Do you feel some men/women struggle because they are too dominate or submissive for..

[joystickd]

the opposite sex?

 

Read an interesting article:The rise of masculine, dominant women and effeminate, submissive men in society - Los Angeles Men's Dating Advice | Examiner.com

 

I read it and think it's some of the reason people have a hard time finding someone compatible.

[alwayshere]

There have been dominant women and submissive men for a long time. The tick is compatibility. For example, a very submissive man who wanted me to take the lead would NOT be for me....AT ALL. But I have a female friend who is pretty dominant, her husband is not, and it works fine.

[carhill]

What I found, being married, is that it's tricky.

 

Dominant = in control, figure it out, confident, solution-oriented, consensus seeking to a point = good

 

The problem arose when the combination of insufficient attraction and blip in the 'got it handled' = struggle

 

My takeaway is that a man better be darned sure the attraction level of his mate is high and work diligently to maintain it, lest weaknesses elsewhere in the dike undermine it. With insufficient attraction, perceived weaknesses can be cause for loss of respect and, once that happens, buhbye marriage.

 

Of course, YMMV. In my generation and demographic, women appear to despise submissive men. I've yet to meet one who 'likes' that. They may marry them but that doesn't mean they like them. Usually other aspects are at work. I'll admit I was pretty easy-going as a single guy but marriage certainly hardened me up. Do or die. I got reacquainted with God.

[Glinda.Good]

IMO there is a wide swath of people who are just mainstream, and they have a pretty easy time of it finding others amongst themselves. Those who are outside of that box may be perceived as "struggling." Dominant, submissive, Downs syndrome, highly intelligent, mentally ill, blind, artistic, analytical, etc. Not average. Really, it's just harder for more unique people to find like minded ones.

[EasyHeart]

I thought this was the most important part of the article

if you take a woman who is naturally submissive, and you put her in a social environment with a number of passive, effeminate, weak men with no balls or backbone, then over a period time, her personality and behavior is going to become progressively more dominant. So, in other words, maybe the reason why there are so many masculine, dominant women in today's dating scene is because there are too many thirsty, supplicating, weak men.

Western society has spent the last 50 years trying to destroy the concept of masculinity. It's no surprise that women are stepping up to assume masculine roles when men have been conditioned to think that being a man is a bad thing.

[joystickd]

I thought this was the most important part of the article

Western society has spent the last 50 years trying to destroy the concept of masculinity. It's no surprise that women are stepping up to assume masculine roles when men have been conditioned to think that being a man is a bad thing.

 

It's crazy how they do feminized men these days

[Candy_Pants]

Meh, I'm more dominant than some women, more submissive than others. I tend to attract men who are outwardly dominant, yet have a submissive streak in them.

 

I think the struggle comes when we aren't honest about who we are, what we want, or better yet, what we can "get".

[Candy_Pants]

Meh, I'm more dominant than some women, more submissive than others. I tend to attract men who are outwardly dominant, yet have a submissive streak in them.

 

I think the struggle comes when we aren't honest about who we are, what we want, or better yet, what we can "get".

[Content]

I find people who think all men should act one way and all women should act another too be hillariously ignoranrt

 

People are all different not just genders.

[ThaWholigan]

People try to be something they're not and attract the wrong partner.

 

There has always been submissive men and dominant women, I think part of the reason there is more of a prevalence is simply that the dissolving of traditional roles have allowed them more breathing room to explore these parts of their character without too much criticism.

 

I do think that there has been something of a backlash against traditional masculinity that has affected both genders, and I'd argue that it's simply because masculinity as we know it is inherently attached to Patriarchy which is seen as a bad thing nowadays.

[Grumpybutfun]

the opposite sex?

 

Read an interesting article:The rise of masculine, dominant women and effeminate, submissive men in society - Los Angeles Men's Dating Advice | Examiner.com

 

I read it and think it's some of the reason people have a hard time finding someone compatible.

 

J, I think there are a plethora of reasons people have a hard time finding someone compatible. Much of it being they have no idea who they are or what they really want.

As for the article, I have found much of this to be true. There is a definite balance that we are missing in much of the cultures of this world. Some are very obvious, Arab or Asian cultures for instance, and some much less so.

Some feminine traits can be very good for men to learn like compassion and communication, yet the traits that some men display that I find off putting such as whining or not taking personal responsibility seems to be something hybrid. I have theories on this but much isn't founded on anything documented so I won't go there.

I am very dominant in my relationship, but I do possess compassion and am a good communicator so it definitely levels out with her ability to be logical and task oriented. She is feminine and yet equal to me, a great leader, smart as hell and I seek her counsel often. We have learned a lot from each other over the years. It has made me a better man, father and husband, I think.

Men being masculine seems like something you just are if you don't allow others to take it from you as is femininity. Both are valued by me and mine equally. I don't expect her to be a man and she doesn't expect me to be a woman. We would be miserable and inauthentic if we even tried. Finding someone compatible to me often means finding someone authentic who doesn't need to change you but loves you for who you are and appreciates the differences between the masculine and feminine.

Best,

Grumps

[TouchedByViolet]

I totally disagree.

 

As a guy I find most types of women attractive. From the tomboy type to girly and most things in between. There are narrow bands in the spectrum I don't find attractive but in general the vast majority of women are not masculine.... That's just silly...

 

As far as men go I think most are masculine. I will say this though... men are taught at a young age to be honest, respectful, and a gentleman to ladies yet these qualities in of themselves are not attractive to women. I dare say they are even boring for many women....

[Glinda.Good]

It's crazy how they do feminized men these days

 

Who is "they"?

 

One of the true purposes of feminism is to allow anyone of any gender to experience and express things that previously were considered the sole province of one gender. Crying men, women with chain saws, etc. That does not mean that a man MUST abandon traditionally masculine stuff. It's a choice.

 

You guys need to look at what you post more closely. Can you see that you behave in the identical way that you criticize "feminists" for behaving? That "they want to have it both ways"? You are mad because "they" have "feminized" men, yet you spend hours on the Internet nurturing a victim role. Which is not what one would call traditionally masculine; if you want or need to, it's fine. It's one of the newish freedoms. But please don't then complain about being "feminized" by "them."

 

Also, can you please explain the use of the word "struggle" in this context? I keep picturing quicksand.

[Bruce Leigh]

the opposite sex?

 

Read an interesting article:The rise of masculine, dominant women and effeminate, submissive men in society - Los Angeles Men's Dating Advice | Examiner.com

 

I read it and think it's some of the reason people have a hard time finding someone compatible.

 

Was reading about something similar to this just last night funnily enough:

 

Why Don't Men Like Smart, Strong, Successful Women?

 

I don't know the bloggers agenda, if he has one, but one comment he made later on hit home for me:

 

The primary reason, Naomi, that I advise individuals to tone down their individual traits, is because that’s a realistic solution. Change starts on a personal level, yet most people are always screaming for everyone else to change. That’s not how it works. If a man asks me for advice, I’m going to tell him what HE should do differently – not what WOMEN should do differently, and vice versa. Would the world be a better place if men and women truly embraced equality in all of its forms? Sure. But I’m not going to make that happen. Let’s work on taking care of what we can do as individuals instead of screaming for tens of millions of people to change years of societally ingrained behavior.

[joystickd]

Who is "they"?

 

One of the true purposes of feminism is to allow anyone of any gender to experience and express things that previously were considered the sole province of one gender. Crying men, women with chain saws, etc. That does not mean that a man MUST abandon traditionally masculine stuff. It's a choice.

 

You guys need to look at what you post more closely. Can you see that you behave in the identical way that you criticize "feminists" for behaving? That "they want to have it both ways"? You are mad because "they" have "feminized" men, yet you spend hours on the Internet nurturing a victim role. Which is not what one would call traditionally masculine; if you want or need to, it's fine. It's one of the newish freedoms. But please don't then complain about being "feminized" by "them."

 

Also, can you please explain the use of the word "struggle" in this context? I keep picturing quicksand.

Hours lol. PLEASE!!! They meaning the media. This isn't really a feminism issue. It's a general issue. We all see the media these days. It's not just a feminization of men but there is also a masculinization of women. It's cool if that is your choice but damn it's got to the point where the cool sh*t is to wear jeans tight enough for a penis print or a male camel toe

[todreaminblue]

I feel that men and women struggle because they more need to know when being dominant in personality is appropriate and when submission in personality is necessary for progression....or words that lean to a lesson in humility and respect that as a dominant person you need to know when you make a mistake

 

dominants need to see then feel reason and logical understanding behind submitting to an ideal a belief or in fact another person who may have more hindsight in foresight than they have

All in all there is a nth degree and that higher power isnt human i believe.So therefore we are all really submissive but do need to show a dominant personality to stand true to that nth degree.....with actions

 

 

 

an interesting fact to note maybe only to myself but ill share, that i read that as a dominant uneducated woman and it makes no sense and i wrote those words without really thinking at all ,they were just there as soon as i read yrou post and had natural flow so i acted and wrote them, almost automatically,

 

 

as a submissive it is plain to for me to see because i choose to see , not everything i write or feel or think is understood by me as a dominant personality i write what i feel,i actually submit to expressing feelings rather than an opinion known and learned and held by others,dominance i feel is more akin to action than feeling

 

i didnt read the article because i probably wouldnt understand what was written so therefore dont feel i should read it before and change or sway my stand in to writing something different....now ill go read it with dictionary.com on another tab propbably and see if there is any correlation that i would submit too....

 

 

ten seconds later response this article doesnt equate to me and i woudl cnsider its a minorty equation that doesn have relevance to my life in and out of worldy views as a whole.... i am not a lesbian so i dotn hold beleifs that are jsutified to feminsism and lesbianism.... didnt read any further.....i dont submit to soemthing i dont have an understanding of or have experince with that i know to be true in my heart,that confused me in my past it no longer does confuse me, i stand to what i now know to be true,i feel that my passion, in what i wrote above to be true,and equatable to my life ...that is my dominant stand, or would i need to, begin to negate and throw doubt upon, how i feel, think or act upon ,as a dominant woman such an article to be gospel and imprtant to how i lvie my life....submissive or dominant i dont submit to it......deb

Edited June 12, 2014 by todreaminblue

[Under The Radar]

As a male, I think I'm pretty submissive.

 

 

I'll usually show up to coffee dates in a diaper, rattle in hand, with a giant pacifier hanging out of my mouth .

 

 

If she burps me ...... it's love at first site.

[Woggle]

Was reading about something similar to this just last night funnily enough:

 

Why Don't Men Like Smart, Strong, Successful Women?

 

I don't know the bloggers agenda, if he has one, but one comment he made later on hit home for me:

 

Men do like smart and successful women for the most part. Women who have personality traits that are repulsive to most men with something going for them tend to use this as an excuse. No self respecting man wants a woman who treats relationships as a form of combat.

[nofeelings22]

I like a girl who takes a little initiative. I dominate people all day long. Employees, clients, vendors.... controlling it all and being my typical business alpha self.

 

At the end of all that, the last thing I feel like doing is dominating a girl sexually.

 

I'm still a man and i like girls just overflowing with estrogen and feminine qualities, but I like these feminine women to show quite a bit of sexual initiative,

Edited June 13, 2014 by nofeelings22

[Revolver]

The most friendzoned group of people on the planet are masculine women and feminine males.

 

It's like that episode of fresh prince with queen Latifah. He loved hanging out with queen Latifah(the tomboy) but ended up asking out the girly girl

[Els]

It's cool if that is your choice but damn it's got to the point where the cool sh*t is to wear jeans tight enough for a penis print or a male camel toe

 

 

What does this even have to do with the problems people face with masculinity or gender identification?

 

Fashion trends just change with time. A few hundred years ago in France it was considered 'masculine' to wear high heels...

[joystickd]

What does this even have to do with the problems people face with masculinity or gender identification?

 

Fashion trends just change with time. A few hundred years ago in France it was considered 'masculine' to wear high heels...

It's cool but there is a lot of things that men are doing now they would have never thought of years ago. I've seen on instagram where men called their friends my beloved. There are some things that are ok but damn it's getting ridiculous now with some of these guys.