BBoy87 Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 Hey Everyone Iv'e read this forum many times over the years in my times of need and i just wanna talk about Love and Relationships, are they for everyone ? Here's some of my background (sorry it's long haha), I'm 26 and been in 2 major relationships in my life growing up i was sexually abused by a family friend which im not sure if has played apart in my relationships demising. In my first relationship i did become quite needy and we broke up after a year at the time i felt horrible but have come to look back on that relationship fonder memories and have regain a friendship with that person My second relationship was much more a whirlwind and we were together for 4 years the first 3 years seemed to be fantastic i was happy and thought i'd found "the one" in the 4th year my mental state seemed effect my everyday life, i did believe my partner was cheating despite his promises he wasn't and i had no reason not to trust and believe him but as time went on i really struggled i was getting anxiety attacks and he decided we should take a break so i could in his words "work on myself" during this time i did seek help and was put on lexapro to help with my anxiety. I latter finally discovered my partner was cheating for most of the final year of our relationship and had began a new relationship with the person, funny enough this gave me a mix of tremendous relief as i was honesty going crazy with my brain telling me one thing and my partner telling me another, from this moment on i have learnt to trust my intuition. The end of that relationship was toughest in my life i fell into a deep depression and became a zombie at work and my weekends i was mostly bedridden with grief, i slowly got better but things kept coming back to haunt me, i found my ex had stolen money off me about $1000 and while i tried to be strong everytime i found out something about my ex like other people he cheated on me with i felt like i was back to the drawing board of recovery i eventfully got there ! It's been 3 years since that relationship as ended and the first year alone was tough but i felt like ive grown into a stronger person the past 2 years have been amazing ! i done so many things i never dreamed of, ive always been a quite shy person with a love of acting and singing but was always to afraid to to pursue it. Then last year i sucked it up and auditioned for a local play in my town and was amazed i was cast this has introduced to a entire new friends group who in a short time i consider family ! my love of the preforming arts has grown and have done 2 more plays in this time and i even got into a professional paid acting job i was on top of the world !! Love then hit me again for the 3rd major time in my life, i met someone and we saw eachother weekly for about 6 months it started as casual flings and i felt it grew to someone more intimate we shared eachothers dreams and fears, along with openly sharing with him my past abuse. I pretty much fell in love with this person and as i did the fears and anxiety returned and i felt like i started driving him away, im not even sure i wanted commitment but i did grew to be become quite jealous as i know he was seeing other people. Last week i bit the bullet and told him of all the affections of held for him and he while he said liked me very much and loved our time together he simply couldnt return my feelings and was very sorry of the jealously i was feeling. He recommenced we cut ties for now until i get over him, which i guess would be for the best but this has really brought back all my bad feelings of all my failed relationships, i was so happy and independent single i felt so strong and fearless for the first time in my entire life and i let love bring me down !! Again im feeling the lows of this and im missing this person so much, this way i wanna ask the question Is Love for Everyone ? ive had it 3 times and ive had enough, i really feel in my soul i don't have what it takes to control my feelings while in a relationship and im not sure if im scared or excited to live a life of independence at my age (26) alot of my close friends have started to get married and have families and i just don't think it's for me, maybe im just scared of getting hurt again ? im really not sure ! anyone ever felt this ? Thanks for your time x
Anaida Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 Hey there, I'm sorry to hear what you've gone through in life. It must have been soul-killing to have the same thing happen to you again and again. And while you've grown strong from it and emerged a new person, there will be times when you feel you've been dragged back to the Square One. But BBoy87, let me tell you something---once you've been through a hardening process and come out with flying colours, you can never, NEVER go back. The past will haunt you for a while, you just need to focus all your energies on remembering how you rose above it the last time. Trust me, your past success will provide you all the strength you need to withstand this. On whether love is for everybody, its a tough question. Love is itself a very vague, much-overly-extolled concept according to me. People fall in love, find themselves in heaven and then break up/divorce. Look around you, more than 50% couples in the US get divorced within the first ten years. So what IS love, actually? It is not something that is self-preserving and independant of subjectivity, it takes the shape WE or lovers give it. Regarding you, I suggest you Do NOT get into casual flings, let a relationship emerge from a deep friendship, if it has to. If it does, then you were destined to have love; if not, not. And trust me, there's NOTHING wrong with being single. Eventually you will learn to embrace it and grow fond of it. Good luck. 1
El Brujo Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 The problem isn't with love and who needs it or doesn't. The problems are with people who are too stupid to know the difference between love and sex, and with what the media telling us what we ought to believe and shaming us if we don't. 1
DitzyPanda Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 You seem happier being single though, so instead of looking at all your friend who are getting married you should take pride in the happiness you have without the hassle of a relationship. When you're lonely you can go to your friends and you can find other things to occupy your time. Love is ambiguous in the sense that you can love a lot of things. People surround themselves with things they love. For some it's friends, others it's a significant other, and for a few it's material things. Pick what you love most and stick with it.
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