openipy Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 (edited) Ever since I started dating my boyfriend I have been thinking about arguments with my mom. She often ended up yelling at me that I will never be able to have a healthy relationship with people. And right now I always have the feeling that I can't deal with the emotions involved in relationship. I met my bf through a common female friend and started dating my bf last year.A month later he asked to be exclusive, and I said yes (which surprised me too..i guess I just really like him). We both have very busy schedule but we manage to meet once during the week and spend the weekend together. He is super sweet, and always tell me that I'm pretty, he's so lucky to have me and I'm special. He also takes good care of me when I was sick (spring is tricky!). One time I texted him at 3am told him I was feeling really back and he immediately drove up to my place(we live 30 mins apart) and took me to the ER. He sent me flowers when I was working abroad and he would ditch his guys night for me. He told me lots of stuffs about his family and really opened up his emotion to me. He talked about him parents divorce and how that made him value family more than anything. Etc. He also introduced me to some of his friends and invited me to hangout with them. Most of the time I feel glad to have him as a bf, but sometimes I just started feeling ridiculous. So when I met him he appeared to be the "playboy" type of guy so when he asked me out I always refused. Though eventually I got annoyed and went out with him. Sometimes when he is telling me something sweet, I would always think about when I first knew him. Then I would think that he probably didn't mean what he says and he's just smooth since he hangout in bars a lot. Another thing is about the friend who introduced us. Before I started dating my bf, one time when we went out with a huge group of common friend, my bf kissed me on the cheek. When I talked to my friend, she told me that's probably nothing and said that one time she got a goodbye kiss on lips from my bf. And now that I'm with my bf, my friend still occasionally bring it up like she's wearing it as a badge...which bugs me a lot!! Then I'd starting thinking that my bf only pick me as a substitute of my friend or just to get to her. And sadly that sometimes make sense to me because I remembered that they hung out alone a lot and he always made time for her. My bf didn't know I know about the kiss on lips thing, but he is probably aware of my feeling towards that friend and is nolonger hanging out with her except occasionally texting on phone. He also told me that she's so high maintenance that there's no way thst he can deal with her. Anyways I tried to think about how happy I am in my relationship everyday, but all I can think of are: what if he is lying when he is saying sweet things? What if he still have feeling for my friend? When he got off work late I'd start wondering if he's hanging out with some girls that I don't know....... All because the first impression he gave me was playboy. I know this is pathetic,and this is driving me ctazy and affecting my daily life. I was wondering if you guys can help me to feel more secure in relationship. I really hope this would work out with him... Thanks on advance!!!!! Edited June 13, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs
Gaeta Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 You have to tell your friend and your mom to stop making these comments about your boyfriend. Next time your friend mentions that your bf gave her a kiss on the lips back then just tell her you would appreciate if she stop mentioning this in front of you. The same with your mom, tell her to stop putting doubts in your mind, you have a good thing going and want to keep thinking positive. She is your mom, she is suppose to be on your team. Your boyfriend may have given you the wrong impression when you met him but he just spent an entire year proving you you are his special one. He is loving you with words and with actions, what else could he do? 2
d0nnivain Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 Anyways I tried to think about how happy I am in my relationship everyday, but all I can think of are: what if he is lying when he is saying sweet things? What if he still have feeling for my friend? When he got off work late I'd start wondering if he's hanging out with some girls that I don't know....... All because the first impression he gave me was playboy. You are your own worse enemy here. Your 1st impression was wrong. This guy is not a playboy. Players don't ask you to be exclusive after 1 month; they don't drive over in the middle of the night to take you to the ER; and they don't stick around for a year +. Just because he used to hang out in bars doesn't make him untrustworthy. Just because he once kissed your friend on the lips before he was dating you does not make you a second choice. He has told you she's too high maintenance for him. Why don't you think you deserve to have sweet things said to you? Why not shift your mindset from paranoid to happy that you have a good guy? This guy sounds like the kind of guy most women want. The fact that he's doing everything right & you are sitting here assuming he's lying to you is why many guys end up bitter & pi$$ed wondering why they can't catch a break. If you continually doubt this relationship & his feelings for you, you will end up killing the relationship because he will decide it's not worth banging his head on a wall because nothing he does is good enough for you. I would tell your friend to shut up about the long ago kiss already. 1
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