oberkeat Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 This month holds a particularly bothersome significance for me, since it marks 4 years since my last girlfriend dumped me and swiftly moved on with her life. I was 24 then, I'm 28 now. "4 years," you might say, "that's a long time to keep thinking about this. Move on, already!" It's not the breakup that bothers me -- I've made peace with the fact that we weren't right for each other, how I contributed to the breakup, and continue to make improvements that might make me a better boyfriend next time. No, what bothers me is the fact that there hasn't been a next time -- I haven't been in a relationship with anyone since then, only a series of one-and-done dates with women who revealed themselves as lukewarm about me. The point is, I'm worried that one morning, I'll wake up and that four years has turned into 5 years, 12 years, 15 years of celibacy. Among other things like my education and financial security, a fulfilling relationship is one of my life priorities. To never discover love again? Buddy, that's just not a future I look forward to. I don't wanna be negative, but sometimes it just seems totally hopeless. I wonder how abnormal a situation like this is. What was your longest relationship drought, and how did it end?
Gaeta Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 My slump lasted 10 years. You still feel bad about yours?
PegNosePete Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 3 years, after my divorce. I had no interest in anyone new. One year all my mates were busy so I went skiing on my own, met a nice girl who I totally failed to chat up, but it brought my mojo back just like a switch had been flicked.
J21 Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 Cheer up man, everyone goes through a rough patch. Dating can be a numbers game sometime. Just gotta keep trying your luck and not take it so personally when it doesn't work out. Because honestly, you're not gonna get along with everyone you meet and vice versa. Keep a positive outlook and keep on trucking dude.
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 2 years. Except for a few dates here and there, I haven't been in a relationship. For me though, relationship is at the bottom of my list of priorities so it doesn't worry me. The longer the slump goes on, the less I want another relationship.
Dallers Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 2 years of celibacy for me bro and I have never been in a better state of mind, shape, job position and wealth. I am now in prime position to find someone to settle down with. I made the right decision to escape the toxic relationship I was in and make sure that I did not walk into another relationship if I did not feel it was right for me. Everything happens for a reason and when I was 18 and had a life of friends with benefits it was just a false happiness. I am a better person for it you just need to embrace the single life that you currently have and actively look for the right one. Dating lots of women is not for me either, I grew up in a time when you met someone and you just clicked but now the world has become a complete mess of people going for numbers instead of focusing on one person. Focus on improving you and keep a positive outlook. I am 28 too. The world cup starts tonight as well
LostOnes05 Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 Bro, are we twins? I'm in the same boat. 27 yrs old. Going on 3 yrs and it does get frustrating. I definitely understand. I don't do the whole numbers game either. I'd rather invest in one person at a time. Keep your head up and be the best you that you can be. Hopefully, the right woman will notice! Best of luck!
DArtagnan2 Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 ever since me and my ex split, it seems every 2 years I meet someone and date for a few months and then it ends, mostly they are not over their ex but I don't find out until after the fact. Anyway, I worry much like and the same as you, I want to have that partner in my life, for life. I can only keep my head up, eyes and mind open and hope it happens.
Author oberkeat Posted June 12, 2014 Author Posted June 12, 2014 You mention a relationship as a 'priority'. So, is it? Do you go to the gym and keep fit. Lead a healthy lifestyle. Take the effort to dress sharply? Make yourself a more interesting person by learning a musical instrument, language. Join Meet Up groups and go on hikes, events, etc. Do you learn to social dance? We women love dancing. Many people claim to make a potential relationship a priority but don't really do anything to make it so. I suspect many males spend more time on computer games trying to reach some level than making themselves more of a catch for a woman in the real world Yes to most of that. I go to the gym 5 times a week (basketball, kickboxing classes). I only drink socially, and don't smoke. I make sure I dress (and smell) good. Outside of my job, I take night classes for a masters. Never play video games (I like to read). For the most part I consider myself a decent catch, but so far it hasn't translated into success with the ladies. It's the one area of my life that's a mess.
Bruce Leigh Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 6 years, serious case of self loathing for 4 of those years, being unemployed being the main reason. I had opportunities but turned them down to my self loathing. Took a while to get my self respect back.
Author oberkeat Posted June 12, 2014 Author Posted June 12, 2014 Bro, are we twins? I'm in the same boat. 27 yrs old. Going on 3 yrs and it does get frustrating. I definitely understand. I don't do the whole numbers game either. I'd rather invest in one person at a time. Keep your head up and be the best you that you can be. Hopefully, the right woman will notice! Best of luck! Cheer up man, everyone goes through a rough patch. Dating can be a numbers game sometime. Just gotta keep trying your luck and not take it so personally when it doesn't work out. Because honestly, you're not gonna get along with everyone you meet and vice versa. Keep a positive outlook and keep on trucking dude. Thanks for saying that!
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