Pobble Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 So I met a guy a few months ago. He is a bit younger than me (I'm in my mid twenties) if that makes any difference. I was not expecting anything serious just a friendly fling. Anyway, straight up he told me he was very interested in me. We started sending messages every day. Sometimes he would write up to 8 times a day. I started looking forward to his messages so much and couldn't wait to meet with him. A couple of times if he didn't write he would say "sorry, I went out last night, was really drunk, haha" or "i went to bed very early last night" - but he always came back again. I was amazed how reliable he was as I was used to quite the opposite. So time passed and then something happened that meant I couldn't meet up and I went out of town for a while but still he was constantly in touch. When I got back we arranged to meet immediately but there was a problem with his booking (he sent me screen shots to prove this so I know it was true). So we arranged for the following week... on the Saturday he sent me a message saying he hoped to meet me on Thursday and then.... disappeared off the face of the earth! So I sent him a couple of messages and when he didn't reply, I said "i don't know why you went from writing to me all the time to disappearing, but I am guessing we are not meeting then, what a disappointment you could have just made a polite excuse." He didn't answer for a few days and then sent me a long "oh I'm so sorry, something really bad happened, I completely understand if you don't want to communicate with me any more or meet me but if you do we can definitely meet next week". So we met next week, and he said he had an amazing time, that it was one of the best nights of his life. He wrote when he got home about how he was thinking about me, how he was pleased we found each other, how he liked my personality too, how I had made him comfortable and was easy to talk to. And then, you guessed it, he disappeared. I couldn't believe it so I wrote him some funny messages and then asked him why he had gone again. He then said he would answer eventually and "sorry for ignoring you the last 3 days, I will write eventually it could be 2 or 3 or 4 days but I will" and how he didn't want serious messages from me, only fun or sexy ones. So I apologised because I didn't want to look like I was pressurising or stalking and all that stuff (even though it was obvious his behaviour had changed) and kept silent. EIGHT days later he wrote to me again and said how he REALLY WANTED TO see me, how he kept thinking about me, how he wanted to passionately kiss me and we could lay in each other's arms and could we spend another night together, and all the things he wanted to do again with me. First I was a little suspicious but then I said OK, well let me know and we'll fix something. I suggested going for a walk in the sunshine or going to the pool, and then we could go and spend the night together. I also mentioned about a fall I had on the road and how I had been injured. I wasn't expecting him to care deeply but just a friendly hope you are OK. AND THEN HE DISAPPEARED AGAIN. I couldn't believe it. I felt so humiliated that I had allowed myself to fall into this trap again. First I just sent him another light hearted message and then I asked him to reply the next day so I could organise my shifts at work the next week. He ignored it. I was aware I was sending more messages than him again so I said to him I wasn't comfortable with that and this was the last time I was going to ask. He ignored that too. Now 8 days have passed again. I told him in the last email that if he was genuinely interested he wouldn't play these games in case he lost his chance. And I said now we would have to forget it as I couldn't trust him to meet. I can't send any more emails or it will look ridiculous and I know it won't make him reply either. So I just have to leave it. But I can't help feeling upset, as he had become such a big part of my daily routine - often my whole evening shift I would be reading his incoming messages. I don't even want to have to keep writing emails, I'd rather just meet but as he's so unreliable now I don't trust him any more. He seemed like such a nice, thoughtful boy. I don't see why he would trick me like this, pretend he wants to see me again and how he enjoyed my company and then ignore me when I invite him somewhere. Now I know we are meant to keep our cool, pretend we don't care, bla blah blah but WHY do people do this? I mean, surely it's only polite to at least make a lame excuse?
mangetout Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 Probble you get idiots in this world who use people unfortunately. You seem genuinely nice so you wouldn't understand why these kind of people behave this way. Move on fast from this one as he is just a user and a player.
LostOnes05 Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 Mangetout is right. People take advantage of nice people and misconstrue it for weakness (trust me I know). I was in a similar situation recently, and I even tried to maintain contact with the girl as just a friend...waste of time! Don't be like me. Cut your losses and find a good guy (we are out here). This guy knows you look forward to his messages, that you look forward to hanging out with him, and that you analyze his every word and action. At the very least he is an absent-minded idiot but I'd put money on him using you as an ego boost and toying with your emotions. Don't fall for this! Best of luck!
Author Pobble Posted June 12, 2014 Author Posted June 12, 2014 thank you for your kind words about me, mangetout. I really appreciate it.
Author Pobble Posted June 12, 2014 Author Posted June 12, 2014 Mangetout is right. People take advantage of nice people and misconstrue it for weakness (trust me I know). I was in a similar situation recently, and I even tried to maintain contact with the girl as just a friend...waste of time! Don't be like me. Cut your losses and find a good guy (we are out here). This guy knows you look forward to his messages, that you look forward to hanging out with him, and that you analyze his every word and action. At the very least he is an absent-minded idiot but I'd put money on him using you as an ego boost and toying with your emotions. Don't fall for this! Best of luck! If you don't mind, would you tell me a bit about what happened with your situation? I always feared this was the case. I kept trying to make excuses for him, maybe he doesn't want anything too serious, thought I came on too strong and so on but it's probably just a game to him that he plays to make himself feel good
EverLastluv Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 sorry to hear this. He is sooo horrible! I dont know what else to say but wish you luck in finding a true love.
Absinthe Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 Unfortunately this is more common than you think...and I am afraid that, the more you date, the more of these idiots you will encounter. It is too much of a game for some people. I've had it happen to me twice now. It's always the ones you're actually attracted to or that you "click" with, which makes it especially frustrating! Bottom line though, if somebody likes you and respects you then their behaviour should be consistent. All too often I hear the tired old excuse of "well he/she's just got SO MUCH going on". We're all busy, right? But when we really like someone, and want to see them, we make the time, don't we?
Author Pobble Posted June 13, 2014 Author Posted June 13, 2014 I stopped reading after you seem to think it funny that he didn't write because 'ha, ha' he went out and got drunk. Wow. Quite the catch. I personally have higher standards than to date an adult who thinks its funny to get drunk...especially if they mentioned it more than I once. I don't seem to find it funny, I don't find it completely shocking either. It's not unheard of for a young man to go out with his friends and occasionally have a few drinks. This was one comment, I simply used it to illustrate how he was constantly in contact about every move that he made.
Author Pobble Posted June 13, 2014 Author Posted June 13, 2014 Thank you everyone for your comforting and kind posts. Guess what, he finally emailed last night, saying: I was telling the truth, I did not want to use you, I found a girlfriend, sorry. I don't know if I believe this or not. I think it may be an excuse because he doesn't know how else to get shot of me. If he did have one, he wouldn't be calling her a girlfriend in ten days so it would have had to be someone who caught his eye before (and maybe went missing so he thought he'd come back to me for a while for some attention) or just someone he met who he found more interesting recently and he decided he didn't want the hassle of explaining so called her a girlfriend. Either way, it's not very nice to tell someone who obviously likes you that you have a girlfriend or another girl you prefer. So I wasn't too happy about that, although at least it breaks the silence. This is what I said in reply: so why did you say you wanted to meet me only last week, you said you were not even looking for a relationship? you should have told me before so I didn't have to wait and we could have said goodbye nicely. What do you think, did I say the right thing?
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