Finnish44 Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 Hi all. Would love to share my story with you all to get some feedback. I'll try to keep it as short as possible. My ex girlfriend of about 5 years broke up with me about 3 and a half months ago. We are both 23 and this has been our only real relationship. The breakup was quite sudden and caught me by surprise. We went through some issues last summer where I wasn't sure what I wanted. I started a new job, just graduated from university and was receiving some attention from a coworker. Long story short, I asked my ex for a couple days to think some things over. She called me/texted me crying saying this all wasn't right. I guess I came to my senses and went back with my ex and ultimately had to tell a coworker to stop what she was doing because it wasn't appropriate. Afterwards I felt our relationship truly got stronger Anyhow, my ex broke up with me asking for space as she felt she was entirely too dependent on our relationship and wanted to feel confident in herself before she committed. She really doesn't have any friends, the only time she got out was with me. She feels for both of us that if we don't experience life outside this comfort bubble we would be resentful as we don't know who we are as individuals. I went no contact for about a month and then she texted me telling me she missed me, missed her best friend but still maintained that we need to experience independence. I didn't respond to the message We ended up seeing each other on a lunch break as we both work in the same city. It was nice to see each other again, catch up, etc. Her words presented that last summer played a large role in this breakup and she was doubting how I felt about her. We left on good terms without any real expectations. She still did specify that she is still confused what she is doing with her life as she is just working on a 6 month contract not in her field of study. She said she needs to be selfish and figure that out. Here is where I'm expecting backlash. After seeing her and talking some things over with some friends, I decided to surprise her at her work with some flowers. Maybe this wasn't the best thing, I don't know. And it's been done so all Im concerned about is how to move forward. She was extremely surprised, had a massive smile on her face and called it the most thoughtful and sweetest thing someone has ever done for her. I had the day off, which she somehow remembered and did not anticipate anything. Anyway, she's still in her position that this breakup wasn't because she didn't love me, care about or still see a future with me because she still does. She doesn't want to be resentful of each other in the future. I pretty much interpret this as she wants to see other people and is masking that with the resentful and independent excuses. I'm doing alright to be honest. Miss her obviously, but I know where I'm at and what I deserve. I feel like I deserve more than this right now Thanks for reading. Flame away at my actions!
elseaacych Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 (edited) No flames from me. What's done is done. What you have to do is decide that you can't wait for her to make up her mind to want to be with you. You've had five years together, which is longer than many, you both know each other well enough by now that there's really no point in waiting to try to get back together because you already know all your contentious pointsyou've already gotten a glimpse of what a future looks like if it goes south. Exes are exes for a reason. Figure out that reason, and resolve to move past it. My only advice is to just drop it. Don't string out a relationship with her that is any less than what you want. If you're cool with her dating around while you being in contact with her, just know that you will find out if she does start dating someone else, and, there will be more hurt feelings involved. It's collateral damage, but it's natural. Just drop off the face of the earth. Go silent. Cut off all contact, social media, go cold turkey for your own sake, and find another adult to fall in love with who doesn't need to "find themselves". For goodness sake, don't send her any more flowers! Why would you want to send flowers to someone who broke up with you??? Edited June 15, 2014 by elseaacych 2
Author Finnish44 Posted June 15, 2014 Author Posted June 15, 2014 Thanks elseaacych for reading and responding. Yeah I'm not cool with waiting around for someone to make up their mind. She seems to be grabbing on to this theory that people can't be happy unless they have had multiple relationships. It seems a little childish to me. Whereas I'm of the opinion that if you're happy in a relationship, why remove that happiness. Where do you lie in all of this? Pertaining to the flowers, yeah maybe not the best idea but I honestly don't regret it. Looking back, I can admit that after I went through some weird times last summer I didn't handle it in a way that I think was 100% fair. I essentially pretended it never happened which, in turn, I interpreted as her not knowing i was fully committed to our relationship. So I wanted to prove I was. I don't think I lost my pride or dignity. It's all there, and looking back, I'd do it again. I think I wouldn't have regretted not doing something and having the "what ifs" eating me inside. Anyhow, I don't think I can just wait around for her. I think I just needed to hear it from someone else. No contact it is then.
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