time! This guy told me I need to change, that I am this and that....wtf? seriously, I am a shy person in public, I am nice to everyone, I have style and grace...My parents thought me to be nice to everyone always... He is behaving like my big brother....tellling me what to do all the time....he is really conservative, he is acting like my husband trying to change me, but he is just my friend....I don't know why he does that I can tell the difference when someone is being sarcastic and when someone is joking and meaning it....He is meaning all of these things, I just don't know why he is still around..I've gave him a way out that 1st time when I asked him what we are actually - I told him to be honest, he stayed...now, after these things, 2nd time... we will see...
Recommended Posts