Interracial couples: how did you deal with the opposition from society?

[Ian Fleming]

I would like to know the following:

 

1. Your race and race of your partner

2. Your location or a general description of it

3. Issues you faced

4. How you guys dealt with them

 

I am an east indian male who is in a relationship with a girl that has blonde hair, green eyes, and white skin with freckles. haven't faced too many issues from white or even indian people but I do get a lot of hate from men of other minority groups. Just 2 days go a black guy started hitting on my girlfriend and when he saw me with her he kind of threw a tantrum. I also get a lot of interrogation from women of minority backgrounds who try to make me feel guilty about being with a girl who is white, it can get irritating at times.

[Glinda.Good]

Don't worry about it, enjoy your time with your girlfriend.

[Chubbi]

Yet another Indian guy thinking white women are supreme.

 

I'm an African-American girl and I have almost exclusively dated white guys my entire life. I very rarely deal with any opposition to it. My date to prom (both years) was a blonde blue eyed guy who went to Harvard. My first kiss was a dark blue eyed white guy. My longest relationship was with a Hispanic/white guy. The last 5 dates I've been on have been white guys.

 

We're human beings...None of my friends or family care. No one really makes that big of a deal either. They, like me, don't really see what's so different about it. Everybody's got flaws...

Edited July 7, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Topical content retained

[Ian Fleming]

I don't think white women are supreme but I do have somewhat of a preference for them due to being raised around them. It's just that I get put into so many situations where I feel that I am being interrogated for my preference in women.

[jonsnuh]

Racial bias, jealousy, or plain ignorance. Take your pick.

[MalachiX]

I'm half Arab and half American but I look very white. Aside from regular white folks (of which I'm closest); I've dated number of women from other races.

 

In pretty much every case, race was the least interesting thing about the relationship.

 

Chinese: I actually dated more than one Chinese girl. There was no issue with the other people's reactions. The challenge was more cultural. In both cases the their English wasn't as great as I would have liked which can make a strong connection hard. Being unfamiliar with their culture's views on dating and sex was also a bit hard. I'd read that one should go slow which I did with the first girl (we never had sex). The other one proved the opposite as we ended up having a one night stand.

 

Latina Girl - Dated a girl who was half Mexican and half black. Once again, never had any issue with it as far as other people judging us. Never had any cultural disconnect either.

 

African American: Dated more than one African American girl. The first was super short lived while I was still living in the South. One friend seemed surprised/impressed I was dating a black girl but that was the extent of any commentary (though I'd heard plenty of racist things there outside the relationship). The second one was a much longer relationship after I moved to the West Coast. Race was never really any issue (and hasn't been as I've had a number of very close black friends throughout my life).

 

Jewish: My current relationship which, thus far is the healthiest relationship I've ever been in. Being half Palestinian, this certainly had the most danger of being an issue due to tensions in Isreal/Palestine. However, just as with the others, race hasn't been a big deal at all. On our first date she mentioned that she didn't support the actions of the Isreali government. I quickly let her know that, while I have real problems with the Isreali government, my frustration is never directed at her or Jewish individuals in general. We got that out of the way pretty fast and the rest of the relationship has been smooth sailing. I cook Palestinian dishes for her and she introduces me to some of her Jewish cuisine. There were no issues when she met my parents (though I did warn my Dad not to bring up politics), and there were no issues when I met hers. I know that some of my more distant relatives might have a problem with this relationship (and hers as well); but I hope they keep their mouths shut as I don't plan to tolerate anyone looking down on my girlfriend because of her race.

 

All in all, every experience I've had shows that IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL!!!

 

The only people who make a big deal out of it are those living so far in the past that I don't deem them worth my time.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

I'm a black girl who dates almost exclusive interracially. I have never in my life faced any real opposition from friends, family or even strangers on the street when seen out with a non-black guy. Even guys of my own race don't give me crap about it. The guy I'm seeing now is Mexican and it's never been an issue.

 

I've dated White, Portuguese, Filipino, Mexican, Dutch, Egyptian and German guys and nothing has ever been said about it. The most I ever got was an exasperated sigh from my dad when I told him I was dating yet a Mexican guy many months ago.

 

Unless you live in a very small, extremely segregated town, the days of interracial couples facing street harassment are pretty much long gone.

 

By the way @Chubbi, I don't see how OP was acting as if white women are supreme in the least. He just happens to be dating one.

[umirano]

I kinda think this is a troll post

 

I thought troll call outs are a big no no on loveshack. I got banned once for a couple of months for one... Can anyone shed some light please?

[umirano]

1. Your race and race of your partner

I'm white. Interracial partners were from south-east Asia, Africa, Middle East and central America.

 

2. Your location or a general description of it

Europe mainland

 

3. Issues you faced

Hardly any. One time while with a (dark skinned) girl from SE Asia some fat local fnck from the countryside made a stupid remark,

 

4. How you guys dealt with them

but I let it slide. The girl didn't even hear it and we were 5 min from home.

[Haydn]

Had rs with white,brown, black, orientals. Never had a problem in London.

[Emilia]

I thought troll call outs are a big no no on loveshack. I got banned once for a couple of months for one... Can anyone shed some light please?

depends on whether you get caught or not.

[Emilia]

1. Your race and race of your partner

Mine is white, theirs is various, all except Oriental

 

2. Your location or a general description of it

London, big cultural and ethnic melting pot

 

3. Issues you faced

Occasional stares by white men

 

4. How you guys dealt with them

Ignored them. Not my problem as long as my partner isn't uncomfortable.

 

I experienced more ignorance in the countryside where people are predominantly conservative white but ultimately I don't give a fck. I assume it's jealousy because of their sad little monotonous dating experiences :: shrug ::

[umirano]

depends on whether you get caught or not.

 

Comprendo

 

In any case, I do not think this is a troll post. It's a valid question and I'm interested in the responses too.

[lino]

I've never dated inter racially but that's just because that's how it went.

Been rejected by a few non - white girls.

 

If I was in that situation I wouldn't care. Yokels will be Yokels, who gives a sh*t about them and their closed minds.

Edited July 7, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[MissionPossible]

I'm a 30-something white girl, blond and green-eyed (essentially as white as it gets). I live in west Texas, which is very Republican and very conservative.

 

I dated a beautiful black man for 8 months and was a little nervous about the reaction I might get. Guess what? Nobody cared. We never got one remark or even a nasty look.

 

Now I'm dating an East Indian guy and hey....nobody cares about that either. 2014 is nice, I can't complain.

 

And even if anyone had cared, I would've just laughed and brushed it off. Who gives a flying **** what other people think?

[nofeelings22]

I'm white as they come and have dated girls from every flavor, pretty much.

 

Never had an issue in public. In fact, when i was dating a black girl, the only remark i ever heard was aguy yell out that I was a lucky man..., but do have a question.

 

Do you find it is more difficult in the long run because you don't have a shared culture? I mean, we all kinf of want to find a version of ourselves. Other cultures don't share the same views or hold the same things dear. An instance might be the way a certain holiday means something special. A ltr or spouse from another culture may never understand how you feel about it.

 

I ask because I'm seeing a half Bangladesh/Pakistani girl. She is very dark. We click extremely well and actually do share a lot of common ground. Her dad is a physicist and downloaded lots of intelligence into her growing up. She is very "white" in culture, even a little nerdy, which only makes her cooler. Yet, I find myself worried about long term cultural compatibility and what others in my family will think,. Non PC straight talk preferred....

Edited June 12, 2014 by nofeelings22

[Emilia]

Do you find it is more difficult in the long run because you don't have a shared culture? I mean, we all kinf of want to find a version of ourselves. Other cultures don't share the same views or hold the same things dear. An instance might be the way a certain holiday means something special. A ltr or spouse from another culture may never understand how you feel about it.

 

I ask because I'm seeing a half Bangladesh/Pakistani girl. She is very dark. We click extremely well and actually do share a lot of common ground. Her dad is a physicist and downloaded lots of intelligence into her growing up. She is very "white" in culture, even a little nerdy, which only makes her cooler. Yet, I find myself worried about long term cultural compatibility and what others in my family will think,. Non PC straight talk preferred....

I'm very curious about other cultures and lived on other continents in countries where people had very different values from mine. I would not be able to get on long term with most of them I think. Partly because they were often religious (I'm a staunch atheist) and partly because they were often too patriarchal for my tastes.

 

However in terms of values I was very compatible with one guy, he was born in Africa but came over to the UK very young and he has very liberal views.

 

I suppose as I left my own home country about 20 years ago my cultural references are pretty broad and I'm very comfortable with his having his and me having mine as long as there is an overlap (which usually happens if you have both lived in the same country for a number of years). With this guy for example we watched the same British comedy programs, read similar books etc despite the fact that we come from very different cultures and races.

 

So as I said it before on another thread, to me it's about ethnicity not race. The way someone looks is just physical attributes. What's in their mind and background/experience that matters.

[umirano]

Do you find it is more difficult in the long run because you don't have a shared culture?

Yeah sure, the more different the culture the more you have to adapt to one another. BUT I think it's irrelevant in the sense that even within the same mainstream culture you can end up with someone with a very different "family" culture. In my close circles I know of families who ended up having huge disagreements because the guy's family has a very different way of communicating and looking at things from the girl's family. To give an example applicable to the US consider a NYC financial engineer who's studied in Singapore and lived the first ten years of his life in Spain getting with a girl from a clan of cattle farmers in the plains. One way or the other they'll have to adapt to each other too.

 

When I say it's irrelevant I mean it's irrelevant over the whole dating scene as such. Of course cultural differences are of immense importance in a RS of two people. Now, some people are happy to adapt to a new culture (which also requires a welcoming family/friends environment) and some people like to keep their distance. It certainly depends also on the actual cultures in question. While I had little problems fitting in with SE Asian or central American customs, certain things about certain African cultures just drove me nuts.

 

I mean, we all kinf of want to find a version of ourselves. Other cultures don't share the same views or hold the same things dear. An instance might be the way a certain holiday means something special. A ltr or spouse from another culture may never understand how you feel about it.

If that holiday is uber important to you then that's definitively a compatibility issue. Like different preferences in sex. A submissive doesn't need another submissive. Or in life style. Some like opera and hate wrestling. Certain things just can't be overcome in the long run... But interracial dating isn't more difficult dating wrt other personal differences, at least that's what I'd like to think

 

Sometimes people ask me (or I imagine they wonder) what's wrong with for not getting with local girls much. Idk, some of them I found very boring and narrow minded. But I'm sure there are non-boring fun local girls. I just haven't met that many. The local culture isn't as outgoing as some of those that I've met. So who knows. The derogatory discourse in the media / private discussion sometimes gets two major drifts, which are

• those locals who date interracially would never get a local girl (bc too old/ugly)
  
• or the foreign girls need the money/visa
  

 

I don't think I have to grace these ideas with a response

[nofeelings22]

Y

 

Sometimes people ask me (or I imagine they wonder) what's wrong with for not getting with local girls much. Idk, some of them I found very boring and narrow minded. But I'm sure there are non-boring fun local girls. I just haven't met that many. The local culture isn't as outgoing as some of those that I've met. So who knows. )

 

Yes, I am having these thoughts too.

 

That someone will think something is wrong with me.

 

But this is 100% the best girl I've met. So far is better than my ex wife of 10 years.

 

She is everything my ex was in the positive aspects, but is also a really good person.

 

Most typical, white American girls i attract are just plain not nice people. So, this is amazing.

[hasaquestion]

Yes, I am having these thoughts too.

 

That someone will think something is wrong with me.

 

But this is 100% the best girl I've met. So far is better than my ex wife of 10 years.

 

She is everything my ex was in the positive aspects, but is also a really good person.

 

Most typical, white American girls i attract are just plain not nice people. So, this is amazing.

 

Indian girls are the best! Once you go brown you don't come back down.

 

from my experience it seems like Caucasian American girls figure out early on that they can skate by on their looks, and don't really need to take care of themselves or focus on their education. Whereas with the culture that immigrant parents impose upon their kids (become a doctor, be in charge of your life, etc.), there's a lot of girls from that region of the world who are more than a pretty face.

[Emilia]

Once you go brown you don't come back down.

haha I must remember this!

[Candy_Pants]

Both H and I are mixed, Native American and white. I've got Latin and Mediterranean as well, but he looks Asian-ish, and I look white. We live in the South of the USA where all anyone sees is a white couple. We just laugh.

 

I've dated Oriental, Jewish, Hispanic, White. I never cared what anyone thought about my personal intimate relationships. But yes, I have heard stupid, ignorant remarks.

[GravityMan]

Don't worry about it, enjoy your time with your girlfriend.

 

This. Don't get insecure about this, OP.

 

OP, please try to stop caring so much about what other people (especially strangers) think of you, your relationship, your friends, your job, car, house, political beliefs, dog, whatever. You will almost surely be a far happier person as a result, and that may rub off positively on others around you including your GF and friends. If somebody gives you crap, laugh it off and forget about it...there's a good chance that person is unhappy with his or her own life.

 

One of the biggest issues with today's society is that people get all worked up over how others decide to live their lives.

 

Self-confident people generally live life by the beat of their own drum and go after what they want. And in cases where they don't get or succeed in whatever they're pursuing, they let it roll off their back and turn the page.

 

There are multiple anecdotes in this thread detailing interracial relationships where NOBODY gave them s**t for it; nobody cared. I've also heard plenty of other stories here and elsewhere where an interracial couple did take some heat from others (e.g. "white women stealing all of our men", etc.). Why the difference? Part of the reason is due to location and the demographic/cultural/historical makeup of the places one frequents, but I also think another reason is due to the way the couple carries themselves. It is not a coincidence that couples who are comfortable in their own skins tend to get less vitriol tossed their way. Most people can smell insecurity very easily.

[Fondue]

I am white and I primarily date Asian girls. Dated black/white before, too. My "favorite" girls are Indian, but I never had a relationship with one. They always seem to be told that only other Indian guys are acceptable. Meh.

 

My current gf is Chinese. Asian/White is probably the most common and "accepted" coupling. Even though we're in NYC, we do get a few stares here and there from only other Chinese. Especially her.

 

We got a few Chinatowns here. Manhattan and Queens aren't really bad in terms of stares, but the Brooklyn one is. Whenever we walk through Brooklyn Chinatown, she gets daggers starred at her from all the older Chinese men and women. The younger generation doesn't really care at all. Once in a while I catch a glimpse from a young adult Chinese girl or she gets a quick eye from a young adult Chinese male but never a more than that.

 

The older people though sometimes give disapproving stares. I know her family doesn't really think much of me either. Despite us dating for almost a year, I haven't met her family yet. We went on several vacations together, she spends many nights at my place, and she accompanies me on my visits to my family whenever I go. So she is a big part of my life. Her mother always asks about me, asks if I "treat her right," if I "can be trusted," and if she is "positive that I'm not just using her." Her mother also always asks to see pictures of me. My gf said that at first her mom kept telling her that I was ugly (even though I am very much not). More recently though, she has been telling my gf that I am actually quite good looking in these "recent" pictures. Now-a-days, from what I understand, her mother has been better about me though. She spent a week at home and not seeing me, her mother had asked her a few times if everything was "okay" between us and seemed concerned. I also bought for her family some treats/goodies on certain holidays, and according to my gf, her mom responded positively to that. So from what I take it, she is "warming up" a little.

 

So that's that.

[readynow]

I'm black and i've dated mostly white men. No evil glares though. I mostly get looks from white women looking approvingly, white men looking like they wished it were them, black women with a look of approving solidarity and black men with a look of respect so all good on the look front. The only problem might be some parts of my family that would say there are many good black men out there but when they see me happy, all that goes out the window.

 

About culture, i'm native African, and most white men i've dated seem to have such bland and easy cultures, like must have barbeque on summer bank holiday! Myself on the other hand, have deep cultural rules that dictate the way I cook, how I speak to people older, how I deal with my partner, how I raise my kids, how education is the answer to all, how I run the home etc The thing though is that my partners have all loved it! My last 2 ltr found how enriching my life was to them, my boyfriend wants to do everything my way!

 

I think overall, it's all compromise and sharing. Loving your partner means understanding them and giving and taking.

 

Definitely don't worry about what people think - you don't know what's really going on inside them really.