MissNoname Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 Hi I text my bf monday afternoon to let him know I bought a new car. We exchanged couple texts then I tried calling him at night but he did not pick up. I did not leave a message. Then I saw on FB that he was out with friends for a friends birthday that night. He still hasnt returned my call till now. Should I text him saying "Hey hope youre doing well, i tried calling you Monday night" or just leave him alone. Hes very busy at work. He has a presentation due on Thursday. Thanks.
Zahara Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 So busy that he had time to go out for a birthday party. It doesn't take but seconds to respond to a text so in that sense "busy" is not an excuse. I wouldn't reach out anymore. I'm not sure what relationship has partners hanging and waiting for communication for days. 2
Author MissNoname Posted June 11, 2014 Author Posted June 11, 2014 So busy that he had time to go out for a birthday party. It doesn't take but seconds to respond to a text so in that sense "busy" is not an excuse. I wouldn't reach out anymore. I'm not sure what relationship has partners hanging and waiting for communication for days. Monday was his friends birthday that hes friends with since he was a kid. He was out with two more of his closest friends. I agree that he could have text me to let me know whats going on. We spent time Sunday afternoon till night chilling with my family.
Gaeta Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 How long you've been dating? Is it the first time he is delaying like this? No don't contact him. He got your message and the call history, he knows too well you called. Here's a tip, when you send a message to new guy do NOT send another one without the first one being replied.
Zahara Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 Monday was his friends birthday that hes friends with since he was a kid. He was out with two more of his closest friends. I agree that he could have text me to let me know whats going on. We spent time Sunday afternoon till night chilling with my family. The thing is you both talked on Monday afternoon. Why in that conversation did he not say, "Oh by the way hun, I'm going to ABC's birthday party this evening..." In a normal relationship, partners keep each other apprised of their goings on. 1
Author MissNoname Posted June 11, 2014 Author Posted June 11, 2014 How long you've been dating? Is it the first time he is delaying like this? No don't contact him. He got your message and the call history, he knows too well you called. Here's a tip, when you send a message to new guy do NOT send another one without the first one being replied. About 8 months. I texted him before calling, he replied to my text. Then when I got home, I tried calling him but he never picked up. Usually he calls me back or text me atleast. The last two times he did not. Both times he was out with friends. Hes really stress out at work because its almost end of fiscal year and start of new one so hes really busy. He told me that after this month, he should have more time. He said that were going to Hawaii to relax in August. He asked me to live with him in July for about a month because his roommate is going on vacation. Im not used to this behavior, he usually returns my calls or text me atleast.
Author MissNoname Posted June 11, 2014 Author Posted June 11, 2014 The thing is you both talked on Monday afternoon. Why in that conversation did he not say, "Oh by the way hun, I'm going to ABC's birthday party this evening..." In a normal relationship, partners keep each other apprised of their goings on. Usually he does but this time he didnt so it bothers me.
Emilia Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 About 8 months. I texted him before calling, he replied to my text. Then when I got home, I tried calling him but he never picked up. Usually he calls me back or text me atleast. The last two times he did not. Both times he was out with friends. Hes really stress out at work because its almost end of fiscal year and start of new one so hes really busy. He told me that after this month, he should have more time. He said that were going to Hawaii to relax in August. He asked me to live with him in July for about a month because his roommate is going on vacation. Im not used to this behavior, he usually returns my calls or text me atleast. Sounds like this boys likes things on his own terms.
Zahara Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 Hes really stress out at work because its almost end of fiscal year and start of new one so hes really busy. That "busy" needs to get out of your head. I have friends here that work in Finance and I don't see them disregarding communication with their partners because they're busy. If he has time to eat, sleep, use the loo -- he has time to text. He told me that after this month, he should have more time. He said that were going to Hawaii to relax in August. That has no relevance to being able to text you or call you back or let you know his whereabouts. He asked me to live with him in July for about a month because his roommate is going on vacation. That just means he wants you over to play house with him for a month. Im not used to this behavior, he usually returns my calls or text me atleast. If you don't hear from him today, call him tomorrow and discuss how you feel. 1
Gaeta Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 Ok 8 months you should not feel like you need to tip toe around him. There is no more who calls first and how many times. He's probably slacking off because he feels your relationship is secure and he doesn't need to be on his best behaviour as much as at the beginning. After 8 months together you should be able to ask him what took him so long to get back to you. If something bothers you you have to verbalize it. 2
Gaeta Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 . Hes really stress out at work because its almost end of fiscal year and start of new one so hes really busy. By the way, I work in finance, I close fiscal years of several companies all at the same time. Yes it's crazy but it has never kept me from texting, calling, or visiting my boyfriend, family and friends. And just so you know, the crazy sprint we go into when closing a fiscal year it starts on the last day of the fiscal year and continues for a good 2-3 months after, not before. As for being busy because it's the beginning of the year....I am totally clueless as to what he's referring to. The only thing you need to do to start a new year is to push 1 button. There is no extra work related to starting a new year. 1
Author MissNoname Posted June 11, 2014 Author Posted June 11, 2014 (edited) By the way, I work in finance, I close fiscal years of several companies all at the same time. Yes it's crazy but it has never kept me from texting, calling, or visiting my boyfriend, family and friends. And just so you know, the crazy sprint we go into when closing a fiscal year it starts on the last day of the fiscal year and continues for a good 2-3 months after, not before. As for being busy because it's the beginning of the year....I am totally clueless as to what he's referring to. The only thing you need to do to start a new year is to push 1 button. There is no extra work related to starting a new year. He is not in finance he builds/designs website for the city. The city he works for wants the new website up by beginning of the Fiscal year. Edited June 11, 2014 by MissNoname
Zahara Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 He is not in finance he builds/designs website for the city. The city he works for wants the new website up by beginning of the Fiscal year. Regardless, he took time to go to a birthday party. If he has time to socialize, he has time to return a phone call, make a phone call, text, etc.
Author MissNoname Posted June 11, 2014 Author Posted June 11, 2014 Regardless, he took time to go to a birthday party. If he has time to socialize, he has time to return a phone call, make a phone call, text, etc. I understand and I feel the same way but I know this is also an important step in career. The presentation thats due on thursday is to meet with the city mayor and executives and hes gonna be with them at their board meeting tomorrow. I know hes really pressured right now and maybe that monday night that he was out helped him unwind. At this point I have no idea how to act, if I bring up the subject I may sound like a gf who isnt supportive but at the same time I dont want him to keep neglecting his communication with me.
d0nnivain Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 After 8 months you should be at a point where calling is on an as needed basis with no more game playing over how long it's been since you called. I wouldn't call him 16 times in one day but if you haven't heard from him since Monday I see no reason you can't call again after 8 months of dating. I can sort of maybe understand why if he as out with the boys he didn't call you back right away but it doesn't make sense that he wouldn't at least be hot to get his hands on your new car. 1
Zahara Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 I understand and I feel the same way but I know this is also an important step in career. The presentation thats due on thursday is to meet with the city mayor and executives and hes gonna be with them at their board meeting tomorrow. I know hes really pressured right now and maybe that monday night that he was out helped him unwind. At this point I have no idea how to act, if I bring up the subject I may sound like a gf who isnt supportive but at the same time I dont want him to keep neglecting his communication with me. No, stop bargaining, OP. This is when you start to break yourself down for fear of even wanting the basics in a relationship. It doesn't matter if he's meeting the President on Thursday, it doesn't take but two seconds to communicate to the one you love. If he had time to spend a few hours with his friends on Monday, he had ample time to at least call you from his phone on his way home, text you when he woke up the next day or when he was sitting on the freaking potty doing #2, a quick text on Tuesday while he is gorging down on a sandwich for lunch -- stop making excuses. How hard is it to type, "Hey hun, how are you?" Took me 4 seconds. If you want to be the gf that sits in the corner waiting for her bf to make time to acknowledge her, then be mousey and sit there quietly. Don't have expectations, don't have wants, don't have needs. Just tiptoe around him. If you want things to change, you have to speak up. There is no in between. The bad part about this is you are on your way to being an extension of him because you will deny yourself of your wants and needs just to appease him in order to exist in the relationship within his terms. 1
Gaeta Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 I understand and I feel the same way but I know this is also an important step in career. The presentation thats due on thursday is to meet with the city mayor and executives and hes gonna be with them at their board meeting tomorrow. I know hes really pressured right now and maybe that monday night that he was out helped him unwind. At this point I have no idea how to act, if I bring up the subject I may sound like a gf who isnt supportive but at the same time I dont want him to keep neglecting his communication with me. So why was he at a party Monday night instead of working on this big project? It's ok to take a few hours off his busy schedule to go partying but not ok to take 5 minutes to catch up with you?
ExpatInItaly Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 So why was he at a party Monday night instead of working on this big project? It's ok to take a few hours off his busy schedule to go partying but not ok to take 5 minutes to catch up with you? Exactly. It doesn't make sense. OP, don't be afraid to actually phone him and ask what's up. At this point in the game, you don't need to be second-guessing yourself so much. He's apparently your boyfriend but He's let a few days pass with no contact. That isn't cool. 1
Leigh 87 Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 I work 7 days a week. I make time for my boyfriend. I wouldn't dream of letting days go by. figure out whether going days without contact is just his style or if he is just not that crazy about you.
Author MissNoname Posted June 12, 2014 Author Posted June 12, 2014 He texted wednesday evening saying hes been working OT to prepare for the presentation for Thursday morning. He asked if I got the car. I have not replied yet.
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 What you outlined in this thread would be enough for me to end the relationship. If you are happy being with someone who is lukewarm about you after 8 months togeher, then by all means continue.
starla33 Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 He is not in finance he builds/designs website for the city. The city he works for wants the new website up by beginning of the Fiscal year. I'm the crazy one that has dumped multiple guys for this reason at this point haha. BUT nobody is this busy. NOBODY He has lunch and he has time to take small breaks so this is just not an excuse in my book. 1
Emilia Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 He texted wednesday evening saying hes been working OT to prepare for the presentation for Thursday morning. He asked if I got the car. I have not replied yet. Even my exes respond to my texts from within 5 minutes to 24 hours depending.
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