Stronger14 Posted June 8, 2014 Posted June 8, 2014 My friends and I have plans to go to a beach bar on Tuesday night. I found out from a mutual friend that my ex will be there to celebrate her birthday. This puts me in a very awkward position. It's been 5 months since the breakup. I haven't seen her since, I've been no contact since. She contacted me 3 times, one being a long email in January (Nothing meaningful, I responded with "we both know we can't be friends"), once in April to wish me a happy birthday (I responded "Thanks hope all is well") and once in May to say congrats on graduation (I haven't responded). Other than that, havent heard from her - also I blocked her on facebook. It's been 5 months, but I am nowhere near over her. I still miss her a lot and have so many questions about the breakup. Emotionally, I am still trying to heal and move on. What should I do about Tuesday night? I really don't think its good to avoid going out with my friends and getting out there to try and meet new people. However, I am not sure how I would handle seeing the ex for the first time. And even worse, what if I see that she's with another guy at the bar? The sight of that wouldn't be good for me. What do you guys think? Should I avoid the situation altogether or just face it head on? Also, does anyone think being in this situation is important to moving on?
Author Stronger14 Posted June 9, 2014 Author Posted June 9, 2014 Go to a different bar. Or don't go out. Wouldn't that be letting her hold me back from going out with my friends?
OwMyEyeball Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 That's a real tough one. Are these encounter situations common or is this a bit of a special case? Do you have other opportunities to get out and socialize? Can you make alternate plans for Tuesday? I feel like I'm projecting my own fears here in advising you to not go. Sounds like it could rip the scab clean off. Whichever choice you make, best wishes.
zen2475 Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 You need to do what you can to protect yourself. If you know seeing her would cause you pain and you go anyway, that's self torture. I'm sure your friends will understand if you suggest somewhere else.
Simon Phoenix Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 Wouldn't that be letting her hold me back from going out with my friends? Unless there's only one bar in town, no. 2
Author Stronger14 Posted June 9, 2014 Author Posted June 9, 2014 That's a real tough one. Are these encounter situations common or is this a bit of a special case? Do you have other opportunities to get out and socialize? Can you make alternate plans for Tuesday? I feel like I'm projecting my own fears here in advising you to not go. Sounds like it could rip the scab clean off. Whichever choice you make, best wishes. This is the first situation like this. I recently moved back home I the same town as her, so and I would think this will happen more than once. Tuesday is the big night at the beach bar, and I doubt my friends would want to go elsewhere. I could suggest it, but likely it's either I go with them or not go at all. I have been going out a whole lot lately, not like it's my first night out.. I'm just confused if the right move is to avoid the situation. Yes, I would be protecting myself from getting hurt and possibly having a setback. But at the same time, I feel as though I shouldn't be missing out on fun night outs with the bros.
Simon Phoenix Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 This is the first situation like this. I recently moved back home I the same town as her, so and I would think this will happen more than once. Tuesday is the big night at the beach bar, and I doubt my friends would want to go elsewhere. I could suggest it, but likely it's either I go with them or not go at all. I have been going out a whole lot lately, not like it's my first night out.. I'm just confused if the right move is to avoid the situation. Yes, I would be protecting myself from getting hurt and possibly having a setback. But at the same time, I feel as though I shouldn't be missing out on fun night outs with the bros. There will be a Tuesday night next week, the week after, the week after that, etc. It's not like you are giving up going to this beach bar on Tuesday for the rest of your life.
Author Stronger14 Posted June 9, 2014 Author Posted June 9, 2014 There will be a Tuesday night next week, the week after, the week after that, etc. It's not like you are giving up going to this beach bar on Tuesday for the rest of your life. True, I am just playing devils advocate and bringing up the principal of living my life based on her plans.. Bit of a dilemma for me
IHavNOclue Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 I think you should skip it. You know what's going to happen. Plus it is her Bday so give her that night to not have to worry about you. You will be her only focus even if she is with another guy. Skip it and go next week. Why cause yourself the heartache? Be kind to yourself and resist this.
IHavNOclue Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 Besides.. she will probably think you are there for her anyway. Don't give her the satisfaction.
elseaacych Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 Go to another bar and treat yourself to something top shelf. 1
Elle1975 Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 My friends and I have plans to go to a beach bar on Tuesday night. I found out from a mutual friend that my ex will be there to celebrate her birthday. This puts me in a very awkward position. It's been 5 months since the breakup. I haven't seen her since, I've been no contact since. She contacted me 3 times, one being a long email in January (Nothing meaningful, I responded with "we both know we can't be friends"), once in April to wish me a happy birthday (I responded "Thanks hope all is well") and once in May to say congrats on graduation (I haven't responded). Other than that, havent heard from her - also I blocked her on facebook. It's been 5 months, but I am nowhere near over her. I still miss her a lot and have so many questions about the breakup. Emotionally, I am still trying to heal and move on. What should I do about Tuesday night? I really don't think its good to avoid going out with my friends and getting out there to try and meet new people. However, I am not sure how I would handle seeing the ex for the first time. And even worse, what if I see that she's with another guy at the bar? The sight of that wouldn't be good for me. What do you guys think? Should I avoid the situation altogether or just face it head on? Also, does anyone think being in this situation is important to moving on? Don't go. Surely there is another bar you can go to. If you were over her, that'd be different, but you are not. Seeing her, or seeing her with another guy, won't make you heal faster. It will a set back. 1
Elle1975 Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 True, I am just playing devils advocate and bringing up the principal of living my life based on her plans.. Bit of a dilemma for me No, you are just trying to rationalize what your heart wants you to do, so that your head will agree with it. I know you want to see her. There are times where I still want to jump in my car and drive to his place. You said you recently moved to the same town as her so that got to be hard to resist. You won't have a good time. She'll think you're there for her (and let's be honest, you will), and you will be back to square one. Or you can think with your head, call your heart on its bs way to think, and have a good time with your friends in another bar. That is.. entirely up to you. 2
OwMyEyeball Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 True, I am just playing devils advocate and bringing up the principal of living my life based on her plans.. Bit of a dilemma for me You said this is a one-off situation that is just a blip on your social calendar. Don't fool yourself into thinking this is a personal battle of principle. You haven't gotten over her and somewhere deep inside you there's a yearning to re-initiate contact. That tiny piece of you that hasn't given up hope is wishing that she'll be there, without a date, and looking to reconcile. Or at least to bring some kind of closure.
organizedchaos Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 True, I am just playing devils advocate and bringing up the principal of living my life based on her plans.. Bit of a dilemma for me She'll never know. Don't be the ex who looks like he showed up bc it's her birthday. Let her have her day without you.
Alexjones1 Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 Dude go to the bar. Remember your the ****ing prize! She didn't want to win the prize. If you think and feel like any woman will want you then they will. Confidence goes so far man! Do some pushing and pulling. Example. If you meet a new girl. You say Well you have the best smile I have seen tonight. She says. Well thanks that's sweet. You then say. Well not the best but the third best. Now your being playful and women ****ing love that ****! So if you see your ex act cool and calm. Don't shy away. Don't go to her. But here's a tip. If a woman finds her way into your orbit she is wanting you. So if she walks near you or finds a way to walk into your orbit. Just talk like old friends. I know easier said then done. But I know you can do it!! Goodluck
Ordinaryday Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 I WILL ALWAYS go out of my way to avoid any places where I know my ex will be - this has included stopping going to a public library I used to go to all the time, simply because she goes there as well. WHO CARES whether or not she thinks you not being there means you are avoiding her - but odds are she doesn't cos she probably rarely thinks of you. don't put yourself in a painful situation. 1
Author Stronger14 Posted June 10, 2014 Author Posted June 10, 2014 I WILL ALWAYS go out of my way to avoid any places where I know my ex will be - this has included stopping going to a public library I used to go to all the time, simply because she goes there as well. WHO CARES whether or not she thinks you not being there means you are avoiding her - but odds are she doesn't cos she probably rarely thinks of you. don't put yourself in a painful situation. Right now, I think I am leaning towards completely avoiding the situation. I am not emotionally ready for seeing her - especially on her birthday, at a bar where who knows what will happen. Since the general consensus is that I should avoid seeing her, should I not text her tomorrow either wishing her a happy birthday?
Ordinaryday Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 Since the general consensus is that I should avoid seeing her, should I not text her tomorrow either wishing her a happy birthday? are you serious? have you not listened to a thing people have said about NC? When she dumped you she basically said she doesnt want you in her life anymore - that ESPECIALLY includes birthdays.
Author Stronger14 Posted June 10, 2014 Author Posted June 10, 2014 It really sucks when everyone that you ask gives similar advice on what to do after a breakup.. Yet I still have this voice inside my head that's saying differently, saying not to give up on someone you loved for so long and care about so much.. I know what I have to do, I know it's over and nc is the way to go.. I'm just not over her yet, I haven't fully let go. I hope things get easier than these past 5 months
Author Stronger14 Posted June 11, 2014 Author Posted June 11, 2014 I took the advice from this post - I ended up staying in tonight rather than going out and running into my ex.. And I haven't texted her today wishing her a happy birthday, as suggested I shouldn't do.. But I sort of feel bad that I didn't wish her a happy bday, especially because she wished me one on my bday.. I just feel like I'm being kind of immature by ignoring her bday.. I know she's my ex and she broke my heart, but I feel like I should've been the bigger man.. 1
Ordinaryday Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 I took the advice from this post - I ended up staying in tonight rather than going out and running into my ex.. And I haven't texted her today wishing her a happy birthday, as suggested I shouldn't do.. But I sort of feel bad that I didn't wish her a happy bday, especially because she wished me one on my bday.. I just feel like I'm being kind of immature by ignoring her bday.. I know she's my ex and she broke my heart, but I feel like I should've been the bigger man.. dude you have so much to learn! read this post http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/235990-happy-birthday-ex-wrong learn it LIVE IT 1
Author Stronger14 Posted June 14, 2014 Author Posted June 14, 2014 Tonight I saw my ex for the first time since the breakup 5 months ago.. And it fkin sucked. After avoiding a bar on Tuesday (her bday) that I knew she would be at, we went to the same place tonight coincenidently. It completely ruined my night. I knew she was there, but I tried to stay strong and I didn't talk to her the entire time I was there.. It was really hard for me seeing her, after a 2.5 year relationship that ended without warning, and 5 months of no contact.. It was very weird seeingn her, she looked like she gained some weight and dyed her hair. To make me feel even worse, she was talking extremely close to this guy the entire time.. That image is tattooed to my mind.. He wasn't any better looking than me, a bit overweight even, but it just hurt to see my ex out at a bar and basically be strangers as she flirted with another guy. Idk what to do. I'm glad I went out and got drinks with a friend, but it crushed me to see my ex. I miss her like crazy. I wanted so badly to go up to her and say hello, just to show her that I'm doing well.. But to be honest, I still want her back. I am so crushed right now after seeing her with anther guy. It hurts, and a the progress I made sticking with nc, tonight really showed me how I'm not over her at all.. I want her back, and seeing her tonight is leaving me in tears. Idk what to do, please help
Nimbus4dt Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 It sucks!!!! I guess you have to start NC again, day zero. You need to (if you can) just not go to places where you may bump into your ex, I don't go into my local town socially anymore for fear of bumping into her because I know what I will feel like if I do and see her. She on the other hand will not go to the pub I go to (out in the sticks) so I still maintain my social life. As everyone says, time heals. I am at 47 days NC (I think!) and have had some really hards days of late, not sure why but feel a lot better today. Keep busy, keep eating healthily and move on if you can. Good luck
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