guest572 Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 Things definitely have become better after being dumped by my first love whom i dated for 9 months but i am certainly not healed. It's been 5 months now since the breakup. 3 months after the breakup I moved on and dated some new guys. The first was rushing things too much being all kissy and gropey on the first date. I got really upset i think because I was trying to move on too soon. I actually burst into tears at the time which was embarrassing. I cant really explain why, it was just a random burst of emotions. He was pretty understanding but wow, i actually had convinced myself i was ok and ready to date again but when I felt pressure from him and like it was moving to fast it just hit me how messed up i am and how much i miss my ex. I guess in a way, going out and kissing someone else really cements the fact that your ex is gone. I should be kissing my ex. What am i doing with this guy? Oh yeah, my ex doesn't love me. And in my mind whilst kissing him, comparing his kiss to that of my ex and saying in my mind "he's not [exes name]". Then i dated someone for a couple of months and things moved at a much better pace for my liking given what I went through.. Found out shortly before he dumped me that he had been seeing someone else at the same time which I was not aware of (apparently you only get the truth if you ask the right questions directly). Is this my fault? I know not to assume things in a relationship and not to do anything until you have the "commitment" talk. But for some reason i did assume and thought he was genuine. I'm quite upset, but i am finding that most of my tears are due to missing my first love and not being quite over him yet. Yet i still keep trying.. Has anyone had similar experiences or feeling when trying to move on? Sorry about the rant, i just feel so isolated and need to talk.
PhillyConnection23 Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 Yes, what you are feeling is normal. But you are trying to fill a void right now....I was and to a point I still am. You need to rediscover yourself. Spend time alone, spend time with your friends. I know it is hard but finding companionship with a partner when you aren't ready isn't going to work and its a recipe for disaster. Take this time to really figure out yourself, figure out what you want in life and who you want to be with. The rest will come naturally. 1
Mondmellonw Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 Don't worry. Just don't force yourself. I also started dating someone (but just went on one date with him) because I realized I wasn't on the right mindset for it. We might not be ready yet, but that doesn't means that we never will. 1
Kid_Charlemange Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 Has anyone had similar experiences or feeling when trying to move on? Sorry about the rant, i just feel so isolated and need to talk. Absolutely. I think your experiences are normal. I did kind of the same thing. Started dating too soon, to get some confidence and self-esteem back. First time it led to something physical, I was an emotional wreck. Not fair to her or me. Fortunately she was a good sport about it and we're now actually pretty good friends (just friends!). I don't know what the answer is. A lot of the self-help guides tell you to "date, date, date" to get over an ex. Others say no, focus on yourself. All I can say is, I was miserable when I was dating new women (like you said, I should be enjoying this meal/movie/makeout session with my ex, not this new person!). And I was miserable when I was home alone, thinking about my ex with some new man. 2
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