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Guys, I need your perspective! (about telling a girl you met someone else)

Pobble

By Pobble
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Pobble Member

Pobble

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Just want to get some male opinion here (or female if the same has happened to you!)

 

I met a guy, he's a bit younger than me (mid-twenties). Everything great, talking for months, very reliable communication. We spent one amazing night together in particular. Then we had a disagreement because I asked him why he had disappeared after sending me a lot of messages every day. He had disappeared twice before but always said it was his fault and he had been busy and so on. This third time he told me he didn't know what to say but he didn't want to be too serious and only wanted to get fun or sexy messages, not feel he had to commit to replying all the time. So I backed off eventually not wanting to chase. I assumed he wasn't interested any more.

 

Then after EIGHT days he came back and said he really wanted to see me and all the things he wanted to do to me and how he missed me. When I agreed and suggested a place and time he disappeared again for 10 days. I couldn't believe it. He seemed so eager again and then just vanished. I couldn't understand. Why apologise and come back and then when I suggested places to go disappear again? I received one message a couple of days ago saying "I was not using you, I always told you the truth, I found a girlfriend sorry."

 

Now I don't know if this is true, because I remember as a young girl telling men I wasn't interested in that I had a boyfriend (before I started communicating with them and certainly not after expressing enthusiasm, however!) and also I understand it may have been an excuse. Has any guy on here used this as a polite let-down? I can't imagine he would meet a girl in 10 days, especially as he told me he wasn't looking for a relationship and that he'd told the same to another girl he met before me.

ThorntonMelon Established Member

ThorntonMelon

Posted
Posted

Who cares, he's an inconsiderate jerk and you're much better off for being rid of him.

zen2475 Established Member

zen2475

Posted
Posted

It sounds like you were way more invested in something that was clearly a very casual relationship to him. Asking someone why they disappeared comes off as needy, and will cause that person to run away. He wanted a light, no-pressure involvement with you, and your actions caused him to realize you wanted much more than what he wanted to have with you.

 

 

All you can do now is accept the fact that you were not on the same page, and that you wanted more than he did. You need to just let him go.

 

 

Not everyone we want wants a relationship with us. That's a sad part of life. Now is the time for you to grab hold of your dignity, walk away and go NC.

 

 

Save your energy for someone who wants to be with you. That's what you deserve.

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Pobble Member

Pobble

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Posted

I'm not talking to him any more, mainly because there is simply nothing more to say and I don't want to find out more about this girlfriend, but also I don't want to seem needy again.

 

I understand he did not want to have a relationship with me, only friends with benefits thing. What I don't understand is he said he did not want a relationship at all, and now he says after 10 days that he found a girlfriend.

 

If he did not want to see me again, why did he pursue me again and say how he passionately wanted to kiss me and spend another night with me? And then find someone he calls a girlfriend? It doesn't make any sense.

 

Do guys pretend they have girlfriends in order to get out of a situation like this, or would he really have found someone he prefers in such a short time?

Raena Established Member

Raena

Posted
Posted

It is very possible that he met someone that knocked his socks off in that short time period yes. It does happen.

 

He apparently wasn't invested in a relationship with you and told you that because that's how he felt about it at the time.

 

Be thankful that he was honest enough to tell you that he is seeing someone else. It's painful to hear but at least you aren't sitting around wondering why he isn't calling you. Now you can move on and find that guy who wants to be with YOU and isn't fishing around looking for someone else while keeping you on the hook.

nofeelings22 Established Member

nofeelings22

Posted
Posted
Just want to get some male opinion here (or female if the same has happened to you!)

 

I met a guy, he's a bit younger than me (mid-twenties). Everything great, talking for months, very reliable communication. We spent one amazing night together in particular. Then we had a disagreement because I asked him why he had disappeared after sending me a lot of messages every day. He had disappeared twice before but always said it was his fault and he had been busy and so on. This third time he told me he didn't know what to say but he didn't want to be too serious and only wanted to get fun or sexy messages, not feel he had to commit to replying all the time. So I backed off eventually not wanting to chase. I assumed he wasn't interested any more.

 

Then after EIGHT days he came back and said he really wanted to see me and all the things he wanted to do to me and how he missed me. When I agreed and suggested a place and time he disappeared again for 10 days. I couldn't believe it. He seemed so eager again and then just vanished. I couldn't understand. Why apologise and come back and then when I suggested places to go disappear again? I received one message a couple of days ago saying "I was not using you, I always told you the truth, I found a girlfriend sorry."

 

Now I don't know if this is true, because I remember as a young girl telling men I wasn't interested in that I had a boyfriend (before I started communicating with them and certainly not after expressing enthusiasm, however!) and also I understand it may have been an excuse. Has any guy on here used this as a polite let-down? I can't imagine he would meet a girl in 10 days, especially as he told me he wasn't looking for a relationship and that he'd told the same to another girl he met before me.

 

He was using you to feed his ego. "look at all these girls interested in me" and chose someone else.

 

Suks, but the guy is an jerk.

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Pobble Member

Pobble

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I am happy he finally ended the waiting, yes, although he could have told me before, so I didn't have to wait 10 days again wondering.

 

Well, I guess he did meet someone else, then. I can't imagine personally being so keen to see someone and then suddenly transfer my affections to someone else in such a short time, or call them a boyfriend in such a short space of time, but there we go...

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Pobble Member

Pobble

Posted
  • Author
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It is very possible that he met someone that knocked his socks off in that short time period yes. It does happen.

 

He apparently wasn't invested in a relationship with you and told you that because that's how he felt about it at the time.

 

Be thankful that he was honest enough to tell you that he is seeing someone else. It's painful to hear but at least you aren't sitting around wondering why he isn't calling you. Now you can move on and find that guy who wants to be with YOU and isn't fishing around looking for someone else while keeping you on the hook.

 

He actually told me he wasn't looking for a relationship with ANYONE, and that he told the same to a girl he was seeing before me... :(

zen2475 Established Member

zen2475

Posted
Posted
He actually told me he wasn't looking for a relationship with ANYONE, and that he told the same to a girl he was seeing before me... :(

 

 

 

Guys will often say that when they don't want a relationship with you. :(

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Pobble Member

Pobble

Posted
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Posted
Guys will often say that when they don't want a relationship with you. :(

 

I know... although, he didn't say this in response to me asking him if he wanted a relationship with me. he just said it randomly when we were discussing something that wasn't personal

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