jcm101 Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 Or should the girl? In your experiences, how did you two become exclusive?
marcjb Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 If a girl is dating a guy and would like to be exclusive, she should let him know if she would like that. Same goes for the guy. There are no rules to this. 2
disclosure Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 Literally just happened with me last night. In our situation, she hinted/brought it up basically digging around for the answer and I told her. Really I would have waited another week or 2, but at the time I felt no sense in waiting when you know it's going to happen eventually and the other person is already wanting to. 1
SJC2008 Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 Some say there's no rule for this but most experienced men will tell you to never as a woman to be exclusive, it's her job. They say she'll ghost if you ask her first. 1
marcjb Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 I never ask a girl to be exclusive. In fact, I think that whole talk just seems silly. I don't date around, nor do I date women who date around. No talk needed. I agree with this, but unfortunately it's not very clear to a lot of people. I myself could never be a multi-dater.
jonsnuh Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 I agree with this, but unfortunately it's not very clear to a lot of people. I myself could never be a multi-dater. I agree. It's better to be in the clear to avoid any misconceptions and claims of ignorance. 3
Assasda Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 Never have any of that crap talk. I she wants it, so be it. --- but as a man, talking about that is foolish. That being said, always be a gentleman, and tell the truth
d0nnivain Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 As a woman I have almost always started the conversation. In my mind both people are free to date others & it's not cheating until they have sat down & talked about the parameters of the relationship. I also won't have sex without exclusivity. Whichever one wants to define the relationship can start the conversation & it's not a power play. If someone thinks "ah ha, got 'em right where I want 'em now" that person is not a good candidate for a LTR. 3
Fondue Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 Definitely have the conversation. I just posted in a different thread about me multi-dating. I did it, and I did it for a long time. Especially with two women at the same time. Neither ever approached the subject, so I felt like I could freely do what I wanted. And I did. You probably don't want that out of the guy you're dating. Just being honest.
Mrin Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 Man, I guess... but I wouldn't do it. At least not explicitly. As others have said, when a guy broaches the exclusivity question it can peg the freak-out meter on the woman. If you want to have that conversation, then I think you should be somewhat indirect about it. Start a conversation about how much fun you have with her or what a great travel pair you are. Or maybe talk about a trip or event you want to do in the future. Ask open ended questions. First off, she'll love just having this conversation since most men don't talk about this stuff very willingly. Second, if it feels comfortable with her, she'll steer the conversation toward exclusivity. I am a take charge kind of guy but when it comes to this stuff, the better route is to put the two of you in a conversation environment conducive to this sort of discussion and let her lead. Most likely, she's already analyzed this thing from 42 different directions, consulted a crapton of friends and advisors and has a 7 point plan drawn up in her mind with timelines, goals, actionable tasks and success criteria. Meanwhile, the guy is still at "um, wanna go steady?". 2
clia Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 Man, I guess... but I wouldn't do it. At least not explicitly. As others have said, when a guy broaches the exclusivity question it can peg the freak-out meter on the woman. Men have also been known to freak out when the topic of exclusivity is raised. I always wait for the man to bring it up. I've found that with men who are really into me, they bring it up within 3-4 weeks, which I think is about the right period of time to decide whether you want to exclusively date each other, assuming you are seeing each other a couple of times a week. 3
angel.eyes Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 Everyone is different. The guy has typically bought it up with me. With my current boyfriend, he asked me to be exclusive and his girlfriend on our third date. (He dropped everyone after our first date, but didn't say anything then.) 2
ktya Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 Or should the girl? In your experiences, how did you two become exclusive? Hands down: the girl While i think it should be equally cool in reality its not. Guy asking for exclusivity gives the woman power over him. Waiting it out for the girl to bring it up and ask lets the guy be a man and put her nervous wreck that got up the guts to ask at ease by saying yes. Hold out. 2
todreaminblue Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 Aman asking to be exlusive has an old world charm and manliness to it.....old world charm and this new world dotn really go together though....but i have a fondness for old school....and as ex military i like a guy who steps up to the plate with purpose and total knowledge fo what he wants and needs and isnt afraid to say so...its appealing to me on many levels asa dminant personality i like to be with a guy who has more if not the same strength......i like a guy who moves forward and doesnt hesitate....conviction fortitude ....promising traits in a man..so much better than yeah lets just see how it feels......more feminine and showing wile in design but thats me....i accept most guys just sit back and let me do the work....it isnt soemthing i respect though......deb
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 I thought this stuff was meant to happen naturally.. ! x 2
J21 Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 I've had it go both ways. No preset on who's responsibility it is on this issue IMO.
todreaminblue Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 (edited) I thought this stuff was meant to happen naturally.. ! x it does happen naturally i would prefer that a guy step up though....most guys dont know what to do with me anyway so they let it slide...... so I expect it to naturally happen that it will just happen..most guys dotn ask to be exclusive anymore and i go witht he flow....but i have noramlly said from the first date i am a one man girl, how do you feel about that..lol i can be upfront.....guys then go woah...that gives me an idea and i dont waste time them or mine....in saying this they are normally friends...if not, I ask the question......because if they start looking sideways instead of at me...they get nervous in other words.... when i say it i know, by how they eye slide like they are looking for an open door or an exit to run to........they arent going to be honest....so yes i prefer a guy to ask....and look me in the eyes when he says it ..deb Edited June 13, 2014 by todreaminblue
Author jcm101 Posted June 14, 2014 Author Posted June 14, 2014 iWhat do you mean by "it happens naturally"? Doesn't one have to bring it up at some point? I made this thread because i've been dating a girl since April. She's actually studying abroad as she left middle of May and she'll be back in two weeks. We've talked pretty much each day, her initiating most, her sending postcard, skype etc. I know she likes me and I really like her too. I'm kind of confused if I should count this 1.5 months of actually "seeing each other" as we've obviously havent hung out as shes away., so it's really technically only a month of dating/hanging out which makes me think too soon. We'll hangout when she comes back and i guess i'll just go with flow and wait for her to bring up any talk. If she brought it up I would absolutely say yes to exclusivity, but im really not in a rush for a label. I enjoy hanging out with her and don't want to potentially ruin anything.
Author jcm101 Posted June 14, 2014 Author Posted June 14, 2014 iWhat do you mean by "it happens naturally"? Doesn't one have to bring it up at some point? I made this thread because i've been dating a girl since April. She's actually studying abroad as she left middle of May and she'll be back in two weeks. We've talked pretty much each day, her initiating most, her sending postcard, skype etc. I know she likes me and I really like her too. I'm kind of confused if I should count this 1.5 months of actually "seeing each other" as we've obviously havent hung out as shes away., so it's really technically only a month of dating/hanging out which makes me think too soon. We'll hangout when she comes back and i guess i'll just go with flow and wait for her to bring up any talk. If she brought it up I would absolutely say yes to exclusivity, but im really not in a rush for a label. I enjoy hanging out with her and don't want to potentially ruin anything. bump......
FitChick Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 I prefer the man ask. I only date one man at a time and want to know that he is really into me and doesn't feel obligated.
Author jcm101 Posted June 15, 2014 Author Posted June 15, 2014 I prefer the man ask. I only date one man at a time and want to know that he is really into me and doesn't feel obligated. How should one word it? And when is best time?
Buck Turgidson Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 I never ask a girl to be exclusive. In fact, I think that whole talk just seems silly. I don't date around, nor do I date women who date around. No talk needed. Anyone who believes that communication isn't necessary in a relationship deserves exactly what they get out of it. How can you possibly know that the woman you're dating isn't dating around if you don't have this conversation? Answer: you don't, until you walk in on her one day, when she very correctly informs you that you were never exclusive. As to OPs question, how about, "I get the feeling that you're pretty into me, and I know I'm into you. What do you say we make this relationship official and exclusive?" 2
Author jcm101 Posted June 15, 2014 Author Posted June 15, 2014 Anyone who believes that communication isn't necessary in a relationship deserves exactly what they get out of it. How can you possibly know that the woman you're dating isn't dating around if you don't have this conversation? Answer: you don't, until you walk in on her one day, when she very correctly informs you that you were never exclusive. As to OPs question, how about, "I get the feeling that you're pretty into me, and I know I'm into you. What do you say we make this relationship official and exclusive?" You think it would be too soon from my above post?
abby_tx Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 In my last relationship, the guy asked me. He did it by saying, "So, you want to go steady?" It was pretty cute. The relationship before it was just assumed. We never had the talk and dated for 7 years.
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 I think it should be him. Whose paying for dates? The person whose taking the initiative in dating should be the one asking for exclusiveness.
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