Girlfriend of 2 years dumped me and....

[yodudebroman]

Hey, yeah as the thread title states my GF of 2 years hasn't only dumped me but she told me today she doesn't love me anymore, she's moved on and she doesn't want to be in a relationship oh and to leave her alone.

 

I'm in pieces at the minute, kind of feels like I'm suffocating.

 

The worst part is, this is all my fault. 2013 was probably the worst year of my life, my father went to prison and I was getting bad anxiety/panic attacks to the point I would hardly socialize or leave my house anymore. So for pretty much 2013-early 2014, I guess she felt neglected by me due to the problems I've been facing. She said she's sick of being the only one who tried to keep the relationship going and that I never showed her any affection or bought her any gifts etc.

 

It kills me inside because she's so right but I never once stopped loving her, not once. She was my world.

 

The worst part is though, I'd finally started making really good progress with my anxiety/panic attacks (which were 100% triggered by my dad going to prison and having to watch a three week trial which resulted in his conviction) and I was socializing again, starting to feel happy with myself and being more loving with her. I had a lot of plans set up for us this year, was going to go on holiday with her for a month in December (she doesn't know this, was going to be a surprise).

 

It's just killing me so much that this perfect girl who I love so dearly no longer loves me back because of me. I caused this and it's just eating me away, I don't know what to do. I wish I had a box of Valium so I could just sleep all the time until the pain goes away.

 

I guess Zopiclone will have to do for now (thank god for my nan leaving her meds in an easy to reach place).

[PhillyConnection23]

Yeah don't self medicate.

 

Don't contact her. Spend this time focusing on yourself. I know that is a hard thought to process right now but everyone on this board has been in a very similar place and will acknowledge how important it is to avoid contacting her. Give yourself the distance you need to find yourself, get your life back on track and ultimately become a better person...FOR YOURSELF.

[yodudebroman]

Yeah don't self medicate.

 

Don't contact her. Spend this time focusing on yourself. I know that is a hard thought to process right now but everyone on this board has been in a very similar place and will acknowledge how important it is to avoid contacting her. Give yourself the distance you need to find yourself, get your life back on track and ultimately become a better person...FOR YOURSELF.

 

I've already deleted her/completely removed everything that reminds me of her, not because I want to but because, well.... she explicitly told me she doesn't love me anymore.

 

It started out as a break, then she told me we're broke up but can still be friends, so I started really hounding her with messages/calls and I'd get upset when she wasn't there for long periods of time, she told me to give her space, I said the only way I'd be able to is if she told me she didn't love me.

 

Fast forward to now, (7 days later) and she just comes out and says it "We can't be friends anymore, I've moved on, I don't want to be in a relationship with you, I don't love you anymore" it was like being punched by a prime Mike Tyson square on the jaw.

 

I'm just so cut up at the minute, there's no way I'm not going to self-medicate, if I can't dull this pain I'd end up in the nut house.

[mammasita]

I'm sorry but I think she sounds like a selfish B for telling you that you didn't buy her gifts while you were going through a rough patch. Someone who truly loves you would never say such a thing.

 

This is NOT your fault that she left you. Yes you have suffered through some things, but those things would never push REAL love away.

[PhillyConnection23]

It's going to get better. Its not going to be tomorrow or next week or even next month but it will get better and your life will function like it is supposed to.

 

She said what you needed to hear to move on. Just do that. Take time to mourn the relationship, reflect on what went wrong or changed and try to get yourself back. Use this time and motivation to work out, reconnect with friends and find new hobbies.

 

As people say...YOU ARE THE PRIZE. Take the time to polish yourself, be the best person you can be.

[yodudebroman]

I'm sorry but I think she sounds like a selfish B for telling you that you didn't buy her gifts while you were going through a rough patch. Someone who truly loves you would never say such a thing.

 

This is NOT your fault that she left you. Yes you have suffered through some things, but those things would never push REAL love away.

 

Well she used to buy me gifts and be romantic etc.

[yodudebroman]

It's going to get better. Its not going to be tomorrow or next week or even next month but it will get better and your life will function like it is supposed to.

 

She said what you needed to hear to move on. Just do that. Take time to mourn the relationship, reflect on what went wrong or changed and try to get yourself back. Use this time and motivation to work out, reconnect with friends and find new hobbies.

 

As people say...YOU ARE THE PRIZE. Take the time to polish yourself, be the best person you can be.

 

There's nothing I can really change, it was truthfully the Anxiety/Panic Attacks that caused the problems that made her leave me/fall out of love with me.

 

I just know had things been different, had I been allowed to be who I really am like when we first fell in love, I'd have never lost her.

[Smarty Pants]

Went through the same depression coupled with panic attacks anxiety and my gf left too.

 

I'll tell you one thing.

 

It's not your fault she left. She wasn't strong or mature enough to go through bad times in a relationship.

 

You think a wife would leave her husband just because he is having bad anxiety or going through a tough time? No, a relationship is there so you can lean on each other. And if she isn't mature enough to be able to handle that, good riddance.

 

That's what happened with me. May not be exactly the same, but hopefully you can draw parallels and relate it to your own situation.

 

I am sorry you are going through this. It sucks and is not fun. Be prepared to be upset about this for a few months. It may suck now, but it will make you stronger.

 

Cheers mate.

[Smarty Pants]

And I'll add that she isn't perfect. It may seem like it now, but she isn't. Anyone that is that selfish is far from perfect.

[leavesonautumn]

Went through the same depression coupled with panic attacks anxiety and my gf left too.

 

I'll tell you one thing.

 

It's not your fault she left. She wasn't strong or mature enough to go through bad times in a relationship.

 

You think a wife would leave her husband just because he is having bad anxiety or going through a tough time? No, a relationship is there so you can lean on each other. And if she isn't mature enough to be able to handle that, good riddance.

 

That's what happened with me. May not be exactly the same, but hopefully you can draw parallels and relate it to your own situation.

 

I am sorry you are going through this. It sucks and is not fun. Be prepared to be upset about this for a few months. It may suck now, but it will make you stronger.

 

Cheers mate.

 

Sums up everything you need to remember during this time! I was in a similar situation... helped my ex through so many of his issues and stuck by him even when it was rough but he didn't have the decency to return the love when I had panic attacks or appreciate what I went through with/for him!

[yodudebroman]

Thanks for the support guys. The pain just hurts so bad right now it's overwhelming. Feels like I'm being tortured constantly.

[jabrizjiro]

Been in a similar situation of feeling really really ****ed up for a period when my previous gf broke it off. Couldn't get much sleep and had no appetite to eat. I didn't have anxiety/panic issues, it was because I was just less mature at the time (she was a year older, been through a lot more that I have in life and was a lot more mature). A few honest advice:

 

- don't have hard feelings on yourself. It's not your fault that you had panic/anxiety issues resulting from your father's situation. Don't keep thinking about what you 'could have' done that you didn't do. You were what you were at the time.

 

- don't have hard feeling on your gf either. While we need to commit and have responsibilities for one another when in a relationship, it's normal to be selfish at the end of the day (it's not like you guys were married). If your gf felt a long term relationship (ultimately leading marriage) wasn't panning out, it's expected that she chose to breakup.

 

How to heal:

 

-time helps. It will get a little better each day.

-the best way is to spend time with any family/friends and talk out your feelings in the shorterm. Don't stay alone and keep it to yourself, you'll feel worse.

-But honestly the only real way is to find the 'next girl'. While I felt better day after day I could still not get my mind of her totally when I was alone. For a period of 6 months (that i was single) I still thought of her regularly. But the day i started dating this new girl, my life turned around. I'm not saying getting a new girl is easy but it's the only way to be able to completely move on.

 

Good luck! Hope it helps to know that we've all been through this sometime in our lives and are able to recover from it!

[Chi townD]

Okay, here's comes the 2x4 to the back of the head for you.

 

 

You were on a break and then she came back and told you that she doesn't love you and has move on; thus, making the break permanent.

 

 

Translation- She was cheating on you and she need the break to see if this other dude wanted to enter into a more serious relationship with her or if he was just trying to hook up with her and ditch her. If that was the case, then I speculate that she would have come back to you say, "Okay, breaks over! I love you again!" But, that didn't happen. Chances are she's with this guy now because she said that she's moved on. Which, to me, says that she's MOVED ON TO SOMEONE ELSE!

 

 

If this is what happened, then you need to wake up to the kind of evil person she truly is. It's time for you to get angry and get motivated into healing from this. It's time to put her in your past and time to make positive changes in your life. Time to get your revenge on her and the BEST revenge you can get is leading a DAMN good life. So, if she ever gets curious and wants to see what you've been up to. She'll find out that you are successful, adventurous and social. She'll miss out on it all, and do you know what? TOO BAD, HER LOSS!!!!!

 

 

It's time to take back your life. It's time to take back the power that you've given her. She doesn't deserve you, and you don't deserve the pain that she's gave you.

 

 

And for Pete's sakes! Stop taking drugs that aren't prescribed to you!!!!

[yodudebroman]

What the heck, you think she found someone else and was cheating on me?

 

..........wow, if that's true...Jesus.

 

I don't think so though, I think she was just fed up of the relationship and being the one to put all the effort in whilst I didn't contribute anything to it really. Sigh. Would do anything to get her back, no contact today was even harder than yesterday, just feels like I'd be better off dead than enduring this pain any longer (not literally, just trying to paint a picture of how bad I feel right now).

 

She really is perfect and did everything for us. I was such a lousy boyfriend that I caused a woman who idolized me to not only break up with me but completely fall out of love with me and half hate me. Ugh.

[Chi townD]

Okay, you need to stop that. It wasn't your fault.

 

 

You have some health issues going on. Is that your fault? Did you ask for an anxiety disorder? Your father goes to prison. Did you ask for that? Did you cause that? So, you might have went into a depressive state as a result. Did you ask for that to happen? I hope you say no to all of those.

 

 

There's a reason for the vows of for better or for worse. When you were at your lowest, was she there to support you? Probably not, she still expected you to be party boy and buy her sh*t and to kiss her ass. Sorry, doesn't work that way.

 

 

NC is hard. Very hard. and it's going to get harder before it gets any easier. But hang in there! Whenever you feel weak. Post here. People will be here to walk you through the tough times.

[yodudebroman]

Okay, you need to stop that. It wasn't your fault.

 

 

You have some health issues going on. Is that your fault? Did you ask for an anxiety disorder? Your father goes to prison. Did you ask for that? Did you cause that? So, you might have went into a depressive state as a result. Did you ask for that to happen? I hope you say no to all of those.

 

 

There's a reason for the vows of for better or for worse. When you were at your lowest, was she there to support you? Probably not, she still expected you to be party boy and buy her sh*t and to kiss her ass. Sorry, doesn't work that way.

 

 

NC is hard. Very hard. and it's going to get harder before it gets any easier. But hang in there! Whenever you feel weak. Post here. People will be here to walk you through the tough times.

 

Thank you for your support friend, I really appreciate it, literally have no one else to talk to about this stuff.

 

I know what you mean that it's not my fault but I guess I could have done something for her. I hardly did anything and I never told her about my anxiety/panic attacks, only about my dads stuff, I didn't want to burden her with my own mental issues.

 

I get these mad urges to just phone her and beg for her back, I don't, I stop myself by just ignoring them but it's really hard. I just wish I could take these 12 months back and make everything right, even though I know I can't and I find myself zoning out completely into deep thought about her/us in the middle of the day even when I'm doing things e.g talking to people, lifting weights etc I just completely zone out.

 

Then I get these weird fantasies about winning her back and having her with me again even though I know logically it's never going to happen.

 

I also can't do a private action anymore because I just think about her through that as well. Ugh. It sickens me to an extent that I can be reduced to such a pathetic state.

[yodudebroman]

How long does it take for NC to actually become easier? Second day in now and it's just crushing me.

[David87]

How long does it take for NC to actually become easier? Second day in now and it's just crushing me.

 

I'm going to be honest with you, NC is a long and painful process but it gets easy after the first couple of months.

 

And btw it's not your fault for this. Love means for better and for worse, through thick and thin ect, but unfortunately she cared more about gifts than for your well being.

[Chi townD]

Okay, so you recognize that you weren't boyfriend of the year and that you could have done things differently. Hell, news flash for ya! We're all like that! There's stuff we always wish we could have done differently. But, if your Ex was such a great girlfriend, then why couldn't she see that things weren't right with you. My wife know me well enough to spot when I'm out of sorts, even when I don't think that I am.

 

 

The good thing is, you can see where you might have gone wrong or done things differently. Learn from it and fix it. Then, apply what you've learn as what not to do in your next relationship.

 

 

And don't stress over your Ex because you do deserve to be stressed out over her. Stay NC and start getting extremely busy. Start making positive changes in your life.

[BroknHrt]

I think she found somebody else man. There's now way she stopped loving you in 1 week. That is ridiculous.

 

I would bet a lot of money that there is somebody else involved.

 

I'm sorry OP. I know it hurts.

[yodudebroman]

I'm going to be honest with you, NC is a long and painful process but it gets easy after the first couple of months.

 

And btw it's not your fault for this. Love means for better and for worse, through thick and thin ect, but unfortunately she cared more about gifts than for your well being.

 

Why does it feel like it is my fault then? I know if I didn't have a bad year and treated her with the adoration/affection I did the first year we met that this would never have happened, in that respect it really is my fault.

 

Okay, so you recognize that you weren't boyfriend of the year and that you could have done things differently. Hell, news flash for ya! We're all like that! There's stuff we always wish we could have done differently. But, if your Ex was such a great girlfriend, then why couldn't she see that things weren't right with you. My wife know me well enough to spot when I'm out of sorts, even when I don't think that I am.

 

 

The good thing is, you can see where you might have gone wrong or done things differently. Learn from it and fix it. Then, apply what you've learn as what not to do in your next relationship.

 

 

And don't stress over your Ex because you do deserve to be stressed out over her. Stay NC and start getting extremely busy. Start making positive changes in your life.

 

Thank you for the words of encouragement mate, it's a bit much of me to ask that she's a mind reader though, she couldn't have known there was something wrong or what was wrong if I didn't communicate with her. That's the problem with anxiety/panic attacks though, you just isolate yourself inside a box.

 

I'm trying to stay NC but I find myself checking my email inbox 4-5 times a day deluding myself that she might have emailed me and changed her mind. Sigh.

 

Truthfully after this experience I don't ever want to be in a relationship again. The highs are great but the lows are beyond comprehension.

 

I think she found somebody else man. There's now way she stopped loving you in 1 week. That is ridiculous.

 

I would bet a lot of money that there is somebody else involved.

 

I'm sorry OP. I know it hurts.

 

I keep thinking in my mind she may have found somebody else too, whether it's my own paranoia or logical thinking I'm not sure, though.

 

Judging from how she's been and her schedule the last 2-3 months I don't actually see how she could have time for a relationship...unless she wasn't actually going to work when she said she was..(she can choose what days she works, she's a sub).

 

I don't think she'd do that to me........ at the very least she'd have the decency to tell me if it were the case, right? What's the difference between telling me that and telling me she doesn't love me and wants me to leave her alone permanently? Can't see it myself.

[PersonaPersona]

Why does it feel like it is my fault then? I know if I didn't have a bad year and treated her with the adoration/affection I did the first year we met that this would never have happened, in that respect it really is my fault.

 

 

 

Thank you for the words of encouragement mate, it's a bit much of me to ask that she's a mind reader though, she couldn't have known there was something wrong or what was wrong if I didn't communicate with her. That's the problem with anxiety/panic attacks though, you just isolate yourself inside a box.

 

I'm trying to stay NC but I find myself checking my email inbox 4-5 times a day deluding myself that she might have emailed me and changed her mind. Sigh.

 

Truthfully after this experience I don't ever want to be in a relationship again. The highs are great but the lows are beyond comprehension.

 

 

 

I keep thinking in my mind she may have found somebody else too, whether it's my own paranoia or logical thinking I'm not sure, though.

 

Judging from how she's been and her schedule the last 2-3 months I don't actually see how she could have time for a relationship...unless she wasn't actually going to work when she said she was..(she can choose what days she works, she's a sub).

 

I don't think she'd do that to me........ at the very least she'd have the decency to tell me if it were the case, right? What's the difference between telling me that and telling me she doesn't love me and wants me to leave her alone permanently? Can't see it myself.

 

Oh man, it sucks I know.

 

But don't try to think about what she's doing, okay? It'll only hurt you more. Also, don't try to check up on her, the less you know, the better. After all, ignorance is bliss. Seriously, wishing you the best.

 

Hang in there.

[Elle1975]

Hey, yeah as the thread title states my GF of 2 years hasn't only dumped me but she told me today she doesn't love me anymore, she's moved on and she doesn't want to be in a relationship oh and to leave her alone.

 

I'm in pieces at the minute, kind of feels like I'm suffocating.

 

The worst part is, this is all my fault. 2013 was probably the worst year of my life, my father went to prison and I was getting bad anxiety/panic attacks to the point I would hardly socialize or leave my house anymore. So for pretty much 2013-early 2014, I guess she felt neglected by me due to the problems I've been facing. She said she's sick of being the only one who tried to keep the relationship going and that I never showed her any affection or bought her any gifts etc.

 

It kills me inside because she's so right but I never once stopped loving her, not once. She was my world.

 

The worst part is though, I'd finally started making really good progress with my anxiety/panic attacks (which were 100% triggered by my dad going to prison and having to watch a three week trial which resulted in his conviction) and I was socializing again, starting to feel happy with myself and being more loving with her. I had a lot of plans set up for us this year, was going to go on holiday with her for a month in December (she doesn't know this, was going to be a surprise).

 

It's just killing me so much that this perfect girl who I love so dearly no longer loves me back because of me. I caused this and it's just eating me away, I don't know what to do. I wish I had a box of Valium so I could just sleep all the time until the pain goes away.

 

I guess Zopiclone will have to do for now (thank god for my nan leaving her meds in an easy to reach place).

 

Don't self medicate. If you have high anxiety, it's time to see a doctor.

 

Like Chi said, you're not the boyfriend of the year. So what? You can learn from this. You can better yourself from now on.

 

You will love someone else. And since you will have learned from your mistakes, you'll do a better job too.

 

Your happiness doesn't depend on her. Drill that in your brain. Be happy by yourself. I know anxiety is a problem when dating someone, but don't make anyone your anchor. They will feel it, and it's suffocating.

[yodudebroman]

5th Day now without any contact and it's starting to hurt real bad again. Sigh. Just can't believe she could move on so easily and fall out of love with me so quickly, I look at how hard I'm struggling right now just to even stay away from her and she just wants me gone for good like it's nothing.

 

Feels bad, really bad.

[flossicles]

Over the next few months you will become so much stronger, and slowly it'll get easier. I promise.

 

I was in your exact situation with my ex. I was very depressed and had lots of anxiety issues that he eventually just got fed up of, he ended it with me after 2 years and goes around telling everyone he hates me, after 7 months of not being together. I'm living proof that it gets easier - he told me after a week that he didn't love me as well, so I know exactly how you're feeling.

 

You have to remember that you never asked for these things to happen to you, and if she was a good long term partner for you she would've recognised that. People go through difficult times in their lives, and you deserve someone who will stick by you through it no matter what - because REAL love is unconditional. Love isn't just about the sunny, happy times when everything seems perfect; it's about arguments, hard times and everything in between - the idea is that you get through these things TOGETHER. She walked away from someone incredibly strong.

 

As time goes on you'll be able to see this in a much more objective light and see how she could've handled things differently. She sounds quite emotionally immature to me. Remember that it takes two people to make or break a relationship. One person cannot ruin a relationship single-handed, so don't you dare blame yourself.

 

Move forward, you can do better.