Found out things about my BF that I never would have expected

June 11, 2014

Hi,

IMPORTANT, this is NOT my thread. My thread is also in this forum (about my ex who broke up with me more than two weeks ago). My best friend posted this in another forum but didn't really get answers, so I told her I'm going to post it her. Thank you!

I really need your opinion on my situation. Last night I found out things about my boyfriend (soon ex I guess) that I never would have expected. It's an absolute nightmare. Let me start...

We've been together for almost two years now. He's 31 I'm 27. He broke up with his ex when for me he met me. We lived together as well for the first half of our relationship. We broke up for to months last summer because of conflicts we weren't able to solve at that time. He was the one who broke up, not me. I was heartbroken. But then he wanted to try again and I still loved him, so we did try again, without living together.

Anyway, in the last couple of weeks I've seen several times the names of two of his ex girlfriends popping up on his phone (Whatsapp, one of them the girl he broke up with for me). Sometimes even in the middle of the night. After seeing that a couple of times I asked him about it, he just got annoyed and didn't talk about it. Then I noticed that no name at all pops up on his phone anymore, he seemed to have changed the settings so Whatsapp messages just arrive without showing who it is on the screen. I found that very suspicious, but he just said he was annoyed by me asking who's texting him.

Well, then I did a thing I never did before- I went through his phone while he was showering. I found a chat with a girl I don't know on Whatsapp. He sent her a picture of the trip he and I did together last month, without mentioning that I am with him. They just texted for a bit and then he said 'I have to go, we stay in contact'. So I didn't find anything totally clear, but I noticed that he delete chats from his phone. It was clear that they already talked on Whatsapp before that conversation, but I couldn't see the rest because he deleted it. I also noticed that other chats were missing, the complete chats with his ex girlfriends for example. I then confronted him with it- He just got super annoyed and angry and said he deletes chats because when a conversation is over he doesn't want to see it in his phone anymore, it looks so 'untidy'. That was it, no more explanation. I didn't really believe him. Plus, why does he even have to text so much with several ex girlfriends.

Then I wanted to know everything. I used his computer to read his emails (he doesn't have Facebook). I found emails to one of his ex girlfriends (another one, not the two ones he was whatsapping with), from more than a year ago, just two months after we moved in together. She wrote something like 'It's so cold in my country now' (She lives in another country) and he wrote back that he can pick her up and asked how long she can wait. She didn't answer anymore. I found another email to her, also from more than a year ago, I remember that time him and I had a huge fight and we were on a break for a week. He wrote her that he will travel to Europe next month and if she wants to join him. So he seriously asked his ex to travel with him. Later, when we made up (last year), he asked me to go with him to Europe, which I did. But he asked her first. And she answered she can't, she has to work (she didn't seem much interested in him, but kept replying). Another email to her just days after we broke up last summer. He wrote her that he's in ***** (city name) right now and that he remembers that he was there with her and what a great time they had. That's it. She didn't answer. After that no emails anymore to her.

Well, when we broke up last summer he also had a rebound relationship for like a month and a half, I didn't know about it til I checked his computer yesterday. I found pictures of him with another girl in different cities, obviously doing a trip together, just the two of them, exactly in the time when we were broken up. He seemed to have met her just days after I left. Maybe it wouldn't be the biggest deal, but I also checked his old phone and found messages to her and from her two weeks after him and I started dating again. Okay, at that time we didn't say clearly "We are a couple again", but he was the one who already reached out to me and said he still loves me and we both that we wanna start dating again and see where it goes. So he was seeing her and seeing me for like 2-3 weeks parallel. I don't think he was in love with her (the messages were never cute or so) but in those 2-3 weeks (while we were dating again and I was only thinking of him) he texted her things like 'Do you have condoms? I'll be there in ten minutes' or 'My friends are going to a restaurant today, wanna join'. He then seemed to have broken off any contact with her a couple of days later (there were messages from her like 'Hello?' 'Why don't you answer anymore, did I do something wrong', but still- He was still seeing her, still sleeping with her while he already started dating me again.

After that I didn't find suspicious things anymore, but who knows, since he know seems to delete everything (Whatsapp chats etc.). I'm not sure if he cheated physically on me since we're almost all the time together but who knows.

By the way, I never would have expected it of him because he still keeps telling me that he loves me, he always wants to spend time with me and do activities together and we cuddle and kiss a lot. Also he's more the quiet type and not the party and drinking type.

What do you guys think about that? What should I do? Right now I just think I should break up, but my nerves are way too crazy right now to make a rational decision. Please help

Thank you.

June 11, 2014

You should break up with him.

June 11, 2014

^I agree with the above. Dump him and he will come crawling back to you.

June 11, 2014

Hi,

IMPORTANT, this is NOT my thread. My thread is also in this forum (about my ex who broke up with me more than two weeks ago). My best friend posted this in another forum but didn't really get answers, so I told her I'm going to post it her. Thank you!

I really need your opinion on my situation. Last night I found out things about my boyfriend (soon ex I guess) that I never would have expected. It's an absolute nightmare. Let me start...

We've been together for almost two years now. He's 31 I'm 27. He broke up with his ex when for me he met me. We lived together as well for the first half of our relationship. We broke up for to months last summer because of conflicts we weren't able to solve at that time. He was the one who broke up, not me. I was heartbroken. But then he wanted to try again and I still loved him, so we did try again, without living together.

Anyway, in the last couple of weeks I've seen several times the names of two of his ex girlfriends popping up on his phone (Whatsapp, one of them the girl he broke up with for me). Sometimes even in the middle of the night. After seeing that a couple of times I asked him about it, he just got annoyed and didn't talk about it. Then I noticed that no name at all pops up on his phone anymore, he seemed to have changed the settings so Whatsapp messages just arrive without showing who it is on the screen. I found that very suspicious, but he just said he was annoyed by me asking who's texting him.

Well, then I did a thing I never did before- I went through his phone while he was showering. I found a chat with a girl I don't know on Whatsapp. He sent her a picture of the trip he and I did together last month, without mentioning that I am with him. They just texted for a bit and then he said 'I have to go, we stay in contact'. So I didn't find anything totally clear, but I noticed that he delete chats from his phone. It was clear that they already talked on Whatsapp before that conversation, but I couldn't see the rest because he deleted it. I also noticed that other chats were missing, the complete chats with his ex girlfriends for example. I then confronted him with it- He just got super annoyed and angry and said he deletes chats because when a conversation is over he doesn't want to see it in his phone anymore, it looks so 'untidy'. That was it, no more explanation. I didn't really believe him. Plus, why does he even have to text so much with several ex girlfriends.

Then I wanted to know everything. I used his computer to read his emails (he doesn't have Facebook). I found emails to one of his ex girlfriends (another one, not the two ones he was whatsapping with), from more than a year ago, just two months after we moved in together. She wrote something like 'It's so cold in my country now' (She lives in another country) and he wrote back that he can pick her up and asked how long she can wait. She didn't answer anymore. I found another email to her, also from more than a year ago, I remember that time him and I had a huge fight and we were on a break for a week. He wrote her that he will travel to Europe next month and if she wants to join him. So he seriously asked his ex to travel with him. Later, when we made up (last year), he asked me to go with him to Europe, which I did. But he asked her first. And she answered she can't, she has to work (she didn't seem much interested in him, but kept replying). Another email to her just days after we broke up last summer. He wrote her that he's in ***** (city name) right now and that he remembers that he was there with her and what a great time they had. That's it. She didn't answer. After that no emails anymore to her.

Well, when we broke up last summer he also had a rebound relationship for like a month and a half, I didn't know about it til I checked his computer yesterday. I found pictures of him with another girl in different cities, obviously doing a trip together, just the two of them, exactly in the time when we were broken up. He seemed to have met her just days after I left. Maybe it wouldn't be the biggest deal, but I also checked his old phone and found messages to her and from her two weeks after him and I started dating again. Okay, at that time we didn't say clearly "We are a couple again", but he was the one who already reached out to me and said he still loves me and we both that we wanna start dating again and see where it goes. So he was seeing her and seeing me for like 2-3 weeks parallel. I don't think he was in love with her (the messages were never cute or so) but in those 2-3 weeks (while we were dating again and I was only thinking of him) he texted her things like 'Do you have condoms? I'll be there in ten minutes' or 'My friends are going to a restaurant today, wanna join'. He then seemed to have broken off any contact with her a couple of days later (there were messages from her like 'Hello?' 'Why don't you answer anymore, did I do something wrong', but still- He was still seeing her, still sleeping with her while he already started dating me again.

After that I didn't find suspicious things anymore, but who knows, since he know seems to delete everything (Whatsapp chats etc.). I'm not sure if he cheated physically on me since we're almost all the time together but who knows.

By the way, I never would have expected it of him because he still keeps telling me that he loves me, he always wants to spend time with me and do activities together and we cuddle and kiss a lot. Also he's more the quiet type and not the party and drinking type.

What do you guys think about that? What should I do? Right now I just think I should break up, but my nerves are way too crazy right now to make a rational decision. Please help

Thank you.

For my sanity I'm going to reply as if it was your post.

Meh.. I don't like snooping.. I feel if you have to snoop, it's already over.

I also find that a relationship that started with someone already involved ends the same way; only you're the one he cheated/might cheat on this time.

Date single people only. That's probably what led you to being so suspicious. And don't get me wrong, I would be too.

When taking a look at the health gauge of a relationship, we have a tendency to look only at the good things: "he's affectionate. He takes me out. We kiss a lot" etc.. when you should be looking at the red flags. Only those matter.

I'd walk away from this mess. My guess is you'll stay in till he calls it quit. I sincerely hope not, however, how are you going to bring it up? "I looked through your phone" will for sure end it.

Without trust, no healthy relationships can develop. Your call.

June 11, 2014

By the way, I never would have expected it of him because he still keeps telling me that he loves me, he always wants to spend time with me and do activities together and we cuddle and kiss a lot. Also he's more the quiet type and not the party and drinking type.

This means absolutelty nothing. I have been with two cheaters. This is the way they keep the facade going. Doing the opposite would mean potentially breaking the relationship. Why do that when they can have the best of both worlds. Both my exs were quiet, workaholic, non party types. It isn't indicative of someone's real character.

What do you guys think about that? What should I do? Right now I just think I should break up, but my nerves are way too crazy right now to make a rational decision. Please help

Doesn't seem like he's committed to your friend or the relationship. He may not have physically cheated yet, but seeing how he can easily step out of the relationship, it could be only a matter of time before he does it because there clearly is no loyalty towards your friend.

He's emotionally cheating. Probably the type that will keep a "gf" on the side as security, someone to have companionship with, to have sex with, a partner to do things with but also needing to extend himself outside of the relationship for whatever additional emotional and physical needs he may need fulfilled.

Your friend should get out. The whole "untidy" comment is a huge red flag that he is hiding and will continue to play around behind her back.

June 11, 2014

Thank you, I agree with you. I just talked to her and she added this (I say 'I' to not confuse you):

His latest ex girlfriend probably doesn't even know I exist. Although we were two years together he never ever told her, although they've been in contact often and although she wrote him a letter last year asking him to come back to her (what he didn't do). IMO he should have told her that he has a new girlfriend. He says 'For what should I tell her'. Furthermore, he never shared anything about us being a couple on social media like Instagram, although he's really active there.

June 11, 2014

He seems to get around - he also leaves his options open.

That kind of man would not appeal to me.

June 12, 2014

Thank you, I agree with you. I just talked to her and she added this (I say 'I' to not confuse you):

His latest ex girlfriend probably doesn't even know I exist. Although we were two years together he never ever told her, although they've been in contact often and although she wrote him a letter last year asking him to come back to her (what he didn't do). IMO he should have told her that he has a new girlfriend. He says 'For what should I tell her'. Furthermore, he never shared anything about us being a couple on social media like Instagram, although he's really active there.

Tell you what.. a guy who is genuinely in love with you will introduce you to his mother, his best friend, his friends, the facebook, and etc...

A guy/girl who hides you is doing just that: hiding you away from everybody. So.. yeah.. I'd call it quit promptly.

When I love someone, even my brother, who never answers his freaking phone, knows about it.. (brother, answer your phone!!)

June 12, 2014

She met his mom, whole family and best friends. It's just his ex who does't know about her.

June 12, 2014

You are already broken up with him & 16 days into NC. Your relationship was not healthy before you found all this out. It's simply more evidence why being apart is better & why you shoudl never go back. He didn't value you or your relationship. Let him go & move forward in your life.

June 12, 2014

You are already broken up with him & 16 days into NC. Your relationship was not healthy before you found all this out. It's simply more evidence why being apart is better & why you shoudl never go back. He didn't value you or your relationship. Let him go & move forward in your life.

Please read the whole thread. This is not my story, it's the one of my best friend (Yes, believe it or not). My own story is the other thread.

June 12, 2014

Your friend needs to leave this guy.

You two should comiserate & then when you are both ready you can be each others wingwomen as you go searching for new BFs together.

June 12, 2014

Anyway, in the last couple of weeks I've seen several times the names of two of his ex girlfriends popping up on his phone (Whatsapp, one of them the girl he broke up with for me).

I've only read this far. He is happy to dump someone for another woman, he will do it again. I don't understand why people don't get this. If your other half dumped someone else to be with you, they are likely to do that to you too.

June 12, 2014

What's with this guy and all the contact he has with exes?

Obviously doesn't hang out at Loveshack or he would know that having contact with exes is a big no no. And his exes, why do they still speak to him? I thought they were supposed to do NO CONTACT.

Guess the real world doesn't work like that.

Sign In

Found out things about my BF that I never would have expected

Recommended Posts

orangetree

April Moon

BroknHrt

Elle1975

Zahara

orangetree

beach

Elle1975

orangetree

d0nnivain

orangetree

d0nnivain

Emilia

RDawg

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...