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Time to end the hiatus...but there are decisions to be made

kaylan

By kaylan
in General Relationship Discussion

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kaylan Established Member

kaylan

Posted
Posted (edited)

Ok...So its been almost a couple months without me actively dating. Ive been focusing more on career, health, and fitness while I tried to figure some things out. Allow me to makes points at what Ive arrived at:

 

1. Im not ready to commit myself to a relationship. I fully admit I have "trust issues"...but I more so see it as myself being realistic about how dating and relationships usually turn out. Which is why I feel Im smart to be cautious.

 

2. Despite number 1, lately Ive been frequently longing for a woman I could call my "it" girl. I want someone really awesome to connect with and spend time with. I wanna "get" her, and I want her to "get" me. Its rare I click with someone in that way and really have good chemistry. Thats one thing I really miss about my ex...our personalities fed off of one another well in the beginning.

 

3. Oh wow do I crave sex more than ever right now. And while I find myself attracted to a variety of women, and in my mind I do like the idea of being free to play the field...I dont actually wanna do that. Its usually too much drama, too risky for my health, and I kinda feel over that sort of hooking up. Im just frisky for some passionate sex with someone I have intense chemistry with.

 

I know my limitations, and Im realistic. Numbers 1 to 3 conflict with one another. And I know in order to avoid drama Id likely have to voluntarily stay out of the dating game. Because I know what always happens in situations where you date someone you actually really like, who actually really likes you back. People catch feelings, and I dont think Ill be capable of committing to anything without first keeping things casual for a couple or a few months.

 

This ties back into number 1. Wouldnt it be nice to have a nice carefree and mature understanding with someone you desire a romantic connection with, despite not wanting to take any sort to steps toward locking things down? Thats what goes on in my head. I think I could eventually get into a relationship...and usually when Im dating a girl I really like, Im not much playing the field. But there just seems no way to avoid hiccups...and hiccups are real life.

 

Im rambling now, I know. But my hormones say sex...but I know sex is risky and can be drama. My desire for a companion says to casually date someone...but then I have to worry about the idea of commitment hanging over my head. And then in the back of my mind Im always wondering when Ill be ready for a real relationship again, or if Ill want one because of the reality of what relationships are nowadays. Plus Ive become so used to being single I dunno how to be anything else right now.

 

I dont wanna just have flings because Im over that. But I dont want a relationship yet either. But then I also dont wanna really deal with the potential drama of casual dating either. And with all this, Im bored and restless without a woman in my life. Ha im ridiculous arent I? :laugh:

Edited by kaylan
DArtagnan2 Established Member

DArtagnan2

Posted
Posted

not ridiculous.

 

I want "that" girl to share my life with as well.

 

I dont have that overkill drive tho to just go crazy without sex, I am content with where I am there. I am not a hookup kind of guy which has kind of primed me for being Ok without sex all the time.

 

but you are not ridiculous, just ready for something more in your life.

 

Stick with it, keep you head up and mind open. It will happen when you least expect it

Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

Posted
Posted

Kaylan,

 

You are exactly where I was just before I met my lovely bf.

 

I was sick (literally) of casual fun. I needed to revert back to my true nature; seeking out the it factor and intensive chemistry with a man I felt that I could fall in love with.

 

And I'd just seen a good friend meet a guy and they were so head over heels for each other. They truly were "the one" for each other and I mentally insisted on "having what she is having".

 

I wasn't really ready for a relationship per say. But at the same time I longed to find that rare thing my friend found.

 

Just be careful. You may have the level of love readily available emotional, but you may be selfish in how you disperse the love. Case I point:.I DID NOT want to deal with my boyfriends mood disability. I didn't want to think about kids or a future. I wanted to carefree. In the end I knew I enjoyed life a lot single! I had the best times of my life single. Travelling to remote towns in Europe where no one spoke English and it cost 8000 for a hot dog (in their currency! Bela- Russian haha)

 

I knew I'd be genuinely happy and living life to the full. Single.

 

If you meet someone who you have intense chemistry with and who seems like a nice girl and who proves to be genuinely decent, you won't have much of a choice. You will just want to be with them of you actually manage to find the elusive chemistry you intrinsically crave.

 

There is no running from that sort of a person! People have full blown affairs when they meet people like "that" and risk losing everything.

 

But it is sort of rare to find.

 

I wouldn't hold my breath mate. I'd patiently wait in the wings and just "take care of your urges" until the right girl comes along.

 

One thing I learnt is that it is 100 000 000 times better to lay in bed and fantasize about the right girl and how good it would feel and then masturbatory to THAT mental image, opposedto going out and getting a watered down version..I waited 4 years for any sexual activity in between boyfriends in my early 20s. Wish I had done the second time around. Not waiting for the real ddeal is joyless to many people.

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kaylan Established Member

kaylan

Posted
  • Author
Posted

^Good points by you both.

 

Though I dont think I have Leigh's willpower to go too long without sex :p

torturedartist Established Member

torturedartist

Posted
Posted
Ok...So its been almost a couple months without me actively dating. Ive been focusing more on career, health, and fitness while I tried to figure some things out. Allow me to makes points at what Ive arrived at:

 

1. Im not ready to commit myself to a relationship. I fully admit I have "trust issues"...but I more so see it as myself being realistic about how dating and relationships usually turn out. Which is why I feel Im smart to be cautious.

 

2. Despite number 1, lately Ive been frequently longing for a woman I could call my "it" girl. I want someone really awesome to connect with and spend time with. I wanna "get" her, and I want her to "get" me. Its rare I click with someone in that way and really have good chemistry. Thats one thing I really miss about my ex...our personalities fed off of one another well in the beginning.

 

3. Oh wow do I crave sex more than ever right now. And while I find myself attracted to a variety of women, and in my mind I do like the idea of being free to play the field...I dont actually wanna do that. Its usually too much drama, too risky for my health, and I kinda feel over that sort of hooking up. Im just frisky for some passionate sex with someone I have intense chemistry with.

 

I know my limitations, and Im realistic. Numbers 1 to 3 conflict with one another. And I know in order to avoid drama Id likely have to voluntarily stay out of the dating game. Because I know what always happens in situations where you date someone you actually really like, who actually really likes you back. People catch feelings, and I dont think Ill be capable of committing to anything without first keeping things casual for a couple or a few months.

 

This ties back into number 1. Wouldnt it be nice to have a nice carefree and mature understanding with someone you desire a romantic connection with, despite not wanting to take any sort to steps toward locking things down? Thats what goes on in my head. I think I could eventually get into a relationship...and usually when Im dating a girl I really like, Im not much playing the field. But there just seems no way to avoid hiccups...and hiccups are real life.

 

Im rambling now, I know. But my hormones say sex...but I know sex is risky and can be drama. My desire for a companion says to casually date someone...but then I have to worry about the idea of commitment hanging over my head. And then in the back of my mind Im always wondering when Ill be ready for a real relationship again, or if Ill want one because of the reality of what relationships are nowadays. Plus Ive become so used to being single I dunno how to be anything else right now.

 

I dont wanna just have flings because Im over that. But I dont want a relationship yet either. But then I also dont wanna really deal with the potential drama of casual dating either. And with all this, Im bored and restless without a woman in my life. Ha im ridiculous arent I? :laugh:

 

Quit thinking so much and approach this as if it were 50,000 years ago, and you just narrowly missed being eaten by a lion, right before you almost got run over by a rhinoceros.

 

How would you feel about the pretty cavewomen then?

 

The cavewomen are even prettier now. And they shave their armpits...

 

For real, stop thinking so much.

Emilia Established Member

Emilia

Posted
Posted

This ties back into number 1. Wouldnt it be nice to have a nice carefree and mature understanding with someone you desire a romantic connection with, despite not wanting to take any sort to steps toward locking things down? Thats what goes on in my head. I think I could eventually get into a relationship...and usually when Im dating a girl I really like, Im not much playing the field. But there just seems no way to avoid hiccups...and hiccups are real life.

 

Im rambling now, I know. But my hormones say sex...but I know sex is risky and can be drama. My desire for a companion says to casually date someone...but then I have to worry about the idea of commitment hanging over my head. And then in the back of my mind Im always wondering when Ill be ready for a real relationship again, or if Ill want one because of the reality of what relationships are nowadays. Plus Ive become so used to being single I dunno how to be anything else right now.

 

I dont wanna just have flings because Im over that. But I dont want a relationship yet either. But then I also dont wanna really deal with the potential drama of casual dating either. And with all this, Im bored and restless without a woman in my life. Ha im ridiculous arent I? :laugh:

Certainly contradicting. You can't crave a good connection and companionship of someone special AND want casual. It's impossible. You have to decide what you want otherwise you will keep getting into drama. If you want casual, you have to keep the other person emotionally at arm's length. Which means no 'special connections'.

 

FWBs typically last 3 months I believe, that's before one or both have enough, realise it's a deadend and ultimately unsatisfying. Which is why most 'relationships are that short. If that's what you want, go ahead.

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