Caslina Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 Hi I'm not used to ask online but I really have a burning question and many people seems to know a lot here. So I'd appreciate an insight. I met this guy at a dating site a couple of months ago. I was not really into him at first but slowly it becomes more and more serious. It was hard to meet. He had a crazy work schedule. It's long and he doesn't get day off much. Finally, we meet at 10pm near his work place, had a nice dinner and made out at a park. The chemistry was off the chart. He invited me to his place(he's French) but I declined. After that his text and call becomes less and less. He warned me that he will get really busy during the holiday. He's a manager at a 5 star hotel. But after he didnt text me back after 5 days. I was truly hurt so I decided to move on and blocked him. I did it so I can move on. After a month it was his birthday, I was a little drunk, texted him happy birthday and we got back together. He said he was really sad that I stopped communicating with him, said he was busy etc. well he was still busy but kept calling and texting. Finally found a day to meet. We were really looking forward to it. We said we like each other and was going to sleep together at his place. But he fell sick but still met me. He said he has to work tomorrow too so would not like me to stay the night cuz he said he doesn't want to infect me. I was really bummed. We fooled around. I gave him bj whatnot. After he came I asked if I could sleep on the sofa cuz it was late and pouring outside. He didnt say anything so I sadly put on my clothes and left. We didnt contact each other for 2 days then I felt I was wrong too because I insist to stay even after he said he was sick and would not like me to stay the night. So I texted and apologize. I said when he is jot mad at me and the situation anymore, I will be here. I tried to call once too. And that was it. I haven't heard from him for a week now. Will I ever hear from him? Was i so wrong? What happened to the guy who told me he really really like me?
giblesp Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 Sorry to say this but its not happening. If you want a BF, get to know them more before being physically intimate. Make sure you're both after the same thing, ie a casual encounter or something more. This guy got some physical action and left. He gave you BS in order to get what you wanted. There are many aholes like that out there. Learn how to spot them and like I said, get to know someone before getting physically intimate. Sorry that you've been hurt. 1
angel.eyes Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 (edited) Your initial instinct to block him was a good one. The guy wasn't interested. Unfortunately, you reversed course. Drunk texting him, giving him a BJ after he tells you you can't spend the night then begging to sleep on his sofa and being kicked out? Please don't do that again. If you don't respect yourself, no one else will. He's not going to date you again. To address the question in your thread title, it never was. He wasn't really bothering to contact you or meet with you before any of this happened. There's nothing to be over. Learn from your mistakes, and find someone else. Edited June 14, 2014 by angel.eyes
todreaminblue Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 doesnt want to infect you but you gave him a blowjob did you kiss him first? i do see a really strange sort of logic here....agre with another poster dotn get intimate unless you knwo teh guy he got what he wanted its over and out..deb
d0nnivain Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 The hotel business is crazy. During the high season at a 5 star place, I'd be shocked if he wasn't working 16-20 hour days. If you want a "normal" relationship don't date anybody in hospitality. If you are OK going out on Mondays & at 3:00 a.m. you may have fun.
preraph Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 He got what he wanted (bj) and he did it with no effort whatsoever. 1
Kid_Charlemange Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 You probably won't hear from him. And you shouldn't contact him again. You've made some good faith efforts to reach out, but if you keep doing that he's going to resist you even more. Give it a week and see if he contacts you. If he doesn't, move on. Actually you might want to move on any way...
jbelle6 Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 Hi I'm not used to ask online but I really have a burning question and many people seems to know a lot here. So I'd appreciate an insight. I met this guy at a dating site a couple of months ago. I was not really into him at first but slowly it becomes more and more serious. It was hard to meet. He had a crazy work schedule. It's long and he doesn't get day off much. Finally, we meet at 10pm near his work place, had a nice dinner and made out at a park. The chemistry was off the chart. He invited me to his place(he's French) but I declined. After that his text and call becomes less and less. He warned me that he will get really busy during the holiday. He's a manager at a 5 star hotel. But after he didnt text me back after 5 days. I was truly hurt so I decided to move on and blocked him. I did it so I can move on. After a month it was his birthday, I was a little drunk, texted him happy birthday and we got back together. He said he was really sad that I stopped communicating with him, said he was busy etc. well he was still busy but kept calling and texting. Finally found a day to meet. We were really looking forward to it. We said we like each other and was going to sleep together at his place. But he fell sick but still met me. He said he has to work tomorrow too so would not like me to stay the night cuz he said he doesn't want to infect me. I was really bummed. We fooled around. I gave him bj whatnot. After he came I asked if I could sleep on the sofa cuz it was late and pouring outside. He didnt say anything so I sadly put on my clothes and left. We didnt contact each other for 2 days then I felt I was wrong too because I insist to stay even after he said he was sick and would not like me to stay the night. So I texted and apologize. I said when he is jot mad at me and the situation anymore, I will be here. I tried to call once too. And that was it. I haven't heard from him for a week now. Will I ever hear from him? Was i so wrong? What happened to the guy who told me he really really like me? You gave him a BJ and he kicked you out. That's a pretty big hint.
Author Caslina Posted June 15, 2014 Author Posted June 15, 2014 Thank you all...you're really helping me. First of all, I'm not even sure if I want anything serious with him yet. We are still in the beginning and trying to see if we match. We both admitted that we like each other. And I wanted to explore things between us sexually and emotionally. I don't think there's a difference which one comes first. I'm just really bummed that the night that's full of promises becomes a night full of syht. That everything that we worked for talked about died in one night. How could it be? Everyone who works in hospitality tells me that he is telling the truth that it can get really busy. He tried to explain to me about hiw busy his work is, how he wishes for a day off that he didn't even have time to contact his family. He said sorry many times. Maybe I'm the one who is not understanding him. When I met him he looked really tired. Maybe he fed he can't make me happy and gave up. thank you for telling me I didn't do anything wrong. I really needed to hear that. I think the fact that I ignored the fact that he doesn't want me to stay made him mad and I asked to stay right after BJ made it seems like manipulation. For those who said he got what he wanted and left. It's not even close, BJ is nothing, we didn't even have sex. We even talk about anal sx. Why would he leave after a BJ? That's not even the best part. Did I mentioned I swallowed?
torturedartist Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 Hi I'm not used to ask online but I really have a burning question and many people seems to know a lot here. So I'd appreciate an insight. I met this guy at a dating site a couple of months ago. I was not really into him at first but slowly it becomes more and more serious. It was hard to meet. He had a crazy work schedule. It's long and he doesn't get day off much. Finally, we meet at 10pm near his work place, had a nice dinner and made out at a park. The chemistry was off the chart. He invited me to his place(he's French) but I declined. After that his text and call becomes less and less. He warned me that he will get really busy during the holiday. He's a manager at a 5 star hotel. But after he didnt text me back after 5 days. I was truly hurt so I decided to move on and blocked him. I did it so I can move on. After a month it was his birthday, I was a little drunk, texted him happy birthday and we got back together. He said he was really sad that I stopped communicating with him, said he was busy etc. well he was still busy but kept calling and texting. Finally found a day to meet. We were really looking forward to it. We said we like each other and was going to sleep together at his place. But he fell sick but still met me. He said he has to work tomorrow too so would not like me to stay the night cuz he said he doesn't want to infect me. I was really bummed. We fooled around. I gave him bj whatnot. After he came I asked if I could sleep on the sofa cuz it was late and pouring outside. He didnt say anything so I sadly put on my clothes and left. We didnt contact each other for 2 days then I felt I was wrong too because I insist to stay even after he said he was sick and would not like me to stay the night. So I texted and apologize. I said when he is jot mad at me and the situation anymore, I will be here. I tried to call once too. And that was it. I haven't heard from him for a week now. Will I ever hear from him? Was i so wrong? What happened to the guy who told me he really really like me? It sounds to me like this guy is yanking you around. I'd move on, unless you're one of the many women who like *******s, and like to be mistreated. I guess it makes martyrs out of you... that's the best I can figure.
angel.eyes Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 I'm not sure why you're making excuses for him and trying to salvage anything out of this. The guy kicked you out into the rain late at night after you gave him a BJ. That's pretty horrible treatment. I cringed as I read your description of that night. Why are you trying to go back for more? Not trying to be mean here, but what exactly would he have to do to get you to walk away? 1
Author Caslina Posted June 15, 2014 Author Posted June 15, 2014 You're right, I'm so stupid. Please excuse me while I go kill myself...
ExpatInItaly Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 Thank you all...you're really helping me. First of all, I'm not even sure if I want anything serious with him yet. We are still in the beginning and trying to see if we match. We both admitted that we like each other. And I wanted to explore things between us sexually and emotionally. I don't think there's a difference which one comes first. I'm just really bummed that the night that's full of promises becomes a night full of syht. That everything that we worked for talked about died in one night. How could it be? Everyone who works in hospitality tells me that he is telling the truth that it can get really busy. He tried to explain to me about hiw busy his work is, how he wishes for a day off that he didn't even have time to contact his family. He said sorry many times. Maybe I'm the one who is not understanding him. When I met him he looked really tired. Maybe he fed he can't make me happy and gave up. thank you for telling me I didn't do anything wrong. I really needed to hear that. I think the fact that I ignored the fact that he doesn't want me to stay made him mad and I asked to stay right after BJ made it seems like manipulation. For those who said he got what he wanted and left. It's not even close, BJ is nothing, we didn't even have sex. We even talk about anal sx. Why would he leave after a BJ? That's not even the best part. Did I mentioned I swallowed? Well. Thanks for the information? Cut your losses and move on. He's not interested in a relationship with you, if that's what you're looking for.
Author Caslina Posted June 15, 2014 Author Posted June 15, 2014 Well, thank you for the clarification. It's been a week so I guess not. I wish he'd tell me. Reply to my text so I'm not sitting here and wondering. Not responding makes me feel that he needs time cooling off but does not want to completely break up... I wouldn't even mind do much if it's just a sex relationship. I'm so bummed that all that time spending and talking just came off nothing. When I meet him I feel he is a proud guy and it's a power struggle between us. I feel that he hates the fact that I control him sexually. That he says he's sick end doesn't want to have sex but I seduced him anyway
Treasa Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 I feel that he hates the fact that I control him sexually. That he says he's sick end doesn't want to have sex but I seduced him anyway Yes, because it's terribly difficult to get a guy to accept a blow job... You went over to his house. He didn't "meet" you anywhere. You showed no self-respect, so why should he respect you? Guys are usually more turned off by this kind of behavior than anything. You should have said, "Yeah ok, you get better, and call me if you want to continue things when you're well." And why the need to mention that you swallowed? I don't see any relevance in that. If this guy gets bored and wants another blow job at his place where he doesn't have to do anything, I'm sure he'll contact you again.
Author Caslina Posted June 15, 2014 Author Posted June 15, 2014 Believe me if it's any other guy, I would have told him that but it us really difficult for us to find a time to meet. It was given that we would have sex at his place this time. The BJ the 10pm meeting. It was all planned. He was counting the hours. I took time to choose lingerie. So it seems strange that this things turn him off. Things that he plans... It doesn't makes sense
ExpatInItaly Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 Well, thank you for the clarification. It's been a week so I guess not. I wish he'd tell me. Reply to my text so I'm not sitting here and wondering. Not responding makes me feel that he needs time cooling off but does not want to completely break up... I wouldn't even mind do much if it's just a sex relationship. I'm so bummed that all that time spending and talking just came off nothing. When I meet him I feel he is a proud guy and it's a power struggle between us. I feel that he hates the fact that I control him sexually. That he says he's sick end doesn't want to have sex but I seduced him anyway His lack of a response says everything you need to know, really. He's not into it. I think that should be clear enough by not letting you stay and then not communicating with you after. Not sure what else you need to understand that.
angel.eyes Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 You keep asking how this could have happened and why he won't call. Look at his choices and actions. Those tell you everything you need to know. Both times, he couldn't meet you until 10 pm. That's just a constraint of his work. But look at the difference in his plans. Before he's ever met you, he planned a nice dinner and a walk in the park. That was your first date. For whatever reason, he no longer saw you in the same light after that date. By the time you have your second meeting, the stated arrangement is that you will show up at 10 pm, give him a free blewjob and leave immediately afterwards. You try to change that understanding after the BJ, but he kicks you out into the rain anyway. He won't kiss you because he claims he has a cold. That's not you wielding sexual power over anyone. Unfortunately, that's you being used and thoughtlessly tossed aside because you don't respect yourself. He agreed to something that was free, easily available on his ridiculous terms, and required zero effort on his part. Despite claiming that you don't care if it's just sexual, you do in fact care. You're emotionally invested in this guy. That's why you're hurt and confused. That's why you're expecting a lot of things that guys do when they're invested--calls/texts and followup, dates, not being kicked to the curb in the middle of the night. Those come when he respects, cares, and wants a relationship with you. Since you don't respect yourself, he's not going to respect you. That can't be salvaged at this point. Unfortunately, you've become a random booty call in his mind. Try to understand why your behavior led to his changed view of you. If you don't, I'm sorry to say you're going to run into the same issues over and over again. Hope the explanation helps. 1
starrynightz45 Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 Well, thank you for the clarification. It's been a week so I guess not. I wish he'd tell me. Reply to my text so I'm not sitting here and wondering. Not responding makes me feel that he needs time cooling off but does not want to completely break up... I wouldn't even mind do much if it's just a sex relationship. I'm so bummed that all that time spending and talking just came off nothing. When I meet him I feel he is a proud guy and it's a power struggle between us. I feel that he hates the fact that I control him sexually. That he says he's sick end doesn't want to have sex but I seduced him anyway 1. How is you swallowing relevant to anything? Yea he didn't get sex but a BJ is a BJ. You gave him something, he's satisfied, and then kicks you out. 2. He's not responding because he doesn't want to. What break up? You're not together. And what time to cool off???? You didn't do anything for him to need time to cool off. He's not calling you because he wanted the sexual favor, you gave it to him, and now he doesn't need to contact you anymore. 3. He's not afraid that you control him sexually. He's a guy. He likes and wants blowjobs. He's not going to be offended that you gave him one. He's not going to think that you "overpowered him" and then be mad at you for giving him a blowjob. You can't seriously be thinking this way. You gave him the BJ and then he wanted you to leave because HE GOT WHAT HE WANTED, and that's that. I'm having a hard time understanding why you're interpreting his actions the way that you are. It's very clear that he's not interested in you for anything other than sex. 1
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