Sunberry Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 I just don't understand myself. It's been 2 years and some change since it happened and I'm still thinking about it every night not to mention him and wonder how he's doing. I stopped all contact with him a year ago. After months of trying to get him back, I just abruptly stopped. Gone to therapists, got a job, moved to a different country for a year, went all over Europe (a majority of it by myself to think), tried a lot of different things, tried occupying myself with school and stuff, had a one night stand, a casual relationship (I think), partied, classes, etc. My thought process is different, I'm more open, and I've learned a lot about myself--I became self aware.I'm not as passive. My confidence is not dead, I discovered it had life as I experienced more of myself. And yet, here I am in the middle of the night again wondering how he is and what he's doing, and how I miss him. He doesn't deserve a thought. Not a single thought. Yet, he keeps creeping back. I haven't seen him in over a year and know if I ever do, I'm either going to go through anxiety. Why haven't I let this go?? I have no idea if I'm getting better or not anymore.. Do I feel lonely? In all honesty, yes I do. Other times, I'm just not aware I am lonely or that I do feel lonely. I'm just there. Any thoughts??
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 You need to write all this down and then when you feel like you arent getting anywhere then you can look back and see how far you have actually come x 3
todreaminblue Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 theres differences that are immense between loneliness and being alone, for if you are alone you appreciate the silences for the warmth it holds in reflections and happy memories are bought out to savor a day a week a year, but in loneliness alone the silence is deafening and speaks louder with every ticking second that seems to drop in time from past to present with monotonous regularity being alone is growth and reflection being lonely is a blue day without sun, a time without a second hand to replace the first hand where you could have remembered what it was like merely just to be alone.....
Author Sunberry Posted June 14, 2014 Author Posted June 14, 2014 I use to keep a journal, but forgot about it and left. I think if anything has changed it was the feeling that I'm completely dead instead. But other than that I really don't know 100% on if I have improved since my mental breakdowns
Author Sunberry Posted June 14, 2014 Author Posted June 14, 2014 theres differences that are immense between loneliness and being alone, for if you are alone you appreciate the silences for the warmth it holds in reflections and happy memories are bought out to savor a day a week a year, but in loneliness alone the silence is deafening and speaks louder with every ticking second that seems to drop in time from past to present with monotonous regularity being alone is growth and reflection being lonely is a blue day without sun, a time without a second hand to replace the first hand where you could have remembered what it was like merely just to be alone..... The scales tip every now and then, but I'm agreeing with this.
Recommended Posts