irc333 Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 I was wondering, I've spoken with several women in the past. Some that I recall as far as back as college that don't believe in dating. They admit to just having been in long term relationships (no less than 6 months to as much as a year). They just don't "date around" as some put it. Not sure what they mean by this, but I think it's more of a woman than a guy thing as guys tend to do the dating around. She may be inferring casual sex that goes along with dating?
lovebirds Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 It's not that weird to me. You're friends with someone, you fall in love, you kiss (or the other way around), you're more or less a couple. That's how things go in my part of the world and in my social circle. We don't really do 'dating'. We just fall in love, have sex, ... with people we already know. I'm early twenties so I'm guessing this changes when you get older. 1
Author irc333 Posted June 13, 2014 Author Posted June 13, 2014 It's not that weird to me. You're friends with someone, you fall in love, you kiss (or the other way around), you're more or less a couple. That's how things go in my part of the world and in my social circle. We don't really do 'dating'. We just fall in love, have sex, ... with people we already know. I'm early twenties so I'm guessing this changes when you get older. Yeah, from what I understand, I think some do the "group outing" thing, so they tend to be friends with the person already or at least had become familiar with them on a friendship basis usually through group outings or casual social events as opposed to "Hey, what's your number (cold turkey approach) ...and it's only a first time encounter. Last night, I did something casual with a woman at an small, group event (she met me there, so I didn't pick her up as it's only 2 mins from her house). Then after the event, I asked her if she wanted to grab a bite...and she said "Sure, love to", we even did dutch treat.
Disillusioned Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 To me, if you don't have the hots for someone, what's the point in dating them? It makes no sense to me. 2
jbelle6 Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 Well, you do get the hots in those situations. I haven't really dated much. I would find out someone was into me and we'd just start doing things together. It was exclusive right away and we just kept on seeing each other. It's not that we always went out in groups or didn't go anywhere, it's just there wasn't a period where we didn't know we were together and dated other people per say. Not sure if I am explaining this right.
CaliGypsy Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 To me, if you don't have the hots for someone, what's the point in dating them? It makes no sense to me. The point for me would be is this: Some men I find immediately, physically attractive or "have the hots for ". There are other men that I might not feel that way about right away, but after spending time with them their personalities are such that attraction grows in proportion. In either case I'd want to get to know a person before I ruled them out (dating) Attraction is more than just the physical it's mental too.
Author irc333 Posted June 13, 2014 Author Posted June 13, 2014 To me, if you don't have the hots for someone, what's the point in dating them? It makes no sense to me. I'm not sure what you said has to do with my post. Please explain
Philosoraptor Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 Personally as a guy I saw no thrill in casual dating. Sure I went on a lot of first dates, but it simply was to determine compatibility.
Babolat Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 I was wondering, I've spoken with several women in the past. Some that I recall as far as back as college that don't believe in dating. They admit to just having been in long term relationships (no less than 6 months to as much as a year). They just don't "date around" as some put it. Not sure what they mean by this, but I think it's more of a woman than a guy thing as guys tend to do the dating around. She may be inferring casual sex that goes along with dating? Man here. I have tried what I call multi-dating, going on a few dates with 2+ woman at the same time. It's emotionally draining for me, and I simply cannot do it. Once I meet someone I'm interested in I turn everthing else off. Probably why I get emotionally overwhelmed when doing OLD. I have never, and never will, sleep with 2 woman at the same time. That to me is just wrong. If I were to I would make sure both know I am. I don't think this is a gender thing either. I think male "players" simply get more of the "media" attention.
Babolat Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 Well, you do get the hots in those situations. I haven't really dated much. I would find out someone was into me and we'd just start doing things together. It was exclusive right away and we just kept on seeing each other. This has been my hisotry. My friends are telling me to try a different approach, to not jump in so fast and date other woman, so long as all know what you are doing. This is a challenge for me as a man. I get their message: if you date enough one will eventually rise above the rest.
jbelle6 Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 This has been my hisotry. My friends are telling me to try a different approach, to not jump in so fast and date other woman, so long as all know what you are doing. This is a challenge for me as a man. I get their message: if you date enough one will eventually rise above the rest. It's going to be really strange for me too. I'll try it though, but if I really like someone I just don't get in the mood to see others. My friends are telling me the same as yours lol.
D.Mc. Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 Hi IRC, I look at it from an age perspective mostly. For me a date means meeting one man & going somewhere & or doing something w/him & the evening ends w/us in separate beds. For the "young'uns" a date could be a hookup: they do go out, very often in a group of others but they know from the beginning that they are going to have sex w/each other by the end of the day. How many teen/20 something posts on LS have begun w/the sentence "so this guy/girl & I were hanging out"? The term "date" seems to mean something entirely different to what was meant in my day. I definitely think of casual sex when I hear the words "dating around". I want to date: go out, see something, do something, but I won't be having sex w/anyone the 1st time out. That's a date to me, even if it's the 2nd or 3rd time out w/the same man. A relationship is where I have sex, b/c sex requires emotional security that doesn't exist in casual dating. Since I'm 40+ there may be other women in my age range who feel the same.
Sunberry Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 I was wondering, I've spoken with several women in the past. Some that I recall as far as back as college that don't believe in dating. They admit to just having been in long term relationships (no less than 6 months to as much as a year). They just don't "date around" as some put it. Not sure what they mean by this, but I think it's more of a woman than a guy thing as guys tend to do the dating around. She may be inferring casual sex that goes along with dating? Before I answer, can someone tell me what exactly is casual dating? Is it fwb's? Is it "talking"? I've never actually grasped what exactly it was...
iris219 Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 Before I answer, can someone tell me what exactly is casual dating? Is it fwb's? Is it "talking"? I've never actually grasped what exactly it was... I define casual dating as dating people you know aren't relationship material (for a large variety reasons), so you never become exclusive. Some people call it dating for fun, and for some it is fun. The can enjoy their finite time with a person who they know isn't right for them. For others, like myself, dating someone I can't see myself in a relationship with seems like a time waster and a chore. 2
preraph Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 "Casual dating" should be termed differently than "casual sex." but I'm sure people confuse the two all the time. As for casual dating, some women aren't interested. Casual dating is dating different guys without sleeping with them and just getting to know them and hanging out to see if you like any of them as people and want to take it further. Dating in general is very uncomfortable for a lot of women for obvious reasons, number one being that so many guys only want sex, so it ends up being an unpleasant date because of that and you have to be a psychic to know whether you're being lied to for sex or they're genuine. Guys pressuring women makes it hard for women to feel comfortable just getting to know a guy even well enough to know if they want to have a relationship because those guys aren't interested in that. They're interested only in casual sex. So because casual dating isn't nearly as casual as the term implies, only the most socially savvy women seem to be willing and able to do it and pull it off without a bunch of men getting bent out of shape. So instead, most women tend to pick a guy from afar, see if he's interested, then see if he's anything like what they hoped.
iiiii Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 I think casual dating is dating someone you don't want to be with long term. But still dating them for fun, knowing you'll almost certainly break up at some point. It would hold no interest for me whatsoever. If I can't see a future with someone, I'm not interested in dating them.
joystickd Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 Question: When are you going to stop analyzing and really get out here and experience? The only way to get good game is to get off here and get out there.
GemmaUK Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 I haven't ever casually dated. If I am dating someone/seeing someone/in a relationship with someone it all means pretty much the same to me. Only difference being when I lived with my now ex that was 'in a relationship/living together'. I have been on one off dates but they're just literally one off with no physical stuff to see if there was any potential for dating. Casual dating to me sounds like dating someone you're not really interested in so I could be missing out on a great guy by casually dating someone I wasn't keen on. Sounds like your 'grab a bite' was either just friendship, an actual date or maybe a ONS to me. I wouldn't read much into someone suggesting to 'grab a bite'. I would only think it was friendship and being hungry.
Grumpybutfun Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 I loved causal dating...if you aren't ready for marriage or a LTR, it is the only logical thing to do unless you have very little interest in girls or sex. We don't all come out of the womb looking for marriage. Of course, I was honest and never slept with anyone who was not clear that this was a casual thing. Most people have no idea who they are or what they want in life and rush to settle down which makes no sense to me. When I grew up and got my priorities in order and figured out my beliefs and took my stands on things, then I was ready for my girl and she is just amazing. This is why so many fail in relationships, they rush into them too quickly and without dating enough to figure out some basic dynamics and psychologies. JMHO. Best, Grumps
SmartDude Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 I think of "casual dating" as a kind of tool, appropriate for certain situations. I like to meet women, But I don't always instantly know if I want to her to be my lover. Besides, spending the rest of my life with just one person sounds like a horrible fate. I want to have experiences with the "one". To me the "one" and the "many" are the same lol. So ya, basically if I met my soulmate in the street I would tell her to get lost:laugh:
MissBee Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 I think casual dating serves a purpose, especially when you're younger. I think teenage dating for example, should be casual. That is, you may not be looking for a husband/wife yet, but like to hang out with, go to the movies, grab some food etc. with someone you like and it teaches you about dating and relationship dynamics. I dated a lot when I was younger. I didn't have serious relationships but often had dates for the weekend. It was great! I was always puzzled at people with instant relationships or the minute they meet someone the next week they are their bf/gf. While I dated casually I didn't really have casual sex. I've never had sex with someone I've just met or just gone out with once. Now that I'm older I don't date casually and just for fun anymore. I did enough of that type of care-free, dating just to date stuff and now I date with a purpose and won't continue going out with a man with whom I don't see any potential for something substantial.
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