oberkeat Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 So, a co-worker introduced me to a woman at a social function, and we seemed to hit it off. She mentioned having 'noticed' me around before, though i couldn't recall having ever seen her. Since our conversation was going well, and we seemed to have much in common, I figured I'd take a chance and ask for her number, and we exchanged numbers. After a few days, I texted her, and we made plans to get together, at which time she seemed enthusiastic (lots of explaination marks in her texts, which I don't do. I use the phone exclusively for making plans). We ended up meeting for coffee, then drove around in my car for a while. There was plenty of laughing and flirty teasing, and we seemed to share the same sense of humor. I was careful to avoid any of the glaring errors I have made in the past on dates, such as getting physical too soon, or declaring my love before I really got to know her (yes, I've done that). For the record, I didn't try to kiss her at the end. Nonetheless, when took her back, I suggested we get together again next week. She said, "Sure, I like hanging out with you." (Earlier in the date, she had mentioned something about a work trip she was taking this weekend.) The date ends, and I'm feelin' pretty good. The next day, I text her, saying, "Thanks for coming, it was fun. Have fun on your trip." She replied, "Thanks!" I thought nothin' of it. The weekend passes, and on Monday around 10am I text her an invitation for date #2 for Wednesday (I include my new cell number, as I recently switched to an iPhone). End of Monday, no response. End of Tuesday, no response. Wednesday morning, still no response. I've clearly been rejected. It certainly bothers me. But as I sit here, I think, "Boy, I wonder what happened there." Fair enough if she wasn't feelin' a spark, but I thought the disappearing act was treatment reserved for stalkers . It's disappointing, especially since I've been in a relationship draught ever since my last girfriend dumped me 4 years ago. My question is, what do you make of this? Have you ever experienced this? How did you take it?
Emilia Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 I think it's common for people to disappear after only 1 date, no reflection on you OP. 1
carhill Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 My question is, what do you make of this? She enjoyed hanging out with you one day Have you ever experienced this? Sure, many times. How did you take it? In the beginning, not too well but, with more dating experience, I learned to enjoy the moment and, if there was a repeat performance, there was and, if not, not. Plenty of other women to meet! By avoiding focus on any one person, who is essentially a stranger, expectations are lessened and more opportunities with other strangers can be entertained. Bottom line? Care less and enjoy the moments of life as they come. Plenty of time in the future, with a demonstrated, committed partner, to care. That care is earned.
ExposedBrick Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 So, a co-worker introduced me to a woman at a social function, and we seemed to hit it off. She mentioned having 'noticed' me around before, though i couldn't recall having ever seen her. Since our conversation was going well, and we seemed to have much in common, I figured I'd take a chance and ask for her number, and we exchanged numbers. After a few days, I texted her, and we made plans to get together, at which time she seemed enthusiastic (lots of explaination marks in her texts, which I don't do. I use the phone exclusively for making plans). We ended up meeting for coffee, then drove around in my car for a while. There was plenty of laughing and flirty teasing, and we seemed to share the same sense of humor. I was careful to avoid any of the glaring errors I have made in the past on dates, such as getting physical too soon, or declaring my love before I really got to know her (yes, I've done that). For the record, I didn't try to kiss her at the end. Nonetheless, when took her back, I suggested we get together again next week. She said, "Sure, I like hanging out with you." (Earlier in the date, she had mentioned something about a work trip she was taking this weekend.) The date ends, and I'm feelin' pretty good. The next day, I text her, saying, "Thanks for coming, it was fun. Have fun on your trip." She replied, "Thanks!" I thought nothin' of it. The weekend passes, and on Monday around 10am I text her an invitation for date #2 for Wednesday (I include my new cell number, as I recently switched to an iPhone). End of Monday, no response. End of Tuesday, no response. Wednesday morning, still no response. I've clearly been rejected. It certainly bothers me. But as I sit here, I think, "Boy, I wonder what happened there." Fair enough if she wasn't feelin' a spark, but I thought the disappearing act was treatment reserved for stalkers . It's disappointing, especially since I've been in a relationship draught ever since my last girfriend dumped me 4 years ago. My question is, what do you make of this? Have you ever experienced this? How did you take it? I just got disappeared on after two dates. Unfortunately, a lot of women are very rude. Fortunately, I went on a few dates with another girl who is very responsive. I you are in a slump, ask out lots of women. It's sadly a numbers game and most women will not be forward with you. If a woman is interested, they always respond back in a timely fashion. If they don't, you probably don't want to waste your time . It's actually a win-win, since you'll find someone who isn't rude. Be persistent. Date lots of birds. Best of Luck!
preraph Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 I wonder if she might still be on the work trip and it started on the weekend but continued through the week, as most work trips do. I wouldn't do anything else. If she is just busy or out of range on her phone or something, she might text you back yet. But I would say if you haven't heard from her in a few more days, you are right, she has bailed. I know it's hard to take it personally, but instead of focusing on her bailing after a date, focus on how excited she was to meet you at first and know that other women will be too and some of them will keep liking you after the date!
Gaeta Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 You sure you got the right number and communication was made? Texting isn't the most reliable way of communicating, why don't you give her a call instead. 1
d0nnivain Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 Many people don't like confrontation nor do they enjoy hurting another's feelings. She may simply not have the ability to say thank you but I'm not feeling a spark. She may simply find it easier to disappear. Since the co-worker introduced you, I suppose you could inquire about the lady's health & say that you hope you didn't do anything offensive. The goal of this is to preserve your relationship with your co-worker not to have her act as an intermediary.
carhill Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 OP, on the communication part, could you clarify: Did you send her the invitation from your new phone/number? I ask because some people ignore numbers which aren't in their directory and your new number wouldn't be. Around here, we have number portability so I don't have to change my phone number even if moving out of state (I checked). I could see how, these days, a new number could cause communication issues if people ignore unknown numbers. If you feel like following up on this, one option would be to advise the co-worker of the communication changes and see what happens, since they know both of you. Give them your new number and leave it at that. Then move on to the next opportunity.
Sweetheartt Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 So, a co-worker introduced me to a woman at a social function, and we seemed to hit it off. She mentioned having 'noticed' me around before, though i couldn't recall having ever seen her. Since our conversation was going well, and we seemed to have much in common, I figured I'd take a chance and ask for her number, and we exchanged numbers. After a few days, I texted her, and we made plans to get together, at which time she seemed enthusiastic (lots of explaination marks in her texts, which I don't do. I use the phone exclusively for making plans). We ended up meeting for coffee, then drove around in my car for a while. There was plenty of laughing and flirty teasing, and we seemed to share the same sense of humor. I was careful to avoid any of the glaring errors I have made in the past on dates, such as getting physical too soon, or declaring my love before I really got to know her (yes, I've done that). For the record, I didn't try to kiss her at the end. Nonetheless, when took her back, I suggested we get together again next week. She said, "Sure, I like hanging out with you." (Earlier in the date, she had mentioned something about a work trip she was taking this weekend.) The date ends, and I'm feelin' pretty good. The next day, I text her, saying, "Thanks for coming, it was fun. Have fun on your trip." She replied, "Thanks!" I thought nothin' of it. The weekend passes, and on Monday around 10am I text her an invitation for date #2 for Wednesday (I include my new cell number, as I recently switched to an iPhone). End of Monday, no response. End of Tuesday, no response. Wednesday morning, still no response. I've clearly been rejected. It certainly bothers me. But as I sit here, I think, "Boy, I wonder what happened there." Fair enough if she wasn't feelin' a spark, but I thought the disappearing act was treatment reserved for stalkers . It's disappointing, especially since I've been in a relationship draught ever since my last girfriend dumped me 4 years ago. My question is, what do you make of this? Have you ever experienced this? How did you take it? I think u probably got all CLINGY with her & that really sucks! I do this to guys that I know wont take the hint.
Author oberkeat Posted June 11, 2014 Author Posted June 11, 2014 (edited) You sure you got the right number and communication was made? Texting isn't the most reliable way of communicating, why don't you give her a call instead. It's definitely an area where technology often fails us. I suppose the wrong number's a slight possibility, but if not, further communication would probably come across as me not taking the hint. OP, on the communication part, could you clarify: Did you send her the invitation from your new phone/number? I ask because some people ignore numbers which aren't in their directory and your new number wouldn't be. Around here, we have number portability so I don't have to change my phone number even if moving out of state (I checked). I could see how, these days, a new number could cause communication issues if people ignore unknown numbers. If you feel like following up on this, one option would be to advise the co-worker of the communication changes and see what happens, since they know both of you. Give them your new number and leave it at that. Then move on to the next opportunity. I had considered this, and sent the new number from both the new and the old phone. I guess I could do a non-invasive followup with my co-worker, though I'd hate to embarrass anyone. I think u probably got all CLINGY with her & that really sucks! I do this to guys that I know wont take the hint. Like I said, I was pretty restrained, no leaning in for the kiss, hand touching, leg touching, groping, declaring love, or anything else potentially offensive. Which is what makes the radio-silence seem so out of proportion. A short reply saying, "I'd like to leave things at last night," (which I have received on past one-and-done dates) would have done the job fairly painlessly. Not responding at all, just leaving the other hanging, makes no sense and is rude, imo. Edited June 11, 2014 by oberkeat 1
J21 Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 She might've had a change of heart, could've been seeing someone else on the side too. 1 date in, she doesn't owe u an explanation or a response. Thats how it goes sometimes unfortunately. Dont take it personally, you guys hardly know each other after 1 date. Shake it off and on to the next.
J21 Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 Like I said, I was pretty restrained, no leaning in for the kiss, hand touching, leg touching, groping, declaring love, or anything else potentially offensive. You are stating this as if you went above and beyond what an normal person would do. Declaring love, leg touching and groping? wth? Nobody does that on a first date You are not entitled to a short reply, it was one date. If you feel you are owed one then that's your opinion. If the other person stops communicating after one date, its a hint they are not interested, who cares about getting a response or the why.
carhill Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 I had considered this, and sent the new number from both the new and the old phone. I guess I could do a non-invasive followup with my co-worker, though I'd hate to embarrass anyone. In that case, kudos to you for efficiency and I'd move on. You did your part and life goes on. 1
Author oberkeat Posted June 11, 2014 Author Posted June 11, 2014 (edited) I just got disappeared on after two dates. Unfortunately, a lot of women are very rude. Fortunately, I went on a few dates with another girl who is very responsive. I you are in a slump, ask out lots of women. It's sadly a numbers game and most women will not be forward with you. If a woman is interested, they always respond back in a timely fashion. If they don't, you probably don't want to waste your time . It's actually a win-win, since you'll find someone who isn't rude. Be persistent. Date lots of birds. Best of Luck! I wonder if she might still be on the work trip and it started on the weekend but continued through the week, as most work trips do. I wouldn't do anything else. If she is just busy or out of range on her phone or something, she might text you back yet. But I would say if you haven't heard from her in a few more days, you are right, she has bailed. I know it's hard to take it personally, but instead of focusing on her bailing after a date, focus on how excited she was to meet you at first and know that other women will be too and some of them will keep liking you after the date! Hey, thanks for saying that. It took me a long time to realize that "the right one" for me is the one who is pretty sure she likes me, and doesn't need much convincing. I was just hoping this was it and I wouldn't have to keep looking for her... Edited June 11, 2014 by oberkeat
HappyLove Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 I think it wouldn't hurt for you to call one last time and ask her out. I'd leave a message and your phone number asking her out to dinner on X night. I think something could of happened with the new phone switch. Once I called my phone company for a simple request and I had just met a new guy. Well all of a sudden he stops calling and texting me! Well one of my gf finally got in touch with me and low and behold my phone company somehow canceled my texting plan by accident. I had no clue. So I'd give it one last call leave a message and that's IT for her. Don't mention the phone thing.
deathandtaxes Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 There are a lot of unassertive people in the world. Or she's had bad experiences with telling guys thanks but no thanks to future dates. It's sad that people can't be more honest with their emotions and communicate it, for good or ill, to others. You can only control how you live. If she hasn't responded, write her off. Be an adult. Take it for what it is, which you had a good date, but for whatever reason, she's not interested. 1
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