DanielStone Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 So, if any of you have read my previous thread, I recently tried to commit suicide and lost all my friends because of it and I'm feeling awfully lonely. I hate the feeling of being lonely and I know I need to do something about it. The NHS in the UK is absolute ****e and the Mental Health clinic I've been administered too has twice the amount of patients it should have so everything is taking a long time. I know that I just need to start talking to people but right now, it can't happen. I'm too self conscious and socially awkward to just start a conversation with someone so I thought that maybe trying OLD might be helpful. Get used to talking to people online again and transfer it to real life. Not on there for anything serious, just to talk to people and get used it it again. I created a profile and have spent a few hours going through profiles ect but I can't even bring myself to talk to people online anymore. I write these messages to people and I have my voice playing inside my head telling me I'm worthless and that they'll just laugh at me and never reply. I barely was able to write this post but luckily none of you can see who I really am.. I guess, if I knew how to really use OLD and how to write these first messages I might be able to send them... Any tips?
soccerrprp Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 DanielStone, Your issues has everything to do with your depression. If you cannot even communicate via OLD, your heart is nowhere ready for a relationship. This is not for dating, right? You are NOT in the position to date someone. If for making friends, that too you are not ready for it seems. Let me ask you...why did your "friends" abandon you? True friends would not do so unless something else was or has been going on.
Author DanielStone Posted June 13, 2014 Author Posted June 13, 2014 DanielStone, Your issues has everything to do with your depression. If you cannot even communicate via OLD, your heart is nowhere ready for a relationship. This is not for dating, right? You are NOT in the position to date someone. If for making friends, that too you are not ready for it seems. Let me ask you...why did your "friends" abandon you? True friends would not do so unless something else was or has been going on. How else am I supposed to stop this feeling of loneliness? My health clinic certainly isn't helping and doubt it was anytime soon... I need to do something! Well, most of them weren't even friends, just people in the group who knew me but we rarely spoke so it's obvious why they walked off then my actual friends... I don't know why? There was only 4/5 of them really that I would have considered real friends but now it's clear they're not.
d0nnivain Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 You have to walk before you can run. It's good that you are trying to get help for your depression. Can you supplement the therapy with some self help books? Movement & exercise will also have a positive effect on your life. Do active things even if it is just take a walk around the block. Make some new friends. Find reasons to like yourself. You can't fill the hole in your life from outside only. After you address those things, then you will be more ready to date & you will be more successful in attracting a positive person to enhance your life. 1
Kid_Charlemange Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 How else am I supposed to stop this feeling of loneliness? My health clinic certainly isn't helping and doubt it was anytime soon... I need to do something! Daniel, your posts are piercing my heart. Are you being treated for depression? Taking medication? Personal questions I realize. I share that feeling of loneliness. It's overpowering sometimes. If I had the answer, I'd tell you, and do it myself... but may I suggest something? Maybe don't date, but just interact with people. New people. If there is a site like meetup.com in the UK, check into that. Volunteer somewhere. Join a sports league. It doesn't even have to be a place where there are women; even hanging out with guys (who have sisters and female friends) might help you get your spark back. These are casual encounters, while OLD says "I want to date you." It's very specific and I guess I feel you're not ready. I'm also a raging hypocrite, because when my ex split with me, and I lost virtually all of our mutual friends in the breakup, I immediately hit the OLD sites... it didn't really help that much, not until I was over the breakup. Time is what you need, I think, and being around other people.
soccerrprp Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 You have no other people to talk to? In person? Well, being on here is a starter, but why can't your thoughts on OLD as you do here? Frankly, if you are on OLD to date, you are being unfair to others who are seeking people who are healthy for a relationship. You need to keep trying to find help.
Kid_Charlemange Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 Also, what d0nnivain says about exercise is generally true. I hate exercise, I really do.. but I forced myself to get into a habit and it's really helped me get out of my funk. There are all kinds of studies that show how endorphins help improve our mood. Plus, it can't hurt to be in a little better shape when you start looking for the next partner, right? That said... I'm off to the gym!
Author DanielStone Posted June 13, 2014 Author Posted June 13, 2014 Daniel, your posts are piercing my heart. Are you being treated for depression? Taking medication? Personal questions I realize. I share that feeling of loneliness. It's overpowering sometimes. If I had the answer, I'd tell you, and do it myself... but may I suggest something? Maybe don't date, but just interact with people. New people. If there is a site like meetup.com in the UK, check into that. Volunteer somewhere. Join a sports league. It doesn't even have to be a place where there are women; even hanging out with guys (who have sisters and female friends) might help you get your spark back. These are casual encounters, while OLD says "I want to date you." It's very specific and I guess I feel you're not ready. I'm also a raging hypocrite, because when my ex split with me, and I lost virtually all of our mutual friends in the breakup, I immediately hit the OLD sites... it didn't really help that much, not until I was over the breakup. Time is what you need, I think, and being around other people. Nope, no treatment, no medication. The clinic hasn't even contacted me after my first assessment yet.. They treat double the amount of people they're equipped for (UK Health system is ****) so I have no idea when anything will start. To be honest, I wasn't using it as a dating thing, literally just to get used to talking to people again... I didn't really know what else to try.. Don't particularly know of any other websites to use. The trouble is.. I know what I should be doing, I know it would be a good idea to join a sports team or to volunteer somewhere - I know exactly what I should be doing but I just can't. I have trouble going into work and college where I already know everyone let alone meet new people. That's why I wanted to try talk to people using OLD since it's not face to face but still new people.
d0nnivain Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 OLD is for dating, not making friends. Here -- LS -- is an OK place to interact with people without too much pressure / expectations. Do you play any on line video games? They usually have a place to chat. I actually play a lot of on-line Scrabble. Not very exciting but there is a dialogue box. Are you a member of any clubs at school? Try joining something. Get a summer job & interact with folks after work.
Kid_Charlemange Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 Daniel I'm not a doctor. But I've been treated for depression in my life, and your posts make you sound like a poser child for the disease. Depression is a chemical imbalance, like diabetes. It's nothing to be ashamed of. But you have to treat it. Trying to fix social skills while ignoring depression is like changing a tire on a car that's on fire. To wit, your statement about knowing what to do, but lacking the energy to do it, is textbook depression apathy. I know the feeling because, I deal with it every day. I hate to sound harsh here, but I don't care how strong or tough you are. You can no more "pull yourself out" of depression than a diabetic can will himself to make more insulin. All that said... yeah, you need to be around people. Absolutely. But I'm not sure OLD is the answer. My fear is that your low feelings will come across as unattractive, and you either won't get any dates or they won't be interested in you after they meet you, and that will just dive you deeper into depression. Dating is stressful for everyone! But just being social requires a lot less effort, and carries less risk of rejection.
deathandtaxes Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 There is a BIG difference between being alone and loneliness. A lot of people choose to be alone but aren't lonely. Having a significant other will not prevent loneliness. In your situation, it will only compound your problems. You need to be healthy before you try to date. 1
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