Women (strangers) wait on me; can't they tell from staring at me that I'm insecure?

[John316C]

I get women staring at me sometimes. For instance... I may order some food and sit down somewhere or I may sit on a transit system seat or somewhere else...

and there will be some woman who sits and just stares at me. She's waiting for me to spin around and talk to her... but can't she see I am insecure?

 

I mean... I'm pretty sure it's easy to see someone who is insecure, the way they look, what they do - they're body posture, etc.

 

But they just sit there staring at me. Sometimes they will just get up in anger and leave.

 

My question is isn't it obvious I am insecure? I mean I 'try' to not look insecure - haha...

[DArtagnan2]

No, its not obvious to people. I think with how quickly people move when they meet someone they are interested in, has people judging others actions or whatnot too quickly.

 

Just because you sit there and say nothing, doesn't show insecurity, they may be insecure themselves and just think you are not interested. I have had to come to that resolve in myself as I am shy and turned a little insecure when me and my ex split. I thought that they must not like me, when the truth was, they thought I was picky, stuck up or not in to them. I had to retrain how I think because of that.

 

I do know, that when you are in to someone, really in to them, even at first glance, you will find a way to talk to them or to show them your interest regardless of how shy or insecure you are.

[germain]

I don't understand. You seem to be aware that they may be into you-even if you're reading into it some of the time. If they are looking at you with the hopes that you may come over and chat them up, it's unlikely they see you as an insecure person. Possibly stuck up when you don't try to talk with them.

 

It's an invitation to go talk, especially if you can get a smile out of them. Why not try? Even if you fumble your words, you'll get better at it. They're probably looking, because they like what they see. Or at least that should be your attitude about it unless they show you otherwise. Everyone is insecure about something. You just need to realize this and know that it won't stop you from succeeding with women unless you let it.

[ExpatInItaly]

I get women staring at me sometimes. For instance... I may order some food and sit down somewhere or I may sit on a transit system seat or somewhere else...

and there will be some woman who sits and just stares at me. She's waiting for me to spin around and talk to her... but can't she see I am insecure?

 

I mean... I'm pretty sure it's easy to see someone who is insecure, the way they look, what they do - they're body posture, etc.

 

But they just sit there staring at me. Sometimes they will just get up in anger and leave.

 

My question is isn't it obvious I am insecure? I mean I 'try' to not look insecure - haha...

 

No, it very likely isn't obvious at all to someone who's only looked at you for a few moments. I'm not sure what you mean when you say they get up in anger and leave. How do you know they're angry? And why would they be? Sounds to me like you might be reading more into it than necessary

[todreaminblue]

what i have noticed is that someone who is uncomofortable around you and has their own insecurities feels the same to me and similar body language you have to just bite the bullet if you are insecure and turn around and say how was your day like today i hugged two women at church.....one of them was easy to hug for I always know she is receptive because its now easy for me to tell plus she often wears green....that has nothing to do with this...but yeah i like mint green for i love mint......and its just easy to hug her, because she projects a warmth, another lovely lady who is reserved in nature probably more cultural and how she was bought up feels a little uncomfortable when i hug her she is not used to showing affection to non family i feel,for i know in fact, she is a warm,open and funny person just reserved in nature....so I hug her too but the hug is slight and quick an a bit prickly...lol.....lol...and awkward but no less of a meaning to show her i am happy to see her......ill bring her round or not but i wont not hug her when i hug someone else....she would feel that i feel if i didnt....;0) even when i was getting crap she is going to hug me vibes......yep here it comes.....yep she hugged me......but in her feeling that was a softness in her smile and i know she appreciates who i am.....

 

 

project warmth by a smile open yourself to others and they will respond in a way you will find rewarding for both, the quickest way for people to feel like they cannot approach me is to close myself off and sometimes i have to....but i will do classic things like cross my arms over my body the closer the cross the more insecure i feel, I sit curled over and i put my head down not looking around the room and i avoid eye contact....normally i have felt soemthign i didnt like and that is no ones fault i have felt that........ and I project outwards yeah i dont want you to come near me please not good today......is this what you do.....do you look down do you do body crosses do you slump.....

 

you cant blame others for not reading you however you have to do some work even if you are shy ...i am often shy ....i dont let it project outwards.......and i am approachable......deb

[teap0t]

I don't understand. You seem to be aware that they may be into you-even if you're reading into it some of the time. If they are looking at you with the hopes that you may come over and chat them up, it's unlikely they see you as an insecure person. Possibly stuck up when you don't try to talk with them.

 

It's an invitation to go talk, especially if you can get a smile out of them. Why not try? Even if you fumble your words, you'll get better at it. They're probably looking, because they like what they see. Or at least that should be your attitude about it unless they show you otherwise. Everyone is insecure about something. You just need to realize this and know that it won't stop you from succeeding with women unless you let it.

 

age has taught me that this is exactly right. I'm still fairly quiet with women and in groups of company, but if only I had put this into practice 30 years ago....I could have met and married my current gf instead of my ex wife. It's not easy but you've only got one life. Bite the bullet, and go for it. It may go badly at first, it may be embarrassing but you learn and get better.

[John316C]

the problem is i have a voice disorder. i lost my voice for a few years in my mid 20s from depression and anxiety and i can barely project my voice. im trying to remedy this now. that is the problem i find myself in and with ppl watching me or hearing my weak voice. i used to be a choir boy when i was very young so i have a strong voice, but depression and anxiety has affected it. i thought about smiling at someone and writing a small note saying i found her very attractive and giving her my email address and name. perhaps even noting im having speech problems at the moment (in the note to her). im pretty sure i dont have a problem smiling and looking confident if i could speak again

[Elle1975]

the problem is i have a voice disorder. i lost my voice for a few years in my mid 20s from depression and anxiety and i can barely project my voice. im trying to remedy this now. that is the problem i find myself in and with ppl watching me or hearing my weak voice. i used to be a choir boy when i was very young so i have a strong voice, but depression and anxiety has affected it. i thought about smiling at someone and writing a small note saying i found her very attractive and giving her my email address and name. perhaps even noting im having speech problems at the moment (in the note to her). im pretty sure i dont have a problem smiling and looking confident if i could speak again

 

Have you tried seeing a speech therapist (or a surgeon if that's what you need)?

 

And to answer you, it might be obvious to you, but not to someone else. I am rather shy, and I know I can seem "stand offish". So.. maybe send them a drink?