chardayze Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 I am in need of some advice... So I wont go into my whole story as I have already done that in a past post. But to sum it up my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me a week ago. He has been going through a lot of family stuff this year and he hasn't been feeling right and told me he needs to go and find out what he wants in life and who he is in life and he needs to do it without me. He said he was still very much in love with me and hopes we are together in the future because he believes we were meant to be. At the time when we broke up I kept asking him to change his mind and trying to do anything to get him to change his mind. After days of tears and thinking, I realised that I really should be without him for at least a while and work on myself because I have gotten so caught up in his issues that I'd forgotten to look after myself. There is no way I am going to wait around for him, I am going to try my best to move on. I have been NC with him for a week now, however I still have him on facebook, instagram, twitter etc and I keep seeing things that upset me. For example he has started following all these girls I know who he barely knows and hot celebrities on instagram. Do you think he is doing this so that I see it and to upset me? Because he always knew i hated it. He also went and changed his instagram display picture which was always a photo of us, so I went and changed all my photos with him including my facebook dp which I then got a notification that he had liked it.. Why is he doing this to me? I also really feel like asking him to meet up with me so that I can tell him I'm not going to wait around for him and I'm going to try and move on so that he doesn't think I'm going to wait around like I told him when he broke up with me. Is this a stupid idea though?? Please appreciate any advice!
umirano Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 Read and follow the NC guide. Remove him from all social networks and block him, if you can't get yourself to stop stalking him. Seriously, you'll feel a ton better after a week not having read or seen his newest update. Some people update their profile on purpose with upsetting pictures, e.g. a profile pic with another girl/guy to make you chase them or to send a message. Just check out this crazy chick's thread (bonnie potters or something). I'm sure guys are capable of the same. Ok that's evil and all. But they can put on their profile whatever they want. It's your job to protect yourself. Remove and block him. It's easy.
triniechu Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 My ex and I broke up about a week and a half ago. I did the same exact thing and I told him I was going to wait for him, which i actually regret. He was the one who broke up with me, he was the one made all these promises and did the total opposite. Even though I love him and feelings are still there. This may be the best thing for both of us. Take him off all your social networks, it will help you move forward and heal. 1
d0nnivain Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 Having him on social media is not NC. Take him off. Out of sight. Out of mind. 1
Author chardayze Posted July 17, 2014 Author Posted July 17, 2014 (edited) My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with about 6 weeks ago because he felt like he was a bit lost and felt as though he needed to be on his own for some time to find out who he wants to be and what he wants to be in life. He was pretty upset to be breaking up with me and told me he was still very much in love with me and that he thinks we are meant to be and he hopes we are together again one day. We had NC only for about a week before we arranged to meet up to talk about some things, and we ended up kissing which made things complicated. However, he had 2 trips planned and i had 1 planned so we decided that we would meet up again after our trips and see how he feels about getting back together. The next few days he was quite blunt to me, and on his first night of being away on his own (first time away from his friends since the break up) i received a very long text from him telling me about how happy i made him and bringing up all these old memories.. we ended up texting quite a bit whilst he was away for the week and he told me that he missed me so much and needed to see me in the few days he was back home and before I left for my 2week trip. I assumed he wanted to get back together with me, so I went to his house the night he got back and we talked again and he was telling me how much he loves me and how much i mean to him but said he still wasn't sure what he wanted, which annoyed me quite a bit so I told him I would happily wait to see him again after his next trip and mine, and his decision needs to be final because I cant stick around waiting forever. I am back from my 2 week trip now and he will be back in about a week. We have been texting a lot, he has been sending really happy, kind and lovey texts. However all of a sudden his attitude has just changed and he is being blunt again.. I asked him if something was wrong and if was okay and he said everything was fine. I am just so confused. Has anyone been in a similar situation? And do you think I should stop texting him and just wait until I see him in a week? Would really appreciate any advice! Edited July 17, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
artsygirl78 Posted July 17, 2014 Posted July 17, 2014 I am so sorry for what you are going through - it sounds like you love this guy a lot and he is throwing you every which way. As hard as it is, I would definitely set up some boundaries. He sounds like he is taking advantage of your availability and kindness. You deserve to be treated better. It sounds like he wants to break up but is scared to, or at the very least, sincerely fickle. A man who really loves you will not treat you this way, his behavior is selfish. Think about what you need to take care of yourself. I would suggest telling him you want absolutely no contact until he knows exactly what he wants to do in this situation - do not respond to any calls or texts. You are not a doormat for him to wipe his feet on. You deserve a man who loves you and is all in. Let him "prove" that to you by respecting your boundaries and space, and being man enough to give you a clear answer. And honey, if he does decide to stick it out and stay, I want you to think long and hard about whether or not he deserves your company, and what he is going to need to do to make this up to you. Good luck, we are with you and supporting you, keep us posted!
Author chardayze Posted July 18, 2014 Author Posted July 18, 2014 Thank you so much for your words. I really appreciate it. I will keep you posted on how things go.
Zahara Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 I don't think you are confused. You are in denial. The scene keeps replaying itself and it's telling you something. When a man is in love with you, the last thing they do is let you go. His reasoning for ending it is textbook excuses when someone doesn't have to courage to deal with ending and the finality. Dumpers have to suffer withdrawals when ending as well. He's probably back and forth with you because while he wants to end he's also on the fence about being on the other side but that is not an indication that he wants the relationship back. Stop being available to him because you're just enabling his behavior and being a crutch to him while he transitions to the other side. If he needs to "fix" himself, tell him to go and "fix" himself and to not contact you anymore. You cannot be a fallback while he decides what he wants to do. Under no circumstance do you then check his FB, Instagram, etc. You move forward with NC and stop waiting around for this man to decide if he wants you.
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