RachR Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 (edited) OP, I don't think it really is best to assume. Just because he likes to flirt with you and be cutesy, it does not always mean he is into you or would want to take it outside of the workplace. There are people who act like this and that's where it stops for them. Since you're crushing this hard, I hope you ask him over to watch that movie or something like pteromom suggested! Edited June 17, 2014 by RachR 1
winex Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 Hey cutiebird22, I guess you need to be careful not to appear desperate for his love. Play the game cool and save, and let things work out naturally.
Author cutiebird22 Posted June 17, 2014 Author Posted June 17, 2014 A few of you have said I need to just ask. Ok, that is one route to go. It would solidify either way. I agree, if he has an excuse then he isn't into me like I am to him. But isn't there something to be said for waiting? Like "Winex" said, play it cool and let it go naturally? I've always made a move for guys I like, and usually I get them...but b/c they never had to do the work or make the move, I've ended up with relationships in which I do all the work and the guy isn't as "into" it as me. It's not that I am afraid, or that I wouldn't just go for it. I too don't want something to pass me by...but my thinking is that if he doesn't do something to push it further (in say...another month), then isn't it likely that it is as RachR said: it does not always mean he is into you or would want to take it outside of the workplace. There are people who act like this and that's where it stops for them.. So in a way, this is a bigger issue for me than just I like a guy, I want to hang out with him. I've met someone I'm interested in but I don't want to start things (if there are to be things) off in the same way I have in the past. But don't think I'm disregarding what alot of you have said either. There is apart of me that says, stop trying to get validation and just ask him to hang out. He is supposed to be giving me a movie to borrow, so I might stick a note in his movie case where it won't get lost. Ugh, or is that just stupid at this point.
RachR Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 I take back asking him to see the movie. If you can keep from letting yourself overanalyzing things and not obsess or whatever (not saying you are), I actually support you waiting and letting him come to you. I say this because I've experienced the same thing you have and I personally prefer a guy who isn't going to make me do all the work. 1
iPhone Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 Listen, this dude is trying to be a player. You think he just magically did not see the note on the back of his phone, and it ended up on the board? He's using you to build his flirt skills. Either ask him out directly or stop flirting back. The end. No other option. 1
Author cutiebird22 Posted June 17, 2014 Author Posted June 17, 2014 Listen, this dude is trying to be a player. You think he just magically did not see the note on the back of his phone, and it ended up on the board? He's using you to build his flirt skills. Either ask him out directly or stop flirting back. The end. No other option. Ok fair enough about asking him directly-but wait wait wait, you think he is trying to be a player and intentionally put that sticky note on the board? I don't know dude, what else is there that supports that? And if he had done that and is a player, I have no interest in asking him to do anything, b/c that would have been cruel.
iPhone Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 Ok fair enough about asking him directly-but wait wait wait, you think he is trying to be a player and intentionally put that sticky note on the board? I don't know dude, what else is there that supports that? And if he had done that and is a player, I have no interest in asking him to do anything, b/c that would have been cruel. Listen. He probably saw the note then just tossed it, and God knows who may have put it on the board. Or yes, maybe he did put it on the board himself. The point is, the note you PUT on HIS PHONE ended up on the BOARD. In law, we call that indirect evidence, but EVIDENCE. It is what it is. Plus the fact he never used it isn't a good sign. Look, I know no one wants to think someone they are interested in isn't into them, but it happens to everyone all the time. The end. I say be direct because then you get your answer and stop letting him play games. You know? You either find out he isn't into you (which I strongly suspect), or you get with him. If you look past your surface feelings, you'd realize that's a win win situation. Some people prefer ignorance though, as ignorance can be bliss, and allows for hope. 3
pteromom Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 There is apart of me that says, stop trying to get validation and just ask him to hang out. I'm with that part of you. I get the appeal of waiting and hoping he will get to a point where he asks you out. After all, maybe he is shy, scared, thinking the same things you are, etc. But maybe he's just an egotistical d-bag getting off on you flirting with him like others have said. If that's the case, it's better to find that out and just move on. The longer it goes, the more emotion you invest into his response. He is supposed to be giving me a movie to borrow, so I might stick a note in his movie case where it won't get lost. Ugh, or is that just stupid at this point. Yeah, that's stupid at this point. Because if he doesn't respond again, you are going to be in the same position. "Did he see it? Is he ignoring it? What happened to the note?!" You have to find some way to bring it up in person. I don't remember if you guys have exchanged #s or not. If you have, there's a way to reach out. If not, maybe find some excuse to get his #, and see if you can take your flirting to texting where everyone isn't watching. That would be a very non-threatening way for him to ask you out if he is interested.
gaius Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 Awesome, a passive aggressive comment. It takes two to tango, and either the man or the woman can make the initial move to jump start something. The man makes the move if he's really interested. His testicles force him to. If he's not making one, he's not interested. Cutie, guys flirt with women they don't want to be stuck on the phone with all the time. Saying you look nice and all that stuff doesn't mean much of anything. Except that he enjoys it more than whatever work he's doing. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. =/ You might be able to nag him into something where you're stuck doing all the work again but is that what you really want? =/ He got the note and he didn't call. 1
Author cutiebird22 Posted June 18, 2014 Author Posted June 18, 2014 Well that went bad very quickly! What I'm getting from everyone is that if I want a clear answer, ask him out. If not, stop analyzing and either stop flirting or flirt, but without an expectation that it will turn into anything. Fair enough people. However, I know you guys only know what I'm able to convey, but in all honestly he doesn't strike me as either a player or douche-bag. If anything, he seems like a nice, somewhat clueless guy, who might be flirting without being aware of how much he's flirting or maybe he's just being friendly and I'm misinterpreting it b/c I think he's attractive. And I also still can't imagine he put the sticky note on the clipboard...but you guys are right, I'll never know unless I ask and according to your responses (he isn't into me) what's the point in bringing that up. Thanks for the honesty!
Frank2thepoint Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 But isn't there something to be said for waiting? Like "Winex" said, play it cool and let it go naturally? You're not going to win the lottery by sitting idly by and not participating. Also, waiting is selfish, because your assuming the guy doesn't need any indicator (ie: green light) from you that he should pursue. As far as we know, you two are just flirting with each other, nothing more. I've always made a move for guys I like, and usually I get them...but b/c they never had to do the work or make the move, I've ended up with relationships in which I do all the work and the guy isn't as "into" it as me. It's not that I am afraid, or that I wouldn't just go for it. I too don't want something to pass me by...but my thinking is that if he doesn't do something to push it further (in say...another month), then isn't it likely that it is as RachR said I'm sorry that you had bad experience with men that you made the first move on. They were selfish, and I understand your reluctance to pursue this new guy, since your past experience is telling you to not make the first move. My only argument is, you can't clump men into one thing. Each should be addressed as individuals. I say this because I've experienced the same thing you have and I personally prefer a guy who isn't going to make me do all the work. Since when did extending an invitation to watch a movie become doing all the work for a woman? The man makes the move if he's really interested. His testicles force him to. If he's not making one, he's not interested. I agree with you on this. But it's pointless for a man to make a move if the woman is not interested, or doesn't even show interest. If anything, he seems like a nice, somewhat clueless guy, who might be flirting without being aware of how much he's flirting or maybe he's just being friendly and I'm misinterpreting it b/c I think he's attractive. More the reason to make an overt move. There are men that are clueless, and need a nudge.
Sebastian76 Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 Ask him to hang out, get it over with. We all feel approach anxiety and it is one of the greatest blockers of getting who we actually like. Surely he's not a player. A player will ask for a phone number the first chance he gets and try to get into your pants (he'll still try to do that even if he likes you mind). I think he's just too shy to ask you out or perhaps he is seeing someone and therefore can't go forward with you and ask you out. And for ending up having to do all the work in a relationship is not about who asked whom in the first place, it is all about how you carry yourself in a relationship. I've had multiple long term girlfriends that started out being one night stands, so there are no strict rules there. The quicker you get your courage back, the sooner you might be snuggling up with him somewhere private;-)
MJTig Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 Bring in the movie and say (SAY) you'd be happy to watch it together. It's exhausting trying to figure out what each and every move he makes means. 1
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