mohhoss213 Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 I have never had a serious relationship before. I usually like to retreat and keep to myself whenever I am feeling hurt or have anxiety/stress problems. Not generalizing here, but I'm aware women like to be more expressive about their problems/needs. Would it be bad to expect a woman to retreat and work through their needs internally to some degree the way a man does? I guess I come from the perspective that no one can complete a person other than yourself. But, I feel guilty that my lack of emotional intelligence would bring hurt and neglect to my future partner. All opinions are welcome and I hope I can gain some insight on how to relate to women to facilitate discussion and understand their needs in the context of a relationship.
preraph Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 I've known a few examples of where men retreat and leave their woman hanging in the wind. In fact a very close friend of mine married someone before she knew how much like that he was. He won't usually come out of his room at the big holidays to be polite to her visiting relatives and has NO friends of his own. She is miserable and his only good point is he works and helps her support the kids. I would never advise a woman to pair up with someone like you describe, but many are so willing to see something good in someone that they will put blinders on and do just that, so there's always hope to attract one -- but keeping her is a different matter. There is simply no reason to take on someone who isn't holding up their end of a relationship emotionally and every other way. Anyone would be better off alone than that.
Author mohhoss213 Posted June 14, 2014 Author Posted June 14, 2014 To preraph, I can sometimes get overwhelmed with certain social situations or stimuli. I have Asperger's and ADHD; I have a limited social/emotional understanding, but sometimes I might not know how to express myself when a situation arises, so it is easier to retreat. It's just a fear of being accepted and how people will see me. It's good to hear there are people who will look past that, but I would someone rather tell me there is something off about my lack of emotional intelligence and we are going to have to work on that if a relationship is to continue. Sometimes, it takes a slap on the back of the head, a lot of patience and discussions to reach an understanding of how you can relate and communicate with each other. I can't speak for the husband, but my behavior stems from the fact I like to keep to myself a lot because it's hard for me to relate and connect to people. I've been here and talking with counselors to try to understand the benefit and importance of relating to people and how it can help your individual growth. What would you say about that? Maybe if you approach it from a smaller picture, the husband can work his way up to the bigger picture and see how his behavior can positively/negatively impact those around him. I hope their relationship can work out because it breaks my heart when a relationship doesn't work out because of an individual who can't understand themselves. You can pass this along to the wife to see if this perspective can help her in any way.
Recommended Posts