BigIdiot Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 If both people are on the same page, then from MY experience it ALWAYS just happens naturally. It's a mutual decision.
Frank2thepoint Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 Or should the girl? In your experiences, how did you two become exclusive? It doesn't matter who brings it up, as long as someone does. If you feel like bringing it up because you have been thinking about it, then mention it. Communication is important in a relationship. Also, for those that advocate waiting for the opposite gender to mention it, I personally disagree with it, because it's a game and power play at that point. Don't do this. If you bring it up, and she freaks out over it, then you have your answer that she wasn't relationship material anyway. It's the same if a woman brings it up and the guy freaks out. 4
Author jcm101 Posted June 15, 2014 Author Posted June 15, 2014 It doesn't matter who brings it up, as long as someone does. If you feel like bringing it up because you have been thinking about it, then mention it. Communication is important in a relationship. Also, for those that advocate waiting for the opposite gender to mention it, I personally disagree with it, because it's a game and power play at that point. Don't do this. If you bring it up, and she freaks out over it, then you have your answer that she wasn't relationship material anyway. It's the same if a woman brings it up and the guy freaks out. So do you think it's to soon for me to ask as explained in my situation above?
giblesp Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 If you want to commit with her then tell her. If she feels the same way she'll let you know. If she doesn't then move on and meet someone else. 1
regine_phalange Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 Don't ask her a question. It's sexier to say "I want to be with you, only, and I want you to be only with me". It's never too soon, if you really feel that is what you want. 2
Frank2thepoint Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 So do you think it's to soon for me to ask as explained in my situation above? Don't ask her a question. It's sexier to say "I want to be with you, only, and I want you to be only with me". It's never too soon, if you really feel that is what you want. My dear direct Scorpio has provided a perfect example of what to do. Since you are already thinking about it, say it the next time you guys are together face-to-face. Don't doubt yourself and don't be afraid. 2
todreaminblue Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 My dear direct Scorpio has provided a perfect example of what to do. Since you are already thinking about it, say it the next time you guys are together face-to-face. Don't doubt yourself and don't be afraid. couldnt agree more frank, its firm, straight up future seen, kick ass and direct.......what can you say to that after you close your hanging mouth but this ok sure i want to be with you only you too .if you actually really like the guy its a kick ass statement for that guy to make......takes guts....and that guy will stick with you....
Author jcm101 Posted June 16, 2014 Author Posted June 16, 2014 well, now she actually just asked me to join her and a bunch of her friends on vacation in two months as one of her friends backed out so i can take her place. i agreed too come. well be sharing a room with two other people. this makes me now want to ask about exclusivity even more now when she comes back. 1
daisydook Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 Or should the girl? In your experiences, how did you two become exclusive? I much prefer a man to initiate exclusivity. Here is how we became exclusive. He asked. I said I would really like that! I met my BF online. I was doing a really picky search one night (hair colour, eye colour, age, height, astrological sign (I was bored and curious!!! Dont judge me!!!) someone who wanted to get married, someone who wasn't interested in flings, etc. ONLY 2 matches out of 420,000 people online that night at 2am. I was being horribly picky though! Lol. I clicked on him as a favourite thinking it would be best to message him at a decent time, and not at 2am. I didn't know how to find him again, unless I picked him as a fave though. He messaged me the following morning instead, saying he was overjoyed to see that I had fave'd him and that he would like to speak to me and was very interested in getting to know more about me. He also told me I woke him up, and that was the best thing ever. Lol. I messaged him back and we have spoken every single day since. I was in sweat pants, somewhat closer to his area, than my own the night before we were to meet for the first time. We were to meet on Christmas Eve. We couldnt wait though and were so excited to see one another. He told me he couldn't wait any longer, told me he needed to see me NOW. When I arrived, he was standing there, IN HIS SWEAT PANTS! We were actually matching wearing the same colours. Hehehehehehe. I was so happy I wasn't the only one in sweats and that he was silly enough to follow suit to make me comfortable because I didn't go home first. His first words were, "Wow. You are real." I am real! He hugged me so tight and then we kissed and it was magnificent. Happy! The click was definitely there for sure. Right away. We had been speaking for a little while, so he wasn't a complete stranger, but I still made sure my mother and best friend knew where he lived, and knew where I was going and when and they had his address and phone number. Lol. I am 30. I was still really safe about it and made sure they both knew when I arrived. I told him I was checking in, and was honest. Lol. He thought it was cute I had set up safety nets just in case he was insane. Bahahahaha We had gone back to his place, and later in the night, after we had been hanging out he picked me up and put me on the counter and stood between my legs. We talked for quite a while like that, face to face. He told me that night he doesn't want to date anyone else, and that he certainly doesn't want me dating anyone else. He carried me to the couch like a monkey (super hot to me when a man can carry me around! Lol) Our 6 month anniversary is coming up and we started dating exclusively that night. The click we had felt while chatting was there when we were together, and still is. He has turned into not only an awesome lover, but an amazing friend. I get excited to tell him about everything going on in my life and I get so excited to do things with him.
somedude81 Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 Based on my past experiences and from what I've read, the woman needs to feel that she likes the guy more than he likes her. Getting to the narrow focus of asking for exclusivity, it is something I feel the woman should bring up. When the guy asks for exclusivity it just gives too much power to the girl, power that she really does not want. 1
MissBee Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 Or should the girl? In your experiences, how did you two become exclusive? Mutual discussion. We had already talked about what we were looking for from the minute we started talking and on our first date. Before sex I told him I didn't want to go there unless we were exclusive, he agreed...and that was that. I don't think it matters who brings it up but for me I prefer it to be something we've both expressed and discussed more so than it is a formal asking without previous discussion. I didn't ask my bf if he wanted to be exclusive...I said what I wanted and he agreed he wanted the same thing. In my previous relationship he told me he had stopped seeing other people and said he wanted us to be exclusive and I agreed. 1
MissBee Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 Based on my past experiences and from what I've read, the woman needs to feel that she likes the guy more than he likes her. Getting to the narrow focus of asking for exclusivity, it is something I feel the woman should bring up. When the guy asks for exclusivity it just gives too much power to the girl, power that she really does not want. This is so bizarre to me. I do NOT want to feel like I'm more into a man. For example, in all my relationships the guy has declared love first and I honestly prefer it that way because I then feel like I can let my guard down as I think it's a lot easier often for women to emotionally invest too quickly while the man is lagging behind, so NO WAY do I prefer a man to be less into me than me him. I don't know many women who feel this way to be honest. 2
somedude81 Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 My ex knew I was more into her than she was into me and she dumped me because of it. Never again.
Targetlock Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 If I'm dating someone then to me it is exclusive I'm a one woman kind of man and hopefully we would both be on the same page. I might be slightly old fashioned but I still find the idea of exclusive and stuff to be a strange idea, i would only be able to focus on one woman at a time rather than play the field, the mad, hopeless romantic kind of focus but still focussed
devilish innocent Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 I used to visit a relationship forum that was almost exclusively made up of women. There were always some women who claimed the woman should never bring up the exclusivity talk first because it will only scare the guy away if he's not ready. So I'm finding it very amusing to see guys on here who say the exact same thing except with the genders reversed. I think gender doesn't matter. If somebody is into you, they're not going to freak out just because you mention exclusivity. If the other person runs away at the first mention of exclusivity, you've probably just eliminated somebody who was only going to string you along otherwise.
iris219 Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 Like a marriage proposal, the exclusivity talk should be initiated by the man. I've found that men like control and like to feel that they are in control of the pace of the relationship. They like to think they're doing things their own way and that everything was their idea. I guess I'm old fashioned, but I feel that the man should set the pace in the relationship. The milestones like being exclusive, saying I love you, and marriage proposals work better if the man does it. Men like to feel like men, and secure men who know what they want prefer it this way. At least all the men I've dated have been like this. Does that mean the girl can't bring it up? No, but a man will do it when he's ready, so there's need for her to jump the gun and do it before he's ready. If he's not asking to be exclusive, there's a reason and there's no need to pressure him into it. 1
MissBee Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 (edited) My ex knew I was more into her than she was into me and she dumped me because of it. Never again. Basing all relationships on your ex is really not a good idea. In any event, things need to be mostly mutual. If you like someone a lot more, there is already a problem, and the reason they like you a lot less is why you broke up. I was talking about expressing your feelings (and this is also the OP's question) and not actually liking someone a lot more. I prefer a man to put his feelings on the table first but that doesn't mean he likes me more...it just means he put it on the table first. I can't be with a man whom I feel really likes me but I don't like him as much.,...obviously that's not a good match, as if we were a good match I'd really like him as well. So that's really an entirely different story. It's not a game or trick somedude...you were into your ex more and she you less for whatever reason, that's why she dumped you. That is NOT the same as a man or woman expressing their feelings first to someone who already feels the same about them. If the person likes you as much as you like them or nearly as much (if we want to argue that in most relationships it's never 100% equal) then you expressing your feelings only strengthens the relationship. If they never liked you as much or grow not to...that's on them and it's not anything you did wrong neither was it something you could have prevented and whether you hide your feelings or express them, if they simply aren't feeling you as much, they aren't. Someone doesn't dump you or stop liking you because you like them more...the liking more comes before and why you like them more and they you less came before anyone expressed anything. Edited June 18, 2014 by MissBee 1
Author jcm101 Posted September 3, 2014 Author Posted September 3, 2014 I didn't want to make a new thread so i'll ask it here.. I'm nervous about whether or not to bring up subject with this girl i've been dating for like 4 months. We already went on vacation with eachother, talk almost everyday, I know she's into me, etc. It's basically like we are official but we havent had that talk yet. I tried hinting at it other day to get her to say something but nothing. Should I just ask her where we are at right now?
dumbass2 Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 My ex knew I was more into her than she was into me and she dumped me because of it. Never again. Then in that case it just wasn't meant to be. It kinda worked the same with my EX, only she didn't dump me for 6 months, but we went exclusive and then back to non the last month and half. It was done a lot earlier.
dumbass2 Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 My ex didn't want to put a label on it. She was reluctant to commit. She finally did because she didn't want to lose me. It didn't work out. I'm the one that brought it up because I met her on a dating site and thought we needed to have some ground rules if we were going to continue to be intimate. I'm not sure I'll be the one initiating it anymore or at least bringing up that word. I can initiate a talk and see where she takes it. I think after a month or two, that a talk like that is appropriate to have.
Author jcm101 Posted September 4, 2014 Author Posted September 4, 2014 I didn't want to make a new thread so i'll ask it here.. I'm nervous about whether or not to bring up subject with this girl i've been dating for like 4 months. We already went on vacation with eachother, talk almost everyday, I know she's into me, etc. It's basically like we are official but we havent had that talk yet. I tried hinting at it other day to get her to say something but nothing. Should I just ask her where we are at right now? anyone???.
WhatIsLove2014 Posted September 17, 2014 Posted September 17, 2014 Just do it, we can't get your nerves up for you. Either do it or don't.
Toodaloo Posted September 17, 2014 Posted September 17, 2014 Its easy, it goes along the lines of "We have been dating x number of months now and I am not seeing anyone else. I just want to know if you see this as a relationship that is exclusive and make sure we are both singing from the same song sheet" Simples. You have let her know that you are exclusive to her so she doesn't need to concern herself about that and she can just respond with a quick "oh yes absolutely" and conversation is over or she can tell you she is dating other guys and you can back away. Either way if you don't know for sure its a good idea to find out!
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