Mrin Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 Good point. It's a minefield, and of course it will vary wildly from person to person. I've dated women who really couldn't care less, and others who wanted to keep tabs on me every minute. Most fell in between. I suspect most men are the same way. So replying with "going to try that new French bistro up on 4th and then go see a quartet play in the botanical gardens with a friend" probably raises some eyebrows? Come on, the friend could be "Rick" right?
acrosstheuniverse Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 My rule of thumb is after things become intimate, it's time for the "exclusivity" conversation. That doesn't mean we'll necessarily go there, but for me it's time to have that talk. I think as long as you are honest, then there is no real problem. That doesn't mean saying "Oh I can't see you tonight, because I'm dating Jane." A simple "I have plans" is fine. Lying is not -- "I have plans and I'm playing poker with the boys" when you're actually dating Jane would be over the line to a lot of people. Mine's just before things become intimate, well not RIGHT before, but before. I imagine if I waited until after sex to ask where it was going and discuss if we should be exclusive or not and then found out they didn't feel the same way I did I'd be pretty upset and wish I'd never gotten into bed in the first place. That's just my feelings though, not saying it's the right way! I can easily have casual sex when I have no deep feelings for someone, but if I really am into someone and it's not going to go anywhere I'd rather we never slept together. Hurts less. 1
TheGuard13 Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 You can multidate until one of them develops feelings for you.
Kid_Charlemange Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 I imagine if I waited until after sex to ask where it was going and discuss if we should be exclusive or not and then found out they didn't feel the same way I did I'd be pretty upset and wish I'd never gotten into bed in the first place. That's a really good point. I hadn't considered that. Hmmm....
Love_Sharer Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 I think multi-dating can be fun and a great way to get to know who you are most compatible with. But as soon as you want to take things to the next level (Sexually), you should decide on which one to keep. I would say in a month or two you should know what you want to do and who is the right one, based your interactions. Final advice is "Choose quality over beauty and fun!" Lol! ~Best of luck!
acrosstheuniverse Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 That's a really good point. I hadn't considered that. Hmmm.... It's much easier to move on and forget about somebody when they haven't been inside you and seen you naked, that's for sure! And I can take sex relatively casually so I imagine it's even more important a consideration for people who reserve it for serious relationships or people they have serious feelings for.
Lyn77 Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 This is a tough situation. I rarely "multidate" and I am a woman. Usually by the 3rd date I decide to continue seeing someone. I would say focus on what YOU want for your future. Without scaring them off, try to ask a few questions or observe each of them. See how well each one would fit into your life and your future plans, if you really are wanting a LTR. Well at least you're honest and giving yourself options. Would these women be upset to find out you're seeing them simultaneously? Heck YEAH! Lol, as would I... Good Luck to you! Maybe a third woman will come along and be perfect! Make your decision easier
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