girl90 Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 (edited) A BIT LONG BUT PLEASE HELP ME... I went out with this guy on Saturday night that I met from, kind of OLD but this site has mostly below to average looking people (very random) and is not exclusively for dating, more of getting to know more people.. so anyway, both me and the guy quite stand out as I'm quite an attractive girl (people told me that, plus I'm freelance model, dont want to sound cocky at all, just background info!), he seems of good quality as well. It was just casual meet up between us for dinner since we live closeby. So we went for dinner at an expensive restaurant (he booked it), he paid for everything, he seemed nice. Tbh I found him attractive, tall (6'2), beautiful eyes, got style, attentive and polite. Then we went for a movie. After that it was past 10. We didn't know what to do so I suggested going back to his place for a drink. He lived in a huge apartment with two bedrooms, branded stuff everywhere. I know, I'm a bit.. superficial here... and It's not like I really thought of having anything long term with him. But these things did impress me. So we went back to his place, drinking, listening to music and having fun. I had a good time. Then we started to flirt more, one thing leading to another. However, I didn't plan to sleep with him on the first date, so I refused, but he kept pushing it, and I started to enjoy it... so it happened. I felt a bit ****ty cuz he pushed it but I couldn't deny that I liked it as well... Here you might think that he got it all so he might well be a player. Well, could be. But my intuition did tell me that he did not seem like that type of guy. He did not think too much of himself either, pretty humble, never talked about himself (eg. when I told him hes so tall, its attractive for a guy, he was just like, ehh its very normal for people from my region etc.). He seemed very excited/ carried away with all the physical stuff, so seems like he hasn't done it for a while. Anyway, next day! I woke up and tried to live asap. He showed a bit of affection but I didn't respond. When I left he tried to kiss me, I was just neutral to it. I guess it's just my personality. I'm not very affectionate. However, for some weird reason, I wanted him to want me (probably for superficial reasons, and also validation after the sex.) He did not text me at all on Sunday. I gave in, I texted him Sunday night with a pretty long text, saying he wasn't nice for pushing the sex, he immediately told me sorry for late reply, he was just busy with work and study (for a qualification) and he was really sorry but he had to admit he wanted it to happen and felt happy. I told him if he was really sorry he should do something about that like invite me for dinner (we did joke about cooking dinner on the date) and he said why not. Next day, Monday at noon, I initiated contact again, asking hows he doing, he replied fast, and said he would have a house party tonight then asked me hows my work. I didn't reply cuz I had to go back to work. Then after work around 6 I replied to him and he didn't reply back. Then at about 2 he texted me. Anyway there is a party this fri and I already mentioned and asked him on the date if he wanted to join, he said maybe, would let me know, so last night (Tues) I texted him at 11.30 ish asking if he wanted to go (more like an excuse to talk to him). Today morning, I got a long text from him saying sorry, explaining that he couldn't go bcuz he got work on Sat morning and football match on Fri night and asking me if he could invite me for dinner next week. And thats it. I mean if i didn't text him he didn't text me either. He's not chatty at all. Haven't initiated contact so far. Do you think he's a player? And is he just not into me? Has the sex ruined it all?? I'm so lost.... Edited June 11, 2014 by girl90
d0nnivain Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 He wanted to have sex with you, not necessarily a relationship. He liked you well enough in that moment. You have already sent him messages & he's not responding whole heartedly, he's not as into you as you are to him. Assume you will never hear from him again. Stop calling / texting him. He may pop back up but it's doubtful. A guy that isn't judging you poorly for sex on a 1st date -- b/c gee he had sex on a 1st date too -- will reach out within the next days or at least be reassuring when you do. At this point he either things poorly of you for the sex or now that you have tried to contact him multiple times without a warm response, he thinks you're clingy. Either way it's not good. Sorry. 1
readynow Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 How will you know if he likes you or is into you if you keep asking him to do this and that? Give him some space, let him see if he likes you and invite you to do things with him. You've already shown you're into him, let him have his turn. If he doesn't try to initiate contact or make further arrangements, then you've got your answer. Let him make a move.
beach Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 Stop chasing him - he's not making effort to see you = he's not that interested. Everything else comes BEFORE seeing you. Even a football game ranks higher than seeing you = he's not interested. IF he was interested - he'd be calling and contacting YOU and asking YOU out on a date - but he's not. Date someone else. 1
Author girl90 Posted June 11, 2014 Author Posted June 11, 2014 Thanks everyone for advices. It's pretty stupid cuz I'm not that into him either... I mean I wonder why I wanted him to want me?? I think bcuz I felt guilty after sex, especially when he pushed it. Eh, I will definitely next this one
clia Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 He doesn't sound interested. Whether it was having sex with him on the first date or something else, who knows. Did he ask you out on the date or did you ask him? You are really pursuing him hard -- that can be a turnoff to some guys. After that it was past 10. We didn't know what to do so I suggested going back to his place for a drink. He lived in a huge apartment with two bedrooms, branded stuff everywhere. I know, I'm a bit.. superficial here... and It's not like I really thought of having anything long term with him. But these things did impress me. This is so dangerous. You went to a complete stranger's apartment by yourself at 10 o'clock at night. I'm sorry to sound like an old fuddy duddy, but I get so worried when I see women doing things like this. Regardless, you've been chasing him like crazy ever since you slept with him. You went out with him Saturday....and it's only Wednesday. And you've been kind of oblivious to his signals that he's not all that interested... He did not text me at all on Sunday. He saw you that morning. You'd had one date. There was no reason to panic yet. I gave in, I texted him Sunday night with a pretty long text, saying he wasn't nice for pushing the sex, he immediately told me sorry for late reply, he was just busy with work and study (for a qualification) and he was really sorry but he had to admit he wanted it to happen and felt happy. You shouldn't have "gave in" and texted him, but even if you had to, you should've texted him something fun or funny, not the insecure, long text you sent. "He wasn't nice for pushing the sex"? What the heck? That's kind of insulting to him, considering you could've left at any time. Do not send long texts to guys you have gone on one date with. I told him if he was really sorry he should do something about that like invite me for dinner (we did joke about cooking dinner on the date) and he said why not. So you told him he should ask you out, he said "why not"....and proceeded to not ask you out. Next day, Monday at noon, I initiated contact again, asking hows he doing, he replied fast, and said he would have a house party tonight then asked me hows my work. I didn't reply cuz I had to go back to work. Then after work around 6 I replied to him and he didn't reply back. Then at about 2 he texted me. Ugh. Anyway there is a party this fri and I already mentioned and asked him on the date if he wanted to join, he said maybe, would let me know, so last night (Tues) I texted him at 11.30 ish asking if he wanted to go (more like an excuse to talk to him). Ugh. You have texted him every day since your date. You asked him out. You haven't even given him the opportunity to initiate anything because you are being so anxious. Today morning, I got a long text from him saying sorry, explaining that he couldn't go bcuz he got work on Sat morning and football match on Fri night and asking me if he could invite me for dinner next week. But still...he hasn't actually invited you to dinner or nailed down a day... Stop chasing. Let him initiate the next contact.
rester Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 Anyway, next day! I woke up and tried to live asap. He showed a bit of affection but I didn't respond. When I left he tried to kiss me, I was just neutral to it. I guess it's just my personality. I'm not very affectionate. However, for some weird reason, I wanted him to want me (probably for superficial reasons, and also validation after the sex.) He did not text me at all on Sunday. I gave in, I texted him Sunday night with a pretty long text, saying he wasn't nice for pushing the sex, he immediately told me sorry for late reply, he was just busy with work and study (for a qualification) and he was really sorry but he had to admit he wanted it to happen and felt happy. I told him if he was really sorry he should do something about that like invite me for dinner (we did joke about cooking dinner on the date) and he said why not. Next day, Monday at noon, I initiated contact again, asking hows he doing, he replied fast, and said he would have a house party tonight then asked me hows my work. I didn't reply cuz I had to go back to work. Then after work around 6 I replied to him and he didn't reply back. Then at about 2 he texted me. Anyway there is a party this fri and I already mentioned and asked him on the date if he wanted to join, he said maybe, would let me know, so last night (Tues) I texted him at 11.30 ish asking if he wanted to go (more like an excuse to talk to him). Today morning, I got a long text from him saying sorry, explaining that he couldn't go bcuz he got work on Sat morning and football match on Fri night and asking me if he could invite me for dinner next week. And thats it. I mean if i didn't text him he didn't text me either. He's not chatty at all. Haven't initiated contact so far. Do you think he's a player? And is he just not into me? Has the sex ruined it all?? I'm so lost.... In this one man's opinion, all of the bolded above is a huge turnoff. 5
Michelle ma Belle Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 (edited) Hmm, I'm actually confused about this post... You appear to be talking out of both sides of your mouth regarding this guy (being a hypocrite). 1. First you say you're NOT that into him 2. Then YOU suggest going back to his place late a night which, by the way, usually only means one thing 3. Then you keep describing him as having "pushed" you into having sex (I have great issue with your wording by the way) 4. Then he tried to be affectionate with you in the morning but you DIDN'T reciprocate because that's "just not you" 5. Then he waffles about keeping contact with you after the deed is done 6. And it's YOU who ends up chasing him down texting and suggesting going out AGAIN And you're trying to tell us that you're NOT into him? Give me a break. I think you're actually quite insecure despite your confessions of being attractive and a model. I also think you're someone who needs a LOT of validation from people but especially from men which comes from being insecure. This would completely explain WHY you're chasing after someone you say you're not into. My dime store advice? Go NC and save your dignity. Just because he's not chasing you down doesn't necessarily make him a player. He's just not that into you which should be fine since you're not into him either, right? So why do you care so much? You need to work on building some better self-esteem and self-worth that isn't wrapped up in a man or relies on a man's attention. So dangerous. And finally, I'm really not comfortable with you telling us that he "pushed" you into having sex. Either you had sex willingly or you didn't and if you didn't, it's called rape. Report it to the police. If you weren't physically forced into having sex against your will then you MUST take responsibility for the part you played in how all of this went down. You're not as innocent as you think. Choose your words carefully in situations like this because they can be very harmful and misleading otherwise. Edited June 11, 2014 by Michelle ma Belle 1
michellew Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 You told him you were upset at him for pushing you into sex?? Last time I checked, it takes two to have sex. Unless you were raped, there's no reason for you to be mad at him. It wasn't the 1st date sex that ruined anything, it's the way you acted after. From what I've read, I don't think I'd want to see you again either. 2
Author girl90 Posted June 11, 2014 Author Posted June 11, 2014 Lol im scared of this forum you people! I dont even dare to read any of your replies. Are you happy? He contacted me and we just met and everything is cool. Lol. Thanks for your criticizing!
Michelle ma Belle Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 Lol im scared of this forum you people! I dont even dare to read any of your replies. Are you happy? He contacted me and we just met and everything is cool. Lol. Thanks for your criticizing! I love it when people ask us for advice and when they don't like what they hear they get all bent out of shape and call us critical Whatever Thanks for stopping by and wasting our time sweets. Good luck with your new man. 2
d0nnivain Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 Lol im scared of this forum you people! I dont even dare to read any of your replies. Are you happy? He contacted me and we just met and everything is cool. Lol. Thanks for your criticizing! I'm glad for you that we mis-judged him. Remember you have more info about him then we do. You know him. We only know what you wrote. As long as you are happy, it's all good.
beach Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 Lol im scared of this forum you people! I dont even dare to read any of your replies. Are you happy? He contacted me and we just met and everything is cool. Lol. Thanks for your criticizing! You met? Does that mean he took you OUT on a date? Bought you a meal or paid for a movie? What does "we met up" even mean? How much effort did he make? Did he plan a nice date? 1
ja123 Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 Thanks everyone for advices. It's pretty stupid cuz I'm not that into him either... I mean I wonder why I wanted him to want me?? I think bcuz I felt guilty after sex, especially when he pushed it. Eh, I will definitely next this one Hi OP, You might want to check out this article: Why do we want to be liked by people who we dislike? | Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue
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