Broncos38 Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 But my fiancée family includes me in every holiday, father day, mother day and so on. My fiancée feels like she is not invited to anything as their future daughter in law. Every time I ask my mom what is my supposed to do then be by herself at the apartment every time their is family gathering with my family. My family does not trust her financially what does this mean for us to get married. My dad doesn't approve her because she can't drive, no car, no job. But only has to depend on SSI. How is this fair to her though. I don't understand this at all. She epilepsy too. She can't help to wait to seek approval from her doctor. She had epilepsy since she was 8 months old. And my fiancee's family is more welcoming than my family is. Her family is catholic and my family is Lutheran. This whole thing is messed up.
central Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 If you are truly serious about this relationship, you will tell your family that if your fiancee is not invited, you won't be attending - and mean it. They don't have to like or approve, but they aren't even giving her a chance. They do need to be civil, at least, for your sake. 4
DaisyLeigh1967 Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 Your family is a bunch of intolerant *******s. I would not put up with it. Tell them to grow up, knock it off, or you are no longer going to see them. Do what is right. 1
juicygirl Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 Try and bring her around the members of the family who'd be o.k. My dad is a miserable old man, who doesn't like anyone, his just really rude.So dating can be weird because the guy doesn't get to meet him or go to my parents house. My mum just puts up with him because she has been for years. My mum is the o.k one and would be willing to meet the boyfriends, especially a fiancé. Sometimes you have to tell the family to get over it. Remind them that this lady could be the mother of their future grandchildren and if they don't want the mother around,well as a mother myself I wouldn't want my children around people who don't like me. They don't have to love her, but learn to be civilised
d0nnivain Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 Religion has nothing to do with it but you may be able to get some support if you talk to your family priest. Your parents want the best for you. They are worried & are trying to do the best they can. Remember in the begining your FIs mom wasn't all that keen on you either but you eventually won her over. I agree with Central. If your FI is not welcome, you need to side with her and skip the event. If you get any pre-marital counseling from the Catholic Church they will tell you having to deal with family of origin issues is a huge a thing & until you start seeing your FI as your primary responsibility / family the marriage won't work. 1
pink_sugar Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 I'm so sorry to hear that. I can relate to an extent. My husband's family would constantly hassle me about getting my driver's license and about driving. I got my license at 22, 3 years ago. It's none of your relatives business with regard to her driving or having a job. Having a car is sometimes overrated if you can get by just fine on public transit. I can understand legitimate concern, but not including her in festivities is just screwed up and immature. As long as YOU are happy and things are fine between you and your fiancee otherwise, your relatives should mind their own business. My relatives would hassle my H about working and that he needs to work full time and his relatives hassle me about driving. Not so much anymore, but occasionally. Stand your ground and tell your relatives they will not be seeing you if your fiancee cannot come.
Tayla Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 In previous posts by Op it can be safely said that your gf is short on financial independency and ability to manage. Its a red flag in some families. My family is protective of the children and their welfare. Sounds like your family runs that same mindset. She will need to earn their trust if she wants to be welcomed. I mean this in a fair manner, you may well love one another, yet some adults want stability for their kids. Shunning your family will not resolve the issue. The dynamics of your family is to protect, her family dynamics may well be more casual.... Parents for the most part have some method for their reasons in inviting or not. Find a neutral ground til the gf can be welcomed.
lollipopspot Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 But my fiancée family includes me in every holiday, father day, mother day and so on. My fiancée feels like she is not invited to anything as their future daughter in law. Consider initiating some events yourself, and inviting your family, so they get to know her. "Mom - we're taking you out for mother's day!" "We're making a birthday dinner for you at our apartment!" "We're having a holiday dinner, please come!" If this works, it will be more and more awkward for them not to include her at their events. When you get married, they'll probably include her because it would be inexcusably rude not to.
bubbaganoosh Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 Your old enough to get married, then your old enough to have a heart to heart talk with your family. If it was me, my family would know that this is unacceptable behavior and that this woman will be my wife and if she can't be accepted by my family then they have lost a son and tell them the balls in their court now. They can either act like adults or go their own way and live with the consequences. Their choice. You better understand though, you can't force them to like her and be prepared for some hard feeling. 2
whichwayisup Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 My family does not trust her financially what does this mean for us to get married. My dad doesn't approve her because she can't drive, no car, no job. But only has to depend on SSI. How is this fair to her though. I don't understand this at all. She epilepsy too. Is she incapable of working because of her health? Is she lazy and not willing to work? How old are you two? Your parents are concerned and are worried you'll throw your life away for someone who you'll have to look after on all levels for the rest of your life. 1
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