Griesfootball Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 I know there is no set way on how to do this. And no contact is supposed to be used to improve yourself. You can't force somebody to love you but what gives you the best chance? I feel like no contact can go either way in that the dumper can really start to miss you or they can totally forget about you and that thought is just scary to me. So what do you do to increase your odds?
organizedchaos Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 I know there is no set way on how to do this. And no contact is supposed to be used to improve yourself. You can't force somebody to love you but what gives you the best chance? I feel like no contact can go either way in that the dumper can really start to miss you or they can totally forget about you and that thought is just scary to me. So what do you do to increase your odds? You can only give them space. There is no trick. As for NC: You go NC, they miss you, they come back to you = you win You go NC, they forget about you, you heal = you win 19
Stronger14 Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 I know there is no set way on how to do this. And no contact is supposed to be used to improve yourself. You can't force somebody to love you but what gives you the best chance? I feel like no contact can go either way in that the dumper can really start to miss you or they can totally forget about you and that thought is just scary to me. So what do you do to increase your odds? This is what every dumpee deals with - as humans, we are taught our entire life that whenever we want something, we should work hard and do everything in our control to fight for what we want. Except after a breakup, contrary to the advice, there is absolutely NOTHING we can do to get them back. We are powerless - there's nothing to be done to get them back, to get them to change their mind, or to go back to how things used to be. The dumper has made their decision. They chose to live a life without you in it, as hard as that is to digest. No contact is the best thing to do for YOU, not to get them back. It protects you from being hurt further. Again, no action or secret formula will get them back. What you can do is get back in touch with yourself. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and go back to being you, without your ex. Get into hobbies, reconnect with friends, go to the gym, talk to a therapist, get involved with work, etc. Whatever you can do love your life. When you start to feel okay in your own skin and confident again, and keep up nc with your ex, one of two things will happen. You will either: - meet someone new and start dating, or - re-attract your ex and reconcile. I have to admit tho, the second possibility is highly unlikely, so I would pretty much assume that you will find someone new who you will be happy withX the hope and dream of one day getting back with your ex will hold you back from moving on.. Like you, I spent countless hours researching ways to get back my ex, only to find there is no one proven successful way. It's not cut and dry, and in fact it may never happen. Rather than asking loveshack how to get your ex back, a better use of your time would be asking "how can I move on and cope with my breakup in the best, healthiest way possible?" This shall pass, you are a great person and you will love and be loved again 6
somedude81 Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 I have no idea how to get an ex back. All I know is that continuing to talk to them and bug them about why they dumped you, does not work. 2
PhillyConnection23 Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 Give them distance and seriously think about what went wrong with your relationship or why your ex left. If it is something that can be fixed and you are willing to fix it, do it. Don't contact them during this period, focus on yourself. If you are confident that you are in a better place, confident that what killed your first relationship has been resolved, and confident with whatever response you will get, then reach out. If you don't think you can change, aren't willing to change something, or think the reason for the break up was BS then you should focus on moving on and meeting someone new in the future. Either way, you have absolutely nothing to gain by talking to this person in the short term (READ: A couple of months). If it was a meaningful relationship where you actually shared a bond, grew as people and made memories together, they aren't going to forget you....ever.
OwMyEyeball Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 If you're the dumpee, it's as simple as not wanting them back. Ah, the Reconciliation Paradox! 1
d0nnivain Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 You get the best chance if the problems which drove you apart have been resolved. That rarely happens. Also, it's usually not just one thing. By the time you break up, the dumper is usually just done.
Author Griesfootball Posted June 13, 2014 Author Posted June 13, 2014 Stronger14 you made a lot of good points. As much as I really like this girl I'm only 19 and I think I'll be fine if things don't change. It does suck going through the stages of meeting someone-getting comfortable and loving them- then back to cutting them out like they were never there 1
Elle1975 Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 Stronger14 you made a lot of good points. As much as I really like this girl I'm only 19 and I think I'll be fine if things don't change. It does suck going through the stages of meeting someone-getting comfortable and loving them- then back to cutting them out like they were never there I totally agree. Funny you mentioned it, I was reflecting on that a few days ago.
Cr8tivePassion Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 Best way to get over someone is to sleep with/date someone else. It works. They are your ex for a reason so there's no point in going backwards. Dating someone initially is usually the best part! The excitement and "butterflies" are the best. Have fun and don't jump into a long term relationship.
Elle1975 Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 Best way to get over someone is to sleep with/date someone else. It works. They are your ex for a reason so there's no point in going backwards. Dating someone initially is usually the best part! The excitement and "butterflies" are the best. Have fun and don't jump into a long term relationship. Ugh I hate the first couple months.. I'm not an anxious person at all. I can take on everything life throws out at me.. but for dating! I am so bad at dating.. OP you seem to know how to handle your break up. No doubts, you'll be fine.
stillfiguringitallou Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 Best way to get over someone is to sleep with/date someone else. It works. They are your ex for a reason so there's no point in going backwards. Dating someone initially is usually the best part! The excitement and "butterflies" are the best. Have fun and don't jump into a long term relationship. Yeah - treating someone else poorly and like their thoughts feelings and needs don't matter is absolutely the best way to heal yourself. Jesus.
David87 Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 If they ever come back in to your life it happens when youre least expecting it... That means if you keep trying to find a way to get youre ex back it will never happen, let it go because exes sense that.... 1
todreaminblue Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 I know there is no set way on how to do this. And no contact is supposed to be used to improve yourself. You can't force somebody to love you but what gives you the best chance? I feel like no contact can go either way in that the dumper can really start to miss you or they can totally forget about you and that thought is just scary to me. So what do you do to increase your odds? the best chance you have of ever getting an ex back is to let go and find happiness with someone else who truly loves and who you love in return so when and if they do come back......it isnt important to you anymore....and you would not go back....thats when they realize they should want to try and get you back...that chance is then gone...because you dont want to give it..they then move on...but who cares anymore...certainly not you..wait for no man.......you are worth more than that they dont see it until too late.....so no chance in other words is good enough for you.deb 2
Mistercash Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 (edited) Every last one of my exes tried to come back at some point. Whether it was calling me months later or adding me on social networks, they made some effort to keep in touch with me. I'm not sure whats going to happen with my current ex as she dumped me & moved back to her hometown and has someone else. Only time will tell. But, as long as you were a good partner thats all that matters. That will give you the best chance. If you had a really good bond with your ex, they will never forget you. I still think about my ex from high school and that was 10 years ago. But, you have to leave them alone and disappear clean out of their life. My ex ex is still pursuing me after throwing me to the curb and getting back with her ex years ago. She had a baby by him and and a few weeks ago, she admitted to that being the worst decision she ever made. He is a not a good father. She is still chasing me and trying to hang out with me and I have not seen her in over 4 years. At this point, I no longer have feelings for her. I just enjoy toying with her and she knows it. Its a great ego boost. Edited June 13, 2014 by Mistercash 2
Author Griesfootball Posted June 13, 2014 Author Posted June 13, 2014 That's how I feel. I had a good year long relationship, I made a couple of mistakes early on she didn't trust me at full in the beginning but we got along great,families were close, took trips. I got dumped with I need space I love you but don't feel the same talk I just don't see how she won't come back it was a no cheating-lying-abuse relationship.We have both been single for 10 weeks I think we are both scared to see each other with someone else
frigginlost Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 You can read until you're blue in the face. You can agonize until you pass out. You can weave your mind into all sorts of positions to try to rationalize, figure out how to do this, or how to do that. But the simple, most effective way is to... Go. Live. Your. Life. 6
KaliLove Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 The only thing that will bring your ex back is them wanting to come back. You can't talk someone into wanting you, nor can you NC them into wanting you, nor can you beg, plead, guilt, love, bribe, ignore, pester, stalk, be kind to, hurt, or cry someone into wanting you. You might be able to manipulate someone into coming back for a short period if they don't want you but they'll just leave again eventually. They just have to want you. Period. 8
Author Griesfootball Posted June 13, 2014 Author Posted June 13, 2014 I agree with all that is said but I am in a complicated position too where I posted a few days ago that my exes family and my family are going on a pre planned trip and that trip is tomorrow. It's a cruise and our rooms are on the same deck near each other and I'm nervous about how I will be viewed. I could be ignored or avoided or hated and the problem is that I feel too much emotional build up going 3 weeks nc and then all of sudden possibly seeing her. I just want to be myself and have a fun trip over anything though
PhillyConnection23 Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 I agree with all that is said but I am in a complicated position too where I posted a few days ago that my exes family and my family are going on a pre planned trip and that trip is tomorrow. It's a cruise and our rooms are on the same deck near each other and I'm nervous about how I will be viewed. I could be ignored or avoided or hated and the problem is that I feel too much emotional build up going 3 weeks nc and then all of sudden possibly seeing her. I just want to be myself and have a fun trip over anything though Just see what she does. IF she reaches out to you, don't be an ******* about it and just reciprocate. IF she is trying to get you made or angry, be the adult in the room and don't let it phase you. IF she reaches out to you and is sincere, decide how you want to handle that. If you avoid her it will be awkward for everyone. If you don't talk to her, it will be awkward and ruin the trip. 1
Elle1975 Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 I don't remember who posted it, but someone (I think Barky) said something like that.. an ex can feel when you have moved on. A red light comes off, and they contact you. So.. NC and living your life without them is probably what gets an ex back. By then though, you will probably not care to try again. If you do, you'll be living your life happily, so you'll have the upper hand.
todreaminblue Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 Every last one of my exes tried to come back at some point. Whether it was calling me months later or adding me on social networks, they made some effort to keep in touch with me. I'm not sure whats going to happen with my current ex as she dumped me & moved back to her hometown and has someone else. Only time will tell. But, as long as you were a good partner thats all that matters. That will give you the best chance. If you had a really good bond with your ex, they will never forget you. I still think about my ex from high school and that was 10 years ago. But, you have to leave them alone and disappear clean out of their life. My ex ex is still pursuing me after throwing me to the curb and getting back with her ex years ago. She had a baby by him and and a few weeks ago, she admitted to that being the worst decision she ever made. He is a not a good father. She is still chasing me and trying to hang out with me and I have not seen her in over 4 years. At this point, I no longer have feelings for her. I just enjoy toying with her and she knows it. Its a great ego boost. i liked your post with the sentiments i started to red then i unliked it when i read toying and ego boost....really do you find it rewarding.....i think you bluff deep down you are actually hurt...your post is two toned.....its because i can bluff better than most so i know a bluff and i call you out....i bluff the best when i am deeply hurt....its a guard thing....deb
mtnbiker3000 Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 The best thing you can do is simply work on yourself. Chances are this BU has given you an insight into what some of your issues may be. Why not work through those? Change yourself for the better!!! And, that's an attractive characteristic to everyone!! Start with my sig below 2
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