JayJay25 Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 My ex and I are both in our mid 20s and had been together for 6 years. Last week, she suddenly broke it off, citing some standard reasons. Basically she thought we had grown apart. I agreed we had become complacent/comfortable but I thought things could be easily fixed. She disagreed, and she moved out a day later. Through a mutual friend I've since learnt that an old crush of hers contacted her out of the blue only days before the break up. I've also learnt that she slept with him since we've broken up. She however failed to mention her infatuation with this man to me during our break up discussions. I obviously feel devastated about the whole situation. I also still love her although I doubt I am capable of forgiving this (IF she wanted me back, which appears unlikely anyway.) The fact she left me for another person eats me up inside. It also hurts because she barely knows him (they met twice two years ago but hadn't spoken since). My question is, do I contact her so I can express my hurt/pain about her leaving me for another man?
todreaminblue Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 dont do it....maintain graceful healing silence...she caused you pain yet she still did cause you pain she is not worth the communication anddisatisfaction at the outcome of non caring attitude you would feel if you do..liars cant be trusted to mean sorry about that because most liekly they are nto sorry at all....actions count not words in this case i feel...she acted now you remain silent that is your recouse,and with that ifeel will be themost defining and healing capable for you as a person.deb
erklat Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 My question is, do I contact her so I can express my hurt/pain about her leaving me for another man? What exactly you hope to accomplish using that? Let me be the bearer of the news she started that when you were still together. That is the betrayal of the worst kind. I think that sums up how fazed by the breakup you should be. 1
Author JayJay25 Posted June 14, 2014 Author Posted June 14, 2014 Thank you for the replies. I realise I shouldn't confront her about it, and that it will probably only lead to further ill feelings. I guess I wanted to do it because firstly I want to get it off my chest, and secondly, she laid a lot of blame at my feet for the break up without taking accountability of issues herself. I feel a bit unfairly treated, but that's life. 3
WhiskeyJack Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 Nothing can be gained from it at all. And if you did, do you think she'd fully admit it? Do you think you'd ever be satisfied with the answer you received?
giblesp Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 Thank you for the replies. I realise I shouldn't confront her about it, and that it will probably only lead to further ill feelings. I guess I wanted to do it because firstly I want to get it off my chest, and secondly, she laid a lot of blame at my feet for the break up without taking accountability of issues herself. I feel a bit unfairly treated, but that's life. I agree with the other posters here, at the same time for me it would help me to tell her I know what she was doing and what I think about it. It would give me the upper hand to know that she knows I've lost nothing. Childish I know, but I wouldn't be on this forum if I was perfect...
FredJones80 Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 My question is, do I contact her so I can express my hurt/pain about her leaving me for another man? No, **** her. Go complete NC, hope her relationship goes to the dogs and when she comes sniffing back around tell her YOU'VE grown apart from her. 1
Author JayJay25 Posted June 15, 2014 Author Posted June 15, 2014 Thanks for guidance everyone, the answer to my question is resounding. I will simply avoid speaking to her again in the foreseeable future. Graceful silence sounds best, and as odd as it sounds in the circumstances, I would like to end the relationship with grace because it was still a positive part of my life, I've learnt a lot. I do appreciate the advice from friendly strangers on what is one of the lowest points in my life thus far. Hopefully I can look back at this thread one day and laugh wondering why I was so upset. Thanks all
Elle1975 Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 Could it be that the old crush simply was the push she needed, but not the main reason for your break up? Anyway, it doesn't matter. You seem to be taking it fairly well, all considering. 1
Phoe Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 Contacting her about it will only create you a big giant painful problem. 1. She admits it. You now get to feel absolutely horrible. You tell her off. Now you feel more horrible. Maybe you guys get into a fight. More pain. 2. She denies it. Now you get to feel infuriated for being lied to. You still tell her off. Just like scenario 1, now you guys get into a fight. Pain. No matter what, that's a bad day. It's a way worse day than the nagging feeling of wanting to tell her. The nagging is a better thing to be dealing with than the pain that will come from confronting her. 1
bubbaganoosh Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 My ex and I are both in our mid 20s and had been together for 6 years. Last week, she suddenly broke it off, citing some standard reasons. Basically she thought we had grown apart. I agreed we had become complacent/comfortable but I thought things could be easily fixed. She disagreed, and she moved out a day later. Through a mutual friend I've since learnt that an old crush of hers contacted her out of the blue only days before the break up. I've also learnt that she slept with him since we've broken up. She however failed to mention her infatuation with this man to me during our break up discussions. I obviously feel devastated about the whole situation. I also still love her although I doubt I am capable of forgiving this (IF she wanted me back, which appears unlikely anyway.) The fact she left me for another person eats me up inside. It also hurts because she barely knows him (they met twice two years ago but hadn't spoken since). My question is, do I contact her so I can express my hurt/pain about her leaving me for another man? OK. you love her but you wont be able to forgive her if she cheated. Sounds like she cheated so stop dwelling on the past and move on. If she cheated then that should be reason enough to move on. Confronting her on the issue, I can understand your frustration. But calling he on it isn't going to undo what's already been done. What you need to do is move on and heal. The sooner the better. Block her form all your forms of communications so you don't have to deal with her.
Lifegoezon Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 Agree with everyone here. Nothing to be gained by her knowing that you know. You knowing is good enough reason to stop hankering after her. I know how you feel though. You don't want her to think she got away with her deceit. I found out a lot of sleazy things about my ex soon after the split and wanted to tell him so he'd know I was disgusted and be ashamed. But I realised it would change nothing and was not a good reason to break NC. If he ever in the distant future contacts me and I'm ready to respond that's when I'll tell him. I prefer the idea that he'll then realise I wasn't pining for him after all. But if he doesn't I really don't care.
guest572 Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 Sounds like a good idea to stay quiet. In my experience, especially for a person who does something terrible like this, contacting will possibly lead to a lot more pain for you. You never know how she is going to react. I think the less information and communication, the better of you will be.
vieillot Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 NC. Noone breaks up with his/her partner for another people. If so the relationship is ended already for her.Just let it go.
FredJones80 Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 Noone breaks up with his/her partner for another people. Err, guess you've never heard of an affair, overlapping or GIGS ? 2
Hello201 Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 My friend this has just happened to me I told her I knew everything and hung up ,even now she's still denying to our friends ,when they call me i show them the proof she's just making herself look stupid, just pack her stuff up and leave it outside where she is staying and walk away that's what I'm doing tomorrow , stuff her we don't need ppl like that Good luck
PersonaPersona Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 The only reason you might want to tell her that you know the real reason of the breakup is so that she can feel bad about it that you now know, and then regret it. That is completely normal. Most Dumpees want their ex to regret their decision about ending it. But, listen OP, you have to move forward. Heal, and keep your head high. You will regret contacting her if you do. I have done this before, trying to find answers to 'Why?' will make it all worse. I wish you the best.
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