Peacekeeper Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 (edited) I don't know what to think about this guy! It's so odd, he shows signs that he is player but then he'll show signs that he wants a girlfriend. For instance, he got really close to me telling me his life and all of that, then he lied and joked around to our co workers about the fact that he's been dating me for awhile, and i of course stated that wasn't true but my co worker said 'Well he made it seem believable' He joked around to our friends and said I was having his baby. I said yeah effin right! My friends knew it was a joke and a lie but he again really played it out in a bizarre way. He would compliment me and say I am 'one of a kind' 'beautiful' And he said I am his 'best friend' and he will always love me. Then he asked me if I would ever get married, I said 'probably not' then he was asking me out alot and tried to date me, I kept saying 'No' declining him and then he stopped asking me out. He got close to my family too! It's hard to explain but basically he made it seem like we were in a relationship or he was trying to date me, and even my friends joked about it. Now here is the thing...he acts like a player too! He went through a period where he was barely calling me and texting me. He would compliment girls in front of me. He would tell me the girls he screwed but if I even mentioned a guy he would get mad and upset and not want to hear it. Then he would be very vague with me. Then I caught him saying the same thing to a girl that he said to me. He said to me "I feel like we are soulmates" then I caught him saying that to another girl on Facebook. My girlfriend tried to convince me and said that he was drunk and he was friends with that girl for a long time. 'There's a difference trust me! He knew that girl for years and he was drunk' 'He said it to you sober and in a serious tone' That's what my girlfriend said. But I am still confused and I don't know what to say! Why does he act like he wants me as a girlfriend but then there are times he acts like a player? My friend tried saying it was because I rejected him so much and that I am too closed off, and I am but it still doesn't warrant his behavior. Any opinions or thoughts on this? Cause I need some insight! Maybe somebody might have an idea of what this behavior means! Thanks in an advance! Edited June 12, 2014 by Peacekeeper
ktya Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 I dont know. Is he recently out of a serious relationship? When I first started multi-dating after breaking up with my ex, I kind of flip flopped between wanting a girlfriend again and wanting to multi-date. The player side was fun but on the other hand I longed for someone who was always there for me at times. 1
Author Peacekeeper Posted June 12, 2014 Author Posted June 12, 2014 I dont know. Is he recently out of a serious relationship? When I first started multi-dating after breaking up with my ex, I kind of flip flopped between wanting a girlfriend again and wanting to multi-date. The player side was fun but on the other hand I longed for someone who was always there for me at times. He did get out of a relationship with a girl 7 months ago. It was a serious relationship too but she got some other guy now, he was torn up about it cause he would call me in tears and tell me how heartbroken he was. Yeah! I understand. You were probably afraid to get hurt again so you probably wanted to take your time with it, which is completely normal. I'm still confused though weather or not his intentions towards me are genuine or not. I think what set me off was the fact the he said to that girl "We are soulmates" when he said that to me! So that makes me think he is player cause he's using pickup lines. That makes me think he is not genuine then how he feels towards me. My other friend on the other hand tried telling me that they he was friends with that girl for years and he was really drunk, and you can tell he was drunk, but she tried saying that he was just drunk and he knew her, and he was joking around, when with me he said it sober and in a serious tone. I don't know if I buy that though. I am just all over the place, and I don't know what to do. Thank you! and I hope you healed from the breakup! Thanks for sharing your insight!
ktya Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 Yeah he's probably a bit confused. 7 months is long enough to get out there but if it was a really serious relationship and he was calling you up in tears over it he is probably still mixed up about it. Depending on where you're at, I'd suggest to just casually date him and expect him to be dating other people as the opportunity arises. Chances are he'll keep coming back to you if he trusts you enough to be vulnerable and call you up in tears. Tune out the other stuff and the pickup lines. Familiarity breeds comfort and if you just keep seeing him he may decide to forget trying to be a player and dial in on you. Go ahead and date other people while your at it so you dont end up burned, hedge your bets. Otherwise you get to have some fun.
Assasda Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 Both of you sound immature. They guy doesnt sound like a player at all. sounds pathetic. Why d you even care if you "rejected" him before? so Juvenile
jbelle6 Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 I don't know what to think about this guy! It's so odd, he shows signs that he is player but then he'll show signs that he wants a girlfriend. For instance, he got really close to me telling me his life and all of that, then he lied and joked around to our co workers about the fact that he's been dating me for awhile, and i of course stated that wasn't true but my co worker said 'Well he made it seem believable' He joked around to our friends and said I was having his baby. I said yeah effin right! My friends knew it was a joke and a lie but he again really played it out in a bizarre way. He would compliment me and say I am 'one of a kind' 'beautiful' And he said I am his 'best friend' and he will always love me. Then he asked me if I would ever get married, I said 'probably not' then he was asking me out alot and tried to date me, I kept saying 'No' declining him and then he stopped asking me out. He got close to my family too! It's hard to explain but basically he made it seem like we were in a relationship or he was trying to date me, and even my friends joked about it. Now here is the thing...he acts like a player too! He went through a period where he was barely calling me and texting me. He would compliment girls in front of me. He would tell me the girls he screwed but if I even mentioned a guy he would get mad and upset and not want to hear it. Then he would be very vague with me. Then I caught him saying the same thing to a girl that he said to me. He said to me "I feel like we are soulmates" then I caught him saying that to another girl on Facebook. My girlfriend tried to convince me and said that he was drunk and he was friends with that girl for a long time. 'There's a difference trust me! He knew that girl for years and he was drunk' 'He said it to you sober and in a serious tone' That's what my girlfriend said. But I am still confused and I don't know what to say! Why does he act like he wants me as a girlfriend but then there are times he acts like a player? My friend tried saying it was because I rejected him so much and that I am too closed off, and I am but it still doesn't warrant his behavior. Any opinions or thoughts on this? Cause I need some insight! Maybe somebody might have an idea of what this behavior means! Thanks in an advance! No, he wants sex. If he liked you he'd ask you out. I mean, you are his "soul mate" right? And that is another red flag, giving the same compliment to another woman means it's his standard operating procedure. Sounds like a tool. Why do women analyze so much? It's like we want to convince ourselves that these a$$hats aren't just what they show themselves to be, a$$hats. For future reference, if he likes you he will say so or ask you out. If he tells you about other chicks he's screwed or throws compliments at you that he gives other women then he does not. 1
Author Peacekeeper Posted June 13, 2014 Author Posted June 13, 2014 Both of you sound immature. They guy doesnt sound like a player at all. sounds pathetic. Why d you even care if you "rejected" him before? so Juvenile Because I still like him and the only reason why I rejected him cause I didn't know what he wanted, and I didn't know how to take him. I was being protective. But I am kinda letting my guard down now but now I don't know if I should. I don't know if it's me or him. Cause I did reject him alot, and I do seem closed off and emotionally unavailable. So I don't know if he sounds like a player or he wants a relationship? Or if it's me? That's all.
Author Peacekeeper Posted June 13, 2014 Author Posted June 13, 2014 No, he wants sex. If he liked you he'd ask you out. I mean, you are his "soul mate" right? And that is another red flag, giving the same compliment to another woman means it's his standard operating procedure. Sounds like a tool. Why do women analyze so much? It's like we want to convince ourselves that these a$$hats aren't just what they show themselves to be, a$$hats. For future reference, if he likes you he will say so or ask you out. If he tells you about other chicks he's screwed or throws compliments at you that he gives other women then he does not. It's not that I can't accept the fact that he is playing me. I just really don't know what to think. I don't know if it's me? Cause I rejected him so much and I always seem emotionally unavailable and I also am not flirty or give any signals in any kind of way what so ever. So I don't know if he almost looks at me as a "lost cause" then? Like I am never going to go out with him? I just wanted opinions if it's me or if he does sound like a player and what his behavior is all about etc. I can accept the fact if he was just toying with me. It hurts but I can accept it. Thank you for your opinion!
jbelle6 Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 It's not that I can't accept the fact that he is playing me. I just really don't know what to think. I don't know if it's me? Cause I rejected him so much and I always seem emotionally unavailable and I also am not flirty or give any signals in any kind of way what so ever. So I don't know if he almost looks at me as a "lost cause" then? Like I am never going to go out with him? I just wanted opinions if it's me or if he does sound like a player and what his behavior is all about etc. I can accept the fact if he was just toying with me. It hurts but I can accept it. Thank you for your opinion! If a guy wants you, he will let you know. I have never seen this not be the case. I have had guys hit on me then I see them use the same line on another woman, DONE. I don't get these signals and looks and rejection if he never asked you out??? You are analyzing very little data. Simple fact is, if he liked you he would ask you out. The fact that he told you that you were his "soul mate" and you saw him tell another woman the same tells me he is a player, his little jokes with you without making any dates or commitment tell me he is a player. Why do this? You are probably young and attractive, why analyze a guy like this? Why not just date a straightforward person who doesn't play games? People like to think that men can be all emo and crap, fact is, men are VERY logical. If they like you then you will know, if they don't, they will give signals and women ignore them until men have to come out and say it.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 He isn't serious about you. If he were, he'd already have asked you out. Plain and simple. And he certainly wouldn't using the same pathetic lines on you as he does with other girls. He's not relationship material so I wouldn't read into it. And he's joked about having a baby with you? What a weirdo. I would be turned off by that and his seeming immaturity. How old is this guy?
Author Peacekeeper Posted June 13, 2014 Author Posted June 13, 2014 He isn't serious about you. If he were, he'd already have asked you out. Plain and simple. And he certainly wouldn't using the same pathetic lines on you as he does with other girls. He's not relationship material so I wouldn't read into it. And he's joked about having a baby with you? What a weirdo. I would be turned off by that and his seeming immaturity. How old is this guy? He has asked me out repeatedly. I would reject him cause I didn't know anything about him. I was being protective of myself. The only time we go out is when we are with friends, but he will try to take me out one on one, but he stopped doing that cause I would just decline him repeatedly. I think he is 27 yrs old. I was pissed off about that, he is weird. Thanks for your opinion!
todreaminblue Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 He has asked me out repeatedly. I would reject him cause I didn't know anything about him. I was being protective of myself. The only time we go out is when we are with friends, but he will try to take me out one on one, but he stopped doing that cause I would just decline him repeatedly. I think he is 27 yrs old. I was pissed off about that, he is weird. Thanks for your opinion! he isnt weird at all he asked you out repeatedly you said no so how is he supposed to act now, how do wish him to be ...... you have confused yourself and him he doesnt know how to be around you or what you want so he doesn't know if it is worth more rejection, you have basically made him unsure by not only not trusting how he feels but not trusting how you feel either. Maybe he has read signs of interest from you and been unable to understand why you say completely different things like....no for instance.... the only thing you could do if you like this guy is be open and honest and risk rejection yourself, you rejected him so even the playing field if you want to play games...that's strategic if you want positive resolution with a game set in place....you are now at stalemate someone has to make a move and it wont be him....i can see that.because he is questioning what the game is you are playing anyway... or you could let him go and continue the not knowing thing... if you cant take a plunge yourself you are never gonna get wet feet....and when men become men they put away childish things...playing with women's hearts is a game they wont win and shouldnt be playing as men, boys play games....men know this...so do women..if a women starts a game she shoudl finsih it and let the man come out instead of the boy....its why i dont play games as a woman i dont want to date or marry boys.........deb
ExpatInItaly Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 He's trying to make you jealous. You've rejected him and bruised his ego, so instead of moving on like a mature adult, he's trying to make you feel a bit envious of what you passed up. In any case, he's too old for the game-playing and "jokes" about having babies. If you want to date him, tell him. You're both spinning your wheels by pushing-pulling. 1
Author Peacekeeper Posted June 13, 2014 Author Posted June 13, 2014 If a guy wants you, he will let you know. I have never seen this not be the case. I have had guys hit on me then I see them use the same line on another woman, DONE. I don't get these signals and looks and rejection if he never asked you out??? You are analyzing very little data. Simple fact is, if he liked you he would ask you out. The fact that he told you that you were his "soul mate" and you saw him tell another woman the same tells me he is a player, his little jokes with you without making any dates or commitment tell me he is a player. Why do this? You are probably young and attractive, why analyze a guy like this? Why not just date a straightforward person who doesn't play games? People like to think that men can be all emo and crap, fact is, men are VERY logical. If they like you then you will know, if they don't, they will give signals and women ignore them until men have to come out and say it. He did ask me out repeatedly. I rejected him cause I was being protective of myself, I didn't know anything about him. He stopped asking me out, but he would ask me out or invite out to places with friends. Then he started to get close to my family and started asking my dad if he would like to go to this place or that place, and he would say "Bring Heather" which is me. I would only go out with him if it was with a group of friends cause then it wouldn't be considered a "date" I was just too protective. I understand what you are saying though...thank you so much!!!
Author Peacekeeper Posted June 13, 2014 Author Posted June 13, 2014 Just want another opinion on this. Thank you everyone for commenting and sharing your opinion, advice, and insight. I just wanted to say that he did when I first knew him repeatedly asked me out, he would invite me out with his friends and such and he would always ask 'What are you doing?' 'I'm not doing anything tonight' and I still wouldn't go for it. I rejected him cause I was being too protective of myself cause I got out of relationship at the time, and I hated all men at that time. I have an over-analytical mind as well, so I was thinking everything he is saying and doing is just someone that wants nothing but sex from me even though my friends tried saying to me they think he likes me more than that. I am not sure. Anyways... I noticed when I rejected him, and I didn't take him up on his offers or little hints, he stopped asking me out and giving me little hints. Here and there, he would say to me "What are you doing tonight?" I noticed he shifted. Then he started getting close with my family. He would go to my dad and ask my dad to concerts, games, events etc. He would do that and say "bring Heather" which is me. I noticed he would go to my dad alot and try and go to games and create events with him. Me, Dad, and my 2 brothers went to a baseball game with him. I noticed after that he always went to my dad and asked him if he wanted to go here or there. Just wanted another opinion on this. I understand what everyone is saying but I just don't know if it's me? Or if it's him? Thanks!
Author Peacekeeper Posted June 13, 2014 Author Posted June 13, 2014 he isnt weird at all he asked you out repeatedly you said no so how is he supposed to act now, how do wish him to be ...... you have confused yourself and him he doesnt know how to be around you or what you want so he doesn't know if it is worth more rejection, you have basically made him unsure by not only not trusting how he feels but not trusting how you feel either. Maybe he has read signs of interest from you and been unable to understand why you say completely different things like....no for instance.... the only thing you could do if you like this guy is be open and honest and risk rejection yourself, you rejected him so even the playing field if you want to play games...that's strategic if you want positive resolution with a game set in place....you are now at stalemate someone has to make a move and it wont be him....i can see that.because he is questioning what the game is you are playing anyway... or you could let him go and continue the not knowing thing... if you cant take a plunge yourself you are never gonna get wet feet....and when men become men they put away childish things...playing with women's hearts is a game they wont win and shouldnt be playing as men, boys play games....men know this...so do women..if a women starts a game she shoudl finsih it and let the man come out instead of the boy....its why i dont play games as a woman i dont want to date or marry boys.........deb Yes very true! I don't want to take the risk or plunge because I don't want to get myself to that vulnerable state if he is just a player and doesn't have true feelings for me. It really set me off that he said to that girl on Facebook :You're my soulmate" when he said that to me, and then that made me think "Oh he's playing me?" What happened was he put "In a relationship" on his Facebook and people were commenting and this girl Natalie commented and he said "Accept my request Natalie" "We're soulmates babydoll" and she kept denying him and then he even said "I guess I just have to have a pretend relationship status" But he was clearly drunk you can tell but he kept going on and on making sly comments to Natalie and such. "You're on my mind Natalie" "Natalie accept my request" But then he deleted the thread but kept up that he was "In a relationship" on Facebook. Then my friend said "Don't get upset about that he has been friends with that girl for years, and clearly he was drunk..even though he was hitting on her hard, he knows her really well" "He said "We're soulmates" to you when he was sober and in a serious tone, there's a difference" That is what my friend said, so that is why I am confused, cause at first I was thinking "Oh he is playing me and is a player" But then when my friend shared her different perspective on it, it made me think that could be true as well. So it made me confused cause her opinion makes sense but so does mine and I just don't know how to take him. I would ask him out myself, but I just don't want to be played and I don't know if he is doing that or not. Thanks for your opinion!
jbelle6 Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 I never buy the "he was drunk" stuff, usually there is some truth when people say things under the influence. Go with your gut I guess, it just seems from what you wrote in your last post that he is playful and flirty and asks out other girls the same way he did with you. That would tell me personally that he is a player. You seem to want to convince yourself otherwise though.
Author Peacekeeper Posted June 13, 2014 Author Posted June 13, 2014 I never buy the "he was drunk" stuff, usually there is some truth when people say things under the influence. Go with your gut I guess, it just seems from what you wrote in your last post that he is playful and flirty and asks out other girls the same way he did with you. That would tell me personally that he is a player. You seem to want to convince yourself otherwise though. I think I am.... :( :'(
ExpatInItaly Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 I never buy the "he was drunk" stuff, usually there is some truth when people say things under the influence. Go with your gut I guess, it just seems from what you wrote in your last post that he is playful and flirty and asks out other girls the same way he did with you. That would tell me personally that he is a player. You seem to want to convince yourself otherwise though. This exactly. OP, he sounds quite immature anyway. Posting drunken threads professing his "soul-mate"-ness on social media at 27? Do you really want to date someone like that?
TXGuy Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 Pretending he wants to seriously date you is one of the games in his 'player' toolbox. It sounds like almost everything that comes out of this guy's mouth is a lie (or a 'joke'). Why would you take anything he says seriously? He probably would not be a very good boyfriend. Constant lies/jokes might be cute and fun initially, but I think it would get annoying fast. You can't assume this behavior will stop if you started dating him.
Author Peacekeeper Posted June 13, 2014 Author Posted June 13, 2014 This exactly. OP, he sounds quite immature anyway. Posting drunken threads professing his "soul-mate"-ness on social media at 27? Do you really want to date someone like that? No..I am realizing that. I am just sick and sad about this cause I really was there for him and showed him how much of a loyal friend I was and all he did was play me like a fiddle this whole effing time. I am between anger and sadness and I hate myself for letting my emotions get so invested to the point where it's hard for me to let go....but I have to. Now I am just really disappointed, mad, sad, and depressed :(
Author Peacekeeper Posted June 13, 2014 Author Posted June 13, 2014 Pretending he wants to seriously date you is one of the games in his 'player' toolbox. It sounds like almost everything that comes out of this guy's mouth is a lie (or a 'joke'). Why would you take anything he says seriously? He probably would not be a very good boyfriend. Constant lies/jokes might be cute and fun initially, but I think it would get annoying fast. You can't assume this behavior will stop if you started dating him. I just didn't want to accept the reality that he played me this whole time and he still keeps doing it. I hate myself for this. I hate that I let my guard down and I was a good friend and helped him out and showed and proved my loyalty that I would always be his friend. I really opened my heart to him and he doesn't care or see that for that matter. Even though I rejected him and never went out with him....I still proved though that I was a very caring, giving, and loyal friend. I still stuck by his side and stuck up for him and he stuck up for me too! But I have done alot more for him. I stuck by him and helped him through his issues that he was having with his family and friends and ex girlfriend etc. I am just sick and sad that I put 100% of my trust, loyalty, careness, and kindness into a person that doesn't appreciate it. Or at least I think he doesn't appreciate it. I think he takes full on advantage of that. I understand that I am dumb, and I hate myself alot. I am between anger and sadness and I have to cut him out but this is not easy. :(
soccerrprp Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 I just didn't want to accept the reality that he played me this whole time and he still keeps doing it. Sounds so familiar. I have a close friend who wasted years with a guy b/c she didn't WANT to accept that she was played. Kept wanting to "prove" that it wasn't the case... but, all the evidence, in real time, was or should have been evidence enough. I hate myself for this. Don't let this happen again. You'll recover. Don't try to sugar-coat anything that happens in a relationship. What is.......IS.
preraph Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 I don't know what to think about this guy! It's so odd, he shows signs that he is player but then he'll show signs that he wants a girlfriend. Players want lots of girlfriends. And they'll lie and tell you almost anything to get you to stay home and wait for them while they're screwing everything they can get their hands on. And then they'll sweet talk those too and see how many they can keep on the string.
Recommended Posts