jennyc33 Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 I just experienced a break up (roughly 12 hours ago) and I'm wondering, what are some things that you have done now or in the past after a break up to better your own life during this time period? To get out there and feel like - wow, my life is pretty amazing with or without a man (or woman, as the case may be)? I'm looking for things like: learned french, took up bellydancing, found a new job, used xyz website for my self esteem, etc. And hey, maybe it includes: ate a pint of ben & jerry's every night for a month. There's no judgment here!! I want to come up with my dream list, and start checking them off!! I need a new focus on something that is positive for my soul, in addition to just plain bawling my eyes out. Thanks for any input.
Philosoraptor Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 Patience and forgiveness will help you heal the fastest. Allow yourself to heal and forgive yourself for any mistakes you have made and the ones you make as you heal. And healing is the only true way to actually get over it. You can keep yourself busy though. Make yourself a bucket list of things you want to do and try to check your list off as often as possible. Even things as simple as taking a walk can feel cathartic to check off. 1
umirano Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 My BU was 2 months ago. I worked out a lot. Bike rides, and (initially) a lot of video gaming (first two weeks) to sedate my mind. Then LSing and going out with friends. Haven't touched video games the past month. The weather is too nice. So I'm meeting up with people a lot. Started OLD (not looking for anything serious).
OwMyEyeball Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 It took the breaking of my romantic relationship for me to realize I needed to break another difficult relationship I had been stringing along for years - my job and career path. I was trading in my mental health and fulfillment for income security. In a tight job market that's a sacrifice many of us have to make. But I'm fortunate enough to have adequate savings and a strong regional job market to get my foot in the door on a career compatible to who I am and what I want from life. Frankly, I don't think it's very much different for romantic relationships. We allow for trade-offs and sometimes stick to our partners more out of fear of loss than love for them. I found Breakup Recovery Guide to be very helpful in laying out some clear ground rules and expectations. A bit more research also helped me to understand that "love" (desirous attachment to another) is a drug and breakups put us into withdrawal. And all withdrawals include a good measure of suffering. But everyone eventually recovers. At times, especially during the depression phases, it may not feel that way, but that's a projection of mood, not a matter of fact. No Contact is crucial. But the recovery period can be long drawn out if there's no effort on your end to reflect, introspect and self-improve. It seems as though you're already gunning for that and are preparing for the emotional slug-fest that's about to ensue (and gradually unfold into full recovery). You won't feel like it at times, but you'll be fine 1
d0nnivain Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 First you have to give yourself some time to grieve. Take at least the weekend & get out all the tears or anger. This is when you eat all the ice cream. Getting drunk over this weekend is also an option but be safe about it & after the one night don't crawl back into a bottle to heal. Second, once you have cleansed, then you get busy on your list. My post break up routine has always included: packing away the momentos, cleaning the house, rearranging the funiture / redecorating and getting a new hair style.
triniechu Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 Yeah breakups are tough! It's almost been 2 weeks since my ex broke it off with me. You definitely need to let all the feelings and tears out.It's definitely part of healing. Reach out to your friends if you need to vent. I know that really has helped me. Also keep busy!! I've been reading a lot lately and I'm planning and getting back into the gym. The gym usually helps me clear my mind. Oh and yoga is great too! I hope this helps!
edgygirl Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 We broke up almost two weeks ago. I tried very hard not to be by myself and not think about him, not grief, and not let it all out. Not sure it was that good as in the past few days it hit me and I'm feeling very very sad. Maybe the best thing to do as people posted above is to let yourself feel sad and grief a few days. What I'm afraid of is to get stuck in grieving mode if I start that, as I've done in the past. So hard. I just want to get over him.
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