FaithInTheDark Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 Hi I almost 25 year old female that has been single for 4 years. I do live in a small town. I had this male friend I was spending a lot of Time with bad we hooked up a few times, there was some feelings between us,felt mostly fm him. But yes he did express just being friends but would still show how much he liked be. Well he tells me he flew out to a different city to see a girl he met ...and I instantly felt hurt and extremely rejected. It came to me every single male I've had feelings for has rejected me a and it's really making me feel bad about myself. I feel really good about my life but being single for years and being hurt is something that effects my life. I am over weight but would no consider myself obese so maybe that's something that effects my chances with guys. Anyways, I think I need to distance myself from the friend even though I value our friend it really cut deep. Any advice for my situation?
somedude81 Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 First of all, you need to cut contact with your friend. You also are at a disadvantage for being overweight and living in a small town. Though online dating may be your saving grace. 2
Shaun-Dro Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 Hi I almost 25 year old female that has been single for 4 years. I do live in a small town. I had this male friend I was spending a lot of Time with bad we hooked up a few times, there was some feelings between us,felt mostly fm him. But yes he did express just being friends but would still show how much he liked be. Well he tells me he flew out to a different city to see a girl he met ...and I instantly felt hurt and extremely rejected. It came to me every single male I've had feelings for has rejected me a and it's really making me feel bad about myself. I feel really good about my life but being single for years and being hurt is something that effects my life. I am over weight but would no consider myself obese so maybe that's something that effects my chances with guys. Anyways, I think I need to distance myself from the friend even though I value our friend it really cut deep. Any advice for my situation? Try to work on yourself physically and see what happens. I think losing a bit of weight will increase your confidence and attract other potentials. You'll also feel good about yourself at the same time.
aprilisi Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 Yes, work on yourself. I am 37 and in the past 2 years I have lost 90 pounds, so far. And have noticed a big difference, even though I'm still overweight. Men 20 to 50 are approaching lol I have yet to find the one but I've met alot of nice people 1
todreaminblue Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 (edited) if you want to lose weight do it for you.....i date and i date guys who date me when i am bigger fro i know bodies can change with time age and circumstance so i get fit once i am in a relationship ...i can keep up with most guys now, when i am fit i can be as fit as to stand with one leg suprted by a wall so my foot is above my head...most guys cant do that...i can kick box, i can dance most guys stupid when i am peak , i have aged but I know my fitness capacity,i am ex military with training and i have guts and perseverance no matter how red my face goes,, all a guy has to do is see me dance as a big girl..... if a guy cant see me for who i am he doesnt deserve that woman i know i can be......on the outside......and not only have what is inside of me which is my heart she dances tooo...my ex fell in love with me while i was pregnant with a nine pound ten baby inside of me.....and i could still dance at nine months......so ...yeah...i date as a big girl...if you want fitness thats for you not for a guy to eb itnerested......its not about weight its about health and fitness and capacity to want that life for you not for someone else.......thats my soapbox anyway............deb Edited June 14, 2014 by todreaminblue
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 I don't think 4 years is long @ all to be single! Try being single for 10 years or more that really depletes your self esteem. There's no rush to be in a relationship. I think it's better to get on with your life and stop rejecting yourself. I use to reject myself as a person and i think that's why men would reject me. Think about what message your sending out there through the universe? Your weight can easily shift if you believe it can do. I would suggest travelling etc.. doing the things you've always wanted to do. I'm in my first relationship in 11 years although i find it difficult to accept that's what I'm in at times and allowing a man to actually look after me and love me... i appreciate it and I'm grateful all the more because I've been single for an inhumanely long time. Even my boyfriend thinks I'm emotionally stronger than he is! Don't worry so much. Your time will come:)
jbelle6 Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 Hi I almost 25 year old female that has been single for 4 years. I do live in a small town. I had this male friend I was spending a lot of Time with bad we hooked up a few times, there was some feelings between us,felt mostly fm him. But yes he did express just being friends but would still show how much he liked be. Well he tells me he flew out to a different city to see a girl he met ...and I instantly felt hurt and extremely rejected. It came to me every single male I've had feelings for has rejected me a and it's really making me feel bad about myself. I feel really good about my life but being single for years and being hurt is something that effects my life. I am over weight but would no consider myself obese so maybe that's something that effects my chances with guys. Anyways, I think I need to distance myself from the friend even though I value our friend it really cut deep. Any advice for my situation? My advice is to not sleep with guys that categorize you as just a friend. You'll only get your feelings hurt. Also, why not take a break from worrying about men right now and focus on yourself. Get eating healthy (pinterest is awesome for recipes) and starting a new workout routine. If you don't have a gym near you fitnessblender has a ton of free online workouts, even some for if you are starting with a few extra pounds from scratch so you wouldn't hurt yourself. Your mood will lift so much, after my breakup exercise has been my saving grace. I don't tell you this because looks are all important, but I think if you did these things it would really help your self esteem. 2
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 I disagree with enigma32. You may lose the weight but your problems WILL not disappear with weight loss. I lost weight and now I'm in a relationship. I still get insecure. Most woman will. There are overweight girls who get boyfriends because they're confident. I think your attracted to men who don't want you. And that's not your fault because they're plenty of men who would go out with you. You just have to get out there & fall in love with you. If you're gonna lose weight do it for you. And if you do lose weight and suddenly those guys who would only sleep with you suddenly want to date you ( which also happened to me) you can satisfyingly reject those who previously rejected you) it's very satisfying. All the way aiming higher for better and less jerk- like guys. And if enigma32 is the kind of guy that would sleep with you and not date you and justify it because that's what " ALL GUYS THINK" then he lives in a bubble. You deserve good treatment weather you weigh 100 pounds or 300. 1
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 Her problems wont go away if she loses the weight. She'll still be insecure like the rest of us. She may still have trust issues, hurts from the past etc.. these things don't resolve themselves from weight loss. 1
Potz4prez Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 ^ This is very true. I went from skinny fat to buff as ****. Nothing changed in my romantic life. Lose weight for yourself... not anyone else. 1
jbelle6 Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 I disagree with enigma32. You may lose the weight but your problems WILL not disappear with weight loss. I lost weight and now I'm in a relationship. I still get insecure. Most woman will. There are overweight girls who get boyfriends because they're confident. I think your attracted to men who don't want you. And that's not your fault because they're plenty of men who would go out with you. You just have to get out there & fall in love with you. If you're gonna lose weight do it for you. And if you do lose weight and suddenly those guys who would only sleep with you suddenly want to date you ( which also happened to me) you can satisfyingly reject those who previously rejected you) it's very satisfying. All the way aiming higher for better and less jerk- like guys. And if enigma32 is the kind of guy that would sleep with you and not date you and justify it because that's what " ALL GUYS THINK" then he lives in a bubble. You deserve good treatment weather you weigh 100 pounds or 300. Yes they will. I lost over 50 lbs after high school (I'm only 5'1 so that's A LOT) and have kept it off for years. A lot of problems DID disappear. More men were willing to date me, more job opportunities, risk of diabetes which is rampant in my family, no longer felt depressed, had energy to actually go out and have a life. These are not all superficial things. OP mentioned weight in her post, so obviously it is an issue that is bothering her, why would you just tell her to accept it and find a guy who is OK with it WHEN EVEN YOU DIDN'T DO THAT? Weight can be changed. OP can do this and if she is young all the better to do it young. I have no stretch marks and my skin is firm, you can't tell I lost all that weight because I did it at 19. If I did that now my body would be a hot mess. Can you imagine how fantastic OP would feel if she did it? Setting a goal and obtaining it is a great way to boost self esteem. I am sorry if people think I am being mean, but I will not advocate an unhealthy lifestyle that I am not willing to live myself to placate anyone. 1
jbelle6 Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 ^ This is very true. I went from skinny fat to buff as ****. Nothing changed in my romantic life. Lose weight for yourself... not anyone else. Are you male or female? If you are male I could see this. Female, not a chance. 1
Potz4prez Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 Are you male or female? If you are male I could see this. Female, not a chance. Male haha. You couldn't guess? Statement still stands though. Lose weight to improve how you feel about yourself, not how people think of you. Warning: If you get serious, eventually you get to a point where exercise starts making you more tired and drains the energy from you to go have a life haha. Nothing better than sleep :3
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 She lose weight for herself and not for a man. And not all insecurities will disappear. That's my point and I'm sticking to it. I lost weight for me and not because some guy would instantly be drawn to me if i lost it.Plus i was very independent and not looking for a guy. Not all men are shallow. Work on yourself, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically. It should be a holistic approach.
somedude81 Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 I knew you were overweight before I got to the point where you mentioned it. Your story is the same of almost all overweight girls. Guys will sleep with you, but they don't want more than friends. Quit sleeping with them. A guy generally hits on overweight girls because we figure you will be easy, and will stick around despite our unwillingness to commit. Your so called "friend" preys on you because of your low self esteem. Lose the weight and you will lose your problems. That's pretty much it. Many guys see overweight girls as an easy lay, and have zero intention of dating them. By losing the weight she will more men who are interested in actually dating her. 2
jbelle6 Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 (edited) Male haha. You couldn't guess? Statement still stands though. Lose weight to improve how you feel about yourself, not how people think of you. Warning: If you get serious, eventually you get to a point where exercise starts making you more tired and drains the energy from you to go have a life haha. Nothing better than sleep :3 I stand by my post, my life changed very much with weight loss. And I disagree, saying a woman couldn't get more dates losing weight is like saying a man couldn't get more dates with a million dollars in his wallet You would honestly say that if a woman was say 200 lbs that she wouldn't get more dates and have more energy if she lost weight? Really, she's not even more healthy??? What planet are you on? I do agree we all need sleep and there is no need to be excessive, just sensible. I did think you were male but learned to not assume. Edited June 15, 2014 by jbelle6 2
Potz4prez Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 I stand by my post, my life changed very much with weight loss. And I disagree, saying a woman couldn't get more dates losing weight is like saying a man couldn't get more dates with a million dollars in his wallet You would honestly say that if a woman was say 200 lbs that she wouldn't get more dates and have more energy if she lost weight? Really, she's not even more healthy??? What planet are you on? Oh, I wasn't arguing about that. It's just a different mental approach to working out. Instead of exercising out of insecurity, exercise to better yourself.
jay1983 Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 I am over weight but would no consider myself obese so maybe that's something that effects my chances with guys. How big is he, and how do you feel about big guys?
jbelle6 Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 Oh, I wasn't arguing about that. It's just a different mental approach to working out. Instead of exercising out of insecurity, exercise to better yourself. This we can agree. And it doesn't have to be crazy excessive exercise. Everyone should exercise and be at least somewhat active. I just find it such a mood booster, but diet was responsible more than exercise for my weight loss. My reason for suggesting it to OP was that she brought it up and I think it could boost her self esteem. I think if she was confident with it she would not have mentioned it. 2
ChristieGregor Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 First of all, you need to cut contact with your friend. You also are at a disadvantage for being overweight and living in a small town. Though online dating may be your saving grace. I perfectly agree, you should try online dating. My Catholic friends highly recommends FaithfulMatch | Seek the faithful - Find your Match Christie
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