How to deal with someone who had a lot of partners.

[Trane]

I'm having a hard time deciding, if I really want to stay with this women. It sounds horrible, but I have my reasons.

 

She's a great lady, personality, looks, she's got it all. I can see a future with her honestly.

 

The thing is. One day we went out to a party. Let's say around 4 parties. Well we finally go back to our room. She starts balling and starts telling me all the guys she screwed. It was very uncalled for. The worst part was I shook hands with 3 of the guys. That kind of strikes my pride as a man.

 

Her past really disturbs me. She slept with a lot of guys i'm sure because she admitted, but I didn't ask her how many because I don't want to know. She also one time mention how some guy was really good in bed. Once again strikes my pride.

 

We've been going out for 8 months.

 

This happen about 4 months ago and i'm still thinking about it. It bothers the hell out of me. I really don't know what to do.

 

I look at the right things she does more than the wrong, but for some odd reason something will trigger my memory and all I remember is how I met the guys she screwed and the guy who was so "good" in bed.

 

She says i'm the best she's had. I believe her, but than again I am her boyfriend.

 

It bothers me because I just felt like she really didn't cherish sex. I believe sex should be cherish. She said she does, but let's be serious now. If you went out and screwed a lot of guys you obviously didn't cherish it. Not to mention she tried screwing me within a month. I wanted to wait. She values things differently as me.

She went to college and experienced that part of life. Parties, one night stands, blacked out nights.

I joined the Military out of high school and pretty much my youth was sacrificed, so I never lived that life. As much as I want to explore. I don't think it's necessary as I got bigger things to worry about, such as my life.

 

I'm seeking personal opinions and advice. More of "What would you do"

 

Never experienced this in my post-secondary years either. You really have to be mature about someone's past and think of it as nothing but the past!

 

I know it's hard for some guys. Some hold true feelings of being sexually inadequate if he discovers that his girl has had more sex in one year than he has had in his whole life. I've dated girls that were more experienced than me and I did have to learn to accept that I wasn't the westernized ego-filled-stud that me pins on male sexual behaviour. I started to concentrate more on pleasing her she was very eager to do the same to me.

[preraph]

There's nothing wrong that she doesn't "cherish" sex. You don't cherish sex. Most guys you date don't "cherish" you. You cherish love-making once you finally find someone who is the right person, and there's a big difference, and there's nothing wrong with someone who had sex while looking for Mr. Right as long as they were careful and didn't get pregnant or pass diseases or wreck other people's relationships.

 

I can't see anything good coming from you airing this issue with her. She's just going to think it's your issue, not hers. Unless she's done irresponsible things like I mentioned above in the process, sex simply doesn't make someone a bad person.

[verydazednconfused]

OP, I think you should break up if it's bothering you a lot and find a like-minded woman that has those same values you have.

Otherwise, you're going to have to compromise your values and that's not healthy.

 

I broke up with my then gf for that reason but unlike you that you at least know it, she told me the whole story about her past partners 3 years into our relationship (with her, she did it because that's her when she's single and not looking for a relationship). I was a virgin then and really thought she was a relationship minded woman who had only been with 2 bfs. It was a lie she told me in the beginning.

 

I didn't want to continue to compromise because those aren't my values. I don't believe in threesomes, I don't stay up all night partying and drinking and I don't have sex with strangers so it makes sense that I seek a woman that doesn't do that either. I'm now obviously single and still haven't found her but believe I will. It's just that those women are very rare in this century.

Edited July 16, 2014 by verydazednconfused

[William]

Thread starter hasn't been here for a month so we'll consider this thread done. Thanks for your participation!