Understanding the psychology of compliments

[mohhoss213]

Not to generalize but why do women consciously think more about compliments/affection as it relates to how they feel about themselves compared to men? This is in relation to one of my previous concerns. I have never been in a relationship or dated for that matter before. So, perhaps my emotional understanding on this is limited. But, I admit that I have a lack of affinity for affection based on the social environment I was raised in. Like most men, I like to keep to myself and worry about how I perceive myself. But, for women, I guess it's different because they are social creatures and less on the alpha male independent mindset, am I right? I was hoping to gain some perspective to get out of this mindset and hopefully work towards a healthy, loving relationship.

[pteromom]

Do you mean compliments from their partner, from friends, from strangers?

 

They want compliments from their partner for reassurance that their partner finds them desirable.

 

They want compliments from friends and strangers as validation that they are making the right choices as far as fashion, hairstyle, etc.

[2sunny]

You raise many good points to consider.

 

I view compliments this way:

 

Compliments can be used for a positive outcome or a negative outcome.

 

IF they are GENUINE and come from a loving place they can be facilitated to build positive energy!

 

IF they aren't genuine they can be designed to manipulate and control causing negative energy.

[Got it]

It depends on the person's love language. In general no. I am female but it depends on the compliment. I would much rather be complimented for an accomplishment, skill set or analytical thinking than for my looks. Physical is fine from my significant other but what means the most is when he is proud of something I have accomplished at work, etc.

 

Some people want the validation from others but this isn't geared towards one sex over the other. I know a lot of needy guys. lol

[Giggle]

A peron's love language... Good point. I'm not fond of verbal compliments. From my man, I want physical appreciated.. Touches. The action. His unable to resist touching me

I really hate being called beautiful. Why? Because it feels like an exaggeration. I know I'm pretty, but being called beautiful seems more like a guy's attempt to tell me what he thinks I want to hear rather than his truth.

 

I really don't care if anybody likes my hair or clothes.. I like comfy clothes. I style my hair to suit me. I like how I look. But yeah, many do need that validation.

[littleplanet]

It all ran off the rails with the leopardskin pillbox hat

 

I compliment women's looks all the time. Complete strangers. Out of the blue. I just make sure to keep the compliments of a non-sexual nature.

Boots and shoes are easy.

Because except for high-end cowboy boots, men's footwear has to be some of the ugliest stuff invented on the planet. (in my most humble opinion)

But a plain and simple "nice hair" is only acknowledgement of a natural endowment. (and there certainly is an awful lot of nice hair out there....especially in an era when young men are given over to shaving themselves as bald as a centarian.)

At their age, I had the locks of a Viking.

 

 

But what I really love - is complimenting kids. When they do things that impress me.

 

These are things I never used to do, although I've never really been shy, in my life. They just never seemed important - but they are now.

A good compliment has no agenda. No creep factor.

It's like a tip left on a bar counter.

 

And sometimes, the very best of compliments are delivered without saying a word.

[FitChick]

If you are dating someone and don't give affection or compliments, they think you only like them as a platonic friend.

[todreaminblue]

Complimnets are an art form

 

that is now often seeped in distrust of what they are actually for,

they are to inspire feel good about yourself feelings in another it should be a selfless act of appreciation

often sarcasm sullies a compliment from a not too well meaning person.....

 

compliments are ofte used also to combat slights to be had by lesser compassionate people,

 

a compliment appeals to the child in us all,

it is an afformation to inner children often i beleive put it in the heart of another to give to someone who needs one,

 

 

only in the heavens do they knwo who needs one,

 

i use empathy to help me sometimes when gods phone is engaged......

i often find this to be true,

 

to flatter someone is to change the concept of selfessness to self serving

 

 

ulterior motive

 

 

compliments should always be taken to your heart and given importance by saying thank you how sweet of you to say

 

 

so compliment return inspires them to share more compliments with others.......which in turn starts a pay back or forward chain with huge investment in the feel good about yourself thing......

 

 

positive messages shared and affirmations are social graces long forgotten in a cold and distrustful world......to lack adn starve wihtout appreciation given to the art of it all....art has always been fro inspring thoughts and thought full ness in behavior word and action to show it.....

 

 

i give complments all the time because i have a bank of them i have received and returned......i am invested in this....i find it very rewarding way to act...and the dividends endless...for kids i have thousands of compliments..they shine when given to childen as big littl eplanet stated its pure joy to compliment a child .....adn amke them feel nurtured and watch them blossom into outstanding persons of merit....even with issues their merit is undeniable..... i continue and will always give compliments......even when slighted i give compliments....they tend to be loaded compliments with double meanings known to me alone hopefully, but i am not perfect and some people sometimes piss me off so i do a little back hand tennis when slighted...i apologize later.....in my own head....not to them...just to god for being slack......deb

Edited June 14, 2014 by todreaminblue

[mohhoss213]

"You have never been in a relationship but claim to know the difference between men and women.

 

Somewhat of a generalization on your part pulled out of thin air."

 

to Eau Claire...

 

Yes I think it is an indirect generalization when I now think about it because ther could be as many guys as girls who fish for compliments. But, I was just making a statement based on past observations and being the lending ear lol...I apologize if my question offended you and I didn't mean anything by it. I think I was trying to get to the root of one of my character problems. As evidenced by this quote...

 

"Some people want the validation from others but this isn't geared towards one sex over the other."

 

I never received much validation growing up and I seemingly didn't think much of it growing up because of my limited skills to process and understand emotions. I guess it was simpler to me to just worry about self-validation but perhaps that's too much stress for one human. I never could quantify or put into words the importance of relationships with others and how it is important to individual development. But, I think to dreaminblue raises a good point...

 

"starts a pay back or forward chain with huge investment in the feel good about yourself thing"

 

I think there is a inherent value in being selfless and it can reflect in a healthy, loving world around you. I think thinking more along those terms can help me come to terms with my lack of emotional intelligence. You know I'm on the Autistic scale (Asperger's-ASD) and I've been trying to approach this too much with logic.

[Got it]

OP - your question makes more sense now. I think you should recognize that the genders aren't that different so this is not something that women hold captive.

 

Compliments are given for many different reasons, good and bad, and they are received and "heard" both good and bad. But, bottomline, the psychology of compliments is to invoke good feelings from the recipient.

 

In thinking about this topic, re: compliments on physical attributes, is that I don't put value on physical appeal as pretty is as pretty does.

[salparadise]

You have never been in a relationship but claim to know the difference between men and women. Somewhat of a generalization on your part pulled out of thin air.

 

never mind....

Edited June 15, 2014 by salparadise